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!!! PSA: With Halloween approaching, everyone on ORAL medication (HRT or any other kind) be mindful of BLACK FOOD COLORING. Make sure that whatever is used is not activated charcoal because it can absorb medication, rendering it inaccessible to your body. Injections are obv unaffected.

Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)

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Dear friends, dear newcomers, I know some of the recent posts got swallowed by the new thread archiving, don't you worry, I will repost them here a bit later as an anchor so those not used to browsing the archives can find them easily. But that is not what I wanted to say right now. Instead, with the days growing ever shorter on this hemisphere, I wanted to address everyone in this general equally and say: thank you. I have (and will continue to) run this little general of ours for several years now, and I would you to know that I still enjoy doing it as much as I have on day one. For all my weaknesses and gaping holes in expertise I hope my dedication and enthusiasm at least made this place a little bit brighter for some of you. I know I am as verbose as I am slow and forgetful, but no matter how often I have said it before.. I genuinely am rooting for all of you. I mourn with you, I worry with you, I celebrate your successes with you, to the limited extent I can at least. And the amount of appreciation I receive from you all in return, the kindness and patience you have, has always exceeded my wildest expectations. And I can't thank you often enough for that. You're a wonderful community, and I am proud of you. Even the lurkers, who I am sure will one day find the strength to speak up. <3

>>41487536
(repost)
>>41422216
Heya, sorry for taking almost a week to get back at you, goodness.
>Yeah, that's probably true. It's just that I'm getting older and it feels like, with every year, my (badly defined) goals seem to grow further out of reach.
I 100% get that, especially since some of the bigger goals of yours are broad self actualization things, which are often broad.
>I'm not a big fan of universities, I don't like the social dimension at all
Oh yes, I recall your experiences being very orthogonal to mine, which sucks but I am glad your current setup works for you.
>it was... okay. I guess I've always wanted to do something more theory-heavy
>(which is why I'm back in school right now to begin with)...
That is promising then, absolutely. Basically the things you are already familiar with but better, which sounds vague but I mean at its core the open endedness of more theory leaning work IS the draw!
>Actually, it might just have been a physical thing. I feel better, thank you :)
Glad to hear, Tim!
>Yup. Much better with the start of the semester and allat.
Ah, goodie. Do keep us posted, if it's not to much to ask, just so i know when you are recovering (hopefully swiftly).
>But my new degree (math + CS double major) is even more interesting than my old one (EE)
>and I can skip two(?) classes because of my apprenticeship. So things are looking up :)
Oh that is great news! It really does sound like things are looking up overall, thanks for catching me up. I myself am fine, been a bit exhausted/stressed recently which is why I take longer with posts, but I manage.

>>41487536
(repost)
>>41426245
>Today I did some chores and some self care stuff.
Glad to hear, Anon!
>This is the core issue right now.
> My relationship is good and secure and my girlfriend is lovely.
> But there's just this background noise of fear sometimes.
I fully understand, you are struggling, but scared, because it feels like an uphill battle. So let me ease your mind for a bit. Yes, it does get better. It will get easier, and in time, it might not even occur to you at all anymore. For now, just be patient and forgiving with yourself, even if it requires tricking yourself a bit. But this seemingly uphill battle is not a forever state. You will grow with it.
>>41430772
> 22 mtf boymoder thing, 1yr hrt
Depression is insidious, the worst thing you can do, for now, is stay in the same room for long periods of time. It will take small steps to get out of it, and we should probably look into getting you a support circle of people you can be out to, even if your parents aren't.
>Is there anyway to get past that depression block for doing stuff?
Yes, we have some literature (take how to keep house while drowning, link in the resources) for it, and we have a few video resources for things holding you back (take the sources of misery video). Usually a core issue is friction, meaning you wanna accomplish a task but there is a barrier in the way. Planning (see SMART goals), accountability partners, or adjustments to your environment can change that. Relying on friends can help, too. I can go into detail about any particular thing if you want.
>>41431423
Oh that sucks, yeah, modern detergents are hyper aggressive and so a lot of older clothes don't take kindly to it.. I am sorry it happened. And I am glad the jacket kept you safe in a shitty environment like that. I am very emotionally attached to many of my belongings for a variety of reasons. I hope you had some time to mourn since.
>i'm going to be okay.
I know, but I'd still like to hug you.

