I'm a 25 year old socially retarded tranny who can't hold a conversation with anyone except for my boyfriend. I haven't had a job in a year and a half now and if it wasn't for him I would be homeless. He pays for everything while I do absolutely nothing and sit and rot like a useless sack of shit. I just finished nursing school a few months ago but am too anxious to pursue any actual jobs due to social anxiety and lack of experience working in a professional field. He's so patient with me and I love him so much but I can't even bring myself to help him out financially without breaking down crying from anxiety. The mere thought of putting my retarded unlikeable tranny self out there in the professional healthcare field makes me have panic attacks and I can't fall asleep at night due to my awful sleep schedule and constant mental catastrophizing. I'm actually a NEET now and can only bring myself to go outside when he's with me. I should've never quit my job to focus on school because at least then I would be able to contribute in some form. I never thought I personally could get this bad, nothing is fun anymore and I fucking hate being alive and the only thing stopping me from ending it all is sunk cost fallacy and my boyfriend, but who knows how much longer our relationship will last considering how miserable I am to be around and how useless I am. Reintegrating yourself into society after being absent from it for longer than a year is awful, don't ever take the NEET pill tranners, it isn't worth it.
kys or detransition
>>41490603>has boyfriendcongratulations. or that sucks. idk
>>41490603If you have a boyfriend, then you can’t be *that* unlikeable. Honestly, I believe you can do it! Perhaps ease yourself into it with something online first?
>>41490978why would I detrans, killing myself just makes so much more sense but it isn't an option>>41491001I love and appreciate him. he isn't the issue, I am
>>41491053it's gotten to the point where I can't even make a phone call without having to prepare for hours beforehand. My school was online but I never talked. I honestly can't think of the last time I even actually spoke to someone else besides my bf. Thanks for believing in me though, I want to get better so bad but I'm super messed up now and i'm worried its too late
>>41490603>I'm a 25 year old socially retarded tranny who can't hold a conversation with anyone except for my boyfriend.>boyfrienddidn't bother reading the rest
>>41491120have hope anon, it will get better please reach out to professionals that can help with the severe anxiety if have state insurance its possible to look for help, Aside from that with you mentioning that you have a boyfriend that is that patient with you, fuck I wish I had someone like that honestly so count your blessings.
>>41491617sorry for having 1 redeeming factor in my life full of horrible things
>>41491896Yeah I appreciate him more than anything and I know how fucked I would be without him. he's honestly the only thing keeping me going most of the time and I want to get better for his sake.
>>41491936don't do for him, do it for yourself
>>41491960Right now I can't find anything worth living for regarding myself, but I'm hoping I will as time goes on and my mental health hopefully improves.. He's more than worthy of being my reason for living in the meantime, but obviously I won't tell him that because I don't want to sound codependent and put that pressure on him
>>41490603> haven't had a job in a year and a half now and if it wasn't for him I would be homeless. He pays for everything while I do absolutely nothing and sit and rot like a useless sack of shit. I just finished nursing school a few months ago but am too anxious to pursue any actual jobs due to social anxiety and lack of experience working in a professional field.lmao grow some girl balls
>>41491907okay? what are you apologizing for..
>>41492029i'm trying. It's hard because I spent so long losing all my social skills like an idiot. To go from having been unemployed and barely having social interaction to a professional career where i'm expected to be well put together is hard for me. I've only ever worked retail jobs prior to this so even if I was currently employed at my previous job it's still a big jump to a career where they actually give a shit about your social skills.
