i found more photos of me from when i bought puberty blockers, before they got taken off me and i was sent to the psych ward. i was going to pass, i was going to look so pretty, i would have been so happy with my body. i should kill myself, i'm such a monster now. i wish i could have stayed on HRT back then. i hate them so much for stopping me.
>i was going to passfound the lie
>>41283149i was literally 15
>>41283134It's not too late. I've been where you are and I guarantee that, while I'm sure you might be in a tougher situation now than when you were 15, you'll be able to do alright if you apply yourself. You're just being blinded by dysphoria and self-hate to see your situation as irredeemable. You know that, after ten years of transition I almost never think about this kind of stuff any more? If you stick around a bit and keep trying, you can get there too. Do not kill yourself.
>>41283212this is so tone deaf
>>41283212it feels too late. i'm 6ft tall, my shoulders and ribcage are larger than any girl's... i'll never feel small or safe in my own body. i only got back on hrt after i was 18 so i don't know if my hip bones are gonna grow at all, my breasts aren't even slightly proportionate. my voice has dropped, i have body hair now, my head is too big and my face is disgusting. i'm so dysphoric i'm wasting away my time at uni. i feel like i can't even go outside
>>41283235How long have you been on HRT? I remember feeling like this back in the day; but it really does fade as you move forward in your journey. Maybe not every insecurity completely vanishes, but you learn to live with it. Just don't close yourself off; being with other people and feeling loved by them (and it will happen, even if that sounds hard to believe now) is how you grow into yourself as a trans woman.
>>4128328310 months. but i've been out as trans for 8 years now and my dysphoria has only gotten worse since i realised as a kid. if these things fade, why didn't they fade in the time i was trying to get back on HRT?
>>41283327Well, in my experience dysphoria and insecurities fades because of HRT and living as close to the life you want to live as possible. It sounds like, while you've been out as trans for a while, you haven't been able to medically and socially transition in the ways you want
>>41283383yes. i was banned from starting estrogen by the NHS, and when i bought DIY myself, my parents caught me. i bought it a few more times, and eventually got put in a psych ward for a year. so i had to go through all of puberty against my will.
>>41283412I'm so sorry all that happened to you. Good on you for surviving it. I'm from the UK too, and it's a really rough place to be trans in, especially over the last few years. You persevered and that's what matters; just keep on going sister
>>41283437it's not what matters. getting to be a girl is what matters...
>>41283412Cut them off ASAP no clemency, and help others DIY younger, it's what I do. I've helped 20-30 people so farAlso Bailey Newposter had something similar happen (had a good starting point til mid-teens then parents put her on HGH for being insufficiently masculine so she shot up to over 6 ft) and managed to pull back from the brink of disaster after some time on hrt, so don't get demoralised until you've tried hrt for ~5 years first, 18 is still incredibly young compared to what 99% of dysphoric people lived with throughout all human history. Maybe you won't pass but you might be able to hit pretty elf territory and get lookism bonuses at least and have a life that is bearable enough.
>>41283571i left the country don't worry i'm never fucking talking to them again. thank you for telling me about bailey. i think she's the first trans woman i've seen with a frame that looks kind of like mine, and she's pretty...
