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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

>>41171158
>>41171191
i don't want to improve; i just want to cease to exist

i love you all anons and nonas! pls stay safe and have an amazing day! good luck /sig/ <3

I'll post and reply again as soon as I can, sorry for being slow and lazy.
Brb.
Goodluck out there.

>>41171158
I hope you all have a pleasant weekend ahead of you.

>>41153725
>I'm glad to be able to help, bunon
>Things are rough for you, that much is clear
Thank you very much, Siganon.
I appreciate the communications and advice very much so.

>Oh lord, so your family situation is imploding at the worst possible moment
The worst possible ways and at the absolute worst possible time.
Me and my siblings have no stable careers, finances or even accommodations at this point.
We can all just be dropped off at this point.
It's been a miserable experience if I'm being frank, and beyond stressful.

My whole life feels like a lie, a cheap joke.

>>41171385
you vvill improve
ceasure is illogical

>>41171158
Still trying to lose weight. But other than getting slightly more confidence from my body I wonder what is the point of anything if I don't really meet people.

Thinking of going the way of my people and 41ing
I pass somehow but I don't understand why, I've slowly begun to hate my face and I can't unsee the man in the mirror every time I look into it. I used to be good at makeup but now I just half ass it
I feel disgusting and rotten and affording ffs is a pipe dream and insurance doesn't cover it here and idk
unless I win in the lottery I don't know how much longer I can keep on living with myself
I know objectively my life isn't bad and if it weren't me I'm sure I'd have no issue living it but it *is* me and I'm starting to hate myself so much I cannot bear existing as myself if that makes sense
sorry for the vent

>>41171158
Having to make hard choices sucks. Talked it out with my mom, and like I need 6 months (maybe more) of not having to worry about the army, etc, in order to handle (((various points of dysphoria))). I sort of hope that's an understandable view because I'm pretty deep into the whole thing and don't want to let people down.
Also, my knee pain has honestly gotten pretty bad and like, I can run fairly quickly, but when I push distance, it's not good.
>>41166922
>I hope it will help you feel less stressed in the long run
It will, I think, but I basically have to uproot everything I've been doing to deal with it now because there's that pressure to transition faster.
>>41172335
I'm honestly just trying to get to a point where I'm comfortable meeting people while being trans.

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>>41172349
>sorry for the vent
Don’t sweat it. This thread is one of the better places to vent because we really try to help each other out here.

First of all, you said you were thinking about hurting yourself and why. I’m going to recommend some other ways you might be able to feel better.

So, you pass, but you can’t appreciate your looks because as a transwoman, looking good means being perceived as a cis female when you’re not. But you’ve turned that frustration inward. You hate yourself for not being cis. But that’s not something you did wrong. The system we live in is all about hiding the truth to keep things simple and convincing people that everything is black and white. People who don’t fit the mold aren’t to blame for living in a world that doesn’t want to give them a place.

I think it would help you to remember it’s fucked up that the easiest way to be treated as a woman is to hide the fact that you’re trans from most people.

I think that you’re obsessed with the “male features” you can still see because you’ve bought into the idea that hiding who you are is essential to your survival and you can still recognize yourself. I’m not saying FFS would do you no good, but this mindset is not something I think FFS would fix. You’re gonna know you’re you no matter how different you look, and needing to forget who you are to be happy just doesn’t sound healthy.

The transgirl anons on this board are obsessed with passing and think transwomen who pass have nothing to complain about, but the reality is that passing fucks with you because it means you aren’t being accepted for who you are, but rather who people *think* you are. It’s healthy to be upset about that.

You need to love yourself for who you are. People who think that you’re not a woman because you’re trans are ignoring the obvious. Don’t make that your problem.

>>41172701
I'm not even trans though. I just am cripplingly autistic and struggle finding places I feel wanted.

>>41172882
>struggle finding places I feel wanted
I hear that.

>>41171557
>Just to make sure, is it all spent or just not liquid right now?
All spent, on training and personal groceries/upkeep.
My father is sponsoring me for the moment but I hate relying on family for money, so I'm back to square one in life.

>Oh I am 100% supportive of you talking about it here
Thank you, I appreciate it a lot.

Forgive me if I'm repeating myself too much, but is it okay if I trauma dump a little bit or should I reserve that kind of stuff for myself to work through?

I feel bad for saying I have trauma at all but I've had at least one friend confirm that I do have a form of it, so maybe it's worth trying to pick apart.

>This is one hell of a drama
It feels that way, no matter how much I avoid conflict and friction I can't seem to get away from it.
Everything is an irrated mess now.

Thank you for putting up with me.

>>41173727
Sorry, I forgot the proper link:
>>41153725 #

>>41172837
Panty is a cute

>>41155158
>It must feel like you are constantly clawing at a vertical wall, afraid to fall back into the pit of loneliness once you stop struggling.
That's a quite visceral description, but you're right.
>It's a difficult set of questions, sometimes it can simply be a function of social circle. At school I was an outcast, among normal people. As a chem/physics student I was still an oddball but I was among peers. Many people I vibed with IRL turned out to be 4channers too.
That's the issue, /sig/ anon. I do want to be able to relate to most people. Not just the group that I feel the most kinship with.
>But I digress, perhaps. To give less of a non-answer.. even normieish people can be warmed up to your cynical side. Though I found people with an interest in philosophy and such to be more receptive. Open minds..
The person I have felt the most energized in interactions with is a guy who sits next to me. He's an older dude, clearly a big nerd, but I hardly if ever see him. Just seems to be on the same page as me. He told he's got some medical issues going on. Everytime we talk, it's pretty great, but we have no other classes in common and I just started my final year. It's crushing. To see everybody even in the nerdiest circles, and even among the weirdest weirdos. I say weirdo as a term of endearment. Why does finding a place have to be so hard for some of us? I don't wish this loneliness on anyone. Even the places where I feel the most comfortable around stable friendships feel like there's just a wall between me and them. I feel repulsive to others. Like they don't understand me, really I don't feel much different. I know we can't be so different than the so-called "normies" because I have held down friendships to some success with them. Some of them with their foot in that world find me at least fun enough to talk to. We're all humans, right? I just had to have been born with the right intersection of traits to make me the oddball. Gah.

gotta go to sleep, bump

>>41171158
I think starting progesterone has helped my emotions a lot. I don't think of suicide as much and I feel consistently happier instead of being empty or sad all the time

>>41171191
already do this everyday :) my bedroom is clean and all. just need a job to be perfect.

