I realized what my biggest problem is. What makes peoole drift away, what makes me drift away, what makes me inable to truly form deep connections.Fundamentally, i truly, just... dont care. I dont care. Im basically a fake friend. Im incredibly superficial. The reason i cant form deep connections with people is because i have an inability to truly care about others.This has been a fact that has been staring me in the face for years but now i finally realize. It is oh so isolating to realize i am a sphere that cannot fit into a triangle. I just.. well. I dont deserve friends. At least, not ones who are normal. Normal people actually feel connections. They feel a need to care about others.But im just utterly self absorbed.What a sad realization hey.. hah....Cannot form deep connections, because i cannot care."The person can do what they want, but they cannot decide what they want" similar to that.. I wanted something i cannot have.I am the snake that wants to fly.To be human is to have desires that surpass ones abilities. Why, the idea of someone i can connect with is nice, but at the end of the day, it would merely be performative on my end. Im like a fly trap, a mimic of social beings. I am not worthy of a friend.To be callous like myself is to sleep in a parallel cold world of want. The only redeeming fact about me is that i can care about homeless people i come accross, people in my immediate vicinity, and that i care about justice. But these are all superficial things. The people i help are not deeply connected to me, and maybe thats what i prefer.My role in this world seems to be a wanderer that makes other people happy, for it is one of the few wonders of humanity i can enjoy without any guilt. Im not evil im just dysfunctional.
>transbian realizes they have autismnothing new.
>>41114693>i truly, just... dont care.i feel the same anon i have never had a singer friend Sometimes I might be chatting with someone but then I lose interest and just forget about it afterwards I literally have never added anyones contact information except for my parents. I cant tell if i have autism or aspd
>>41114707Then i really feel bad for people with autism if this is how they feel....>>41114923What you have sounds a bit worse..
>>41114693tranny who is basically you, it's not autism it's probably trauma or abuse. me? it was childhood isolation and physical and verbal abuse making me recluse into a shell for all of my formative years, making me completely knowledgeless about human relationships and intimacy, even a little grossed out by it, and also emotionally numb.the fix? hah.
>>41115105Mmmm that does sound a lot like me....................
>>41115105>it's probably trauma or abuse>childhood isolation and physical and verbal abuse making me recluse into a shell for all of my formative yearsI don't remember anything like that happening.
>>41114707No this is schizophrenic spectrum disorder. Prob schozoid or schizotypal
>>41115245Everyone in this thread needs to get checked for schizophrenic spectrum disorders it gets confused for Asperger’s a LOT
>>41115245Why do you say that?I mean, i can be pretty damn paranoid... like... i cant drink opened bottles, even if a family member bought it to me.. i kinda can but i have to like force myself ..But everyone here always calls me an autist. And irl i do seem to be pretty autistic.. So maybe im a bit of bothMaybe im a nee kind of mental illnessLets call it...Schizism !
>>41115425*new kind of mental illness
>>41115245Googled schizoid and oh no I think this is me. Except I feel miserable that I'm like this, I desperately wish I could change but I can't, because it feels like I'm pretending.It seems that schizoid people are usually fine with being alone.But how do I know if it's just long term depression, anxiety or some autism symptoms, there seems to be so much overlap. Can this even be cured, I just want to be normal
>>41114693learn to be better at pretending to care, its really not that hard -- just ask people questions and remember details about people to ask about them later. if you talk about yourself less, you can easily pass off as caring about others. maybe if you do it long enough, it becomes habit.
>>41116043If i pretend to care it creates situations where people become deeply attached to me. And this is highly unethical of me, because i can not return the same amount of affection.
>>41114693i kind of don't care about others either lowkey but i don't see why that's a problemwhen i'm not talking to one of my few friends i just chillax with some music and video games, nbddon't worry about being "normal"... whatever that means
>>41116848Its important to actually care. Thats what a genuine connection is
>>41114693You are not superficial because you can't care about others, you can't care about others because you are superficial. It doesn't matter if it's from trauma, attachment disorder, autism, SPD, narcissism, sociopathy, the reason someone ends up like this is the same. There is no one who cares about you so you don't care about them. And there is no one who cares about you because there is no one who knows who you really are. Either due to a double empathy problem or due to your own inauthenticity.
>>41115250But like there Is no point. Like it's possible Have som schizotype issues instead of autism but like Im high functioning and being put in fucking anti psychotics is just baneful.
>>41114693hey are you a top
>>41119749W-well.. yea.. im supposed to be... what of it ..
