this board is awful lately only YOU can save it by confessing

>>41350017
I like to stir the pot and say fucked up things because it gets other anons riled up

the largest secret i have is that i have genuine feelings infact (was hard to convince them of the opposite cant stop now), i am not dead yet.
i can feel hope and hate, and sadness, sometimes even a flicker of genuine happyness
also "wrong happyness" (hollow, untrue, easy to fake feels like almost nothing)
people who don't know me think i am emotionally cold.
people who think they know me well think i am very emotional.
but most of the time i feel nothing

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I hate you fucking piece of shit yeah I fucking hate you because you made all my insecurities swallow me whole
ofc thats just a cheap excuse since i could never admit that i caught feelings way too fast for no reason and i didnt know what to do with them and the fact that i got attached way too fast so i have to remove myself from the situation

>>41350347
what did they do to you, poor nona

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>>41350017
I keep hoping you'll readd me, even though that seems entirely unlikely. Even if it's just to yell at me, I wouldn't mind it. You were probably my favorite person ever, even if you might not have felt like it because I kept talking about other people I was hanging out with. I still kinda feel maternal towards you LMAO. Not that it matters now.
I wish you hadn't immediately blocked me so that I could have at least apologized and/or clarified my position. I only really wanted some closure and hadn't meant to upstage your gf and anything like that. I truly thought it would be the last time I had a chance to talk to you and wanted to say what I would've said if you hadn't blocked me the first time. Not that this matters anymore I guess.

>>41350428
nothing i just kept everything in like i always do and expected them to read my mind so i self destructed

>>41350493
i hope things work out for you and them nona

>>41350195
yeah you and everyone else on this board apparently

>>41350017
We both know our love is impossible, but... I still yearn for you, and wonder about what it could've been, if we were together.
Do you feel the same? Do you indulge in these fantasies, too? In a different world, in a different time, where we could hold each other close, and never let go...

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i hate that i cant have guys abilities like physical power, because i cant be enough for girl that i could be with if theres gonna be any that is interested. i fucking hate being a girl but i love being lesbian. i dont fucking know.

My OCD has been disgusting me lately. Every day, multiple times, I check websites to see if I've been crossposted. I'm beginning to wonder if I was if it would just be an excuse to hurt myself. I've been making arrangements for organ and tissue donation and I barely leave my apartment. I have a few exes but I'm basically nobody other than getting revenge porned a few times. I've wasted like 7 years being this anxious and don't use the internet to socialize anymore

>>41350869
You sound like someone I used to know who was victimised in a similar way. I don't think it's necessarily OCD to be hypervigilant about that kind of thing, but it must be exhausting. I hope things get better for you

Geeked up playing xbox all day

>>41350773
and every other board because thats how 4chan has worked for the last fucking 20 years

>>41351052
they don't go to school they don't have a job but they paid

>>41350017
Well, I doubt anyone would see this. But I've treated a person really bad, which I've really liked from his personality. Very soft and sensitive, but my retarded ass had to fuck it up.

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>>41350017
I wish I brought up all those topics I wanted to talk about earlier so that you never would've lost interest. You saying that we have nothing in common was a lie and I can prove it. I wish you cared even a little, but it seems you gave yourself a headstart to move on early, while leaving me to only start moving on now. Your complete discard for me devalued the memories we made by half, which I didn't knew was possible. And the worst part, if you told me you wanted to get back together again, I would allow you back in my life

bump

>>41351168
they stay fresh got the latest pair of js

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I don't think that you want a relationship, you want a slave for yourself

i would do anything to get another chance at being yours

that transbian doesn't love you. shes traumatized and an anorexic without really um.. any purrsonality. and you thiught you were in love with someone else just a WEEK before you started dating her! how long will it be, until yiu realize? you made the same mistake you made with me ,agai n. um. but its okay. because you could turn that ar9und with me. and i...really hope you don't keep going this direction with this lass. she's self absorbed like how i was. she's not in control of her bpd like how you are. and she doesnt really like the things you like ?bwah.

i was cruel and selfish for most of those 18 months. but i am also younger than you. and you also mistreated me. almost as much as i did you. and yetpppp i truly still want the best fur you. i want to be there fur you when youre sad, i want to help you feel better, i want to hold you when you need affection, be hurt and fucked by you again if you need that, and gently kiss and pet and rub against you if you ever want that again. i will never give up on rebuilding your trust in me. you are the only purrson who's been so pretty and smart and funny and kind to me. and youve implied you want what we had again

your fear wont exist furefur. its based off of a dead me. i havent been like that in months. im on testosterone and im confident and fucking have a brain now. ill never say that shit again. ill never prioritize myself so cruelly like that again. i have gotten better than even the best of what you had of me befure.

