I really thought I was trans, I really did. But it's all so obvious in hindsight.>viscerally hate myself>find out about hrt and transitioning at 20>think my self loathing is actually gender dysphoria>immediately decide to take diy hrt>now experiencing the full force of dysphoria, in my case reverse dysphoriaGuess I just played myself. I am not blaming any trans person for my stupidity. If anything I hope my stupidity is entertaining for you. I really hoped hrt would be my panacea. That it would finally make me feel like a human. That I would actually enjoy living as a woman more than a man. What a sick joke.I am actually stuck being a man, no matter what I do, and I will have to find a way to live with it. Not like it should be all too difficult since I am cis, but I still want to paint a wall red with my brains because of it.
I'm sorry. I just realized it was disingenuous of me to compare my reverse dysphoria to anything any actual trans person experience. While still horrible, it's still something I have inflicted upon myself. I can't even begin to imagine the horrifying reality of dysphoria that actual trans people experience, so I am really sorry for appropriating such an emotion. I really am pathetic
>>41242863How is Thailand lady boys not gender dystopia ? They call themselves boys . I just don't understand how men who look like women have a disorder. Where you misdiagnosed by a doctor ?
>>41242979Because they're actual trans women and call themselves ladyboys for the sex tourists
>>41242863i have basically the exact same story, except once i started looking feminine and getting some validation i felt better about myself so it worked out
>>41242936I felt pity on you until I read this gay shitThis timid self-denying mentality is intrinsically related to your mental condition.Read Nietzsche or Stirner or something. Stop living for other people. Live for yourself or don't bother.
>>41242863there was a rumor asshole dudes were convincing impressionable guys on 4chan to transition using brainwashing and stockholm... there ARE people who are much happier transitioning. most of my friends who transitioned ARE happy. dont be ashamed if its really you but watch out for 4chan psyops.
>>41243020I've read Nietzsche before I tried trooning. I probably was just too retarted to understand it, while deluding myself into thinking I was actually smart enough for it. Same goes for trooning tbhon.I think I am the Untermensch Nietzsche was talking about
>>41243021I am ashamed of myself for ever thinking I was suffering remotely in the same way actual trans people are. I wish I could've been one of your friends, who are happier because they've transitioned. But I am clearly not. Just a self hating and deluded cis guy.I now fully understand just how life saving transitioning could be, and I'm happy for all trans people who are able to find happiness
>>41243065Stop apologizing. Stop asking other people for permission to live your life or to feel or express yourselfJust live
>>41243019So you are just a tranny? I'm sorry, and I'm happy for you that you feel better now
>>41242863detrans and live your life bro
>>41243100There is no self to express. There is no self which can liveI am apologizing to atone for my trespassing
>>41243128I will
>>41242863>I am actually stuck being a man, no matter what I do, and I will have to find a way to live with it.you fucking attention whoring moron are going to keep taking your hormones or istg you WILL regret it more than whatever you think you're going through right now
>>41243161How the fuck will I regret not taking hormones, if I already regret taking them to begin with? I can't even deny that I'm a dirty attention whore, but there's no way I'm not just a man. I just have to accept it already. I have literally no dysphoria from being a man
>>41242863>I am stucking being a man>I still want to paint a wall red with my brains because of it.take your horemones and shut up
>>41243203take your hormones
>>41243104yes just a tranny, although i boymode when i don't want to worry about how people see me (my voice sucks). i never really spent any time thinking about whether i was "trutrans" or not, i just knew i wanted to so i did. it took ffs and years of hrt but i feel a lot better about myself and even have a bf now.desu it kinda feels nice to be able to mostly pass as either gender, makes me feel kind of superior lol
>>41243209>>41243223THEY ARE MAKING ME REVERSE DYSPHORIC YOU MORONSI AM LITERALLY WRITHING IN PAIN BECAUSE OF THE EMOTIONAL DISTRESS THEY CAUSE ME
>>41243264I am genuinely happy for you, and I hope your life will only get better.Unironically, I think you are right in feeling superior because you can pass as either gender
>>41243266describe that emotional distress
>>41243286Extreme distress at the thought of transitioning and at the effects of estrogen. It all boils down to this.I thought I could gaslight myself into liking the effects of estrogen, but that's obviously not the case
>>41243311is it the act of transitioning and the hormones themselves or the potential societal repercussions?
>>41242991Most of them are actually gay men, but being gay in Thailand have historically been extremely taboo/stigmatized, only recently been more accepted.
>>41243320Both I believe. The societal repercussions are horrible obviously, but I can't think of myself as anything but a man. I had no "dysphoria" before suddenly hyper-fixating on it at 20. It was all just a scapegoat. I don't want to be a man, not because I am not cis, but because being a man would mean being myself, and I deeply despise that fucker
>>41243338just, don't throw away your vial and rope, okay? you don't have to transition socially, but i seriously think you will want to get back on hormones after a few months at the latest.
>>41243392This is already my second time stopping hormones, and it has lead to the same reverse dysphoria that made me stop the first time. There is no reason left for me to believe I actually truly desire these hormones. Everything was a delusion
>>41243450how have the initial circumstances changed from when you first stopped hrt (other than 'moar certainty')? why did you restart after stopping for the first time?
>>41243479>how have the initial circumstances changed from when you first stopped hrt (other than 'moar certainty')?They haven't that much really. Everything has been a haze, and nothing feels like it bears any weight or significance. If anything I both feel more like I should kill myself, and that it doesn't matter, nor is there any actual reason to do so.>why did you restart after stopping for the first time?The same stupid reasons that made me start for the first time. That being morbid curiosity, the fear of regret, despite not having any reason to do so, and the hope that trying to become another person would make me hate myself any bit less.
>>41243582remember: nothing ever happens. the cycle will repeat until you look like picrel.unless you break it and just keep taking your goddamn hormones faggot.
>>41243582These aren’t bad reasons to do things, and they’re valid concerns to have. Cani I ask you two questions? How long have you been on hormones? Do you feel better or worse when you’re socialising as a woman?
>>41243695>How long have you been on hormones?3 months the first time, and I'm currently almost 2 months on hormones, and with how I'm feeling it will also be when I'll stop again.>Do you feel better or worse when you’re socialising as a woman?I have never socialized as a woman. Not even online. I feel like I never socialize, even if I do spend time with friends and such though
>>41243607Taking them will fix nothing. There is no cycle to break.
>>41242863>self hating man>tries to run away from his own self by transitioningmany such cases
>>41243020nta i would with the not bothering but every time i try i just have a breakdown and lose my nerve
>>41242863literally memost of my desire to transition is just self hate and wanting to be someone else which makes me still want to go through with it even tho it gives me reverse dysphoria
>>41242863take your pills