I'm 6 months free of a long-term relationship where neither of us were safe.
I think, I have some CPTSD symptoms: sometimes I get disoriented and think I'm back there. I avoid the idea of communicating with him, and stay clear of him. I... I can't go back in there again. I can't.

Recently I noted that I slipped again on my bedtime. That I'm in tgis evil cycle of staying up late, waking too late to go to the office, working from home -as in pretending to work - not doing anything, and ounishing myself by sitting in front of the computer until late. I don't move anything even though I need to and again I sleep almost nothing. Then on the next day the cycle begins again.

I feel I've lost control, how can I get it back again?

>>41171158
I'm going out of my way to try to make friends. It's hard because I'm autistic and awkward and nobody likes me, but I'm trying anyway and if I succeed I'll feel slightly less alone.

i hate you i hope you never come back

Actually posting here actually does help calm me down it helps that I can just vent here actually. I was going to talk about what I remembered but it is essentially the same thing that I thought it was safe and at points I would cross reference other people and then like yea its safe, and that was a bad idea because it’s like that was really really fucking dumb. Hopefully they check the report because no one else should be exposed to this shit in their lives. As for my porn addiction it was really really bad at times now that I’m trying to quit like I see the bad habits and how it really affected me. Although at times I choose to watch porn sometimes I feel like I have to finish it, but like why. Well that’s enough of that for right now I will be talking about some positive things that happened to me as of late later.

>>41177351
Proud of you, Anon.

goodnight /sig/

;_;

> pg7
Not on my watch

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I’m so fucking tired. I’ve been trapped in a cycle of binge eating for years.
>5’6
>grew up around 170 lb
>got down to 120 in high school
>slowly got up to 150 2 years ago but I’m back down to 125 now
>starve myself a lot but not nearly enough
>bike 20 miles a day which shed a lot of weight at first but it has slowed down now
>just want to be 115 or 110
>fasting/eating minimal isn’t so bad but after I eat one real meal over 300 calories I’m thinking of food constantly
>once I try to eat I don’t want to stop even though it’s uncomfortable and I’m disgusted with myself
>fluctuate 5-8lbs constantly
>just want freedom from this gnawing feeling in my gut and heart that screams for food
>it feels so compulsive, like a gut microbe colony in my stomach that just parasitises me

Please, if anyone has successfully gone on a long term cut or fasting session, give me hope. I have lots of experience fasting but as the temps get colder it becomes unbearable. I just want peace. I hate who I am when I binge. Should I put food in a tiny container with a timed lock? I can’t take this shit anymore. I’m so pathetic and disgusting.

>>41181930
Stop fucking eating

i don't do things because i want to do them, but more because they're the thing i'd dislike doing least in the moment. i'm never genuinely passionate about anything. i can convince myself i am, but it's ultimately performative and i get sick of it. i feel like everything about me is a performance, gender included. i don't know who i am, or what i like, or what my personality is, or what my morals are, or who i care about, or what i believe, or what i want to do with my life. i'm a shell of a person, and i do nothing but detract from the lives of those who interact with me. my only modes are being needlessly cruel and leeching sympathy from everyone around me. maybe i can find a doctor who'll zap my brain.

>>41182222
same

>>41181930
I also need help with this. im stuck at 62kgs

>>41181930
not keeping any food in your home helps immensely
when i want to comfort eat i try to assure myself that i can eat it after im done fasting, i can get food whenever
i look at my tummy and look at my disgusting body in the mirror and then tell myself i dont need to eat anymore
i promised that ill cut myself next time i ate
looking at thinspo pics helps too because i want to look like that
but like >>41182163
just dont eat

>>41180422
night

I fear I'm slipping back into anorexia
Not eating is the only thing that makes me feel good and like I accomplished something
It's the one thing I can control in my life rn
And knowing all that does not help fight it at all

another useless day in my useless life! Gotta bedrot 24/7 again :3

>>41181930
>>41182347
>>41182384

Maintaining an eating disorder is not a good way to lose weight or look after your physical health.

Obvious as it sounds for me to say, you should not hate yourself for feeling hungry, starve yourself on purpose, or cut yourself to resist the urge to eat.

Not eating enough has negative consequences in the short and long term. Short term, it can negatively affect your mood, your ability to think, and your metabolism. Long term, not eating enough can interfere with weight loss by triggering your body’s “starvation response,” where your body works harder to retain stored fat to keep you alive.

Not eating enough can also disrupt weight loss by making you want to binge eat, when you’re more likely to overeat and eat less nutritious food.

Another problem with eating disorders is that they distort your understanding of what is a healthy weight. An eating disorder can make you “feel fat” at a healthy weight, and want to reach a weight so low that it causes other health problems.

It’s also possible to over-exercise. For example, I’ve read that the health benefits of walking increase the closer you get to 10,000 steps a day, but walking is worse for your health the further you go past 10,000 steps a day. This can also contribute to metabolism changes that make it harder to lose weight.

Here’s a more general article about how to tell if you’re over-exercising:
https://www.byrdie.com/over-exercising-5097906

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>>41173732
>All things considered, even you keeping it together as much as you do and leaning on us is already an accomplishment in its own right..
I'm ashamed to say I've had a few cracks and breakdowns lately but I'm trying no to do anything too destructive.
I appreciate it all the same, I also appreciate being able to come here and really be honest about things, it's very freeing.

>Sadly there won't be much to do for your family members, I'm afraid,
I was worried you were going to say that.

>you are supporting as much as you can already but as much as it hurts we both know that you can't break yourself over it either
I feel awful, like this is partly my fault for just not doing enough for my life to not fall apart.
I know I'm not much of a person but I didn't think things would go this poorly.
I'm 25, I should be more than this but I'm just not yet.

>A wall to be leaned on must not crumble
I'm not sure if I fully understand you.

>>41183959
>A wall to be leaned on must not crumble
>I'm not sure if I fully understand you.

What siganon means is that you’ve got to take care of yourself for the sake of the people who depend on you.

