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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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Please remember to check the last thread for replies!
>>41686027
Ah, already taken.. these things usually sting, yeah. Sorry to hear.
As much as it sucks, I strongly advise you to fight back the urge of shrinking before others to try and accommodate them. It usually does BOTH parties a major disservice, and ultimately risks pushing people away for pointless hypotheticals. Even if you were to make the relationship messy at some point, that is something that can be mended. However, self isolation and cutting ties eventually becomes unfixable when you lose contact.
The more you try to please others the less you give yourself room to be known, the less people understand you and the less reason they have to trust you.
There's other issues too: the fewer people you have in your life the more likely it will be you fall for the ones you do cause.. they are your sole contacts. Who else could you even, eventually? Infatuation can pass, too. But that takes having more contacts.
>I've just never really felt comfortable in the presence of other people
Try expressing why. Do you find yourself fretting about what they think?
>model painting and creating maps for DND.
Do you have people to share these hobbies with? It would likely help you keep yourself motivated. Are there perhaps places near you where fellow hobbyists would hang out? Motivation is always a circular thing, I find. When you have momentum, it is easy to be motivated. When you feel stuck or have no positive reinforcement, you slowly lose enjoyment of things, especially if your other needs aren't met (social needs, say).
>I simply don't know where to re-find my enjoyment and passion for life.
I hope the above is a good starting point!
>>41692231
>i just cant get myself anywhere in life while not passing
Hm, to make sure I get it: is the not passing an issue because of other people being shitheads to you when girlmoding, or dysphoria hell, or both? Where are you in your transition and what are your goals?

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>>41690228
Heya umaruchan, haven't seen you around yet, welcome!
>I need to focus on improving my health and specifically liver and kidney health
>so like normal advice doesn't work as well for me, but
>I still need to lose more weight and lower my acidity tbqh
Oh, that absolutely is a very important constraint to keep in mind! Sadly I am not super familiar with liver and kidney health issues, I do have some working weight loss programs I could suggest for you but I would need more info regarding how your diet is generally affected. Are there things you can't eat, or do you need to balance particular kinds of food to lower your acidity?
>>41688820
>Yeah, I guess. My psych raised my Venlafaxine dosage, so now I feel better.
I'm glad to hear it helps, Anon!
>I think without the medication, I would very quickly be just as miserable as I was five years ago... Brain is just borked with me.
Very fair, brain chem fuckery is not to be underestimated in all this, and some of my generic statements absolutely do not apply in these cases.
>Gotta celebrate the minor blessings.
Agreed, I am just happy to hear they are helping.
>Thank u, that's nice of u....
I'm happy to be there, after all, remember that people like you make up this general, and that means you too are a reason for me to keep going. In other words the appreciation is mutual!
>>41690399
>please take care and dont beat yourself up too much.
Doing my best not to, I've recently started making a semi-automated time table for /sig/ so I know my "work hours" ITT.
>>41692198
You're sweet, anon.. I am definitely making sure I won't destroy myself over work. Fortunately I am keeping a hard limit of 10 work hours a day, and try to keep it to 6. My main issue is that those 6 hours tend to be very stressful for me at the moment. It will all be over in a week though.

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>>41694124
Makes sense that a long running gen like that is mostly regulars socializing at that point.
>Emi definitely seems to be the character that impacted people the most.
Yeah I definitely get that vibe as well, she is pretty inspiring in her way! Oh hell I forgot about the nurse, it's been ages. I actually never met other KS fans in the wild, but I have only been to one con in my life so perhaps this will change should I ever feel like changing that. But yeah, Emi is definitely a /sig/ icon!
>>41695621
>>41695736
>>41695833
>so long as I'm messed up, people are going to have a hard time dealing with me.
>There's a limit.
>So I have to fix myself if I want stable relationships.
Yes, it's the tricky thing; you need people but you have to "distribute the load", if you will.
>And I've been doing ok at it, but it's just hard you know?
It is, and it is both deserving or recognition and understanding for your circumstances.
>There's areas of my brain underdeveloped. And areas overdeveloped. Paths mylenated that lead to maladaptive responses.
>And I've got to get so used to noticing those responses and those paths and practicing different reactions to those responses that the fix gets just as hardwired.
Beautifully put, by the way! It is difficult, and it generally sounds like you are taking things in a well thought out, healthy direction. And yes, those low points you experience are a difficult thing to cope with, it feels like regressing. I am glad you soldier on in spite of them, because as shitty as they are they are a part of healing.
> So I've got a perfectionist thing going on too.
Which is dangerous, yeah. You need reminders for yourself that you are permitted to be human (=fallible). We can talk about that if you feel you need it. Still, you are clearly aware of it already! Which is very good. Posts like yours are very valuable in their own right, you know?
(1/2)

