Gay guy, late 20s. We argue, but its just how our personalities are. And mostly its light and fun and we make up after and get it out of our system. But 4-5 months ago it became not a mutual thing anymore, he started finding small mistakes or misses I'd made and totally flying off the handle. Then one day he pushed me over, and immidiately said sorry and backed off. Then a few weeks later we were both drunk and he actually hit me. After that time, seeing i didn't do anything to retaliate, its kind of escalated. When we argue now, i don't argue back cause I'm like sort of afraid he'll hit me. And yesterday he actually did. He punched me in my head and twice in the stomach. He's said sorry today and we've had a long talk, but I am so lost. This can't happen to me. To us. He's my everything, we've been together for years. I feel we know eachother inside and out, but its like he gets totally taken over when he's angry. The day to day is good, great. The love is there, we have so much fun together. But man. He actually punched me. What the hell do i do?
>>41692554Id take being beaten and abused by a potential bf then being alone in my room all day like i am nowBut anyway. If he's hitting you in the head he's probably gonna kill you accidentally one day anon. I'd run and get a restraining order.
>>41692554you already know you need to break up with him. you said yourself you recognize that once he saw you dont fight back its gotten worse. dont even try to rationalize it. you need a therapist for the damage hes done to your self respect and dignity. i hope you arent making this post out of some humiliation fixation. good luck op you deserve love.
>>41692554Been there, when it's good it's good when it's bad he's a violent hateful psychotic freak. Make up, wants to give you the world and make you breakfast and go to your favorite place, but when you get home you accidentally change the channel while he's watching something and he breaks the remote hits you and rants about how furious he is and how worthless you are. Nobody knows you better, every major goal and memory involves him, and then you realize you can't be with him anymore because he's a liability to everything you want with him because at any moment he'll blow up and attack you and ruin every party birthday holiday milestone, managing his violence and resentmentHe hates you, it's over
>>41692554if you don't leave him you better be prepared for him to put you into your grave early.you're being attacked by someone who you think loves you. he's not being "taken over", he's being himself. who he is when he's punching you is the same man who is he when he's not attacking you.nothing about him is changing. that man is making a conscious decision to attack you.you need to leave him and honestly probably report him to the police and take pictures of what's he's done to you and anything he's admitted over text.im very sorry this is happening to you anon but know that you didn't cause this and its not your fault.the doubt you'll be feeling about leaving him is on him. he's caused the stress trying to come to terms with this.
>>41692624you really think there's no like, anger management thing we can do? or couples therapy. I thought we'd get married and everything, we have a place together, our families are friends. It feels like my whole future got wiped by this rage demon thats not really him.
>>41692651yes thats how it feels right now. we've done everything together, he was never like this until 5 or so months ago, never laid a hand on me.
>>41692716Maybe he has a brain tumor or smth could you take him to the doctor? If everything comes out normal, then leave him immediately and block all contact.
>>41692716Trust me, the rage demon is absolutely who he really is. He meant that shit 10 toes down, my guy admitted it to me when I made the mistake of trying to stay and help him get better. He took it as proof what he did wasn't so bad and that I accepted it as ok. He got cocky and confessed that while he said that's not him and begged me to stay, that he felt justified attacking me, would do it again, and thought the stories of his meltdowns were hilarious and epicThey only learn when it's over
>>41692733Let me guess, no one else has ever loved you this much before and he's part of who you are now? Yeah he's evil and hates you
>>41692716i dont know anon but if he loved you he would figure out why he acts like that on his own, when he calms down, in those moods where he apologizes, instead of just words. its not your responsibility to fix him. physical violence is a hard line that should never be crossed, not even once, and it's sad to see how much you're trying to salvage this. do you have a therapist? can you talk with friends or family about this?
nigga break up are you retarded have some self-respectI dated a guy with anger issues, he smacked me and tried to say it was a misunderstanding. He did it again later and I broke up with him on the spot. 8 year relationship, now I'm dating someone way better than he ever was. Move on.
>>41692767i dont know what i would tell my family. or his. where would i live if we had to sell the flat. there's just so much. i think if i broke up with him face to face he'd lose it. there's like one part of me that can only see him as this cuddly teddy bear idiot i fell in love with and the other part of me that is trying to rationalise and remind me he slammed my head into the floor. i'm just like mourning him and us, but i'm also terrified. i'm writing on my phone so he can't see the laptop.
