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!!! PSA: With Halloween approaching, everyone on ORAL medication (HRT or any other kind) be mindful of BLACK FOOD COLORING. Make sure that whatever is used is not activated charcoal because it can absorb medication, rendering it inaccessible to your body. Injections are obv unaffected.

Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)

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Dear friends, dear newcomers, I know some of the recent posts got swallowed by the new thread archiving, don't you worry, I will repost them here a bit later as an anchor so those not used to browsing the archives can find them easily. But that is not what I wanted to say right now. Instead, with the days growing ever shorter on this hemisphere, I wanted to address everyone in this general equally and say: thank you. I have (and will continue to) run this little general of ours for several years now, and I would you to know that I still enjoy doing it as much as I have on day one. For all my weaknesses and gaping holes in expertise I hope my dedication and enthusiasm at least made this place a little bit brighter for some of you. I know I am as verbose as I am slow and forgetful, but no matter how often I have said it before.. I genuinely am rooting for all of you. I mourn with you, I worry with you, I celebrate your successes with you, to the limited extent I can at least. And the amount of appreciation I receive from you all in return, the kindness and patience you have, has always exceeded my wildest expectations. And I can't thank you often enough for that. You're a wonderful community, and I am proud of you. Even the lurkers, who I am sure will one day find the strength to speak up. <3

>>41487536
(repost)
>>41422216
Heya, sorry for taking almost a week to get back at you, goodness.
>Yeah, that's probably true. It's just that I'm getting older and it feels like, with every year, my (badly defined) goals seem to grow further out of reach.
I 100% get that, especially since some of the bigger goals of yours are broad self actualization things, which are often broad.
>I'm not a big fan of universities, I don't like the social dimension at all
Oh yes, I recall your experiences being very orthogonal to mine, which sucks but I am glad your current setup works for you.
>it was... okay. I guess I've always wanted to do something more theory-heavy
>(which is why I'm back in school right now to begin with)...
That is promising then, absolutely. Basically the things you are already familiar with but better, which sounds vague but I mean at its core the open endedness of more theory leaning work IS the draw!
>Actually, it might just have been a physical thing. I feel better, thank you :)
Glad to hear, Tim!
>Yup. Much better with the start of the semester and allat.
Ah, goodie. Do keep us posted, if it's not to much to ask, just so i know when you are recovering (hopefully swiftly).
>But my new degree (math + CS double major) is even more interesting than my old one (EE)
>and I can skip two(?) classes because of my apprenticeship. So things are looking up :)
Oh that is great news! It really does sound like things are looking up overall, thanks for catching me up. I myself am fine, been a bit exhausted/stressed recently which is why I take longer with posts, but I manage.

>>41487536
(repost)
>>41426245
>Today I did some chores and some self care stuff.
Glad to hear, Anon!
>This is the core issue right now.
> My relationship is good and secure and my girlfriend is lovely.
> But there's just this background noise of fear sometimes.
I fully understand, you are struggling, but scared, because it feels like an uphill battle. So let me ease your mind for a bit. Yes, it does get better. It will get easier, and in time, it might not even occur to you at all anymore. For now, just be patient and forgiving with yourself, even if it requires tricking yourself a bit. But this seemingly uphill battle is not a forever state. You will grow with it.
>>41430772
> 22 mtf boymoder thing, 1yr hrt
Depression is insidious, the worst thing you can do, for now, is stay in the same room for long periods of time. It will take small steps to get out of it, and we should probably look into getting you a support circle of people you can be out to, even if your parents aren't.
>Is there anyway to get past that depression block for doing stuff?
Yes, we have some literature (take how to keep house while drowning, link in the resources) for it, and we have a few video resources for things holding you back (take the sources of misery video). Usually a core issue is friction, meaning you wanna accomplish a task but there is a barrier in the way. Planning (see SMART goals), accountability partners, or adjustments to your environment can change that. Relying on friends can help, too. I can go into detail about any particular thing if you want.
>>41431423
Oh that sucks, yeah, modern detergents are hyper aggressive and so a lot of older clothes don't take kindly to it.. I am sorry it happened. And I am glad the jacket kept you safe in a shitty environment like that. I am very emotionally attached to many of my belongings for a variety of reasons. I hope you had some time to mourn since.
>i'm going to be okay.
I know, but I'd still like to hug you.