>>41713438
I will not feel guilt today
I will be better
I will strive to be kind
I need to apologise to friends for my distance. While not entirely my fault it’s still part of my fault
Thank you sig
For now I must go and become a better friend. It’s hard to do that online but I must

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>>41695621
>>41695736
>>41695833
(2/2)
>But also I don't need to know everything about the brain to know that sleeping good, eating good, exercise, journalling, mindfulness, having some stable friendships, having work that you don't hate, doing therapy and stuff, not getting into rumination loops and just calming down and getting on with stuff is going to be good for me.
YES! Perfect!
>Idk why I'm even writing this here and not in my journal.
I hope it helps to have your thoughts reflected upon by someone else, at least! I am glad you got it out, at least. And I do hope other people read it because I think it contains valuable insights. I hope you had a great rest afterwards, still.
>>41698107
>I don't know how much of my issues are self inflicted anymore,
>I question every aspect of my life every single day.
I think the best you can do, for your own sanity's sake, is to try and let go about assigning blame for now. It doesn't matter where things stem from if the solution to the problems is the same either way. And if the root matters, we can discuss.
>I'm conditioned to give the right answer instead of something I believe.
Conflict avoidance! You struggle to speak your mind because people blew up at you in the past? I don't think you need rational convincing, you already wanna change that, so you probably ask how to do that. Honestly, this screams exposure therapy. Trying to have philosophical debates with people could help. ... Bear in mind though who it was who conditioned you and perhaps seek out people not on that list. Because that is, for the sake of simplicity and your improvement, entirely on other people.
>>41698207
>i got a job but im really scared to start working.
>its starbucks at a retail store, and im working 8 hour shifts.
>wish me luck anons.... ill try to remember the money......
I wish you nothing but the very best, Anon! I'm rooting for you, and don't be afraid to hit us up if you need a bit of support. I'm rooting for you.

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Haven't fully caught up with last thread but will of course soon, probably tomorrow.
Anyone who has missed their response, do check the last thread etc. You know how it goes! I need rest now.

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>>41703598
>Is it okay if I asked what got you paranoid?
i think i vented abt it here a month ago, im trying to move on so i wont get into details, but there's this article named Hot Allostatic Load that describes my situation pretty well. i was basically exiled from my friend group during some rough times and was left with nothing. past few months have taken its toll on me cuz im naturally paranoid, esp when i think everyone sees me as this unforgivable monster, but i've been getting better.

>you will likely need to learn to celebrate consistency and progress
>Teaching others in areas you are strong in deepens your own understanding and forces you to see others as fallible.
currently taking small steps towards these goals! gym progress so far has been a huge help, cuz its something i can consistently put effort towards, and has visible results. great feedback loop so far. been working on social anxiety by interacting on social media and threads here, something i've never done before. like, genuinely. ever since i was a kid, i've always been a lurker. feels weird that me, a grown ass woman, cant even interact w/ people on the internet, smth that should be easy, so i've been putting myself out there. despite the circumstances, i think i'll manage to bounce back stronger from this.

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is this a good place to ask how to get a nice tummy?

>>41714259
Sure though people will likely focus on what's healthy. Your tummy as it is right now is already plenty appealing for example.

>>41713502
>I think the best you can do, for your own sanity's sake, is to try and let go about assigning blame for now
You're right.
I geuss it can't hoped right now, I'm no use in this state.

>It doesn't matter where things stem from if the solution to the problems is the same either way. And if the root matters, we can discuss
I'll bring up my problems as soon as I can here, I just need to get some sleep tight now.
I'll bring up the possible roost at some point too, when I think it's best.