>>41692868figure it out, don't let yourself be a battered housewife
>>41692868>he'd lose itngl anon this would be my limit for any relationship. if im ever in a position where i think id be in danger to break up face to face, i hope that i have the sense to run from the relationship.i never want to be scared of the person who's meant to love me.
>>41692868talk to your family not his
>>41692868Stay with your family if you can. Or friends. Break up remotely.
>>41692868I'm so proud of you for figuring this out and you're gonna make it through this. In your notes app start planning first. Figure out what belongings you have that you'll need to pack, the best way to pack and organize them, figure out a convenient storage unit near you. Figure out where you could live with your half of the equity, decide if you'll sell it and split the money or rent it out and split that income, or he can live there and you rent your room to someone. Once you figure out where you could live and what you can afford and what you're taking and how you'll keep it safe you can get your stuff out and break up with him in a public location and go over options. Tell everyone else as little as possible, it didn't work out, he was hostile with you. The more you tell them the more details they ask for
>>41692902>>41692961yes i'd definately do it over phone or i think he'd actually kill me. fuck me, its so fucked up everything, it didnt used to be this way. i think i understand i have to leave him. but i have to save money for it. my family is out of state, and i have my job here. but if we break up, idk maybe its safer for me to move back in with my parents. i just am equally mortified of what to tell them. 'yea mom and dad me and josh broke it off, no reason. don't ask questions.' my whole life is gonna be so fucked over.
>>41692987Why not just tell them he was crazy? It's not a moral failing on your part that a guy you're dating suddenly turns violent years in
>>41692987Josh can eat shit in hell
>>41692987i dont truly know what you're going through but imo i don't think hiding it will help. telling your parents that he hit you will help them help and understand you.if you have to move back in with your parents and sleep on the floor it's still 100 times better than wondering if today will be today he does it again and doesn't stop.>my whole life is gonna be so fucked overit's better for it to be turned upside down than to be ended. it's better to be safe than have your parents suddenly have the police come to their door to announce you've been murdered.
>>41692554What did you do to provoke him?
>>41693062lol fuck off
>>41693062kys
>>41692554Tell him to punch you only in the gut and slap you in the face
>>41693045i'm a grown man, i guess i don't want anyone, especially not my parents to view me as weak or lesser. being gay already felt like a blow to my masculinity sort of, so i took care never to act gay infront of them. but here i am. it just doesn't compute in my head he might kill me. its so unreal. after the first time he hit me i just looked at him stupefied with shock, like jaw on the floor wtf.i feel so stupid it took until what happened yesterday for it to kind of click in my brain he beat me up. he's like grabbed me and shook me and slammed me before. god. i know it has to end. its just out of nowhere. and here i am like a coward on 4chan of all places.
>>41692987dont tell your parents shit especially if you plan to move back in. find a counselor, tell your parents its for just generalized depression. (which i assume you have) the reason why i say dont let the parents in on it is because we still live in an everyone hates faggots reality. him beating on you will fuel this in your parents mind and depending on them, you could end up in a pray the gay away concentration camp. however, you need to talk to someone. see a licensed abuse therapist or failing that, anyone who you know whom if they melt down, you don't end up homeless or in an even more fucked up position
>>41693191cowards do nothing and accept bad situations. taken from what i'm reading, you're preparing to shake up your whole life in response to a terrible hand you just got delt. how does that make you a coward? accepting reality and thinking about how to move forward is cowardice? i don't buy it. kill that het-masc stoicism bullshit, it sucks btw. you have feelings and emotions and you are allowed to experience all of them.
>>41692554I make it very clear to every man I date that I won't hesitate to kill them should they ever get physical with me. I love my bf. I can see us growing old together. Would risk my life to save his. Would help him with ANYTHING. The moment he hits me, all that is out the window and I know he can no longer be trusted. I'd rather be old and alone than live in fear of when I'll catch a beating again.You need to leave him or kill him. It'll be self defense
>>41693191you trusted Josh so you had your guard down, meaning he did the equivalent of a sucker punch from behind to you.this makes Josh the weakling, not you.if you ever have a relationship again, don't opt for someone that often argues or does so heatedly or casually/for fun. those ones often seem to end up simply becoming hostile, no matter how many attempt to excuse that personality type away.
>>41692554dump him immediately. that's not acceptable behavior and you don't have to tolerate being with someone who doesn't respect you enough to hold himself back, even if he was drunk. if it happened once, it'll happen again. I know you know that deep down, though. good luck, leaving someone can be really difficult but you can do it.
>>41692554Next time he punches you in the stomach you have to shit your pants. He won't do it again
