How do you girls let go of feeling ashamed of being a tranny and actually start living in the world as a woman? My brain is so fried with self hate I think im losing iq points
>>41281960so I just don't talk about being trans at all, it never comes up. I assume everyone knows and just dont think of it. I don't compare myself to other people I just try to improve myself. I'm conservative in my presentation.
>>41281990Sp you're just not afraid of anyone asking questions at all?
>>41281960gotta just jump in the pool, nona. first few times girlmoding out made me basically have a panic attack and wanna kms, but then nothing actually happened and I kept doing it until it stopped being 'girlmoding' and started to be just getting dressed in my normal clothes and living my unremarkable, everyday life. Most people aren't really thinking about you at all. They are wrapped up in their own lives and universes that don't involve you. Even when someone stares or makes a comment, they forget about you soon after, and then you never see them again. It doesn't really matter.
>>41282028But what about family how does one gain the courage to start presenting fem around them... they taught me shame growing up and it's deeply rooted in my mind
>>41282020not really, it'd kinda be rude to bring it up its like asking somebody in a wheel chair what happened to them.
>>41282077first time my mom saw me girlmoding her face visibly fell in shame and the next day she told me I looked like a prostitute. I was hyperventilating in the bathroom for god knows how long before I walked out in front of her. We had a huge fight and i left the house to stay with friends that night. Ultimately though I lived independently and was just visiting them at the time, so honestly i just held my ground and there wasn't anything they could do about it. The first couple years were rocky but they did adjust to the new normal.
>>41282326but were you dressed scandalously?
>>41282389I was in shorts and a t shirt i had cut to hang over my shoulder. so to my well-mannered southern mother, yes
>>41282433that's tame. do you think she was afraid of what might happen of you went out like that or was it more like she was afraid of her reputation being tarnished?
>>41282529Mostly the first with some of the second? We are cool now but she still is constantly worried about me getting fag dragged. My mom is pretty open-minded and thinks through things for herself but does come from a starting point of social conservatism on most things. She was like the normal amount of transphobic at the start, didn't think much about it besides being vaguely offended and weirded out by 'people like that' but would never say anything rude to their face and wouldn't advocate any kind of discrimination or laws against them. Just did not think much about it until it was her kid, and then it was a big huge problem by default.
>>41282565that makes sense. before I came out my dad had a friend and I remember how he would talk about how they would bash queer people in 1970s Massachusetts. I think things are safer now but it's scary how if p9lice looked the other way there are still people who would assault strangers just because they're different.
>>41282028I struggle with this s_sI kinda girl mode in an androgynous way a lot (less so in the winter) and it seems to be fine But idkEvery time I wear anything properly feminine people just call me a freak in the streets. At least that's what happened the last 4 times. Just stopped after that I really want ffsI don't even live in a particularly regressive town I think I might just actually look that wrong in feminine clothes4 years hrt mind youIdk Maybe I should stick with the more androgynous styles and not worry about it until ffs
>>41282729whereabouts do you live? what people are saying that? are they like yelling it at you out of cars or like comments as you pass in the street or like confronting you? living in a more accepting place is huge, if you can swing it. I'd urge you not to put your life on hold while waiting for ffs. building a sense of confidence and self-assuredness is good for passing and people not fucking with you, and it only comes with practice and exposure.>>41282713it's weird how different things can be. I lived in rural WY for a bit and my mom thought i was going to be the next matthew shepard. no one ever gave me any problems.
>>41282775I live in the most accepting place in my country. It's mostly people in passing. Sometimes cars but usually passing. Rarely confrontations. I just look uncanny and people go "EUUUUUUGH is that a man or a woman" There's loads of trans people around where I live. Idk what kind of shit they get. My gf basically never gets it cause she's cute. If I wear hoodie people leave me alone which is nice>I'd urge you not to put your life on hold while waiting for ffsI've unironically found a way to continue my career in a way that makes sense for me as an anonymous masked performer. I have about 5 friends outside of work, who are not really friends, just colleagues. My friends know my deal and treat me well. I can be myself around my girlfriend. It's nice. But I'm cursed with a truly unbelievable jawline and it makes people uncomfortable
>>41281960not the same but for years i was afraid of socializing with people and the possible negative outcomes, so i started taking edibles before going out, eventually started seeing social success, and then dialed back a lot. this might be a solution if the fear of being seen as gross is too much to do it sober.>>41281990yeah there are some clocky girls in my class but they put enough effort in to not trigger the stroop effect so nobody really cares.
>>41282836im sorry nona. im glad you seem to have identified some kind of path forward and it sounds like you have people in your life that understand and care. that's a blessing.
>>41282855I ate a 1000mg gummy without knowing it was an edible and the experience kinda traumatized me. Im not sure if I can cope that way
>>41281960i still feel ashamed, honestly. still need to come out to my very catholic grandparents and i’m struggling to write a letter to them that doesn’t involve saying sorry.but honestly when i’m in the right groups of people i feel pretty comfortable at this point i basically achieved that by forcing myself to be more outgoing. now that i’ve had dozens of people treat me like a woman and use the right name and pronouns with me and all that, it’s a lot easier to feel like people who doesn’t at least play along is being and asshole and i don’t care what they think
>>41282871Yeah I'm honestly very lucky.My girlfriend is really good to me. My friends are really good to me. And my colleagues are tolerant of me. I have a couple of people who really have my back. The trans community around me doesn't really like me because>Not out>Not doing activism>They want to fuck me and I'm not poly and don't want to fuck them>Having success and not crucifying myself by being "representation" So I'm basically just a pariahI have always been that way though so it's honestly probably just a manifestation of my personality/trauma/attachment style. I tried going to a queer party the other month with someone tangentially related to work. And I made 0 friends. Just like 6 people who all wanted to hook up and I was just like no. And then they didn't wanna just be friends. So I don't know how you can make friends in a community predicated on sexuality and identity if you're not willing to just fuck everybody. 4/5 of my close friends are people I've either slept with in the past or who have wanted to sleep with me. It's stupid and alienating and I hate it and I don't want to be poly. I just want friends and a new jawline
>>41282970I'm stupid and complaining though. Life is good. In order to achieve what I want to achieve and avoid the pain I want to avoid I have to do it how I'm doing it. I'm just not regulating myself well today so I'm catastrophising
>>41282897>1000mg gummyeveryone goes way too hard when they first start, i think. i did a 300mg gummy and remember my body feeling pliable like rotisserie chicken.
>>41281960kys discordia
>>41281960Practice in private and just get used to the way the clothes feel at first. I think half of the terror of girlmoding is that literally everything is new all at once, but you can actually ease into it. HRT first to start changing your body, then putting on female underwear, then wearing skinny jeans and bras at home, then wearing something nice on top, then makeup, etc etc until you're comfortable with how you dress and look. Then you go the fuck outside and touch grass.
>>41281960the biggest thing for me was moving outas soon as i moved to a new (and safer tbf) area i threw on a pencil skirt i sown together, pair of thigh highs and been girlmoding ever since (2.5 years now)>picrel me first day girlmodin'
>>41281960Stop hating yourself, and redirect that hate toward transphobes. Unlike you, they fucking deserve it. They deserve no dignity whatsoever. Talk down to them. Dress how you want out of spite. Find new ways to humiliate them like it's a game to you.
>>41283266Join the 80%. Nothing of value would be lost.