>>41183784
ohh. i didnt know. well i guess starving myself might work for a short while atleast

>>41183959
Sorry, I forgot the proper AGAIN, somehow:
>>41153725 # #

Not siganon, but...

>>41183959
> liquidity issues
> supported by family
Do you have any marketable skills you can do on the short term? Do you have the self-discipline to swallow and keep going in a job? Have you ever held a job? Is the military an option for you? Would it be in dire straits (such as military or homelessness)?

> I'm ashamed to say I've had a few cracks and breakdowns lately but I'm trying no to do anything too destructive.
Healing is not linear, anon. I know it's very hard but please try to consider allowing yourself the grace if you crack or break down. From your writing I assume they are temporary, and you can manage it - I'm proud of you if that means anything.

> I also appreciate being able to come here and really be honest about things, it's very freeing.
There are very few places our kind can do so. I understand.

> A wall to be leaned on must not crumble
If you need to/want to/do support others, then please take extra care of yourself. Please consider taking a break. It's okay if sometimes you try to priorize yourself, and care for yourself. Do something for yourself. Or just relax.

>>41184037
>What siganon means is that you’ve got to take care of yourself for the sake of the people who depend on you
Oh, okay.
I understand better now, thank you very much.

>>41184096
If you’re in the habit of starving yourself or feeling like you want to because of your weight or appearance, that’s basically a separate problem that’s more urgent to solve and potentially dangerous than being overweight.

You should eat every few hours every day, you should eat when you’re hungry, and you shouldn’t feel like you’re doing something wrong by feeling hungry.

Eating disorders can seriously fuck with your mental and physical health. You can physically damage your body by starving yourself and you can severely disrupt your mental health for a long time by continuing to believe that you need to hate your body, hate being fat, and punish yourself to get to a healthy weight. It’s not true, and it’s likely to cause you far more harm than good.

>>41184154
Sorry for the lack of a proper reply or replies, I just need to catch up on some sleep and then I will respond again as soon as possible.

Thank you for taking the time to ask and provide guidance, it is appreciated.

bump

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> pg6

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> pg8

Back on shift again, no real updates but im lurking about. Just the general same old
>I have 2 conflicting desires and it sucks to pick one over another.
Dysphoria spiked or maybe my self consciousness after outing myself but that's died down. Not looking forward to trying to come off diy and onto legit hrt.
Thank you to the anons who read my rambling.
Also my parents keep expecting me to be like more emotional but idk I'm just kind of not? Wish i was sometimes but like i don't even do repression consciously atp
>>41181930
You're probs seeing less weight loss because you're running out of mass you could lose, like 125 is not a lot of mass really.
Like I'm not gonna diagnose or whatever but I'd suspect you may have some dysmorphia going on.

Bump pg8

Bump

bump ly all <3

gn /sig/ i will get laser next month!

>>41116463
>That sounds kind of exciting!
It kinda of is, it's a very pleasant little town.
It makes sense why there are so many families here.

>I wonder what it's like to be gay/queer in a place like that
I haven't found myself in a position to really express that aspect of my life, I'm very private about it due a lot of reasons.

There have been a few Pride related advertisements here, so it doesn't seem immediately hostile or anything.
I can't say for certain though.

>Would be interesting to check grindr lol
Haha yeah, I suppose it would.

>Is there any sort of train connection, or do you get there by car/bus, or by plane? I wonder what the infrastructure is like there
I flew to a nearby city and then was driven here.
I love in a relatively cheap place due to circumstances but I will feely admit that the infrastructure and public services here are top notch.
Finding work is hard for me but I'm sure more successful people could really make a fair life here.

>>41191359
gn, very happy for you, I imagine you'll be a lot more comfortable now

>>41187028
it do be like that

>>41184694
Well it feels like a mistake to eat and if you do a mistake you should be punished. thats why i wont eat.

>>41185780
>pg6 again
Dang

I did not go on my planned estrorun on Friday. That will be the first week in a pretty long time where I did not run 3 times per week. I can still go on a small run today to at least get 2x, but I feel sick. I should do it, though.
I've been just estrobedrotting and eating a lot.
I used up all of my pizza dough, which means I ate 4 pizzas this week.
I feel pretty helpless. Eating my own pizzas was the only real pleasure.
My phone fell down because I fell asleep with it in bed, the screen protector cracked, I hope at least nothing else.
I did not help my boyfriend with his math homework.
Today I feel a bit more sane again, something is genuinely wrong with me and I completely lose hope, self-worth and impulse-control for a few days until it gets better. Maybe it's the hormones.

>>41192388
>I flew to a nearby city and then was driven here.
I love in a relatively cheap place due to circumstances but I will feely admit that the infrastructure and public services here are top notch.
That sounds pretty comfy! What kinds of planes do they use, like smaller prop planes? I hope the job search is going well. I'm also looking for a job right now but it's not going to well, and even if I would get an offer, I'm not sure I would be able to deliver. What kinds of jobs are you looking for? For me it's cleaning, retail, gastronomy, that kind of stuff. Maybe I should also look for a warehouse job.

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>>41184154
>Do you have any marketable skills you can do on the short term?
I'm not sure what you mean.
I have white collar skills:
>IT, Admin, Software Development, Programming, Virtual Assistance and general office skills
Blue collar skills, tickets and license:
>Forklift, White card, Working at Heights, Working in confined spaces, RSA License and a Learner's Permit (2 year before an official licence)
I am willing to gain more skills and getting better at current skills but I REALLY need an actual job and career at this age, money is crucial for security.

Online or Remote work might be ideal for my situation but I'm not even sure where to start in such a saturated space.

>Do you have the self-discipline to swallow and keep going in a job?
Yes, I'm always looking for better opportunities but I can keep the lid on for the most part.

>Have you ever held a job? Is the military an option for you? Would it be in dire straits (such as military or homelessness)?
I've held a few short jobs and one job here in Australia for three months.
I can't join the Australian military due to not being a citizen and I'm hesitant to join the military back home, the government in general does not care for it's people at all, one of me at reasons for me being here.

I have a home back in the country for a little under a year for certain, beyond that my parent's divorce will decide what happens next.
I really want/need my own place, whether I'm ready to live alone or not.