Thank you for the consideration.

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tomorrow i have 2 exams
im scared of getting too fat so im gonna start counting calories again
wish me luck /sig/
ily

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I woke up at 7:00 am for the first time in 5 years.

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How do I, as a 33 year old guy who pretty much finds just about only alt/gothy/punk transwomen attractive, deal with the fact my SMV to them is non existent and they find me disgusting just for being attracted to them, that's before any other factors come into it. It's a niche of a small percentage of the population I find attractive and the percentages of finding actual love is astronomical. There's no self improvement for that and it crushes me

>>41715544
read das kapital, listen to punk and goth or at least try doing so and stop following pickup artists or anyone else related to manosphere and take care of yourself. afterwards you can meet up with people and be friends with or start dating them if there is a spark
tldr don't be a dick and stop focusing on wanting to date them

>>41715750
I do not give 1 second of my time to any and all manosphere grifting cunts thank you very much.

And I have no friends besides 1 I've known since 13 and he is super fucking busy every day. What does that leave me, go out to an emo/goth night at a bar by myself one night and chance it? Apps don't work, frengen doesn't work, constantly ghosted or doesn't even get past hello. Next best thing is to be a guy by himself going to an established friend group in a bar and thinking it'll go past any surface level interest that night. Soul destroying.

>>41715844
I think you have no chance of achieving anything whatsoever if you keep being a self loathing weirdo

>>41715844
smv is manosphere term so it's on you and instead of loathing try to meet some people or work on yourself if it's needed for you not to fuck it up, frengen isn't a good place to meet people really out of my experience and few people I talked with about it and yes if you want to meet people from a subculture you need to get into that culture at least a bit
inb4 yes making friends as a adult is harder and it's because you're not forced to stay in a one place with strangers

>>41715996
SMV is a term I saw used here in all honesty, I just used that. It's hard to be in a vicious cycle where the chances of who I like not being a poly T4T chaser hating, men hating transgirl who can click her fingers and find several others like her is frankly so low in the first place. That is from just experience. I go on apps and lose count in a row how many have those dealbreakers. It's depressing and unrealistic chances that have the knock on effect of shattering my resolve to fight through it.

>>41716154
if you talk about men hating trannies it's same as talking about men hating lesbians, if you know what is the problem with latter you know what's wrong with the former but if you don't see it this way feel free to hate yourself and trannies instead of changing for better

>>41716390
I am a guy, who is pretty much exclusively for one reason or another, finds alternative/gothic transgirls the summary of my sexuality. This is a small percentage of an small percentage of society, and in that rare type of person, I've found most of them are t4t only, often in poly relationships, and have found men bland, dangerous or sleazy. That's all I'm saying, I obviously don't try for the ones like that and then get frustrated. What I am saying, is that this is an extremely unique and indescribably difficult circumstance to be in, before anything taken into account.

>>41715544
>>41715844
>What does that leave me, go out to an emo/goth night at a bar by myself one night and chance it?
That's really your only viable option. You don't know anybody in the scene. You struck out on the apps, so you aren't likely to have a meet-cute at the local indie used record store.
Check your state's local radio programs for any good alt programs (probably on community radio). If those exist, they'll introduce you to the culture, the music, and update you on any local events

>Next best thing is to be a guy by himself going to an established friend group in a bar and thinking it'll go past any surface level interest that night
True, so don't aim for best friends. Socialise well enough that they'll be open to talking to you again next time

i finally admitted to my self i a man
be happy for me chat i have nobody in my life anymore :)

Sorry about all that I did recently relapsed because I met that guy I liked and thinking he was straight and had a girlfriend and I felt hurt. I sort of have been not going to where he works because it’s really expensive to go there nowadays. The only thing I regret about that person who was doing all of that was that I didn’t talk them to stop everything altogether. It’s just like I all ever really wanted is to be safe and feel that I was loved, but I really couldn’t feel that people loved me until after I hit rock bottom. I have been thinking that I am innocent as well because I didn’t really realize what it was until after I got my answer in addition with a bad porn addiction. I feel like I am set with things to do for fun and it’s time to get up and finally have a live for myself and just be myself.

bump

>>41717499
Congratulations, anon. I'm glad you've figured out something so difficult and I wish you much gainz.

