ive only been on hrt for about 9 months and nothing has changed so i have a good window of opportunity right nowi think to myself, will i be more comfortable 10 years from how as a hypermasculine, testosterone-poisoned male. or will i be more comfortable as a gross amalgam of positive androgyny. i think i would feel awful looking like that, but i'd feel just as awful looking hypermasculine.all of my problems aren't solvable with E. they also aren't solvable with FFS either. i've got huge shoulders and a huge ribcage. so it makes me think, what's even the point? and being male would make it easier to get a girlfriend, too. even if i had to force myself to play the role of a male. but its not like i can ever actually be the person i want to be through transitioning. i'll never be a woman. its like both options are horrible and i dont have the willpower to end my life etiher
shut up
>>41457792did you read the post
>>41457782Don't
>>41457827can you explain why? can you go in detail why my logic as outlined in the post is flawed?
>>41457782definitely biased as an enby who values androgyny so take this with a grain of salt but: stopping hormones means you continue to be irreversibly changed by testosterone; continuing hormones changes nothing, but at least it doesn't make anything worse, right? if both options are bad but one has less permanent negative consequences, i think it is better to go with that one.
>>41457969>continuing hormones changes nothing, but at least it doesn't make anything worse, right?at first i considered this but then i thought i'd just look like a weird estrogenized man. the best way i can describe the "positive androgyny" is having small breasts on a large ribcage, with several inches of distance between the two.
>>41457782I think you should stop seeing yourself by your looks and focus on being healthy, like figuring out what food makes you feel good. Comfortable, by trying to improve the little things in your life, like having a space heater and good tea during the winter. And cultured, by learning about the history of other civilizations and the like - all just to give some examples, you'll find contentment.
>>41457782transition isn't worth it, as you understand. YWNBAW and this is just a fact. get a rosary and start praying to Christ for faith and salvation. What do you have to lose?
>>41457782I thought about this and realized I'll probably just kill myself if i detroon
>>41457782If you want to be feminine, feminine hormones will suit you better.If you want to be masculine, masculine hormones will suit you better.It's that simple. Life is only as complex as you make it.
>>41458382anything but turn to God
>>41457782No you won't, if you don't like being masculine you'll never grow into it, I used to think that when I were older I'd just man up but it just got worse.
wow anon amnesiac art cool i love her
>>41458499how the fuck do boardfags recognize my art now
>>41457782If nothing has changed by 9 months on HRT then sounds like you're outta luck. Most people get nipple soreness within the first week and breast budding shortly afterward.HRT was never going to shrink any of your bones. People who talk about height loss on HRT are typically referring to pelvic tilt causing their spine to curve, which is bad posturally. People don't lose several inches nor several shoe sizes without something being very wrong.The biggest factor in happiness after transitioning is passing.What do you mean you had to force yourself to play the role of a male? Why couldn't you be a man with girly interests and behavior?
>>41458265Transition is worth it if you are a male who is incorrigibly feminine both physically and behaviorally, you are willing to put in the effort to pass as female, and you undergo vaginoplasty. It can turn a dysfunctional life into a functional one.
>>41457782why not live vicariously through another transwoman as a man? and with that now I understand why I would transition in the absence of them. just to be a transwoman (not to be a ciswoman) because transwoman are so freaking beautiful (im sorry cis woman but transwomen are more beautiful and im sorry transwomen for making you feel different than ciswomen)
>>41457782You can't have good relationships repressing. Trust me. Also, no matter how slim you may feel the odds of looking how you want to on estrogen are, on testosterone they are ZERO
>>41459570Don't worry. Those of us who aren't delusional know that we're not real women. We're men larping as women.