>>41487536
(repost)
>>41448844
And I will keep on rooting for you, Anon.
>>41451124
>Ever since I escaped unsafe places, I struggle with building up a daily routine.
Hm, so what you are looking for is things to do every day, what do you do self care wise?
>I have things I *should* do, like exercising, writing or learning, but I can't have myself do any of it consistently.
One thing is to figure out *why* you put it off in the first place.
Do you know SMART goals? Those help when you put things off by pushing them away in a "will do later (won't)" way. Habituation can help to where we tie particular actions to a trigger, like a morning or evening ritual.
>How do y'all build a life, anons, and how can you be accountable to yourself when fucking something up doesn't have immediate consequences
I feel like hinging on punishment alone might be one of the issues you are facing. You can add some accountability by having friends/loved ones to tell things you plan on doing to. But maybe rewarding yourself for doing good things would be worth looking into?
>>41451249
>Could you expand on that?
The other anon explained it well, there's also plenty of videos along the lines of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0TpWitfxPk [Embed] giving a brief overview over the infographs that are thrown around.
>>41455925
>that's a good question, I don't really have an answer
Well, we can explore your feelings together if that is what you would like to! Sorry for being slow with my responses, though.

(repost)
>>41461621
I'm sorry to hear, how are things going for you, Anon?
What's your circumstances like?
>>41462011
I see, you feel a strong sense of disconnection with the people around you.
Do you have peers you talk to, on or offline, at least? What are your interests?
>>41466430
(I'm not the anon that used the em dash earlier, btw!)
LaTeX can't deal with unicode as far as I know, except some basic stuff like umlauts. I use it when talking to friends about science or little math games I am playing around with, for the most part. And yeah you caught me I spelled "fags" for funsies! I could have sworn 4chan filters unicode more rigorously but it seems not to be the case on lgbt at least!
>>41468277
I mean, I understand that it hurts to see the art you make for the time being not to be up to the standards you set for yourself, but the question is, do you enjoy the process of making things regardless?
>>41472031
Glad to hear you are doing better now, Anon. All the best!

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Oh, thanks anon! You beat me to it! Thank you so much..

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>>41488568
When I saw that the old thread died, I wanted to copy over, but this haven't been the case, so I left it.

pg7

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Sleepy as hell today, updates tomorrow.

pg7
and it's almost 0 hundred hours, welp!
Night-night!

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I overexerted myself while running, and now the knee pain has returned. I wasn't even going that hard; I was just doing some 500m sprints.
Hit 6 months HRT recently (well, I think anyway, might be 7 months) kind of made a mess of my injection, but im bumping another 16mg in there in a week, so whatevs.
Meeting up with some other tranners on Friday/Saturday, but kind of losing it over not really being visibly trans or passing, alas, I shall force myself through.
>>41450393
>Oh my fucking Goddess, Navy this is actually *worse* than if they had thrown you out outright.
In fairness, it's my fault for not enforcing pronouns from the start. My Dad seems to be kinda burying his head in the sand over it.
It's my Mum who at least says she's not unsupportive, talking about JK Rowling as if her views are understandable, that gets me.
I'm trying to force myself out of my isolation bubble anyway, rewrote my CV the other day (well 80% anyway) and gonna start looking for jobs further out (I just still have the army, possibly, maybe, not sure, it's cooking in the background). I think I'm going to do some certs, just while I'm free to brush up on some skills.