>>41718349
Thank you anon
I’m
Crying legit but it’s good

anorexia "recovery" ruined my life

hai /sig/mas shit has not been good but we persist. probably the worst state i've been in quite a while mental health wise. i feel like i'm ruining the progress i made cutting down my weight and trying to socialize. i'm back to self isolating and erratic eating. it's like i'm just going around in circles and not really getting anywhere. very touch starved and idk shit has been pretty rough, but i will try and figure something out when my mental health permits. anyways i yapped too much. as always ly all goobers! sending hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>41714321
thats not my tummy, that is an example of a nice tummy

>>41713502
>Conflict avoidance! You struggle to speak your mind because people blew up at you in the past? I don't think you need rational convincing, you already wanna change that, so you probably ask how to do that
Yes, I've spent a lot of my life making mistakes and getting in trouble for it, even when I try to stay out of trouble as much as possible.

I constantly avoid doing anything to spark conflict, despite it not really working out most of the time anyhow.
I don't know what to do anymore, I just wanna fly solo and support myself now until I can help my family later.

>Honestly, this screams exposure therapy. Trying to have philosophical debates with people could help. ... Bear in mind though who it was who conditioned you and perhaps seek out people not on that list
So, trying to speak with friends that can challenge me without making me feel bad about it? Or at least low stakes conversations?

>Because that is, for the sake of simplicity and your improvement, entirely on other people
I understand, I think.

>>41719226
How do you mean?

>>41714133
>Hot Allostatic Load
Interesting article. Just goes to show at trabsgenderism really is a cult.

pg7

I have a thing tomorrow that I have been stressed over for 2 weeks, and it's really cool cause my stress levels are now peaking, and it's also a thing that I genuinely do not understand why I am doing still.
Anyway idk it'll be over soon.
>>41715544
Wtf is a SMV. Also, yeah, that's like a pretty niche attraction, especially in your age bracket so you might be better off looking at which things you're actually attracted to. Because if it's just like an "alt/goth/punk" aesthetic, then that's not going to be a good indicator for compatibility.
>>41721477
I feel like we didn't read the same article because the one in The New Inquiry says
>Be extremely critical about what people say about trans people, especially things said in vagueness. The rumor mill that keeps trans people out of spaces isn’t even so much about people believing what is said, it’s about people choosing the safest option—a staining that plays on the average person’s risk aversion.
Where you are as best as I can tell, uncritically calling us (that is, trans people) cultists. Eugh.

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>>41723538
FUCKING TRANNY GET OFF MY BOARD

i am very close to crushing out but never do
my secret is browsing this board :)

>>41717499
I'm so happy for you! I think this new chapter is going to bring you happiness and relief

Sorry, I really wanted to follow up here with more notes on how thing are going right now but I'm very over tired right now.

Goodnight for now, take care everyone.

Thank you to all the anons who visit these threads.

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>>41725406
good night buanon!
see you later, i hope you sleep well, excited to see how things are going

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>>41698815
Oh, that's a new name!
>just can't keep myself accountable to anything.
Which ways have you tried?
>At least I'm going out today so I can do the thread goal.
Excellent!
>>41699728
Oh I think I get what you mean. Though I am a little weary, I worry you are putting restrictions on the ways you can and cannot act as a girl. I don't know, I think you know what I mean right? Little torn between seeing an opportunity to you to express yourself and me worrying about you forcing yourself into a mold.
>>41701159
Hm, so you want to lose muscle with it? It might not be the most effective strategy, and losing muscle mass through dieting to the best of my knowledge usually only happens in cases where you are approaching health hazard territory. Cycling down I assume means you aim for a higher weight than that but with less muscle. Did I get that right?
>>41701501
Yes, I think you should under no circumstances try to go the starvation route. There's some resources on binge purge cycles in the resources, do check there, and besides I think your weight will easily fall into place if we aim at the heart of the problem here first. Do you feel like it's a coping mechanism? Are you otherwise often stressed out, for example? On any meds, or does low impulse control perhaps affect other aspects of life too? If it's the latter it would pay off to try and see if you can get it treated or looked at by a pro, perhaps more than one (some are duds, as with any kinda doctor).
>>41704601
>fuck the world i got used as practice for 4 months
Oh that sucks, what exactly happened?

