>not molested>not raped>not neglected>not abused >parents weren't divorced>grow up Christian>do nofap and noporn>still wind up an exclusively meta-attracted AGP transvestite What went wrong? How did this happen?
what was your dad like?
>>41264148You watched tranime and became an evafag, it was all downhill from there.
>>41264148>meta attractedlike are you actually or did you get psyopped into thinking that liking men means you're mentally ill?
>>41264160he was always a piece of shit, but then he sacrificed himself to save me, so i don’t even know how to feel about him
>>41264160Average male socialization enforcer. Didn't help my self-esteem, tried to get me to do a lot of masculine things like get into sports, which I never got, got upset with me when I'd not understand basic social stuff because of probably untreated mild autism. Discouraged any deviation from masculinity. Loved me and cared about me and just wanted me to grow up to be normal and not weird. Not really egregious, by any stretch. >>41264176I mean I was doing suspect stuff before I saw Eva. >>41264178I can describe my attraction in more detail if you like; but I'm not "genuinely" attracted to men as cishet or bi women or gay men are.
>>41264180did you want to be like him when you grew up?
>>41264148> >raped>neglected>abused>parents never married, grew up without my father>grew up christian>lost interest in porn a while ago>still wind up a meta attracted agp transvestitewhat went wrong? how did this happen?
>>41264148Consider yourself lucky because having all that happened to me makes me wanna kill myself everyday.
>>41264212>>41264213And I'm sorry for you both. But I'm trying to understand what's wrong with *me* and center weird outliers like *me*, because plenty of trans people suffer those sorts of things.
>>41264217so true oomfie i hear you speak your truth but can we talk about me nowwwww?
it is over
>>41264148>iwnbaw since I was like 6- or 7yo, but though that's just normal male behaviour or it would go away or smth>bullied, never had people who genuinely liked me>tism>schizo>everyone tells me I'm bpd (I'm not tho)>not raped>just had sex with almost 30yo men as a 15yo>neglected by mum>abused by stepdad>parents divorced when I was 5, because my father turned manic schizo>grow up christian, but not really that christian desu>experiment a lot with porn, even been into necrophilia once (always imagined myself being a woman and getting killed and my corpse raped, was kinda hot desu) >rep and cope till puberty just basically completed>wind up realizing I'm a meta attracted tranny>too late, I'm a never passing manmoder nowwhat went wrong? how do I finally push myself over the edge? (I'm not very brave and a giga faggot regarding suicide)
>>41264197>I can describe my attraction in more detail if you like; but I'm not "genuinely" attracted to men as cishet or bi women or gay men are.women are meta attracted to men retardgay men experience attraction in a completely different manner
>>41264148you weren't praying hard enough
>>41265516>women are meta attracted to men retardNot exclusively. It's the difference between icing on a cake and a cylinder of icing in the shape of a cake.
>>41264148Proof that it is genetic
>>41267208It's not, you can argue it's inborn, but there's no evidence it's genetic. See 2D:4D digit ratio, etc.
>>41264148>grow up ChristianSounds like that would do it desu
>>41267308I know you're trying to make a Reddit snark, but Christianity is extremely widespread and only a fraction of a fraction of a fraction are like this.
>>41264148i was beaten by my mom and my dad left, i believe that's what did it for me
Chemicals in the water
>>41264148having trannybrain doesn't have anything to do with social factors you moron
>>41267846But everyone keeps saying it's grooming or autism or being molested or feeling like a predator for liking women and none of those things apply to me.
>>41264148What is your earliest sexual memory/turn on? If it was related to being a woman/agp then you are a trutrans. If you were into something else and then developed agp later then… idk i wont make a sweeping statement but then maybe its socialization. I have a nonconsent fantasy since i was young but i was never abused or anything, just critically low self esteem my whole life. I wish more than anything i could be normal and just have a normal healthy christlike sexuality but instead i am a sinner
>>41267317>Christianityit's the reason you can't accept yourself. Jesus loves u tho. there's nothing wrong with loving a man or being trans despite what people who claim to be Christian say.
>>41267892>But everyone keeps sayingthey're wrong
>>41267905It's not. I don't have Christian hangups regarding my gender identity or orientation. >>41267897I've had AGP tendencies I'd rather not elaborate upon if I don't have to as young as four. My earliest overt turn ons were hard peepees, though. I'm not trutrans, I'm a transvestite. An otokonoko. A femboy. A crossdresser. A trap.I also have very low self-esteem, but I don't know if it's causation or correlation. No one who bottoms for another man likes themselves, after all. Regarding your Christian hangups, please read Plato or Paul? In brief, it explains that Jewish and Christian homophobia weren't always so, and those beliefs aren't inherent to religious texts or beliefs but cargo culting Plato, a bitter baracel.