>>41283412god did they put u in a psych ward bc of the hrt? and why’d the nhs fucking ban u like what?i had smthn simular happen except i was never on blockers and i was just anamaxxing and boymoding. but id get semi regularly mistaken as a girl and i was smaller than liek all the boys at school. i was so close i was gonna order diy. but got sent to a fucking psych ward at 15 and was forced into recovery. antipsychotic induced weight gain + basically brainwashing (cus that’s all psych wards do rlly). and i masculinized a fuck ton and i have brickhon genes. but i was able to use it to manipulate my retard dad into letting me get hrt at 16. but i was so bricky like ACTUALLY bricky by then cus i think the delayed growth plate closure from ana then rapid recovery made me rapidly masculine idfk schitzo theory. and i got hondosed for my 2nd year so im not too far off. but like istg im 19 now i look so fucking different it’s crazy. my mom tells me i look unrecognizable to how i used to lookbasically ur still young u just have to take care of urself and get thru it it’s fucked and evil and i cry like every day but this >>41283571 is completely true. u gotta get as much distance from all the fuckshit as possible. high dose injections and time and learning to have fun and being urself and be like fuck it after dealing with all that and getting as many good things in ur life as u can. will bring u at least partially back. i feel like with medicalized abuse, victims of it end up internalizing all the psych stuff a lot and believing there’s forever something wrong with them and they need to do this and that and whatever in order to somehow “be normal” by force. which idk if u experience that too but it’s bullshit btw
>>41283571bailey newposter is awesome also
>>41283720i was anamaxxing too, twinning. i got banned from hrt because i was mentally ill and the NHS fucking hates trannies (they're generally against transitioning). i didn't get sent to the psych ward directly because of the HRT, but the fact that i bought it was proof that i "couldn't be trusted to comply with my care plan" so it was part of why i was detained yeah.my parents wouldn't let me get hrt at all and in the uk there are no like, alternative clinics. i couldn't just say "mum dad take me to a different psychiatrist" and ask them for estrogen. it was just the NHS. the forced recovery in the psychward totally fucked me up too!! i literally disintegrated. after i left i was like, totally non-functional for more than a year. i could barely do anything in my life. i think the force feeding in the psychward made me grow rapidly too for the same reason. AHHHHH it hurts so bad to think about.but you started at 16, i went through way more masculinisation... i'm fucking giant it's so disgusting. i hate being a victim of medical abuse. i hate that they did this to me. fuck them so much
Its your fault OP you just didn't want it bad enough. Nobody will ever see you as a woman or anything like a woman ever, your life has no value and you have to die. Do NOT become an illegal child groomer you will just go to prison and suffer something even worse than death. There are no trans kids don't let your mental illness let you ruin innocent children's lives.
>>41283851i spent a year in a psych ward what the fuck was i supposed to do before i got out? people like you always turn out to have gotten hrt through your parents and pretend it was because you cared harder. teenagers who actually diyed like me understand that it's a struggle.
>>41283788LITERALLY THE FIRCED RECOVERY BROKE ME. fuck psychiatrists they’re all literal fucking sociopaths that gaslight vulnerable ppl. the one i went to wasn’t nearly as terrible as like typical horror stories. and i was only php. but the whole situation is fucking medical abuse. BUT YEAH I RELATE i was basically lobotomized up until like a few months ago when i stopped the fucking meds they gave me. like i’d straight up do nothing for years on end only now is shit starting to fade away all the dissociation like fucking 3yrs later. it just doesn’t feel real. i had fucking cotards delusions bcs of it. and i ruined like all my relationships too. but what fucking ever .ur only 10 months hrt tho trust it gets so much fucking better like whole new life type of better istg when i look back on what i was like at 10 months its barely comparable to now. and im only 3 yrs there’s still sm more time.you’ll probably mog me tho istg every bitch on here doespicrel is beautiful btw where’s it from i want a room like that that’s how i feel too like corpse bride>>41283851glowfag post
I feel so bad for everyone in here but don't worry nonas, ygmi. Transition untill early 20s usually works out, and if it doesn't you can work towards revenge and saving others from your fate>>41283571>I've helped 20-30 people so farBASEDBASED I LOVE YOU
If i was getting threatened with the psych ward already I'd just go actually insanemoder and cut my balls off with zipties and clean garden shears before the ambulance came to drag me away. Do you fucking worst NHS, you can't un-castrate me.
>>41283134If you want a suicide pact I'm in the UK. Do you have a discord or reddit we can talk on?
>>41283235I'm looking for a suicide pact in the UK if you are interested?
>>41284038it's been so long now and i'm still so broken. also i found picrel on here i think, i dont know where it came from, sorry...>>41284274i hope so nona, i really really hope i'm gonna make it.>>41284552i thought about this, i was gonna just crush my genitals with something heavy/hard, but my OCD made me too paranoid to go through with it. also a really creepy guy came into the psych ward and started talking about cutting his dick off, and honestly i got the ick about the whole idea after that.
>>41284552>If i was getting threatened with the psych ward already I'd just go actually insanemoder and cut my balls off with zipties and clean garden shears before the ambulance came to drag me away. Do your (sic) fucking worst NHS, you can't un-castrate me.>>41286560>i thought about this, i was gonna just crush my genitals with something heavy/hard, but my OCD made me too paranoid to go through with it. also a really creepy guy came into the psych ward and started talking about cutting his dick off, and honestly i got the ick about the whole idea after that.Unbelievable optics here holy shazow
>>41286818i'm sorry about the optics but i didn't want to go through male puberty and turn into a fucking monster, which is worse optics