>>41491985>Right now I can't find anything worth living for regarding myselfyou gotta find meaning and hope when things get bleak friend, look in existentialism cause its what keeps me going at this point, but focus on your mental health and yourself firstAlso this>>41492029
>>41490603>my boyfriendstopped readingdon't complain when you've got it good bitch
>>41492109>a professional career where i'm expected to be well put togetheryou fucking idiot stand in front of the mirror, practice a smile, rehearse your scripted lying phrases like a mad man, show up to that interview, make uncomfortable eye contact and secure the job. After that you're at least semi-fembrained like every other corpo I've met and keep lying your ass of while making fun of all other colleagues with your department, taking two hour, paid (!) lunch and water cooler breaks and collect the paycheck while smiling at your boss (knowing fully well she is doing the same thing)As I said, grow some girl balls and start ripping the hell out of people (ESPECIALLY your employer)
>>41490603how did you get a boyfriend if you are so anxious about talking to people?
>>41490603It sounds like you should be on disability tbqh
>>41492054>>41492136People act like having a boyfriend just fixes everything in your life. Yes, he is preventing me from being homeless and that is more than I deserve, but this is only sustainable for so long, and if you think our relationship is good right now you're mistaken. I'm a miserable person to be around and if things continue the way they are I won't even have him anymore soon. >>41492116i've read a decent bit about existentialism and it just made me question things more. I typically feel happier when I pretend to be blissfully ignorant of life's purpose and just exist>>41492205I don't think you understand, I'm a complete mess and can't hold a conversation or make eye contact with anyone. I've considered just trying to work fast food for a little bit to ease myself back into it, or just forcing myself to go out and go grocery shopping by myself and not use the self checkout to force myself to speak to someone
>>41492216I wasn't always like this and when I met him 3 years ago I was decently socially adjusted by tranny standards
working as a healthcare professional is actually a great way to build social skills. you meet a diverse range of people and must learn to understand others better to perform. in addition, it is also actually less scary than regular socialization, since you are always in an inherently powerful position with the majority of the people you meet during an average working day so its kind of ez mode
>>41492268In my opinion, I see existentialism as a way to have meaning and hope on my end, gotta address the reality at some point though some igorance is good though when its necessary
>>41492369>working as a healthcare professional is actually a great way to build social skills. you meet a diverse range of people and must learn to understand others better to performin the same sense that mountain climbing is a great way to learn to walk, maybe
>>41492369I guess that's true, I think I'm just worried about seeming nervous or being unable to make eye contact because I know I wouldn't trust a healthcare professional who was like that. I feel like I went into the wrong career field but it's too late now to change my mind. It's just hard because I want to help people, but I can't even help myself
>>41492407read the last part about always being in a position of power, you are automatically in charge during most interactions
>>41492401I enjoy existentialism as a concept but I just think right now I should be focusing on just numbing my feelings and anxious questions instead of making them my center of purpose
>>41492268I understand. If you're scared, do it scared. All a fag needs these days is social skills.
>>41492497I know the only way I'll ever get better is if I face my fear, my brain just has a way of convincing me it's too late for me even though I know that I would already be dead if that was true
>>41492583You don't face the fear there is no fear, it's just some chungus brain chemicals.I genuinely wonder if people like you should get on HRT cause if you haven't got an ounce of confidence before that it'll just turn you into a useless puddle it seems.
>>41492638i've been on hrt since I was 20, so over 5 years ago. I only turned into a NEET in the past year or so
>>41492695juuust get a job it's not that hard you turbohandflappper
>>41492753I feel like I could probably handle a job if I went to work in retail or fast food again because they don't care as much if you sperg out, that isn't really the issue. I'm just worried that even after like 2-3 months of working again I would still be afraid to pursue an actual career with my education
>>41490603use one of those online interview practice things or whatever replaced omegle or ai slop chatbots to practice talking to people anonymously. No one gives a shit about you enough to seriously care. Just get to the point where you can interact with people in a professional manner.
>>41492878I didn't know those were a thing, I'll try that thank you
>>41492829JUST *CLAP* GET *CLAP* A *CLAP* JOB *CLAP*
Try going to a psychologist, I know my answer might sound like bullshit, but it can really help you a lot. It’s also worth trying to look for some freelance jobs, btw
>>41492917ok>>41492955I appreciate any help so I don't think its bullshit. I just wanna get better