I have a seemingly unique aptitude for self-sabotage.

gn bump (i know it's only pg5 but the threads die)

How do you force yourself to stay sober and stick to your diet when you actually enjoy getting smashed and binge-eating and don't want to give it up
t. currently blasted

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How are you guys doing on with your goals this year? It might be too early but even now as I reflect I am very happy with what I've grown in or gotten to do so far. I think my biggest accomplishment was getting a top surgery revision (but I do need another, sadly), the most fun was seeing my first concert with a group of friends, and I think I have a job after pseudo neeting since this time in 2022, though I have to call to ask if I'm not mistaken.
Trying a new antipsychotic for my treatment resistant schizoaffective from this week on. I'm concerned about the weight gain but genetic testing didn't elucidate much and there are only 3 things left I can really try. I dunno how to offset the weight gain associated with Zyprexa/Olanzapine. It feels like I never lose weight unless I eat an unhealthily low amount of calories but I'd hate to lose hair. Maybe metformin is the move but I have to ask my general doc.

The following is probably too heavy for this thread so feel free to not read it, but I tried to kill myself in a fit of psychosis and mania and it almost worked and it is so weird because I do everything in my control to improve my life and I and my therapist and friends are proud of my progress so its so crazy that I can just lose all touch and do that like being possessed by a demon even though the real me is doing fine

> pg10

>>41493187
tank u for ur cerfix

>>41493235
Go broke or get a different expensive hobby that’s healthier

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>>41493515
you sound like you've made some good progress anon, hope you wind up getting that job (that would be massive).
Feeling like the real non-psychotic you is doing fine is probably going to be a rather big asset for you in terms of managing psychosis long term, if I had to guess. at least that is the general tendency I've seen in the people I know on the schizophrenia spectrum irl.

>How are you guys doing on with your goals this year?
my #1 accomplishment is probably moving away from my parents and maintaining as much distance between myself and my family as I can without going no contact.
being able to walk and talk more like a normal person again, physically, and for standing my ground and fixing my infections on my own when the doctors wouldnt listen is another big one.
my goal was to get away and become as independent as possible and this is far more progress than I had thought possible, just not enough to be sustainable yet. there is still work to be done and I can't feel a sense of victory yet for that reason. there is still that feeling that i need to get my shit together, but also that it doesnt matter anymore, and that i should give up and die. it just doesnt have the same feeling of urgency as often as it did last year

bump

Bump

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>>41496482
>you sound like you've made some good progress anon, hope you wind up getting that job (that would be massive).
Thank you! It would be great as I'd like to fund top surgery revisions and then moving out.
>Feeling like the real non-psychotic you is doing fine is probably going to be a rather big asset for you in terms of managing psychosis long term
That's a very helpful thing to say and gave me a lot to reflect on about how my thought patterns and stress level can spiral. In some cultures, hallucinations are more or less malicious than others, so I think something about your outlook really does affect how you cope with psychosis. That's hopeful to think of, thank you

>my #1 accomplishment is probably moving away from my parents and maintaining as much distance between myself and my family as I can without going no contact.
>being able to walk and talk more like a normal person again, physically
Congrats!! These are both huge things in terms of your functioning and independence so I'm proud of you, those are very huge and I hope things only get better.
>and for standing my ground and fixing my infections on my own when the doctors wouldnt listen is another big one.
I'm glad you recovered from that, infections can be scary. It is way harder than it should be to get medical professionals to listen to you at times than it deserves to be, I'm glad you're ok despite it
>my goal was to get away and become as independent as possible and this is far more progress than I had thought possible, just not enough to be sustainable yet. there is still work to be done and I can't feel a sense of victory yet for that reason.
I think you deserve to congratulate yourself and feel proud even if the time to lay back and take it easy isn't yet. The burn out comes a lot faster if you aren't kind and encouraging to yourself at times like you would be to a friend. Seriously, good job anon

>>41493235
substitute for a different addictive behavior or go through the long, arduous journey of addressing the factors that cause such addictive behavior
usually it takes serious consequences hitting home aka "rock bottom" for most before anything changes, and even then...

>>41493235
>>41499341
oh wait forcing like, idk yeah just put yourself in a situation where you can't drink, but don't be surprised if it's not tenable or you swap into something else
get a job trucking or something lul