>Healing is not linear, anon. I know it's very hard but please try to consider allowing yourself the grace if you crack or break down
I am trying to do that more. I don't feel happy with myself but I'm trying to become someone I can be happy for, somehow.

>From your writing I assume they are temporary, and you can manage it - I'm proud of you if that means anything
I am managing as well as I can.
Thank you for the kind words, Anon :)

>>41193147
I realize that what you just said is not something I can change your mind about easily. So I’m just going to ask that you read the rest of my post and just think about it. Roll it around in your head a little. And remember I’m telling you this because I think it will help you.

It is not a mistake to eat. It is an act of survival. You need to eat to survive.

I understand you feel fat. And if you’ve heard what I’ve heard about being fat, I get why that’s so upsetting to you. I constantly heard that fat people are dumb, lazy, greedy, and hurting themselves by being fat. But I would also hear that celebrities who gained any amount weight ever “got fat.” Add in environmental factors like how there’s more junk food available than health food, all the uncertainty as to what’s even healthy to eat, how much sitting we’re encouraged to do — at desks to work, in cars to get around, for screen-based recreation. Yet we’re constantly told that getting fat is a failure of willpower and self-discipline. No wonder so many people are overweight, and no wonder so many people agonize over their weight.

But you can also hurt yourself by just not eating at all. And that pain you feel from hunger is not your body misbehaving by demanding food. Your body is making you feel hungry because it’s trying to keep you alive.

Also, you shouldn’t punish yourself for making mistakes anyway. Failure can be a constructive part of a learning process. It’s like that Thomas Edison quote, “I discovered a hundred ways to not invent a lightbulb.”

Chuck Jones, the Looney Tunes animator, said “Every artist has thousands of bad drawings in them, and the only way to get them out is to draw them.”

If you feel like you can’t make a mistake, you’ll avoid opportunities to learn that carry some risk of failure.

I hope you find this helpful. And remember, I’m not trying to change your mind here, I’m just giving you something to think about.

>>41125939
>>41125958
I'm gonna get back to these great responses as soon as I can.

I realized this year that I'm demisexual. I want to be proud of it the same way I'm proud of being bi and autistic but I struggle with demi specifically for some reason. Sorry if this isn't the right thread to talk about this.

>>41195543
I think this is a fine place to talk about what you’ve just shared.

Maybe you’re having trouble being proud of being demisexual because it doesn’t have the same scale of history, visibility, and public understanding behind terms like autism or bisexuality?

But I think you should be proud to be demisexual. That’s a constructive way to love and accept yourself. Demisexual is a word that represents a meaningful difference that should be articulated and destigmatized. “Gay pride” started as a way to challenge stigma and bigotry. You’d be following in that tradition by being proud to be demisexual.

But most importantly, being proud to be demisexual can mean loving that about yourself regardless of what anyone else thinks about it.

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>>41171158
Good night for now, everyone, I wish the best for all of you.

A special thank you to Siganon for keeping up with these threads, I am grateful for the community being built here, I am happy I found this thread :)

>>41194636
>That sounds pretty comfy! What kinds of planes do they use, like smaller prop planes?
I flew here with a commercial flight, I'm not too sure what this small town has exactly though.
Maybe I can find out.

>I hope the job search is going well. I'm also looking for a job right now but it's not going to well, and even if I would get an offer, I'm not sure I would be able to l deliver
I know how you feel, I'm still going for any shot I can find due to how much I wanna save up money to help myself and my family.
I'm scared of the future but I won't give up.

>What kinds of jobs are you looking for? For me it's cleaning, retail, gastronomy, that kind of stuff. Maybe I should also look for a warehouse job
A forklift license and experience with admin would help with finding those kind of jobs, but you can still just go for it as well.
At this stage, I could use any jobs at this point. Anything in line with my skillset as I've mentioned.

>>41184154
>There are very few places our kind can do so. I understand
Being able to be open about things like this is a relief.
Feels like I can breath freely.

i feel like venting but I'm not sure how good that is for me and others

I hate how losing weight just feels like waiting most of the time.

gn see you guys later

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Welp, I have a cold. I spent most of the weekend sleeping.. Let's see how much I manage today.
>>41165175
>I just hope I don’t completely get engulfed by my ED again by being too strict/dumb.
I think it's a bit of a worrisome trajectory, yeah. Like, you worry about getting fat, but do you mean by that you worry about your BMI rising all the way above 25? Realistically our weights fluctuate, mine for example does +-1.5kg easily day to day, and on top of that I gained 2-3kg over the year which I lost again now over the course of two months. It might help you to express your "parameters" so to say. You gotta keep in mind that gaining some weight will be inevitable, and even for me who never had an ED it is dangerously easy to try and compromise my health for the rush of progress. That is why having acceptable ranges in both directions is important.
>It’s the first job interview in years I have gotten, am scared
I'm wishing you all the best for that btw, estro! I guess it's best to wait and see how that shakes out.
>It also feels lonely desiring men and so on while living in a small town and not having any social relationships with men here
One thing that is tied to that: You mentioned your boyfriend, I think you have before. Do you have an idea when it might be viable to live together, or try it?
>I put mushrooms, leek (had some leftover), capers and bell-pepper on it.
Oh, very autumn-y, I like it. Honestly my favorite culinary season in general. Made curry today with mushrooms, sweet potato, leek and chestnuts. It came out nice!
You used the yeast flakes in lieu of cheese right?
>I hope you can get an oven one day!
My living situation will change 2 or 3 more times in the next 2 years so it will be fine.
>I bought some Turkish black olives at LiDL today.
Goodie, tell me if you end up making it!
>>41166565
That's a good idea, A. I agree it's never too late to reconnect!

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>>41165449
Heya, Panty!
>This time I found myself thinking I just tried to do too much without a rest, so I wasn’t thinking clearly and got careless.
I'm happy to hear that you made progress coping with setbacks like that. It sounds like things are overall going well for you! As for the wisdom teeth, yeah it sounds like it's gonna be smooth sailing in that case. Iirc it takes a few days to heal so you might wanna stock up on things that will be easy to eat.
>>41166922
>I feel gross whenever I've visited him.
Can you describe the vibes he gives you? I'm glad you have your friends around at least, though.
>the real answer is probably engaging in unhealthy physical behaviour that gets my pulse up and hurts me.
Did you ever see the turning slow tigers into fast tigers post? Because to some extent it sounds like you are doing that.
>>41171385
Why is it you want to? Because you suffer, because you hate what it is you are/see in yourself?
>>41171393
It's always a lovely thing to see all this positivity ITT.. It's much appreciated.
>>41171418
Take all the time you need, Anon. I need to, myself.