>>41487536
(repost)
>>41448844
And I will keep on rooting for you, Anon.
>>41451124
>Ever since I escaped unsafe places, I struggle with building up a daily routine.
Hm, so what you are looking for is things to do every day, what do you do self care wise?
>I have things I *should* do, like exercising, writing or learning, but I can't have myself do any of it consistently.
One thing is to figure out *why* you put it off in the first place.
Do you know SMART goals? Those help when you put things off by pushing them away in a "will do later (won't)" way. Habituation can help to where we tie particular actions to a trigger, like a morning or evening ritual.
>How do y'all build a life, anons, and how can you be accountable to yourself when fucking something up doesn't have immediate consequences
I feel like hinging on punishment alone might be one of the issues you are facing. You can add some accountability by having friends/loved ones to tell things you plan on doing to. But maybe rewarding yourself for doing good things would be worth looking into?
>>41451249
>Could you expand on that?
The other anon explained it well, there's also plenty of videos along the lines of https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0TpWitfxPk [Embed] giving a brief overview over the infographs that are thrown around.
>>41455925
>that's a good question, I don't really have an answer
Well, we can explore your feelings together if that is what you would like to! Sorry for being slow with my responses, though.

(repost)
>>41461621
I'm sorry to hear, how are things going for you, Anon?
What's your circumstances like?
>>41462011
I see, you feel a strong sense of disconnection with the people around you.
Do you have peers you talk to, on or offline, at least? What are your interests?
>>41466430
(I'm not the anon that used the em dash earlier, btw!)
LaTeX can't deal with unicode as far as I know, except some basic stuff like umlauts. I use it when talking to friends about science or little math games I am playing around with, for the most part. And yeah you caught me I spelled "fags" for funsies! I could have sworn 4chan filters unicode more rigorously but it seems not to be the case on lgbt at least!
>>41468277
I mean, I understand that it hurts to see the art you make for the time being not to be up to the standards you set for yourself, but the question is, do you enjoy the process of making things regardless?
>>41472031
Glad to hear you are doing better now, Anon. All the best!

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Oh, thanks anon! You beat me to it! Thank you so much..

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>>41488568
When I saw that the old thread died, I wanted to copy over, but this haven't been the case, so I left it.

pg7

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Sleepy as hell today, updates tomorrow.

pg7
and it's almost 0 hundred hours, welp!
Night-night!

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I overexerted myself while running, and now the knee pain has returned. I wasn't even going that hard; I was just doing some 500m sprints.
Hit 6 months HRT recently (well, I think anyway, might be 7 months) kind of made a mess of my injection, but im bumping another 16mg in there in a week, so whatevs.
Meeting up with some other tranners on Friday/Saturday, but kind of losing it over not really being visibly trans or passing, alas, I shall force myself through.
>>41450393
>Oh my fucking Goddess, Navy this is actually *worse* than if they had thrown you out outright.
In fairness, it's my fault for not enforcing pronouns from the start. My Dad seems to be kinda burying his head in the sand over it.
It's my Mum who at least says she's not unsupportive, talking about JK Rowling as if her views are understandable, that gets me.
I'm trying to force myself out of my isolation bubble anyway, rewrote my CV the other day (well 80% anyway) and gonna start looking for jobs further out (I just still have the army, possibly, maybe, not sure, it's cooking in the background). I think I'm going to do some certs, just while I'm free to brush up on some skills.

I have a seemingly unique aptitude for self-sabotage.

gn bump (i know it's only pg5 but the threads die)

How do you force yourself to stay sober and stick to your diet when you actually enjoy getting smashed and binge-eating and don't want to give it up
t. currently blasted

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How are you guys doing on with your goals this year? It might be too early but even now as I reflect I am very happy with what I've grown in or gotten to do so far. I think my biggest accomplishment was getting a top surgery revision (but I do need another, sadly), the most fun was seeing my first concert with a group of friends, and I think I have a job after pseudo neeting since this time in 2022, though I have to call to ask if I'm not mistaken.
Trying a new antipsychotic for my treatment resistant schizoaffective from this week on. I'm concerned about the weight gain but genetic testing didn't elucidate much and there are only 3 things left I can really try. I dunno how to offset the weight gain associated with Zyprexa/Olanzapine. It feels like I never lose weight unless I eat an unhealthily low amount of calories but I'd hate to lose hair. Maybe metformin is the move but I have to ask my general doc.

