i just remembered its all my fault. i gave up buying estrogen while i was 16/17 because i become paranoid it would kill me. not just the diy part, transitioning in general. i let myself finish male puberty just because i had OCD. i could have stopped it completely. i never took SSRIs either, maybe that's why my life got ruined. i realised i had fucked up bad when i saw a cute trans girl for the first time. it was after i came to uni. i had never seen someone who started in their mid teens before. she was so pretty. maybe if i had seen that hrt actually works when you're a teenager, the OCD wouldnt have won. i hate having ocd. why did god make me have ocd.