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>>41706229
>>41706236
The character limit is the bane of my existence, too
>1.
All very sensible things to wish for, absolutely! And yes, many people struggle to initiate.
>2
That I absolutely get, it means sifting through more people before finding someone you click with. You don't think they don't exist but you find them difficult to find in practice, is the point?
>3.
That is good to hear. I hope it's clear that to me it is not actually about blame, but trying to "debug", to try and find what you can try that doesn't feel like a retread.
>dming people out of the blue would be awkward
Strongly depends on the person. Meeting new people is awkward by nature though, and when trying to connect with people I have found that 9/10 times it is best to let the other person decide what makes a nuisance and just go for it. Most of the time, even with not normally sociable people I talked to, I found they appreciate me kicking in the door to say hi.
>the process itself isn't fun either with how hard it is for me to convey or drew the thing I wanted to
This is the heart of the problem I suppose. You have a strong desire to convey what is in your head, and since the art making is just a means to an end the whole exercise feels pointless if after all that pain you.. didn't really.
Say, how do you feel about puzzles, creative problem solving of any kind?
>I'm jobless and insurance covers way less stuff
Oh, okay now I get it, thank you for clarifying!
>I have to look into it
I would appreciate that a great deal, as you said it may have a couple wrinkles with not many docs doing it on top but I think it is better to know what you're up against.
>spending money on the antidepressants with how much it costed versus it doing nothing
Ah, okay now I get it, you were seeing a psych and the antidepressants didn't work out for you. It's a tricky thing since there are so damn many and it can take a lot of trial and error to find ones that work for you, I've been told.

i posted a few times on here, and i guess i just wanted to say thanks for the support? when i have?
i've actually been in school for a couple of months and i finally feel like a human being. i thought i wasn't human all my life. so, uh, idk, if i can do it, maybe you can too?
i was a neet for 7 years, after finishing highschool (which i was suicidal throughout). i was never 'normal'.
the process of healing has been years long but it was happening, until i'm doing this crazy thing of, like, going outside again.
love is all you need. love was a foreign concept to me until my early 20s. but you need love, from somewhere, and i hope people here can get it, and will hold onto it when they do.
thank you.

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Clocking my time spent on /sig/ is oddly satisfying. Today I spent 1:08 composing posts, with about 13.5 hours since the first. That is enough for tonight though.
>>41713496
Proud of you, Anon. All wonderful things to strive for. I hope things worked out great!
>>41715340
I guess I'm a little late to the party but of course I was wishing you nothing but the best. How do you feel now it's done.
>>41714133
Ahh, I understand. A difficult thing, and I think I faintly remember that conversation. Thank you for the context! And yes, it sounds like you are making some lovely progress overall, I'm happy for you.
>i've always been a lurker.
Sometimes I "break the fourth wall" addressing lurkers in my posts to other people, because all this work is also very much for lurkers. It makes me happy this thread made you speak up and reach out, it's something I always enjoy seeing. In fact, some lurkers reading this right now can look forward to being praised for this in the future as well, I am sure of it!
I have faith in you, you are taking all this in a wonderful direction, and remember, we got your back to the best of our ability here.
>>41715464
Awesome, Anon!
>>41715102
Take all the time you need, bunon. I won't be going anywhere. <3

>>41724076
How can I be trans when I'm not even a
person ^_^ I'm just a hound.
>>41725878
It's more, how I speak etc makes me non passable (because of misogynistic expectations societally) but also it brings like the legitimacy of me being trans into question because on the surface I'm so capable of being a guy and it's like "if you just do this naturally why do you need to transition" so it essentially puts me in a situation where I can't communicate myself.
And it bothers me because I've met/known loads of women who are very capable of being confident, sure in their speaking, direct etc without it coming off that way (my senior police neighbour for example or the officer who did my army interview).

