today is my 7 year failed youngshit anniversary. i was 15 and the NHS wouldn't give me estrogen, so i started diying. it was before the pandemic so it was pretty hard - i had to steal a bunch of money and trade amazon giftcards for bitcoin. (i also had to buy pills, i wish i was a few years younger so i could have gotten astrovials). i finally got my first package on the 15th of November, 2018. it was amazing. i felt free and hopeful for the first time in my life. i was pretty cute :3 but i was also really mentally ill, and my parents had a lot of control over my life. i got caught a few times, and only spent about half a year on hrt all in all. when i was 16, one of my deliveries got sabotaged (my friend's mom caught him helping me) and i just broke. i stopped going to school, i would barely move at all. i think i was literally catatonic. i don't remember anything other than lying in bed and crying, until a squad of police officers came into my bedroom and took me to a psychiatric hospital. i spent the better part of a year there without estrogen. my body was rotting and i sobbed and begged them to give me an hrt prescription but they just laughed at me. it was worse than when i was raped, watching my body get violated and mutilated and not being able to stop it... the pandemic started right after i was discharged so i never recovered. i only got back on hrt a year ago at 21, so i'm just a disgusting and hopeless lateshit.sometimes, it feels like the day i was taken to the psych ward was the day i died, and i'm just a ghost that can't accept it's already over
>>41691660you sound a lot like me but >it was amazing. i felt free and hopeful for the first time in my life. i was pretty cute :3 made me cringe a bit but laugh at the same time
>>41691673sorry for being cringe. i guess i still see that version of me in a hopeful way. i don't know how to process everything
im sorry
>>41691660Only us understand why refusing transition and I am even including to minors is abuse. It’s not the easiest point of view to defend to people I must admit but no one can ever understand what someone else is going through. I do admit I have helped a minor access hrt and I don’t ever plan to stop. It might seem crazy if I was to attempt to defend that to most other people but they don’t know how fucking dangerous it is to refuse treatment even with the pretty scary statistics.Anyway, I’m gonna try and get on that long nhs list. So maybe in about 6 years I can get a diagnosis. By that time, farage would have probably sold the whole thing off. Did you ever get referred to a gender clinic? If so, are those the ones that refused treatment?
>>41691926no, i got refused a referral to a GIC by CAHMS until after i had fixed my OCD, and i also got refused a bridging prescription. i left the country when i was 18
>>41691660tbhon
>>41691952> no, i got refused a referral to a GIC by CAHMS until after i had fixed my OCDThat’s sucks sorry anon.Wish me luck back in the UK. I will never be able to leave because of an eating disorder it’s kinda complex but it makes holidays very hard. But I am at uni and it does seem like a much better environment than anywhere else I’ve been so far.
>>41691660how did you go about stealing money
>>41691660I am so sorry that happened to you, this country disgusts me sometimes
>>41691660how would a year long wait in the psych ward be any cheaper than just covering someone's transition? they just want to torture us and will go out of their way to do so even when it's less convenient for then and costs them more money.
>>41692484dont even get other treatments anyway, so they are trying to kill you over the few hundred GBP a lifetime supply of estrogen costs.
>>41691660TDD
