>express interest in girl things as young as six>parents don't accommodate it, grow up feeling like there is some part of my childhood that is fundamentally missing>develop a mentality of daydreaming about the future where I "finally have" all the things I want>be me at 12, realize I'm into men>parents don't outright shut it down but they are clearly still on the gynephilia train.>get ADHD diagnosis thinking that was the issue, I still feel like something is fundamentally wrong with me.>be me at 13, realize I have gender dysphoria>try being NB, after three years nobody accepts me so I rep.>get so depressed from repping that I get up to over 300 lbs. Also discover I have autism.>get autism diagnosis and I'm still miserable>get boyfriend who sucks, but never dated anyone before cuz obese autistic male so I'm happy for once.>break up with shitty bf, miserable again.>realize being overweight is what's causing me to be sad.>lose 120 lbs, but then the gender dysphoria comes back.>NB-mode again while waiting to get on E, feel happy with myself for a while.>Get on E finally, realize how clocky I am, become miserable again.Like wtf is this shit? Like genuinely when do I get to be happy? I put so much work into self-improvement and I'm just as, if not more miserable. before when I was a careless slob at least I could cope by saying that if I just gave a fuck my life would be better, but now that I've given several fucks and I still feel like something is fundamentally wrong with my existence. It's like spiritual Cotard's delusion or something. Like is there an end to this shit spiral or should I just jump off this mortal coil before it catches on fire? Like seriously wtf do I do here.
lol same
>>41482020is this just the way it is? like I know this kind of thread is amazingly common but I really hate that this history and this feeling seem to simply be the provenance of transgender people.