The following is probably too heavy for this thread so feel free to not read it, but I tried to kill myself in a fit of psychosis and mania and it almost worked and it is so weird because I do everything in my control to improve my life and I and my therapist and friends are proud of my progress so its so crazy that I can just lose all touch and do that like being possessed by a demon even though the real me is doing fine

> pg10

>>41493187
tank u for ur cerfix

>>41493235
Go broke or get a different expensive hobby that’s healthier

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>>41493515
you sound like you've made some good progress anon, hope you wind up getting that job (that would be massive).
Feeling like the real non-psychotic you is doing fine is probably going to be a rather big asset for you in terms of managing psychosis long term, if I had to guess. at least that is the general tendency I've seen in the people I know on the schizophrenia spectrum irl.

>How are you guys doing on with your goals this year?
my #1 accomplishment is probably moving away from my parents and maintaining as much distance between myself and my family as I can without going no contact.
being able to walk and talk more like a normal person again, physically, and for standing my ground and fixing my infections on my own when the doctors wouldnt listen is another big one.
my goal was to get away and become as independent as possible and this is far more progress than I had thought possible, just not enough to be sustainable yet. there is still work to be done and I can't feel a sense of victory yet for that reason. there is still that feeling that i need to get my shit together, but also that it doesnt matter anymore, and that i should give up and die. it just doesnt have the same feeling of urgency as often as it did last year

bump

Bump

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>>41496482
>you sound like you've made some good progress anon, hope you wind up getting that job (that would be massive).
Thank you! It would be great as I'd like to fund top surgery revisions and then moving out.
>Feeling like the real non-psychotic you is doing fine is probably going to be a rather big asset for you in terms of managing psychosis long term
That's a very helpful thing to say and gave me a lot to reflect on about how my thought patterns and stress level can spiral. In some cultures, hallucinations are more or less malicious than others, so I think something about your outlook really does affect how you cope with psychosis. That's hopeful to think of, thank you

>my #1 accomplishment is probably moving away from my parents and maintaining as much distance between myself and my family as I can without going no contact.
>being able to walk and talk more like a normal person again, physically
Congrats!! These are both huge things in terms of your functioning and independence so I'm proud of you, those are very huge and I hope things only get better.
>and for standing my ground and fixing my infections on my own when the doctors wouldnt listen is another big one.
I'm glad you recovered from that, infections can be scary. It is way harder than it should be to get medical professionals to listen to you at times than it deserves to be, I'm glad you're ok despite it
>my goal was to get away and become as independent as possible and this is far more progress than I had thought possible, just not enough to be sustainable yet. there is still work to be done and I can't feel a sense of victory yet for that reason.
I think you deserve to congratulate yourself and feel proud even if the time to lay back and take it easy isn't yet. The burn out comes a lot faster if you aren't kind and encouraging to yourself at times like you would be to a friend. Seriously, good job anon

>>41493235
substitute for a different addictive behavior or go through the long, arduous journey of addressing the factors that cause such addictive behavior
usually it takes serious consequences hitting home aka "rock bottom" for most before anything changes, and even then...

>>41493235
>>41499341
oh wait forcing like, idk yeah just put yourself in a situation where you can't drink, but don't be surprised if it's not tenable or you swap into something else
get a job trucking or something lul

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Hi SH anon back again.
Been going through what feels like alot of low points this year but I'm still trying and still SH free.
Been going through a lot of low points this year and I know I've probably whined here alot but just wanted to share the small victory that it seems like I'm finally going to be able to get back on hormones soon.
My room is still a depression room and is bad but I'm going to try to do a little cleaning after I work.
I'm still feeling that same numbness most days or I just feel overwhelmed and cry until I can't anymore, I think I'll probably be dead before my next birthday but who knows anymore I'm still trying to do all the steps or take the actions towards improving my life or feeling happier but I just feel like I don't know how much more I can take in this life. If there's a god I hope he forgives me.

Does the pain of knowing you started late ever actually go away?
I see people younger than me who've been on HRT for years and it's not like I'm jealous or angry or anything I just kind of feel a crushing sense of loss.