i love you alexandra. i want you to succeed in life and fur i to never hurt you. im also jus,t so fucking obsessed with you and youre scared of that
im a fucking retarded agpooner and yet im terrifying to you. doesnt that speak to how perfect you are. youre so insecure and dont see yourself how i see you but i love you and i love you and i love you <33333333333

i told someone that I never wanted to see my ex friend of 10 years again but I actually do want to see her again and I still have some of her clothes that I sleep with every night. i cry pretty much every day thinking about her. I love her so much. I blocked her because she was abusive towards me and her way of communicating in general seems toxic

I fucking miss him so bad
I can't not talk about it anymore, I accidentally attached way too hard to him from 2000 miles away
It's been 3 fucking months and the sudden drop in contact still fucking hurts every day
I am not mentally stable and he knew that and we bonded on that shared trait but I don't think I properly communicated the extent of how fucked up I am despite him helping me through weekly anxiety spirals
Or maybe he knew and that's part of why he dropped me
He mentioned feeling guilty about connecting before and named the distance, but maybe it was more about he could tell I was out of my fucking mind
We are way too fucking similar and have way too much in common and vibe too well together to just accept never hearing from him again but his accounts are abandoned afaik and there's nothing I can do
He chose to move on and leave me behind and didn't even bother communicating that to me and it hurts
I thought I meant something to him too but maybe I never did, I thought I could trust being liked like that but maybe that was a lie
I'm never going to stop liking him
I want to but I can't

He probably made the right choice to ditch because I am 100% aware of how insane this is
But like where the fuck else am I going to find a 10/10 gorgeous ass person on the exact same values as me with uncannily similar formative life experiences who is into the exact same hyper fixation as me at a high level
Anyway it's not even that. I don't want someone else who's similar.
I'm not getting over him

I'm deleting all the pics he sent in bed right before falling asleep now. I try to not look at them anymore but I need to erase the temptation
I don't think he'll ever know how much those meant to me
I don't think I ever meant as much to him as he did to me. And I kinda knew that. But I thought I was at least something, because you don't spend that long talking like that and doing those things if it was nothing.

>>41354182
2/2
I don't fucking know man. I was trying to be there for him at the end. I could've made the switch to adjust to his identity changes, I was trying to. I don't think he wanted to take me with. Maybe I anchored him too much to his old self. Maybe he just stopped caring. I have to move on

I love her so fucking much but she's straight why is she straight I feel so guilty for wishing she was gay. a decade older than me and lives in a different country yet I've been head over heels for years, and in silence because the last thing I want to do is fuck up our friendship by confessing. realistically if she was gay she would have gotten into a loving relationship a long time ago with how incredible she is, so I wouldn't have a chance anyway.

I miss you, Erin. It's only been a few days but I'm dying without you. You're right, I'm not happy without you. But I can't handle you constantly attacking me and defending her. We were best friends for 3 years and I know you really had feelings. So did I. She doesn't care about you like you think. She's bpd and has always been straightforward with only wanting to fuck you. You're too good to be used by her, and you can't see it. Just because she's trans doesn't mean she's good for you. What we had was real, not just hookup bs. A real foundation to build on. Your attitude only changed once you met her. She's pitting us against each other. Look up what her name is from. She's salty pepper for a reason Why did you throw me away? We had so much left to do. You are the only one I care about. Thanks for the fish

Im scared my boyfriend isnt going to find me attractive when I fly across the world to meet, stay with him, and get introduced to friends and family for two weeks

im supposed to be happy because I'm going on a trip with my boyfriend in a few days but I still just want to die. I'm so sick and tired of waking up every day. I want out.

who is M?

