Before I start I want to preface that this is a genuine post and I'm struggling to find guidanceI repped for many years because of thisI feel strongly about being good to others. I think it is important to make others happy at all costs. It is how I was raised, to think of others and disregard myself. I know this doesn't really match with how others see things, but in my point of view, it's a moral imperative to limit harm and bring joy, and morally bankrupt and self-centered to consider one's self and own feelings as a priority. As a result, since a majority of the population hates transgender people, (and when I was very young I thought the same of gay people but I think most people now live and let live with them) thus it is a moral obligation for my self as a transgender person to commit suicide, after repping until my parents die for their sake. I struggled back and forth for years with this. Among other things, it helped keep me in the closet for a very long time. But it always sticks in the back of my mind as an "ultimate truth" and that what I am doing trying to live my life is completely immoral, arguably cruel. It's starting to become a recurring, major thought sequence again after a few years of transitioning and managing to find some little happiness, and now I want to rep and look into exit bags despite things going relatively well, abusive relationship aside. Is there a way to end this guilt, or go through with the obligation? I need freedom from this torture one way or another.
Go outside
genuine question, what are the differences between you and other people that makes their happiness an obligation but yours not?
>>41506808The flaw in your plan to endlessly suffer to ease the burden on others is that everybody can tell you're suffering and it's making them uncomfortable. You can't live your life like that, and if everyone strove to then the world would be a deeply sad and empty place. Just transition.
>>41506808Trans people are other people too. We need your help.
normally i would just be a terrible person and tell you to kys but i actually relate to this thread a bit so ill be genuineanon/nette, please be selfish, you are too good a person. its ok not to do this, i know thisll sound hollow but genuinely, you do not deserve this at all. just because people think this way (and doesnt even mean you bring them any harm) should not concern you to this level. go to therapy please, talk to a hotline, do not to through with this. please
>>41506808Hey OP this >>41506913 anon is right. I had those exact same feelings and very similar situation. I ended up transitioning. I’m still numb but atleast I don’t feel a deep empty void of nothingness inside me anymore. Please just transition and be my friend. I’ll be here for you. I know it’s hard. That feeling will go away the more you talk about it and work on your safety and being able to transition. It’s ok to not be ok.
>>41506808Nona, go read this VNhttps://nyaa.si/view/1325411Just trust me on this one. Sit down with it, and read it, entirely. You will see what I mean once you're done.
>>41506913TRUE!!