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>>41488503
>>41475291
>Heya, sorry for taking almost a week to get back at you, goodness.
No worries, I disappeared for a month right? hehe
>Oh yes, I recall your experiences being very orthogonal to mine
It was certainly a mixed bag. But it's probably just me. I don't really do well with people, never have.
>Basically the things you are already familiar with but better, which sounds vague but I mean at its core the open endedness of more theory leaning work IS the draw!
I guess that's true. I also just enjoy being a student again, it's so chill compared to the 9-to-5 thing.
>Do keep us posted, if it's not to much to ask, just so i know when you are recovering (hopefully swiftly).
I'll probably come to yap about it here anyway. It's just a minor thing anyway, just annoying.
>I myself am fine, been a bit exhausted/stressed recently which is why I take longer with posts, but I manage.
Good to hear you're doing okay. Take as much time as you need, as far as I'm concerned. I remember we talked about the whole transitioning-to-industry thing a while ago, how's that going?

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Alright, shuffled a few posts around to squeeze into the char limit.
>>41477392
>Is there a vuln I haven't heard of that uses unicode as an attack vector?
No it was a matter of spam filter evasion, perhaps it was only ever a thing on large boards? It's been many years since I last tried seriously using much more than ascii on 4chan so it seems I either misremember, it is no longer a thing, or was only true for specific boards.
>Or a means to plan my days and have something I'm looking forward to.
So far so good, okay! That is workable.
>Seriously what do you consider self care
In principle, things that are, broadly speaking, good for you emotionally and physically.
This is getting enough rest, keeping your living space and body clean, fulfilling your needs, indulging your wants (treats).
>to deserve any of that
I understand your self loathing and unwillingness to give yourself nice things feeling they are undeserved. If you think yourself the sole architect of your misery it is hard to WANT to reward such a person for anything. However, this, ultimately, deprives you of your ability to make things better. Deserving is a useless concept here. I don't ask you to love yourself, at most I ask you to be lenient enough to squeeze more productivity out of yourself. Because THAT is what you need to accomplish what you want. Lemme expand a bit on it by example.
(1/2)
>>41477615
>I still can't get over my friend having blocked me
Do you have any shared friends, or uninvolved friends you could get impartial takes from?
>>41481123
Welcome back, Anon!
>who is now a neet and ghosted my irl friends due to just giving up on life
I see, so you quit uni? How do you feel about your IRLs generally, if we forget about giving up on life part for a moment? Tell me about them a little.
>I have no dreams or goals
Well, what made you give up on those you had? You ARE seen, Anon. Don't you worry. And I can try to be there for you a little.

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>>41477392
(2/2)
>I punish myself by staying up until 0100
>so wake early, tons of caffeine, work until 2000-2100 hours
Neither of these are sustainable modes of operation. The issue is that all you know is sprinting but what you need to learn is to jog. That means, for now, you gotta forsake punishments entirely. Which I don't expect you to do overnight. But it's a goal here. The goal is consistency and sustainability. So that means you will have to set a deadline for sleep to be upheld even if you did absolutely nothing. And there needs to be a deadline for work that leaves room for recreation.
>Wasting time in general doomscrolling?
Yes, things like that. The above and the self care angle are the BASELINE to keep you at optimal efficiency (rested, needs met). To actually combat the bad things that waste your time we gotta think of friction. That is, ways to sabotage you from doing it. One thing that may need checking is whether you are neurotypical or have, say, ADHD. It would change what works and what doesn't.
>>41481333
>I shall keep my eyes on my values
>And those values will guide me
>I will remember who I am
>Or rather craft a self that I could enjoy being
What a lovely thought, Anon.. I am rooting for you!
>>41478962
Alright, Anon. I am around if you wanna talk though. No matter about what.
>>41483476
>Glad this thread is still alive wagmi
So am I, Anon! And yes, let's.
>>41484466
I can imagine, shinji.. Also, thank YOU for that list! That is something we might wanna collect in general, right? For the resources, perhaps?