I'm like less than 10 pounds away from officially being <30 BMI, just a few more months of this and I'll finally be thin enough to get a cute bf and be a cute bf

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>>41726159
exams went kinda shittily,
i entered a friend group recently tho at my uni, very casual after class drinks stuff but i did that and then i did a 7 km run c:
thanks for checking in <3
>>41726870
nice! weight loss is super hard, im gonna start counting calories again desu, lets reach our goals anon, stay strong

What's the word for when you're no longer able to improve? Perfection? I guess I've reached perfection, then. All that improvement and I still need a hug, but the toxic people I've cut out aren't there to give me one anymore.

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>>41725892
people whom I would like to hang out with have to exist but the problem is I'm too strange for normies, too stupid/uneducated for people in smart/art niches and not a 4chan incel at the same time
puzzling and probleming is fun but can get boring for me quickly if it repeats too much or is made to be unintuitive in a way where you have to thing exactly like the author to solve it, for example portal 1 and 2 are really fun games but mel fan dlc is a bit too confusing and rule breaking/unpolished for me to just play whole chapter at a time
reading laws gives me anxiety with how much I'm learning about how fucked I am even when I have a idea that this is how things are working here so I'll procrastinate on that for a while longer
I tried 3-5 and none of them really helped me with few of them having side effects bad enough that I was questioning or did stopped taking them before the control visit

pg7

>>41727562
This image is very much a mood.

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>>41689556
>Would you be comfortable elaborating, if you think its important context?
Just mental illness (schizoaffective or bipolar disorder and AvPD). It's not that important.
>What about you visit one of your old friends for a week or two?
I'm no longer in touch with those people. They've all moved on with their lives and it would just be awkward. I know because I used to go to the high school reunions until a couple of years ago.
>If you would like to get a look at the personal story of someone who suffered from anxiety, and got some time to kill, you might wanna look at the game
Cute game. Thanks.

Anybody got any advice for how to force myself to fall asleep?
I genuinely have a problem now.

pg8

>>41727618
It's a different P word: "Plateaued."
>>41727562
At 215 rn, once I get to 208 my next goal will be to get under 175 and get to a normal weight.

>>41723538
The thing was not so bad, unfortunately, it is not over like I thought it'd be.
AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH why the fuck am I trying to join the Army am I actually stupid why have I not withdrawn this shit.

I want to go like rent a one-two bed flat and hide there forever, only emerging to work so I can live. It is genuinely so humiliating to tell people I'm trans as like a fucking manmoder.

pg8

>>41731404
liquor + weed usually works for me

Goodnight again, I need to fix this.

pumb

hai /sig/mas tis bump o'clock. anyways as always ly all! sending hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

How do you make it so people want to be your friends? So people want to be around you? Some people are just so free... so unrestrained. You can't help but want to be around them. How does one learn that?

I did not have a ton of obligations on my plate today, but now I'm feeling pretty perturbed. I am really lonely. I'm sick of having no fun plans with others. I don't even have fun plans for myself, I've cast those away in the hopes that once I'm done with my current goals I can focus on that. But it seems like even the destitute and downtrodden have great personalities and the charisma to tantalize others. I've got some peculiarities of mind, I've accepted that. Is there a path for me? A life without people is not a life worth living.

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hi anons.....i said months ago that i was going to start exercising and get fit and i have tried twice but eventually i just get to a point where i totally hate my appearance. i was losing weight recently as i began exercising again and i felt i looked amazing but obviously losing weight is not helpful for building muscle and as soon as i started eating more to build that muscle (more than just ice cream, which was only once, if you are from the other day's thread) i got horribly bloated and now, after the bloating has subsided, just look extremely masculine and gross. or maybe the bloating hasn't subsided. i don't know. am i doing this wrong? is this an inevitability? for everyone? just for me? i've thought about maybe gaining a lot of healthy weight, like, thirty pounds maybe, and then exercising *afterwards* while trying to maintain the weight (which would obviously fall slightly as my caloric needs rise again), but i don't know if that would work at all.
i honestly still don't know anything about fitness and i'm taking the advice of my parents who both used to be very fit and it just does not seem to be working. am i stupid? pic related; at left i am like 126lb and now at right i am 130lb.

my fitness is really important to me for my job but i don't know if i can handle this. i've thought that it was maybe my routine but it happens every time. any advice at all would be appreciated friends thank you

>>41739515
Thank you, anon :3

gaining weight again :[

>>41740505
Make sure you're getting enough sleep and real food.

