So when the point arrives that you realise you arent meant to be doing this shit( it will always come if you aren’t truly really trans) what are you supposed to do?I’m just wallowing every day, thinking how do I actually improve my life now, and I catch myself doing awfully at actually stopping my transition even though it isn’t for me.So what else do I feel my life with? At this point the joke is on me with how little else I obsess over.Video games? Food? Books? So overdone. I’m tired pretending my life has any meaning left. Trooning out wasn’t the meaning I thought it was. It is t the life I am capable or required or deserve to live. Why bother? Sexual satisfaction and blaming it for my depression, and lack of will to be alive? I’m just lazy and useless. I’m tired and worthless. And nothing fixes that.God the most tiresome thing is being told I have a choice. No i don’t. And if I do the best choice is ending it now. What worthless threadI’m tired of pretending.Thus shit is ass and makes no senseI will never be anything but myself and I will kill that bastard instead of suffering.
>>41262685Suicide
>>41262685How old are you
>>41263114Too fucking old
>>41262685>thinking about transition>one day ill realize im not really trans>not thinking about transition>one day ill stop repressingyou want fucking meaning? trooning out actually never helped with that. its just to prevent feeling insane and doing something you want to do. imagine you were fed pure sauerkraut your whole life and just became able to eat other shit. thats not meaning! go do shit! if youre lazy, learn shit. go learn graph theory. https://webhomes.maths.ed.ac.uk/~v1ranick/papers/wilsongraph.pdf . if youre too lazy for that jack off. thats life. try those things in that order and go back to the start every once and while. "meaning" we're all so damn fucking pretentious
>>41263195NopeAll that is meaninglessBut that’s besides the pointI’m just done
see im sorry for you anon. unfortunately im not dr halimede phd on these things im just little old bob from west texas. i sell biblbes
>>41263220Good thing I don’t need or want your pityGo fuck yourself
two questions for you, anon. 1. are you a hedonist?2. are you on ssri's? (hedonism drug?)i agree. life is meaningless. i dont need meaning. pleasure is fucking everything.
>>41263263and you might wonder: why is anon asking me this if they only need pleasure? i get pleasure out of others. if i could, i would switch my pleasure completely to non empathic means right now, but im stuck with this.
>>41263263Nope and nope>>41263312I fail to see the empathy in this
>>41262685nona you know those teleporters in star trek? you know how they rebuild you, atom by atom. well i always wondered. does your consciousness stay the same? obviously not right? because if you built a seperate you and didnt destroy the first one you wouldnt have that consciousness, yes? so really the teleporter is a mass death machine, how neat. and so i think, hey, doesnt this extend to /any/ period where you aren't conscious? so, what if i go to sleep and then this experience im having just, ends? eternally? so, whenever i feel suicidal, i just remember. i might just stop being tonight sleeping anyway. how convenient.
I dont deserve the grace of sufferingI see nowEven death is too goodStop whining alreadyIt’s just tiresomeNot pathetic enough to cry over. Not sad enough. Not painful enough. Not good enough. Not enough. Just tiresome and annoying. Stop it. Stop being suicidal. Stop having feelings. Stop that. Ugh. So annoying. Yea you have feelings can you stop now? It’s not that deep. Yeah. Just do better. Have you tried being a better human? Have you tried standing up for yourself? No, ugh no you aren’t suffering enough to feel pity for yourself you are just lazy and tired. Go to sleep or idk go away from my space. I’m bored of you. Hey did you just talk? how funnyBut yeah no don’t do that againKill yourself? No you won’t, don’t be dramatic. LolYes you are girl sure idc you can just idk suck my dicj anyway? Good girl.I told you you should stop crying. You don’t deserve thatGood girl
are you detrooning because it was a bad idea or because the dysphoria stayed?By definition, being trans is hating yourself for being your biological sex, so if you still feel that way congrats, you are trutrans!
>>41262685I dont know, I started HRT because I was losing it over my body hair and going bald. Masculinity makes me feel absolutely horrible. But now Im like a weird eunuch which is bad in a different way. Im not attractive, my body is warped, and I dont look like a woman, people always tell me that I look young which I assume is how they make sense of my strange vampire complexioni just dont really want to be a man or a woman at this point. im uncomfortable in my own skin, not sure how im supposed to accept that.
>>41265620well, you can go on being a weird eunich or go back to being a man.Which is worse?
>>41265626idk both are pretty bad, can I reroll and try as someone else? Everyone else seems much happier
>>41265630you cannot, you have 2 choices, HRT or no HRT.Don't worry, thats on the internet. A lot of people hate their fucking life you are hardly alone. I just threatened a crossdresser because i am a mindbroken repper and my mom is in the hospital.
>>41265645well going off hrt is pointless, id still have boobs, wouldnt want to be masculine and testosterone would just make me uglier.i guess what im mourning is that transitioning was my last ditch effort to become normal, there are trans women out there who live a normal life and feel like themselves. and now i realise that isnt gonna happen, im just gonna be stuck inbetween forever and isolating myself.i just wish i had a normal youth as a person that is happy with who they are and has all the positive experiences to affirm their own gender instead of just constant alienation and fantasizing, but theres no way back now
>>41265678most trannies live fucking shit lives like you do, be grateful for what you can get.
>>41265691idk i think most of my friends are living nicer lives than me and a lot of ppl on this board alsobut i do have to remind myself that im the only person that has a constant front row view of my own thoughts 24/7 and i dont get that for other people
>>41265698maybe they do, just do the best in your own life and let those fag pieces of shit know that they better respect you because we all become worm food in the end
>>41262685life doesnt have any meaning and trooning is a medical decision which has no relationship to anything
>>41265702just remember, nobody talks about the boring and embarassing parts of life, you never know others shit like you know your own.To be human is to feel like everyone doesn't deal with stupid bullshit you do, anyone who doesn't feel somewhat inadequate is a narcissistic bitch.
>>41262685try vortioxetine