been trying to introspect tonight and it's not happening
flickers of coherent connection making skitter beneath the surface of my mind as the same old narratives swirl like oil slicks atop the waters
my usual avenues for introspection aren't working so I'm gonna try here for a while in the blog posting cluster b containment thread
I feel disinclined to continue this introspection, I don't know if this weariness is growth or if it's some sort of avoidance
I'm stressed about a small handful of things, but all in all everything is OK
I am greatful for the people who are still in my life and I don't feel like they're going to run away from me today
I felt in my body an uneasiness around mom when i called her, but she's good to me now. The issues are on my end there really
I am a little adrift in what I need to be doing at the moment, I should probably make a to do list tomorrow. I've done a lot of chores
I felt pangs of shame earlier. But it doesn't hurt the same.
Yesterday I nearly ran into my old friend. My feelings towards him are extremely complicated still. There's no more romantic fantasy there. There hasn't been for a long time. But the anger is still there. I try to tell myself its not but it is. I wish I could be honest with them and have a proper conversation but I'd probably bite their head off. I'm still extremely hung up on it. The termination point of all that is that they were still a creep and they're still a manipulative, scheming, insincere fuck. This is one of the oil slicks that slops about on the surface of my mind. I think thinking about that whole 1/3 of my life does genuinely trigger me. Just like thinking about the 1/3 that preceded it triggers me too. I notice all this tension in my head and in my neck and shoulders and in my eyes and face when I think about it.
Really my main issue at the moment is directionlessness and a sort of dissociative haze that eats hours of my day. Sometimes I have my free will, sometimes I do not.

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there’s a man who my heart pines for but i will never ever get to love him or express my feelings as the context makes my feeling, let alone expressions of them absolutely inappropriate.

the more i learn about him the more i find myself thinking about him. he’s such a nice man.

i worry about him. i know he’s unhappy on some level and fighting demons of his. he’s alone and doesnt have anyone to care for him. to hold him. to cook him nice meals. to be his rock and just be there for him. i wish i could be there for him so much. i dont want him to be alone. he doesnt deserve to be alone. he’s been through so much.

i just want to hold him in my arms and tell him how much i care about him. but that will never happen. ive never even seen him. i just text him in a group chat throughout the day. those are the parts of the day i look forward to the most with the exception of when i go to sleep and think about him. ill never be able to love him. ill never be able to cherish him like he deserves.

im such a stupid idiot, i hate what my heart has done to me. i dont know how to deal with this unrequited, inappropriate love. it hurts me so bad.

>>41350017
Should I crash out and exact my righteous revenge or nah?

>>41355273
that depends on what revenge entails

>>41355582
Idk got any ideas?

>>41355598
what are you pursuing revenge for

>>41355610
Stalking
Revenge porn
Threats
Spying
Misgendering
More stalking
Lying/false accusations
Probably other stuff I’m forgetting right now

>>41355622
I threw misgendering in there as joke if that wasn’t clear

>>41355622
do you know their address

>>41355632
lol ya

>>41355654
go old school and egg their house at 4am. get a friend to do the toilet paper. or if you want to play the long game ship them stupid shit like diapers, anything a little unnerving and just trash for them to deal with.

>>41355671
lol that feels like a VERY underwhelming response.

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>>41350017
im not sure if this is normal, just a result of my worsening of my very prevalent bpd, or just pure mental illness, but i am becoming too obsessed with the 2 people in my life.

they are my only friends, and by extension, the only true friends I've ever had. everyone else before were scum. they only had the worst of intentions and were only going to ruin me more. as a result though, my friends are the only people i think about. i don't connect with my family very much (besides my mother), i don't have a job or go to school, so they are really all i have.

yet, i cant be with them as much as they are with each other. i am stuck being a third wheel, which i can accept for the time being, does weigh down on me a lot at times. i want the same attention they give each other, i want the same love they give each other, i just want to feel like i can be held and comforted and told that despite my failings to them and the other people in the past, i am still a good person.

i have cried to both of them, both in person and online more times than i can count. they have seen me at my worst emotionally, physically, mentally, and morally. yet they seem to forgive me. im just too greedy. i ask for more than im entitled to and risk my relationship with them, yet they somehow are able to move past it and appreciate me regardless.

i dont need anyone else, i dont want anyone else, but im simply too needy to be their friend.

>>41355687
you say that but the good thing about egging is you can just keep coming back

>>41355690
what makes you think you're too greedy? they don't reciprocate your feelings?

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>>41355724
i've expressed it before in my various breakdowns with them, but i think its the way i tend to express it in a way that both makes me feel bad + makes them feel weird about it. they've told me im too open before, and need to talk to someone else about it but after my therapist gave me the motivation to bring up something with them which backfired HORRIFICALLY, i really dont trust anyone besides them anymore.

i dont think they will never reciprocate my feelings, and will only come after a long wait. im happy to just have them as friends now but I'm scared i will blurt out something wrong around them and makes things even worse.