>>41267970are you meta attracted? can you feel love for a male partner?
>>41268017I can feel love for a male partner, but I can't understand his love in turn--this causes major problems. So some would argue otherwise on picrel grounds Sexually, I am meta-attracted. Purely meta-attracted. I am not attracted to men as real women or gay men are, nor am I attracted to women at all.
>>41267897not op but yeah ive been having agp ever since i started to walk and have memories almost it's not even a question but yeah life problems can cause you to toughen up and bottle up preventing you to gain a good insight into it so you can put it off for later, even though others can tell
>>41267846This desu, you have to be fucking retarded to think the majority of us chose to join the lowest social class, do fuckton of voice training which to our tranny brain might as well be equivalent to water boarding ourselves as a hobby. Most self proclaimed AGP would be limp in front of any normal woman, most of you just want to BE the woman getting railed. Might not apply to you if you’re shockingly unlucky, but I’d bet it does for most in this thread
you know how some people say porn is responsible for agp i think in my case it was tv
>>41268044>attracted to men as real women or gay men arethere's nothing inherently wrong with this as long as you don't hurt anybody.
>>41268671Well inherently I am hurting others. By larping as a woman while thinking vaginas are gross, that's misogyny, that's hurting women. Moreover, I'd be hurting any man I'm with.
>>41267658My mom was emotionally and physically abusive and I left her on no contact to go live with my dad at age 9 and he didn't beat me.I did crossdress when I was younger but I never got any gender confusion. Perhaps having a good dad is the key to stopping trannyism.
>>41268686if you don't have dysphoria then just drop it if it's causing you so much anguish
>>41268686That's neither larping nor misogyny and i suspect theyfab hands wrote this post. I think you should kys, thxx
>>41268044>can't understand his love in turnthat's probably just self hatred. I don't accept compliments either, they just don't sink in. Either it sounds like flattery or obligation.
>>41268711I don't have dysphoria in that I don't want a vagina. I don't like male puberty, body hair, facial hair, my genitals doing anything but sit there shriveled and useless. I didn't like my face so I got surgery.I'm not dysphoric but I'm adjacent to it. I have to do this in order to exist.>>41268720Do you want me to post my big man-hands? >>41268727Of course it is. No one who gets sodomized by another man likes himself.
>>41264203not necessarily, but i want to get revenge on the things that killed him
>>41268741>No one who gets sodomized by another man likes himself.Shitting on bottoms is only cute if you don't mean it.
>>41268686>By larping as a woman while thinking vaginas are gross, that's misogyny, that's hurting womenAt least youre honest about it. Most will never admit this to themselves
>>41268741then you're wasting your time hating yourself for being different. I get that it would be nice to be normal because it makes life easier but not hating yourself for things beyond your control makes life easier too. being trans isn't misogynistic and you wouldn't be hurting someone by letting yourself be loved.
>>41268800I'm not trying to denigrate them. I am one. I'm just saying you'd have to be naive to not notice they all have self-esteem or self-loathing issues.>>41268844See >>41268818
>>41268867I don't know, my bottom have self esteem issues and still accepts my love fine. Every drop of it.
>>41267162>Not exclusivelyexpand
>>41269156Meta-attraction is a component of the broader attraction to men that androphilic women experience. The entirety of their attraction to men isn't meta-attraction.
>>41269172well yes but meta attraction is a major component and if they didnt experience meta attraction they would likely be bisexualalso the physical traits that women find attractive are not as masculine compared to how attraction works in men
>>41269269I mean all women are pansexual/bisexual. That makes it *more* damning that I'm only meta-attracted.>also the physical traits that women find attractive are not as masculine compared to how attraction works in menNow it's my turn to ask you to elaborate. Do you mean how like, gay guys like feet and armpits and real women very seldom do? (I'm not a footfag, which is even more damning still.)
>>41264197>I can describe my attraction in more detail if you like; but I'm not "genuinely" attracted to men as cishet or bi women or gay men are.Could you please describe your attraction in more detail?I'm kinda struggling with maybe being meta-attracted myself and I found find it interesting/helpful to read someone's more developed experiences with the topic.
>>41269325I wrote a few pages about it if you want I can pastebin it.
