>reading nevada>holy trukewtf do i do? i've been on and off HRT since i was 19 and can't make up my mind. i just want to be a normal girl but i don't want the societal consequences of being a tranny. but i know if i don't i'll just be some john 50. like i want to be able to have a stable career and a future, but people don't fuck with tranners. it's never left my mind and i know it never will but it's such a hassle and basically social suicide. what's the answer??
>>41281341this book fucking sucks, the mc is written like an annoying cliche of a 2014 leftist and there is literally no character development or deeper insight that isn't schizophrenically conjured, it's all just tranny pseud prescriptivism.read books that actually delve into the psyche of what's like to be a loser male societal reject like crime and punishment or something.
>>41281452i think it’s quite literally the point that the mc is a shitty annoying unlikeable, doomed person. and i think basically no character development or deep insight actually occurs, the mc just deludes themselves into thinking they’re changing, which is why it feels schizophrenically conjured, cus it’s fake. it’s certainly not the best book of all time but i think it’s not bad
>>41281505>the mc just deludes themselves into thinking they’re changing, which is why it feels schizophrenically conjuredliterally realized this is all i ever do which is why this book is fucking with me so hard, i'm assuming there's no like "here's how you change and fix your life!" at the end?
>>41281341did you read the afterwards? james does eventually transition..
>>41281528no. the book just ends. the mc thinks that maybe they can mother a repper into transitioning and that saving the repper will somehow save her too. but the repper correctly identifies that the mc has completely lost control of her own life and has no way of helping him when she can't even help herself.
>>41281341>social suicidefwiw this is a lie. trans women who are confident and have normal social skills and put the effort in do fine.>>41281452>>41281505yeah the point is that despite the enormous multi-year commitment of psychic energy it involves, there's no big profound insight at the end of transition. just the crushing banality of living as a woman. it's set in nevada because that's where hunter s. thompson learned the same thing about the 60's.
>>41281766>>>41281341 (OP)>did you read the afterwards? james does eventually transition..haven't gotten that far but i figured as much>>41281790>it's set in nevada because that's where hunter s. thompson learned the same thing about the 60's.is this just, like, how it is? i've been thinking myself sick over this and the constant realization that nothing ever changes. i've felt the same for years and i keep having these "realizations" and nothing ever changes, just like maria in the book. my partner came to this conclusion and killed himself, i'd like to not do the same but i can't stop thinking about it. i know if nothing matters you gotta make it matter, but that's fucking hard. am i just too retarded or something, or is it supposed to be really hard?
>>41281825there's a point in the book i remember where I think one of maria's friends talks about how trooning out basically requires you to declare that you have yourself and your identity and whole personhood completely figured out in order for cis people to take you seriously. If you waver from that or admit that you still have things to figure out and learn they all want to shove you back in the closet and say "sounds like you aren't so sure, no need to rush hon, just rep a little longer and see if it all goes away!" and never actually transition ever. So you have to insist that you've got everything about yourself $100% figured out. But deciding that you're completely finished developing as a person, especially at a relatively young age, is very stagnating. It isn't good for you to seek out some final 'realizations' or big profound insight as >>41281790 calls it where you've got yourself and the world all figured out. You never will. You don't have to go around pretending you have. You shouldn't see yourself as somehow deficient as a person for not achieving this fake, fully-realized form.
>>41281924>You shouldn't see yourself as somehow deficient as a person for not achieving this fake, fully-realized formthank you anon, i appreciate the time you've taken to respond. i read this quote from joan didion that ends with "without [self respect]... one runs away to find oneself, and finds no one at home" and that's totally how i feel. i guess lacking that sense of self leads to the desire to declare victory with a grand "i figured things out" and put it away in a neat little box to never think about again.>You never will. You don't have to go around pretending you have. You shouldn't see yourself as somehow deficient as a person for not achieving this fake, fully-realized form.if i'm understanding you correctly, the whole grandiose search for some kind of final knowledge is just a complete farce? is it just as simple as letting go of the expectations of others and accepting that you don't need to do the grand "figuring things out" because you're working towards an impossible goal?
>>41281999I'm not going to pretend to have it all figured out, because I don't. That's kind of the point of the end of the book. The book ends without Maria 'figuring anything out' because it isn't supposed to be some kind of argument or how-to guide for lost trannies to follow so they can patch up their lives. Maria tries to do that for James and realizes she has nothing to teach him because she isn't him and she cant solve his problems when she's running from her own. Idk what to tell you, but I think just trying to introspect and intellectualize all your own problems is a trap. Trannies are constantly being told to explain and justify ourselves, aand I think it's bullshit. It leads to a lot of narrativizing your own life and motivated reasoning and fragile, calcified worldviews and views of yourself that require a lot of defense and maintenance to keep steady. Introspection is a good skill to have, but you can't just live in your head. You've got to live out in the world too. I'm more talking to myself here than I am to you, because I can't figure it out for you. I can't even figure it out for myself. I just tell myself that it's alright to grow and change. I am not a big jigsaw puzzle that has some single, final, solved state that I need to work towards.
>>41282148godspeed anon, thank you. you really helped me out tonight