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>>41350017
how cringe would it be to send someone a love letter as a grown ass adult? i'm 25 now

S,

I'm sorry I treated you like a mistress and treated my career like my wife. You tried your best to put up with the lifestyle and numerous trips until you broke, and that's more than a man in my position could ask for. That command is where relationships go to die, and it did. I filled you with worry, false hope and promises that were never met. I hope you find someone who gives you the time and attention you need.

I love you and still do.

- C6

>>41355774
that's what we're all here for. my mental health relies on you posting it

>>41350017
>board is full of transphobic cissoids
>reddit pages are full of fucking weirdos who spend all their free time optics policing and being catty mean girl bitches to anyone who doesn't pass as well as they do
Grim

I saw this cute tranner today who happened to be the roommate of some friends I was visiting. Ill probably never see her again and that makes me sad. I hate seeing people and never interacting with them and watching them fade into the background of the world again. I hate that unique and interesting people exist that I will never get to meet.

>>41355783
This is random. .-.
I dont really know what this is talking about, but, thank you?

my confession is that i keep reading these threads hoping i'll see one thats about me.

My former bestie no longer GAF at all and might never talk to me again if I stopped reaching out. I don't know for sure because I still reach out from time to time since I'm an adult who doesn't play silly games to test people. It still sucks tho. I guess for other people it's just "find a new bestie" but that's literally not how my brain works I'm far more likely to just enjoy my solitude rather than trying to replace them. Maybe someday I'll legitimately just decide to stop bothering but so far that hasn't happened

>>41356836
What is a "silly game" to you?

>>41355774
absolutely not cringe at all. do not be afraid to be a cheesy romantic sucker for the person you love

>>41357048
Doesn't this frighten people now?
I mean back in the day, this was the only way, but now, communicating with them at all is considered offensive

>>41350017
i've been clean from hard drugs for 12 days
and i had sex while i was gone
now im going to sleep. its 7am.
nachti babe

>>41357061
getting hand made or hand written stuff hits very different. something about it being physical, something that your partner interacted with and made just makes it feel very special and real. of course it'll vary from couple to couple just how cringe you two want to be with eachother but if they don't want to communicate how much they love you after things gets established then they're probably not a good match

>>41357094
>probably not a good match
And rightly so, But writing anything to them, like on any platform.
People don't grasp that back in the day things worked because people were open to communication, and that's how we became socially and emotionally aware. Now, there is no room for stuff like that. Now all i see, is everyone wanting things but no avenues to talk to each other. Everything is a link, and no people just talking to each other.
Then again it might just be me, i'm intimidating. When i used to party it was fun, i would walk in the oom and every one would scream my name, now i go to some things people do and i'm grabbed and pulled away but people see me, that's for sure. As i get older i imagine it turns into intimidating

>>41350017
FUCK YOU! WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING, FUCK YOU ARE EVERYTHING YOU LOVE! I CAME TO YOU FOR HELP AND YOU ARE BLACKMAILING ME!? YOU WERE THE LEAK! YOUR BUDDY VIOLATED THE LAW! AND THEN YOU WORKED TOGETHER TO SCARE ME INTO SILENCE! AFTER MONTHS OF ENABLING HIM AND HIS FRIENDS TO HARASS ME! I HAVE PEOPLE COMING AFTER ME FOR THINGS I NEVER DID BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE SPREAD RUMOURS ABOUT ME AND YOU IMPERSONATED ME! I HOPE YOU GET PARALYZED! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

>>41358415
Instead of paying the blackmail money, use it to pay for a bigger firm to catch them, then show their faces on ALL other social platforms so everyone gets to know the people that are responsible for destroying the world. Even if there are kids, fuck them up to. IM NOT KIDDING. There NEED to be consciences to what the people in here get away with.

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I attacked 2 men in public with a pipe wrench because I had proof they beat their girlfriends. I am entirely asexual from drug and alcohol abuse and I would do it again. I only visit this board because it's the closest parallel to /r9k/ and I have a soft spot for victims, on here of which there are many. I base my personality off of a character from Better Caul Saul.

why do people think they've doxxed me when you can just google for my face from /passgen/

>>41360543
*call. I'm not esl, I'm suffering from delirium tremens

im glad you have a bf you love and hope he treats you well. im detransitioning these days and its kinda lonely but my e39 is helping to keep me company. one day i might lick someone up for a date in it and maybe share a cigarette like old times.

love ya kid. you were something special and i should have paid better attention when we were together.

-a

I dated a lot of ftms but wound up single because I can't handle being a part of the community.

Im a lesbian, and the men wont let me date because i dont even have to try, and im magically better then them

>>41350017
I miss you line