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>>41171557
>>41173727
My weekend was.. restful. Sadly I didn't get to do much else.
>It's been a miserable experience if I'm being frank, and beyond stressful.
I can hardly begin to imagine.
>All spent, on training and personal groceries/upkeep.
Okay, then I got it right. It must be scary and exhausting, but you are not exactly back on square one just yet.. But anticipation grows, unfortunately.
>Forgive me if I'm repeating myself too much, but is it okay if I trauma dump a little
Go ahead. I am listening!
>It feels that way, no matter how much I avoid conflict and friction I can't seem to get away from it.
I can't promise that it will be better in the immediate future, but I can assure you that the drama you found yourself in, and the seeming constancy of fiction in your life won't be a forever state in your life. You can make it so, right now you are still building a foundation though, and circumstances are messy.
>>41172335
>But other than getting slightly more confidence from my body I wonder what is the point of anything if I don't really meet people.
As much as it sucks, we can't force ourselves to fix everything at once without going insane, how do you feel about meeting people in general, though? You said in another post you're cripplingly autistic,
>>41172349
Hm.. Tell me, do you have people you are out to, people you feel loved and accepted by?
The man in the mirror might disappear if people's perspectives really get through to you more. I don't know if it works for dysphoria the same way but I have experienced it work in other areas. Self image issues can be aided by reflecting upon external validation.
>>41172701
>I sort of hope that's an understandable view because I'm pretty deep into the whole thing and don't want to let people down.
It sounds very reasonable. You want to be relied on, and that means looking after yourself to sustain reliability. A wall to be leaned on must not crumble, after all. The knee pain needs looking into as well, right?

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>>41173959
>That's a quite visceral description, but you're right.
I hope it made you a little bit understood/seen.
>That's the issue, /sig/ anon. I do want to be able to relate to most people.
It's difficult, "everyone" is not something we as people are very good at forming relationship with, too abstract. But it sounds like you crave a sense of belonging then, of community, which is much more concrete.
>Everytime we talk, it's pretty great, but we have no other classes in common and I just started my final year. It's crushing.
I urge you to get his contact next time you talk. Just be open and forward, that you want to spend more time with him and that he is a pleasure to talk to, and that you would like to hang with him even when classes are long over.
>Even the places where I feel the most comfortable around stable friendships feel like there's just a wall between me and them.
This wall is a dreadfully common experience, and the thing that broke it for me is digging into people's heads, really. Do you find yourself conjecturing what people think of you without having the thoughts validated unambiguously?
>we can't be so different than the so-called "normies" because I have held down friendships to some success with them.
We aren't, not really. Experience, circumstance, interests. Normieness can also be very relative, to some people we are "too ordinary" to get their stuff, in a way.
>>41174697
Hormone balance seems to impact emotional regulation quite a bit, I'm happy for you it worked out that way!
>>41175639
Job hunting seems to be a mess everywhere at the moment, wishing you all the best, Anon!
>>41177743
What happened, Anon? Wanna talk about it?
>>41177351
I'm rooting for you, Anon. If you ever feel stumped by an exchange you had, don't hesitate to ask for advice!

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I don't know what I am and I never will. As long as I'm fat and unattractive, with an almost childish appearance, I can't call myself a man, but I also don't know if I'll ever see myself as a man — transition hasn't changed anything, not even with my parents' support. Even my mother, who was more opposed, now talks about saving money for a mastectomy (but she doesn't want me to have a phalloplasty or metoidioplasty). But I'm happier. I've lost 6.1 kg, going from 123 to 116.90 kg. My face and voice have changed. It's progress. Knowing that my parents would even call me by my preferred name if I wanted is comforting, but I feel like I'm not truly trans, even though I want to change my gender markers, name, appearance, and treatment method.

I'm just doing hormone therapy, wanting to be seen and treated as a man without actually being one, someone fake, at most a he/him lesbian or something like that. Not a lesboboy or anything like that, just a somewhat masculine woman with a beard, taking testosterone, and performing masculinity.

My former therapist told me to look for trans people, positive media, that kind of thing. I even bought Boys Run the Riot, but the fact that the protagonist likes men made me give up on the manga.

Literally, transitioning improved my sleep, made me less suicidal, made me happy, but I don't know if I'm trans, and I probably never will.

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>>41176783
>I'm 6 months free of a long-term relationship where neither of us were safe.
>I... I can't go back in there again. I can't.
Yes, the urge to fall back into old patterns will inevitably flare up at times. Healing is like that, in that regard. You are not broken for feeling this way. You are doing great fighting it. I can only assure you it will grow weaker.
>I feel I've lost control, how can I get it back again?
I have started setting alarms and trying to be strict with myself, one thing in particular that has helped me a lot is announcing when I want to go to bed to loved ones cause it makes me commit to it more easily. You should also force yourself to take more breaks from work, at regular intervals. That gives you time to reconsider "should I really keep working?".
>>41178295
I'm glad letting it out helps you, Anon!
>Well that’s enough of that for right now I will be talking about some positive things that happened to me as of late later.
I look forward to reading it.
>>41181930
>fasting/eating minimal isn’t so bad but after I eat one real meal over 300 calories I’m thinking of food constantly
The thing that keeps you in binge hell is that your means are unsustainable and your target potentially not necessarily reachable. Your target BMI is underweight, around 17.7, Anon. That's damn low. Even if you were to reach your target you would require an intake of more than thrice that a day, for example. And any sustainable diet hinges on getting you to that point where you eat as you would at your target weight, with minor corrections to achieve it. Your intake as such should be more like a deficit of 300, not an intake of 300.
I can give you hope that you will reach a stage where you will be comfortable with your weight, but it might require you to GAIN weight for an extended period and exploring your feelings, have things externally validated, etc. Changing your body image alongside your body.