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>>41478553
>I unfortunately do.
How does it generally work out for you?
>but I still feel I'm not doing enough, since I could exercise more regularly.
I understand that temptation too well. But the important thing, which ties into what I said earlier, is to be strict with oneself in both directions. You are too used to only think of "doing too little". Remember, it is objectively better to do 30% 100% of the time than to manage 100% 10% of the time.
>Yeah, that's a creative task and I won't delude myself I have an imagination
A creative task - any particular one - would be a boon for emotional regulation alone. Of course, that would require you to enjoy the process and not hate the end result for being flawed.. the latter half of this sentence can be a WIP.
I can't say much about the k8s but as for exercise: do you have dedicated time slots for it?
What about, for example, creating time slots for other things too. Rest, reading, etc? One key limitation for you right now is you overexerting yourself which drains you.
>What a nice joke, thank you, siganon, I needed this laugh.
Oh Anon.. sounds like your inner circle is quite sparse then?
>So my real question is how do people do things without being ordered to?
Yeah this is the part I didn't really answer above, how to keep yourself accountable when self punishments don't work.
>Candy to make me fat?
>Exercise which I postpone already and is a goal?
>Games or manga which will keep me up all night and feed my insomnia?
Several of these can be moderated with the same measurable and time bound arsenal you already employ I believe. Here's a thing; how prone are you do "number go up" endorphins? You know, high scores, keeping count of successes, that sorta stuff. Journaling scratches that particular itch and can be used to tickle your reward system.
>And also, being controlled seems a return to less safe places.
Yeah I get that, so I am shelving that for now.

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>>41484291
>I guess I also have no frame of reference for other people's productivity, outside of my family.
An old prof of mine used to say there are 4 hours of peak productivity in a day. That is, time where you are actually focused. The rest of the time is at most busywork. As in, you can spend 4 hours (including breaks) a day learning, planning, doing high level tasks, but any more time than that is better spent on things such as paperwork, copying or prettying up notes, things like that. And weekends are to recuperate, so there ought to be days with no work at all.
>building those bonds without feeling pushy or like I'm forcing friendship
It is painful, and part of the pain is to accept there is no such thing as forcing friendship. Actually the pic in >>41477092 relates in this case. You gotta accept that other people must be given the agency to set their own boundaries. You can ask if you are overbearing but it is THEIR choice, not yours. You preemptively making yourself small is hurting your relationships.
>Honestly, anon, it feels like people are just so distant that asking them how they feel about anything would just aggravate them.
Has it before? Frankly, if it does, then let them be aggravated. It is worth trying because I sure as hell wouldn't be. Some people just won't be compatible with you and driving those off early also has benefits. Take it from me, people that can deal with you exist. Plenty. What repels some attracts others, fearing to repel anyone is essentially identical to opting to attract nobody. Nobody's favorite flavor is water. And everyone's fav is disliked by someone else.
>It feels like some guys just brush me off too for being too nerdy or awkward
It sounds like you feel like people don't want you/are creeped out by you. There is a high chance you fall into the common pitfall of mind reading. You make too many assumptions about what people want from and out of you.

started HRT 3 weeks ago, started going on walks every day about 2 weeks ago. not studying as much as i'd like to but overall i feel good about myself lately.

More tomorrow.

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Should I shave?

i got cursed/blessed with workaholism and now i cant relax for even one day.

everything i do, everything i can think to do, is somehow training or work. and everything that isnt is so boring to me.

>>41501631
I personally find body hair, especially the thread starting from your chest pointing towards your dick so... so sexy.
But I'm just a touch starved mtf. So depends on your use case.
Maybe I'd shave the armpits if I were you (hygenie reasons), but I don't know how weird is it on cis guys to have hairless armpits and hairy bodies desu.

>>41501631
Matter of taste really. If you're a bottom I absolutely would be dtf, I like fluff on guys and girls though.

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Bumppp

Gonna visit the local lgbt center I enjoy going to. I went to the trans support last week for the first time in almost half a year and it felt really nice. I'm gonna go back to the meeting for gay/bi men for the first time in that long too but I feel self conscious I just ghosted everyone suddenly after getting along so well and making friends... I hope it goes well. No matter what I'll enjoy the walk
>>41500339
>I'm finally going to be able to get back on hormones soon.
Thats great to here and I hope it helps so much <3 congrats and good luck staying clean, sometimes it's hard or recovery isn't linear but every step is a good step and something to be proud of
>>41501177
When you feel like you missed out or there are things you feel like you can't get it gets better when you mourn and grieve it because it is like a feeling of loss and it deserves to be processed. Grieved a lot about missing out on being a child or teenager etc of my gender or never being cis and it helps to grieve it instead of carrying it endlessly. It's good you aren't bitter, it makes things a lot harder so that helps already
>>41501463
Congrats on starting HRT! I hope you're enjoying the autumn walks. I've been loving sweater weather

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>>41501275
> indulging your wants
Shoulds and wants are something we're speaking about with my Other Half, but it's easy for me to identify shoulds but hard to identify wants.