>>41264180>he was always a piece of shit, but then he sacrificed himself to save me,Bruh. Both of those things means he cares about you I'm harsh on the people I love because I don't want bad things to happen to them I want them to be prepared for what life throws at them and I'd rather that they hate me for it and be prepared rather than like me and suffer. because I don't care about myself.If you see someone eating their way into the grave do you tell them to stop eating? or keep quiet and move on and let them continue with their bad actions because you don't want to hurt their feelings? I'd rather hurt their feelings than have them suffer the consequences of whatever they're putting themselves through. I'm sure your dad is the same way
>>41269363anon…i’m doing an evangelion reference. that’s why i’m avatarfagging as misato
>>41269338Yes, please. I would appreciate it.
>>41269300>elaboratestraight men are attracted to very feminine traitsgay men are attracted to very masculine traitsstraight women are attracted to slightly masculine traitsgay men like cocks, muscles, body hair, etcstraight women like tall and lean men, with a well defined and symmetrical face, etc
>>41269407Remembered the full thing had an image in it so well https://pastebin.com/8WrDsQ8z>>41269418I like cocks and (indirectly) muscles, that's purely meta-attraction. Arm hair is fun to touch if it's not thick or really curly or something. But it's not erotic. I like tall men because they contrast me, also indirect. Etc.
>>41264148I wish a mtf would rape mefellow tranny here.
>>41269431how is your libido in general, high or low? are you physically attracted to women?
>>41269447It's "context-dependent," that is, I only get aroused if something warrants it. If I'm reading something spicy in a novel it'll happen, if a guy starts grown-up kissing me it'll happen, otherwise it Doesn't. I'm not attracted to women at all.
>>41264148>molested in church and watched in the bathroom at around 5>raped in highschool by drunk ex (only man i ever dated, for like 2 weeks) i refused to fuck cause i'm into women>brutally drugged and raped for hours at 24>most of my friends from my highschool days of selling weeds and coca cola and clean and flaccid (fuck you i censor what i want) are either dead or in jail.>left at home for hours alone all through childhood bc both parents worked and dad spent hours after work at the strip club while mom ran errands or fucked randos>whipped hundreds of times with dads braided belt, full length, had bloody welts on my back and ass>mom divorced before i was born, current dad and mom stayed together>aro/ace haven't dated, been touched, or touched myself in several years>still wind up an intelligent and well rounded person with no addictions or debilitating mental disorders>i'll probably live a long and normal lifewhy does this shit make me wanna fucking die, i'll never deserve this life and it keeps giving me privilege after privilegeit would make more sense if people spat on me and called me names i don't get it
>>41269464its low thenhonestly I think you have normal female sexuality but your low libido is making you doubt that
>>41269483Real women aren't AGP. They're legitimately attracted (and meta-attracted) to men. I have sex like once every 1.5 weeks. I don't think that really matters though, it's the manifestation of my sexuality that's problematic. It's not female sexuality and there's no evidence it is.
>>41269503have you made threads exactly like this one before?
>>41269525Exactly like this one regarding "why am I like this?" Not really
>>41269530no. saying you are>exclusively meta-attracted AGP transvestite
>>41269547Maybe.
>>41269556lol not againhope one day you end up accepting yourself anon
>>41269572What haven't I accepted? I understand my sexuality and accept it. I just don't like it, or my gender identity. I wish I were a normal woman or even a normal guy but I'm not either. And I recognize that.
>>41269581>I understand my sexuality/gender identity and accept it>I just don't like itok
>>41269612You can accept that you have terminal cancer but that doesn't mean you like it.
>>41269627not comparableyou dont hate your condition, you hate your gender identity and sexuality
>>41269679Those are conditions because of my weirdness.
>>41269686would you prefer not being trans/AGP whatever you wanna call it or being a cis woman?
>>41269724I would rather be a cis woman
>>41269733well it says it all
>>41269745But I'm not one and I've accepted that.
>>41269752I wish I was cis female but I'm not so I got over it and it's amazing how much better I feel not hating on myself all the time for things that are beyond my control.
most people who are molested don't realize it. Ever had weird dreams? Even wet dreams can be a sign
>>41269469It sounds like you deserve some happiness more than a lot of people
>>41268044my ex was like this. BPD: she could not integrate received love because her past abuse (as with all BPD patients) conditions the brain to fundamentally accept NOTHING is consistent. Love, trust, loyalty cannot be forever, in such a mind that suffered neglect or abuse (or if youre unlucky its just inherited)You can accept love, but you need to seek treatments with a therapist, maybe some DBT. Its a long road but a worthy one
>>41272105I don't think I was abused (I was traumatized pretty egregiously, not like raped but about as bad as you can get without it being physical or sexual). But I do have BPD (inherited, mom definitely has it).I've seen 7 therapists. Never done DBT though. Losing my insurance shortly so not like it matters.
