i really wish i had a u****s and it feels so fucking painful that i dont. i actually wish i could stop wanting this but i am worried that may be just as much of an impossibility.it has been bothering me for years now, and it just seems to get stronger with time. i wish more accurately that i had all female organs, but this has been a focal point for me.i wish i had a m*******l cycle and could get p****ds, i wish i could get pr****nt, etc.and i also feel pain that my cis peers have these but i cant. i also get sad sometimes encountering pr****nt women or happy new mothers..it isnt just that i think i want it, i feel as if my soul was supposed to have that, or that it had it wired into it somehow, but that it was stolen from me. idk, i suck at explaining things but thats what it feels like.it's turned into an existential pain, or feeling of doom, realizing i will live my whole life wanting this, but there is no solution, and then i will die and i will still never have it and then i will be dead forever and never experience what i feel like was supposed to be mine.and i cant even actually imagine what it would be like to have any of that, i can try but its all vicarious, and always will be..i dont think im romanticizing it, i realize there is suffering involved. and we live in a world that punishes people who have one and treats them as criminals for what they do with their own body, etc.. its all so sickening... sorry im getting sidetracked.but i dont actually know what its like to have a cycle or to menstruate or to have a body capable of pregnancy so who knows. i sure dontsorry for blog post and r.i.p the thread that died for this it was probably better
>>41503439That's AGP!
>>41503439Once I thought I had conquered this, but when one of my friends got pregnant all those feelings came rushing back. It's unfair, it really is. I don't even know if I want kids, partly because it's impossible to conceptualize my body as maternal. But it still hurts.And it hurts in ways that are super irrational too. I still struggle with relating to infertile cis women, because they had the capacity to function that way, and got to assume it would be the default to them. A broken mold as opposed to the wrong mold. I hate thinking that way about my sisters, but those are the thoughts that come up sometimes. We just need to move through life as best we can.
>>41503439I feel all of this too, on a very primal level. I've known since I was a little kid that I was supposed to be able to be a mom, and some of my earliest traumas are memories of being told that I could never do that.Still haven't found a good cope for this either. The only thing I can do is stack paper and court my bf in the hope that we'll be able to afford IVG and surrogacy for a few kids in the future.
