So, I'm quite a retard, and I actually wrongfully believed I was trans ever since I found out about hrt. Never had any tranny thoughts before that, but from the moment I've learned about it, I was fiending for it.Now that I've been about 5 months on it, I have come to the conclusion that I was extremely wrong about it all. The past couple of weeks have been a nightmare where I've been constantly feeling what I can only describe as reverse dysphoria. I was perpetually feeling like I was decaying, extremely anxious and tired. The only reasonable course of action was to detransition, so that's what I'm doing now.My only issue making this process harder than it should be is the feeling of giving up on something significant. I want to go back to being a guy and enjoy it, but I can't stop being distraught by the fact that I really will never be a woman, nor do I actually desire to be one. I don't want to live the rest of my life with thinking about what could've been.What is the best course of action to get over this, and see it as just a stupid blunder on my end?
>>41329851Do low dose hrt as a cope so you can go back without having to completely let go
Have you considered suicide?
>>41329851> 5 months hrtYou’re still just a man vro. Come back in a year.
>>41329851> "I'm faketrans, I was brainwashed!"> "Why do I feel worse when I stop HRT?"
>>41329851>I can't stop being distraught by the fact that I really will never be a woman, nor do I actually desire to be one.Why would you be distraught if you don't desire to be one? That's retarded
>>41329968Wouldn't that still worsen my already visible gyno?>>41329988Yes. Constantly.
>>41329851Well I can only give advice. You gotta make your own choices. But I would suggest maybe you can find something else that beings meaning to your life that as if not more significant. Could be career, could be relationship. Something important
>>41330481I literally called myself a retard in my post. I obviously already know I am one, but that doesn't stop me from feeling as distraught as I do
>>41329851It sounds like you're nonbinary or something. It may have been a blunder, but it wasn't a stupid one.
>>41329851Had the same feelings after 2 years. Honestly I would recommend skipping a dose for the entire week and see how much mental anguish that gives you, or not. After the week, youll either want to get back on or stay off it.
>>41330613>can find something else that beings meaning to your life that as if not more significant.Also do this. Just find some direction or goal for your life, and your identity will slowly find a way to fit intot hat comfortably. Seek peace and calm.
having abs and being muscular is more achievable on Thave you ever seen and felt what you look like as a lean and muscular person?
>>41329851what if you're like, agender, anon? not like you have to pick a label anyway. i felt like how you describe, both before during and after hrt. as a kid i always thought something was different with me but i didn't want to be a man or a woman. i thought hrt would magically fix me but obviously it didn't. so i just decided i'll take it if i want to take it, and i won't force myself to label whatever i end up as. i'm not taking it right now cause medically it was fucking me up, but i'm fine with it>What is the best course of action to get over this, and see it as just a stupid blunder on my end?tldr accept you're a queer either way and just be you, whatever that looks like (not what you think other people want it to look like)
>>41331262also no being not-cis doesn't mean you have to be a performative twitter enby stereotype or something, just be you
>>41329851Well you tried something and it didn't work out. I'm not gonna tell you what to do but maybe go back to the drawing board and think deeply about what you want regardless of everything else. Then decide how you want to integrate, or if you want to integrate, HRT into your state of existence or not
>>41331262nta but like even if I was some sort of nonbinary, how does that help me know what I want to present as?
>>41329851Just remove yourself from the trans sphere of influence. stop watching tranny porn, stop posting in tranny spaces, don't think about HRT. Your brains are all absorbing devices, even if you all have forgotten this since you're constantly bombared with sex and advertisements and chaos all the time
>>41331302just do whatever the fuck you want as you want to do it dumbass.Today you see a tie you like? Buy it. Tomorrow a scarf? Buy it. You don't need to have a plan. The majority of presentation the majority of people do in the world is just out of convenience, circumstance, and comfort already anyways. It's not a big deal. What are you, a teenager?
>>41331331unhelpful. nothing is comfortable.
>>41331341Then do nothing. Nobody is forcing you to do more than pull your weight in society via rent and such and be basically decent.