>>41459464>Most people get nipple soreness within the first week and breast budding shortly afterwardok well obviously i did get this but its been completely stagnant for like 5-6 months>Why couldn't you be a man with girly interests and behavior?i think about this a lot. sometimes i fantasize that maybe i could be some quirky and ambiguously queer cis guy like Toby Fox or Gerard Way who makes art for an audience of autistic teenage faggots (like me when i was that age). but then i also remember that divorced from any sort of male social roles or interests ultimately what i hate more than anything else is existing in a male body. i hate body and facial hair so so so so so ungodly much. i hate being built like a fucking rectangle. i hate having a penis. its all so disgusting to me>>41459570yesterday someone in my area made a thread looking for chasers to cuddle since she was ghosted and i told her id pretend to be a man for her and she told me to have more self-respect. i can't live vicariously through another trans woman because they wont let me
>>41459585well ill make sure to stay away from you if you talk to me like that irl. kudos to you for being honest though. i do appreciate that. >>41459636like i said in their absence I would probably follow in their path. and i know that because i tried to repress my desire for them and I suppose thats how my subconscious deals with repression. It has to escape. if I couldnt have one then I would remake myself in their image. So now that I have accepted it, they always weight heavily on my mind for better or for worse. If only I knew I could feel such things before. Like when answering a questionairre about where i see myself in 5 years i would say married with kids and in a house like an npc. But now I know differently. anyways, i know that doesnt answer your question directly. but perhaps it can help you in your search for an answer.
>>41459726Obviously I don't go around announcing that I'm male or that other MTFs are male in public. But here? I know I'm a biological male who looks like a biological female.
>>41457782In a similar situation, I don't think there's an escape. Idk maybe eunuchmoding, at least then you won't be further poisoned by testosterone.
>>41459761>biological maleyou are such a pickme faggot, do you seriously think hrt does nothing to change your body's biology? you're biologically intersex if anything
>>41459804SRS did more, because it removed my gonads. I'm still not female, though, and thank goodness for that, because being female sounds horrendous, what with menstruation, pregnancy, and childbirth.
>>41457782I'm almost 3 months in and idk where I'll end up but looking back was certainly not the way. I'm at least happy and able to think without a fog all the time.
>>41459803Hot flashes and osteoporosis suck.
i just quit 7 years in for the life of an effeminate quite young and feminine looking man and honestly it’s better the exogenous hormone aspect became too much for me
>>41459500no male is "incorrigibly feminine both physically and behaviorally". male socialization and biology ensures that- HSTS act like gay men and AGPs act like straight/bi men.I don't see how having your dick inverted and trying to pass yourself off as the opposite sex is more functional than just accepting yourself as a feminine man.
>>41457782This is also my issue and its why I stopped E to take anti androgens instead. But I already took E so maybe id be better off just keeping on taking it.Looking like a man is just horrible to me, but being a weird tranny is not good either. It makes dating hard, it makes life hard and your body will never be normal, always some kind of strange chimera inbetween with few of the positive traits. Whats the point in having boobs when they will only be small and look retarded in contrast to your masculine frame. Whats the point in having soft skin when your masculine face makes you look more like a skinwalker than feminine. But still, its better than just being straight up masculinised. At least if you stay on E you can get the boobs removed, you cant easily undo anything testosterone does.
>>41457782Dysphoria doesn't get better. Practically every troon ik talk about detrans as the worse mistake of their lives but you do you.
>>41461541i would say being born was the worst mistake since i cant seem to be comfortable no matter what i do. i just want to be androgynous in a way that isnt disgusting.
>>41461574Im a manmoder trust me I get it. But I dont think detrans is helpful
>>41458461I literally am a Christian and grew up in it. What happened is that the repression absolutely destroyed me until I couldn't take it anymore. I tried detrooning for a couple months and realized that it's either not a sin to troon or if it is then I guess my options are to either sin while trooning or do one big sin by killing myself because I can't live like that for the rest of my life. It's definitely gotta be more sinful to spend my whole life being jealous of women for being able to exist and secretly lusting after guys and being miserable and alone forever. Just living life as best I can while trooning seems like the least bad solution to me.
>>41459581I hope to get the point where I can be hefab maxxing like u
>>41462374It's basically the same for me except I didn't have a detrans phaseI figured I'd be likely to retrans anywayand I'm afraid of developing schizophrenia...
>>41457991chill out, nobody cares about your hrtitties
>>41457782maybe you should think of transition as preventing problems not solving themsolving problems will take effort or a change in mindset
>>41462521Yeah I thought about doing it again at some point but realized it was gonna be an off and on cycle that would just result in me being even more screwed up in the end. I also should've started at the beginning of college instead of after graduating. I guess I just get to stay losing, idk
>>41460062>the exogenous hormone aspect became too much for meyep. especially with life/politics. at a certain point, im just risking my health to hold on to my youth.