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The spam filter really is stingy with links
>>41182163
>>41182347
>>41182384
I agree with >>41183784, and I understand that hearing these things is rough, and that it will seem that we are sabotaging goals you set for yourself but I want to assure you that I want nothing but you being comfortable in your own bodies. And with things like ED that sadly can sometimes mean taking your body in counterintuitive directions.
>>41183784
Hmm, you know, I think the resources could use a "could it be I have an ED?" section..
The link you provided might be a thing to add there, too.

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I gotta take a break for tonight.
>>41183302
This shit is immensely difficult at the best of times, Anon. I would like to hear more about your life circumstances to help you re-assert control in a sustainable way. I am glad you came here to talk about it with us, and I would like to support you in what little ways I can.
>>41183959
>I'm ashamed to say I've had a few cracks and breakdowns lately but I'm trying no to do anything too destructive.
That is good enough, more than good enough. And I am glad I can offer you a space like this!
>I'm 25, I should be more than this but I'm just not yet.
Let me be frank, I'm 32 and I would not be able to support several siblings in a situation like yours right now, you are not failing anything not being ready to suddenly provide financially and emotionally for like half a dozen people.
>I'm not sure if I fully understand you.
The other anon (>>41184037) nailed it, by the way!
>>41187805
>Also my parents keep expecting me to be like more emotional
If you would like to be, there are exercises to that end. Naming emotions and letting yourself experience them is a trainable skill, after all.
>>41191359
>gn /sig/ i will get laser next month!
That's awesome, Anon! Happy for you.

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>>41197854
I think we should definitely put something together about identifying eating disorders and why eating disorders are not a good way to lose weight or look after your health.
The pressure on women to be thin and stay thin is such that it’s hard to diet and exercise as women do and not develop an eating disorder, and that’s a major hazard for transwomen too.

Hell, there’s literally that episode of Panty & Stocking, “Diet Syndrome,” where Stocking over-exercises and starves herself.

I’ll look for some articles we can use.

>>41195660
I don't really think the visibility is my problem. Sure telling people I'm demi and hearing "isn't that just normal?" all the time can get tiring, but I never really had an issue with that part.
I think it just has more to do with me being a romantic. Finding out its harder for me to make meaningful connections because of how different my brain is fills me with a sense of despair and hopelessness, if that makes sense

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I think I've achieved what I was meant to achieve on this planet. Prolonging my life would be crass and unnecessary, like a TV show that's prolonged for commercial reasons. I need to stick around until some members of my family die. They're old. I couldn't leave them alone. But once they rest in peace, I will get to do so as well.

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>>41198382
Okay, I did some web searches and found a few links that seem like a good intro to what eating disorders are, how they’re not the same as just dieting and weight loss, why eating disorders are bad for you, and an eating disorder screening questionnaire to help people get an idea of whether they have an eating disorder.

>Eating Disorders: What You Need to Know
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/eating-disorders

>Short article about how eating disorders are promoted on social media
https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/dangers-of-pro-ana-and-pro-mia/

>Why are eating disorders dangerous?
https://keltyeatingdisorders.ca/generalinformation/why-are-eating-disorders-dangerous/

>Eating disorder assessment questions, with explanation of what your answers mean
https://www.specialistlink.ca/assets/Screening-and-assessment-tools-for-eating-disorders.pdf

If anyone wants to recommend different or additional resources, feel free. This is just me getting the ball rolling with some information that’s concise, not too intense, and comes from reputable looking sources like medical institutions and nonprofits that serve people affected by eating disorders.

I've been working on myself. I've been lonely, but SLEEP, DIET, EXERCISE have been helpful. If I can say "I love you cats" to my cats, I can say that to me too.

>>41198832
You also have time to find a reason to keep living for your own sake after the loved ones you’re staying alive for pass on.

To continue from your TV analogy, you’re not a series that can go on for too long, you’re a character. You won’t stay the same, your circumstances and your role will change. Star Wars isn’t just a TV show but it’s like how Obi-Wan went from Qui-Gon’s student to Anakin’s teacher, fought in the Clone Wars, went into hiding on a desert planet, then got dragged into helping destroy the Death Star by Anakin’s kids. That’s what a full life is like.

>>41155172
>Every aspect of life can be an opportunity to meet people.
What do you do when you've never had any exposure to the outside world? All I know is my own home, immediate family, and immediate surroundings.
>You need places to start and directions to build momentum
Definitely, I just don't know what those places are, and I don't have the experience necessary to feel comfortable seeking them out.
>does the homeschooling formally correspond to anything that would allow you to pursue additional education?
I don't currently have a GED (high school diploma equivalent in the U.S.), so I couldn't get into any type of college. Outside of that I'm not sure, my parents weren't particularly rigorous.

i need to stop drinking so much. life is unbearable right now and it's not getting better for a while

>>41198077
>If you would like to be, there are exercises to that end
I'll have a look, i do just think to an extent i broke my emotions at some point not sure i can patch them without extreme stimulus.
>>41197275
Yea. Need to think more on it it's just I get paralysis over the idea of quitting while actively hoping they tell me to go fix myself before carrying on.

going to sleep. goodnight /sig/

I'm going to need help from any American anons with some info because your systems are so damn weird to work with.
My partner ( WA born, lives in the south now) has no form of ID and therefore it is impossible for them to find any job to hire them. They also live in bumfuck nowhere so that makes things even worse. Their family also refuses to help them with any of this and I would like to do something before the depression gets the better of them.
Now, how does one get a new/replacement ID in the US? Can they do it online or have one delivered home?
All they have is their birth certificate and a copy or the original HS diploma. Can you use this to get an ID? I've already tried to talk to them about this a few times but lately they just keep getting sad or annoyined saying it doesn't matter and they will never find a way to fix it and just give up but I won't. Sadly, I don't know how the US ID bullshit works because you're the only place on earth without a centralized ID card and it's so painful to find good info on this + partner just wants to give up.

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>>41202917
You can get an ID card at a Department of Motor Vehicles office. Because of car dependency culture, the average American’s state driver’s license functions as a de facto ID and the office that issues drivers’ licenses, the Department of Motor Vehicles, is also in charge of issuing IDs that are not also driver’s licenses to the minority of Americans that do not drive.

Some legwork you can do for them is find the closest DMV office, give them the address and number, and encourage them to book an appointment.

>>41203642
Also, usually each county of a US state has its own DMV offices, and your partner should go to the DMV of the county they live in to get their ID.