>>41331302>how does that help me know what I want to present as?it doesn't immediately grant some "figured my shit out" award (i wish) but freeing yourself from trying to assign a label will make it easier to try new things without boxing yourself into what you think you should be doing because you identify with x group. see >>41331331
>>41331341do you know like, you aren't really beholden to anybody? do you know you have free will and don't have to do anything you don't want to? do you know you don't have to *be* anything and can just do what you want?
>>41330827Today would've been my injection day, and I made this thread to poise myself to really stop. That's still my plan, but I still feel hesitant.>>41331126I'm lean and muscular right now. I don't really care about looking muscular, but I do care about being relatively strong.>>41331262If I would label myself, agender would probably fit me best, but that will regrettably not give me any clarity on which path is best for me. I will have to carve my own path, but it will be a path full of compromises unfortunately.>>41331341Very much this>>41331381Societal expectations are a bitch
>>41330532The solution to gyno is to gain some muscle. If you do, nobody will notice a bit of extra tissue.Working out is also the solution to the feeling decayed, anxious, tired. If you don't want to work out, just get outside. Go on walks. Also, eat well. Sleep well. You'll feel much better after going off E and doing this for a few months. The benefits of a good routine probably won't be obvious at first. But when you lapse in it, you'll feel like shit, like how you used to feel, and the improvement will be evident.I actually *am* mtf and I get these feelings too. Decaying/anxious/tired. Also estrogen really made my adhd a lot worse. Like 5x worse. But going on walks helps me with these things. It was sort of an adjustment suddenly getting crippling adhd out of nowhere, along with all sorts of new emotions I didn't know I was capable of feeling, but I figured out how to be functional. It's daunting, but doable. You can do it, it will just take some time to adjust. It took me about six months.Testosterone is kind of miraculous in that it stabilizes your mood and gives you muscle mass for free. Estrogen is miraculous in that it lets you feel emotions in a different way, gives you a fat ass and tiddies, and makes your skin really soft. It's kind of a shame that you have to pick one set of hormones or the other. I prefer my brain on T and my body on E, but I choose E, because my body on T feels so wrong.In general though... don't worry about it? Hormones can change, you'll relearn how to deal with whatever chemicals are in you. Whether that's E or T. You'll adjust. Just think about what you want out of your body. Now you know the effects of both E and T and can make an informed decision.Importantly, don't cave to social pressure. Don't even cave to the pressure of being a boy or girl. Especially 4chan social pressure. "Oooohghah such a helicopterbrainedtwinkhongoonercel" or whatever people here are saying nowadays is not going to help you make a decision.
just take your HRT and accept it's over retard
>>41331619>that will regrettably not give me any clarity on which path is best for me. I will have to carve my own pathyeah, that's kinda the point of being alive. not sure why you're already setting yourself up for failure by following that with "but it will be a path full of compromises unfortunately". nobody can tell you what to be or what the best fit for you would be, anon. you gotta figure that out yourself. and yes, it's uncomfortable pushing to find new things or to find what you like, and no it won't be easy. but you either do it and find what you want to be or you lay down and die without trying at all. the only person that would be holding you back is yourself. forget the views of other people and just do your thing. are you really gonna exercise less personal agency than a boomerhon? boomerhons are never afraid of sticking out while being true to themselves, why are you? >Societal expectations are a bitchyeah, you gotta forget about those (even at least a little) if you wanna live your own life anon
>>41330532If you think about suicide nonstop then that means you are a suicidalist and the only way you can be happy is to commit suicide. Non-suicidalists don't think about suicide the way you do. You need to commit suicide to be who you really truly are.
>>41331815
>>41331835if you repress your suicidal urges now you will just kill yourself in 40 years anyway and it will be way more pathetic than killing yourself at a younger age
>>41331853yeah true but think of all the art and blog posts i can make between now and then. i can at least wait until i'm 25 or something to rope and make crazy shit in the meantime
>>41331691>but you either do it and find what you want to be or you lay down and die without trying at allMy life can be summed up as a constant struggle trying to find out what I want to be, and the disappointment that comes with said struggle being fruitless. But I guess I have no other choice but to keep trying. I'm just so tired at this point
>>41329851You will retroon and you will regret having wasted all this time
