Idk where to post this. I've recently discovered I'm most probably way more deranged than I thought - i was (mis)diagnosed BPD (which then got requalified as CPTSD but I left therapy because the treatment they wanted to give me was repeating traumas recording them and listening to them) and now I read up a few weeks ago about Tertiary Dissociation and nothing has fit better?Like this literally makes me one of those retards with DID. I'm in the same group as morons who name parts of their personality. I hate this. What fits most is OSDD-1a I think but whatever i want a career maybe one that needs security clearance so I'm never ever talking to a psych about this lmaoStill fuckI hate it there
>>41465697u just have bpd brotha
>>41465958I wish but nah as I explained. BPDs don't have amnesia or dissociative episodes apart from splitting.
>>41466029Nta what are your "dissociative episodes" like?
>>41465697i just got diagnosed with pretty extreme dissociation too. it fucking sucks i've lost so many years of my life. i feel like i'm just waking up from a years long nightmare, and i'm so depressed and upset all the time
>>41466038Depends. Some of them are reminiscent of BPD where I just get stuck on fight mode ig, some are mutism and just submission (leading me to letting ppl do whatever they want to me like just freezing), some are submissive but in a more active/proactive manner "I'll be safer if I do what they want", usually that has less mutism.Some are just total mutism nothing.And some are like more like personality switches in presence of ppl I feel less safe with idkAll of them include seeing me 3rd person/lightheadedness obvsly, with more or less amnesia after. Speaking of, I don't remember anything before I turned like 10
>>41466053How did you "wake up"? I'm doing better and am a better partner and I'm doing much more stuff but I'm still a NEET cared for by her partner lol. Looking to change that soon, got sober months ago.
>>41466038not OP. for me, i often lose track of conversations. i can go hours without doing anything. i spent a lot of time sitting down anxiously in chairs, usually at my computer but not really using it. sometimes i'll play these online puzzle games like minesweeper and have a podcast in the background and i'll just sit there for hours without eating or getting up to use the toilet, not really aware that time is passing. sometimes i nearly piss myself and it gets very painful, but that's not enough to snap me out of it. while i'm dissociated i say things i can't explain, and it feels like i'm just "watching" myself do things helplessly, even if i don't want to do them. i say weird things to my friends and they tell me i act different. i use different names sometimes in dissociative episodes too, but i don't really have DID. it's just weird. when i start getting traumatic thoughts i often pull out my phone without realising and open twitter, in order to make myself phase out. because i have sexual trauma, i do it a lot in bed with my gf and she has to snap me out of it. like we'll be making out in bed and i'll start getting upset and then absentmindedly open my phone. over the last 7 years (since this all started) it feels like only 1 or 2 years of "real" time have passed. now i'm starting to cure my dissociation i keep expecting to wake up back then 7 years ago so i can start "moving forwards" with my life.
>>41466145Oh yeah OP here and can relate to most of this. Doomscrolling and browsing this shithole while seeing blurry and feeling out of body is daily nglSex is definitely complicated lmao and yeah getting raped didn't help + probably had CSA happen but can't remember ayyy
>>41466089it's been hard. i've been slowly "waking up" since i started hrt about a year ago. i think the biggest thing is i've been thinking about my trauma a lot. talking about it, crying over it, etc... just letting myself remember everything and trying to not close off parts of my brain. it's very emotionally draining though, i had to go to the hospital this summer because i got so sick crying every day that i couldn't eat for a week.but, on the nicer side, i've been trying to re-open the parts of my mind i usually close off. so i've been revisiting a lot of media i liked from back when the dissociation started, and old online communities. things like that. i've been joining discords with people i can talk to. i'm just trying to find the old me again. it makes me feel happier and more real.i'm also still basically a NEET though and i'm about to drop out of college. my partner is trying to take care of me but it's hard :c >>41466209i can't believe i didn't realise how bad my PTSD from the rape and CSA was until recently. it took months for me to be able to just fall asleep in bed with my gf without having a panic attack. we're 8 months in and still haven't had sex. she puts up with a lot...
>>41466273Im kinda too dissociated rn to answer well nona sorry but I hope you'll manage I transitioned 8y ago lol it was good for a few years then got super bad like super super bad and now I'm emerging again I feel but it sucks ass stillI'm gonna go back to college at 30 though so don't worry you got time :)Also lol me 2. Had a meltdown recently because of the rape because I literally had a panic attack at the idea of meeting new people ONLINE lmao
stop researching. youre more difficult to treat the more educated you are and its low key munchie
>>41466594Yeah ik but idgaf never seeing a psych again Also I literally stumbled upon it by mistake lol I'm not the kind to put a lot of stake in psychiatry
>>41466594Also Munchausen is literally the opposite it's wanting attention by doctors I'm deliberately avoiding those retards
>>41466053>>41466089you're not waking up, you always just feel like you're waking up. this haze never ends!
>>41466594i didnt research this because my doctors told me i just had ocd and it took me 7 years to get diagnosed after that and it destroyed my life in the meantime. those are the same doctors who force detransitioned me and put me in this state to begin with
Why the fuck are you thinking a security clearance is a remote possibility when you aren't taking the important and necessary steps to have an unfucked head?>>41466594Looking up shit is fine. Self diagnosis is full retard. >>41466626So, what's your plan for dealing with your obvious mental illness?
>>41466781>Why the fuck are you thinking a security clearance is a remote possibility when you aren't taking the important and necessary steps to have an unfucked head?Therapy has never helped meI'm doing better just on my own. I don't see what some asshole doing CBT 101 could add except make me feel like shitMy plan is just wait and do healthier shit and be aware and mindful whatever yknow
medical professionals are only human. a lack of context and bias can lead to misdiagnosis and this can really affect your medical care in the future. what you need to do is get an appointment at a clinic where you have a medication provider (this can be a nurse practitioner) and an actual psychiatrist you meet with periodically. the goal is to make sure they have the most accurate possible picture of your medical history. ideally, they should be reviewing records going back as far as childhood or even elementary school. that’s how you get a proper and accurate diagnosis. from there, they can help you find therapists who are a good fit. having all of these providers communicating with each other gives you the best chance at receiving well-coordinated care. unfortunately all of this can be very expensive and takes time and effort to manage.
>>41466626>>41466639>>41466719omg calm the down