Oh, and does your partner have a Social Security number or card? That’s another important common form of ID used in US employment. Native-born US citizens are issued a Social Security Number and a Social Security Card when they are born, which connects them to a sort of federal pension system. The federal government keeps track of everyone’s SSN, so you don’t have to re-apply if you lose your Social Security Card, but you do have to apply to have a new one made if you lose your card and employers usually expect you to share your own Social Security Card for their records.

Generally employers ask for at least 2 forms of ID, with ID cards and Social Security Cards being standard options. I think a birth certificate is the third most common form of ID accepted. Your partner’s problem is probably that they only have 1 form of commonly accepted ID if they just have a birth certificate.

>>41203642
>>41203797
They do have their SSN and that should suffice. Now comes the hard partner which is going to a DMV, if getting one online is not an option, and that will require some money (for the trip there and back plus maybe a motel, food and others if things get complicated). But thank you for the info. Jesus Christ this is way more complicated than here and all you need to do here is find your nearest police department and they can give you a tempo until you get issued a new ID.

>>41202917
>lives in south now
the specific state here can be important, southern states are often really asinine about proving residency before issuing an ID due to the mexican border.
the ID also serves as proof of residency so you need to provide a document proving you live at your specific address. commonly this is a water bill in your legal name. weirdly enough when i lived in TX an electric bill was ineligible but a water bill was, weird stuff.
also its very unlikely they would be able to freely select the gender marker on the ID (if thats something they're interested in) FYI

Will reply to previous replies later tonight, gotta get some stuff done before.

See you guys a little later.

bump, pg8 again

If anybody here is religious or spiritual, please pray for my mental health, I feel super duper wonky.

>>41197275
>My weekend was.. restful. Sadly I didn't get to do much else
I'm sorry about that, I am glad you managed to get some rest though.
You deserve it for all you've done.

>I can hardly begin to imagine
There's just so so much I have buzzing around in my head that I want to talk about but I need to get my sleep too so I need to pace myself.

>Okay, then I got it right. It must be scary and exhausting, but you are not exactly back on square one just yet..
Not yet but God I need to play it safe and find a good plan.
I wanna live.

>But anticipation grows, unfortunately
It really does, feels like my head is in a vice grip that keeps getting tighter.

Okay, so:
My first vial of E(En) has arrived, previously I have been using pills, so I need to learn the logistics and operations of using injectables.
I'm wasting day after day after day and have no chance of getting better. I try to take the first step of creating a humanlike pattern of eating, exercise in my day, and a humanlike bedtime as my first steps.
And in other news... After everything, I have been trying to reclaim my body. To see it... feel it as mine. It has been hard on me, very much so, but...
I feel that's as a good step as any.

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How can I stop dwelling on the choice I've already made to detransition and live as my birth sex? I just noticed I was feeling depressed for a few days, and thinking of why, its because I kept thinking about being jealous of women in general and just bad because I wish I was one, but then once I noticed that I was feeling this way, I went through the whole train of thought as to why I decided not to transition in the first place, and it made me feel a little better. How do I stop thinking about it and dwelling on something that I should have moved past?

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>>41197275
>Go ahead. I am listening!
Thank you, I will follow up on that after some more sleep.
I need a lot of rest to break down the rest of what I am going through.

>I can't promise that it will be better in the immediate future, but I can assure you that the drama you found yourself in, and the seeming constancy of fiction in your life won't be a forever state in your life
I truly hope so, I will take your word for it.
I don't wanna live in this state of misery anymore, I want to have peace for myself and people I care about.
I'm so tired.

>You can make it so, right now you are still building a foundation though, and circumstances are messy
I am trying to believe so, I want to be better, I need to be better.

I'm seriously tired now, gotta get some sleep, I'll be back as soon as possible.

>>41201362
replace it with chocolate milk and rain asmr

>>41201362
Wanting a better, fairer world doesn’t have to mean you shouldn’t try do anything that makes you happy until the system is in better shape. The beauty of being alive isn’t contingent on who is in charge of the government or what the stock market is doing.

If anything, it’s more important to find space for happiness in challenging times. You’ve got to focus on the good things you’re trying to protect and bring more of into the world. What you are for is not only better than what you are against, it’s more powerful as well.

These challenging times we are living in are not to be tolerated begrudgingly. We must be the change we want to see in the world. It will make us stronger for our own sake and the sake of others we want to help.

I think that’s a good reason to quit drinking. Don’t get by numb. Feel your feelings and find good feelings to feel.

>>41203967
Texas is where they live. And I'm not sure if they have their name on any of the property's legalities like tenants, ownership, bills, etc.
Even if they manage to get all their ID stuff together going to work or finding work would be hard. Apparently American companies don't provide temp residence or pay for half of the stuff/transport like we do which fucking sucks. Even migrant workers don't have that luxury there from what I've heard.

>US laws in flux
>health insurance tied to that
>hard to gauge where lgbt public perception will be soon
>hospital is catholic
>In my 30s
Is it even worth trying to get on hrt at this point. I don't need to pass I just want this body gone. I wish I knew this shit earlier.

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>>41209688
I started HRT in 2017. There’s always going to be reasons to put it off, but there’s no substitute for what it does for you.

I’ve paid out of pocket for HRT as a broke-ass tranny, too. It’s cheaper than you think. And yeah, they’re always talking about making HRT harder to get, but getting it while you can isn’t a waste of time. Why wait around for certainty in an uncertain world?

>>41209688
yeah it's worth it. if you can't get it officially you can still get it. diy is $100/year at most

I am completely miserable and need alcohol, i hate night shifts so much.
At least i hit a new lowpoint for weight.

>>41211389
Can you help me go stealth and be normal pls? Im moving from west virginia but id like to see you before i go

getting blood tests tomorrow, hope my levels are fine ^___^

bump, im full of anxiety

>>41171385
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCBPlpPnVpk

Bump

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the new meds are.... very strong. I'm sleeping. a lot. they make me kind of drunk but they also make things hurt less. I guess thats nice.
I'm trying my best.
I'm talking to friends and my employer has talked about hiring me for another project. he really liked what i made.