the idea that this stuff has anything to do w grooming or whatever is largely just a cope because transphobes have a tendency to really treat trans people as a proxy for something else (e.g. they are young men that have been failed, a sign of modernity's degeneracy women trying to escape rigid patriarchal forms). no one sees trans people as trans people except blanchard (no queer theorists dont do either since they try and relate trans existence to cissexual gender politics which has nothing to do with us and the logic is honestly terf-adjacent). see:>https://annelawrence.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Lawrence-2007-becoming-what-we-love.pdfi am planning to write an article that goes into a more authentic theology of transsexuality. this page prefigures the thrust of my ideas:https://hidwehproject.nekoweb.org/pages/doublecross.html>>41267970>but cargo culting Platobased, not many people realize that homophobia basically got started with plato's natural law morality and it has little intrinsically to do with abrahamic religion. and needless to say, trans people are not mentioned at all in the bible, so any theologically motivated transphobia again spawns out of natural law. still, homophobia has been firmly integrated into the dna of christianity through the standardization of scripture. gnosticism might be one way to start and try and distance oneself from the constitution of canon, but its life-denying tendencies lend validation to belittling and excusing particular forms of oppression
>>41272292>gnosticism might be one way to start and try and distance oneself from the constitution of canon, but its life-denying tendencies lend validation to belittling and excusing particular forms of oppressionIt's funny you mention that because I'm actually a Gnostic and thought that was the only way to rationalize my particular conditions. >i am planning to write an article that goes into a more authentic theology of transsexuality. this page prefigures the thrust of my ideas:Seems heavily religious. Will you rely upon empiricism as well?
>>41272312>and thought that was the only way to rationalize my particular conditions.yeah it is definitely a rationalization that does work but it also serves repression through resentiment>Will you rely upon empiricism as well?im more going to be operating on a hermeneutic/phenomenological level but the larger worldview as well as some of the references i use are backed by some empirical evidence. what's more important to me is reconfiguring how all of these ideas are organized. like for instance agp, i think anne lawrence does a good job at bringing out the more spiritual dimensions of the phenomenon, and it can definitely go further. ive realized ive done this to an extent without really even intending to do so
>>41272460Do you have a Discord or Twitter or something?
>>41272490yes you can find a server on that nekowebsite (SfNfH76W75). i also have a twitter but i dont use it too much
>>41271501would be cool if i could feel iti'm just angry most of the time now. used to eat to fix the pain but COVID killed my taste lol, i've been losing weight now for like 2 years bc everything tastes like mush. bright side is i can't smell shit and piss and vomit anymore so that's cool, living in a cityis kms the only answer?
>>41272780Been wondering the same thing so I don't have any useful insight for you lol. Doing a lot of mushrooms helped for a few years, maybe I'll do that again
>>41267897My earliest sexual fantasy I had when my mom gave me a pokenon book with all 150 pokemon in it, and there was a drawing of muk engufing a clefairy and I could only think about how much I wanted to be that clefairy. Im not into vore or pokemon either I think it was just the submissiveness and vulnerability
>>41264148In the same situation.What was your first sexual awakening? What age? Was it crossdressing?
>>41273066The earliest erections I can remember were like at 4, crossdressing, and my parents nipped that in the bud immediately. I wouldn't really say that's a "sexual awakening," though, but I'm being thorough. (I primarily include this part so I'm not immediately dismissed with "oh so your gender fuckery started at puberty and you're a bad person for you it.")My actual sexual awakening was discovering otokonoko and shota art through 4chan and other sites. Po-ju, Udk, and Saigado (Boku no Pico) were instrumental in this, happened at around 13, when I first started masturbating. I don't think I had a good understanding of myself or my desires for several more years because I compartmentalized, but I definitely wanted to suck and take cock then--I just didn't think it "meant anything." Even then my sexuality was directed inwards, although it was of course not as "developed." Semen smelled nice and I self-inserted as the uke in these works automatically, without even thinking about it.
>>41267897My earliest was at around 7 trying on panties and it i got excited and it felt like home, like a warmth. Is this considered agp?
>>41273066As an early teen, when I would fantasize I would get put in a girl body, deep down I liked it but I was like "oh HEEELL NO", or I would start feeling like I was in a girl body and I just kind of had to dissociate to escape that. I was too thick to accept I was a tranny, that didn't happen until I tried crossdressing for sex reasons when I was 18 and I was like "oh shit, I actually like this on a really deep personal level".
>>41275001I think that's normal for one subtype (not in a derogatory way).
>>41274987Potentially, also fairly normal I think