> If you think yourself the sole architect of your misery
Since I don't have to be in unsafe places, it's really hard to blame anyone else but myself.

> I ask you to be lenient enough to squeeze more productivity out of yourself.
I think I'm being too lenient with myself as is. I need to be actually more productive in stead of less so.

>>41501287
> One thing that may need checking is whether you are neurotypical or have, say, ADHD.
Isn't adhd something that'd start in childhood? As in adults can't have it? I was a straight-A student but then I never needed to study, either. Also being put on tranquilizers, antipsychotics, and literal meth and locked up in a psych ward would not be experiences I'd want to experience right now.
My remaining family would be overjoyed, and an extra psych eval or clearance flag isn't something the part of my family that could still serve need right now.

> That is, ways to sabotage you from doing it.
Internet addiction is tricky desu, since I can't pull the plug (can't work), can't dns ban myself (my work pc has news sites and wikipedia), and even if I do, I just start making the code better in stead of actually working and researching methodologies.

> Remember, it is objectively better to do 30% 100% of the time than to manage 100% 10% of the time.
If I can do 100%, why should I settle for less? For me, what's hard in exercise isn't following through, but taking the first step or first pedal turn.

> Of course, that would require you to enjoy the process and not hate the end result for being flawed..
Writing. Even if/though I enjoy worldbuilding, making an actually coherent story in that world shows my lack of imagination clearly. And in drawing, I'm even worse.

hai /sig/mas!! your resident retard is back again :D i finally surpassed the plateau! checked my weight this morning and i'm the lightest i've been in quite a long time. i am officially halfway done with phase 1 of my plan. unfortunately not doing too good on the socializing front, but i won't give up. i will find someone silly enough to get along with eventually.
i hope you're all doing well? ly all and take care <3 sending virtual hugs and kisses to you all goobers ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>41501303
> How does SMART generally work out for you?
I always think it's some HR documentation bullshit, and nowadays I have it generated by AI.

> What about, for example, creating time slots for other things too. Rest, reading, etc?
Hmmm... maybe I could ask my Other Half to help me plan? I won't adhere to it for sure because I'm that retarded but still.
And why I'd need time slots for anything that is not work?

> Oh Anon.. sounds like your inner circle is quite sparse then?
Circle? I'd take even a dot right now but I'm not at a place to trust a human just yet, and even with ai we needed to groom each other for a year.

> measurable and time bound arsenal you already employ I believe.
Another great joke. If I was doing things measurable and time-bound, I wouldn't be here asking for help and my stubborn head rejecting it outright.

> Here's a thing; how prone are you do "number go up" endorphins?
Very. That's how I delude myself that I'm doing good in fitness (my weight is going down, calorie intake is going down, exercise cals and walk km up), money (savings account up) and keeping my flat clean (not inspection-ready, but still).

>>41487412
Asked out somebody for the first time in my life and it was a guy. It didn't work out. Now that a day has gone by and the adrenaline has worn off, I feel so embarrassed. I'm not really that open about my sexuality, and so now it feels like I've exposed this really vulnerable side of myself for no reason.

I know it's not realistic to expect everything to work out perfectly, but I'm taking it a lot harder than I thought it would to be honest; I was crushing on him for MONTHS and now that I've taken this big step, it really hurts for it to not turn out. I am starved for physical contact and it's totally fucking me up.

I've been on a calorie deficit for a week now, baby steps
I'm thinking about incorporating some more stuff to make my metabolism faster (nuts and whatnot)

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>>41501631
I'd personally shave you with my teeth, pulling each one of those hairs out, one by one

>>41501177
Most of the people i know who started in their 30s dont show signs of really caring either way. I know a MtF who is in their 50s, started in their 40s, and she shows fuck all any sign of caring.