>>41197259
>Can you describe the vibes he gives you?
He feels like ethics and empathy doesnt come naturally to him. more specifically I'm scared he is going to latch on to some of the same things a psychiatrist did in the past. Pointing out my iQ like I'm a fascinating animal, honing in on my sexlife... He has to ask, to fill out the required questionaries, but his delivery feels unnatural. Like he is hiding something from me.
>Did you ever see the turning slow tigers into fast tigers post? Because to some extent it sounds like you are doing that.
I don't know... I guess to some extent I am, but ideally it shouldn't be to a point where Im hurting myself in the process of doing it. some days I work out/do other high pulse activities until I spasm out of pain or end up fainting... or until i bleed or bruise. some of the nails on my feet are purple and about to fall off just from me running.
But if I dont run or do other things I want to do worse things to myself. even when im happy and succeeding i feel the drive to just.. go.

>>41171158
I've fallen back into old habits of calling out of work to abuse ADHD meds in my room while hyperfocusing on romance manga just because of how fucking depressed I am. I'm 8 years hrt and stuck in the suburban US South and my health insurance doesn't even cover trans healthcare and my job only gives me part time hours. I'm also depressed as fuck about still having a dick and have bad paranoia and social anxiety when I'm in public. I can't keep going down this path or I'll end up homeless and in even worse shape.

>>41198077
>That is good enough, more than good enough
>And I am glad I can offer you a space like this!
Thank you, truly, I appreciate being to talk like a person here.
I'm trying to seek out ways to help myself irl but I have neither the money or the network to do so right now.

I really just wanna make money to survive and save up, then I can stay away from people as much as possible.
Things are all too much for me now, I'm not sure I could even handle a life of excess anymore.

>Let me be frank, I'm 32 and I would not be able to support several siblings in a situation like yours right now,
It's technically two siblings, a mother and around five pets that need help.
In addition to the fact I am unemployed.
Money is everything now, it probably always was.

>you are not failing anything not being ready to suddenly provide financially and emotionally for like half a dozen people
It truly feels that way, this way of living cannot last.
We can't live like this for another five years, we're going to fall into poverty at this rate of I don't think of something.

>The other anon (>>41184037 #) nailed it, by the way!
Ah okay, I see.
It's nice to have complete clarity on that.

Sorry for the poor quality reply, I'm trying not to spiral right now.
Goodnight for now.

>>41213629
I hope so too, take care and be well.

>>41171158
I'm grateful for my big dick mommy gf that takes care of me and supports me financially as her pet NEET, cooks me dinner, and calls me her little retard. I really don't feel like I deserve her.

Goals for today are finish my assignments, pick up the trash off the floor in my gamer cave and take the piss bottles out to the dumpster

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>>41217750
Hey there. I’ve lived a lot of your struggle. I’m also stuck in a suburb in the southern US. I’ve had disappointing, frustrating jobs in the past. And I remember agonizing over things that made me dysphoric. We’ve even been on HRT for about the same amount of time.

So let me recommend some things that helped me.

First and foremost, if you’re working part time, you might qualify for a state healthcare program. I would investigate that if you don’t already know what’s out there or whether you qualify. And I recommend that specifically because you should look into getting a prescription for an antidepressant.

An antidepressant can help you feel able and willing to lock in and start doing the work of taking better care of yourself and improving your situation.

As for your dysphoria: I felt way worse about what I couldn’t control when I wasn’t doing anything about what I could control. Yes, bottom surgery is not something you can do right away, but doing the work that’s fast, easy, free or cheap made the stuff that’s further off on the horizon easier to handle.

I’m talking about painting your nails, voice training, getting your hair or eyebrows done, using moisturizer or sunscreen. Anything like that you’ve been meaning to do, getting it done can be a big mood booster.

And look for a different job. If you’re just trying to not think about your life at all, something needs to change. And my experience has been that giving yourself a feeling of control can do wonders.

>>41218348
Anon, you should not have piss bottles, just go to the bathroom and be hygienic.

I'm super happy for you but nobody should have piss bottles.
You and are your mommy deserve better than that sort of debasement.

>>41171158
although my autism was diagnosed it was something that my parents always took lightly or even didn't believe in it I came to believe that I was just weird and that I was abusing that I just had to make more of an effort to be like everyone else but it was killing me and it wasn't working and I know 3 years later that I finally understood that the only thing they had to do was listen to me listen to my autism and not force me if it was too much for me people might think that we are weird but we autistic people know that we are not take care of you all and above all love each other <3

>>41218548
tbf we share a bathroom and sometimes I can't hold it that long bc she takes her sweet time in there. That being said I shouldn't have more than one at a time but I let them pile up

It kinda sucks that I’ll never be actually female or trans and have to just pretend instead but my brain is so fucked it’s the only thing that makes me feel ok with myself
Rip

>>41218559
I want to congratulate you on this anon.
I was diagnosed with autism myself, and I know that too many autistic people who know that they are autistic have still been taught they’d be just be “making excuses” and “not trying hard enough” by acknowledging their distinct needs, limitations, capabilities and inherent differences as an autistic person.

It’s like, no matter what you’re capable of, people expect more from you than they should because they can’t truly comprehend what makes you different from them, and how autism really can make it harder to do the mundane as well as make it easier to do the extraordinary.

>>41212921
> stealth
That's a hard thing to explain here in a language that doesn't retraumatize, so allow me to be blunt.
To go stealth, you need to pass (duh), preferably without makeup, wigs and clothing, LGR (gender marker F on ID), and if at all possible SRS or a Goddess-tier tuck. (SRS would allow you not to think about swimsuits and use a public shower/dressing room).

When that's done, list all people who ever knew you as a boy/man or knew you were trans.
They are dead to you.
You are dead to them.
No exceptions.
That's the price you pay.

You move far away from where you lived, ideally another country (EU)/State (US). New job, new bank, new everything. You start fresh with a wad of cash and clothing in your hand.

You never, ever speak about your past.
Ever.

For HRT, you do something like EUn allowing you to disappear only once every month (+- 1 week, skipping a dose possible) for a negligible amount of time to a location which is very, very safe and known only to you. Or you take pills. Or you say you had oophorectomy + hysterectomy due to malignant PCOS (explains T-scarred features AND your need for E).

Don't let even your doctor or therapist know.
You butn all bridges, your phone, email address, social accounts, everything.