>>41734126
Navy, judging by your pictures, calling yourself a manmoder might be your dysphoria speaking. If you embraced them, your breasts would compliment you well, you're voice training and your haircut is feminine and emphasizes the feminine features of your face. You're a *boy*moder at most. At home, try to girlmode more, and maybe ease into it (is it safe to go out at night where you live? Ie. Start to go out at night at "oh dark thirty". Notice how dangerous it is and how many people are there. Work alone or with your therapist of what you or your body feels when you think about going out in public en femme. Move to just the corridor first en femme. Then out to the building door. Then just in front of the building door. Then walk around the block. Transition to the next stage only if you could hold the previous stage without anxiety. Moving backwards is perfectly okay.)

Also: The army is moving forwards with your application, despite you being out to them. I would consider that a sign. What are your feelings about it? What changed your mind about enlisting?
If a magic fairy appeared tomorrow and made you cisF, would you still withdraw your application or enlist?
If you awoke tomorrow to see the UK affected by a sweeping anti-terf meme which made it perfectly safe and accepted/respected to serve in His Majesty's Army/Navy/Marine Corps while being trans and in transition would you withdraw your application still?

Okay, this might be embarrassing but...
> kys
I'm trying, okay?!

So I'm mtf, and grew up in a slightly unsafe household, and was in a slightly unsafe relationship.
I'm doing trauma work using IFS and reparenting to make my body feel less unsafe, and reduce the incidence of flashbacks and residual anxiety.
Recently I had a breakthrough, if we could call it that.
I have integrated littlespace - that is voluntary, contained and self aware age regression into being like 6-8 years old (what my therapist and I call my inner child and not the age I had larger traumas.)
This had the effect if making me emotionally pliable and suggestible rekindling parts work and modeling secure attachment.
As well as making it more easy to me to access and identify my feelings.
I also have a long-standing urge to chew, fidget and destroy things (like cables, my nails, my hair.)
For the first time in my life I noticed and identified it as something I need to solve.
The solution I'm trying is called "phantom seat" which is effectively replicating the feeling of a pacifier in my mouth without an actual pacifier.
Yes, I bought an actual pacifier, too, but with the phantom seat, I wouldn't actually use it.

So:
> Does anyone here have a long history of oral fixation like smoking, vaping or weed used for the semsation of something in your mouth in stead of/in addition to the nic/thc addiction they managed to kick? (Like smoking which is not helped by nic patches, or snuss; smoking non-nicotine vapes, etc.)
> Anyone here who successfully masked neurodivergent/AuDHD fidgeting?
> Anyone here who uses a pacifier for any reason (ABDL, agere, AuDHD, insomnia, focus, anxiety/trauma/flashbacks)

pg9

I’m too self aware to get bettrr

Pg8

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I must admit I wanted to make several posts today but I after having two borderline meltdowns at work I did what I would expect of every last one of you too, rest as much as I could and avoided stressors to the best of my extent, leaning on loved ones, seeking comfort, and cope the best ways I can.
>>41720085
Well then we agree. You can tummy post, I don't mind. I think I state the caveats clearly, we don't rate, and the answer will likely be anti-climactic.
>>41715544
>How do I, as a 33 year old guy who pretty much finds just about only alt/gothy/punk transwomen attractive
I am fascinated by that, I hope you don't mind me digging but: why is it your attraction is so tied to that? I don't mean to be rude but to me it seems akin to only being attracted to people into, Steven Universe or something.
>There's no self improvement for that and it crushes me
Attraction is a very, very hard to anticipate thing. How many relationships have you had where you grew romantically attached to someone you weren't attracted to?
>>41715844
>And I have no friends besides 1 I've known since 13
>Apps don't work, frengen doesn't work, constantly ghosted or doesn't even get past hello.
Hm, what are your living circumstances? What about friends of your friend?
Are you NEETing or employed? What hobbies do you have where you could meet people locally?
>>41717499
Ah, out of the closet, Anon? Good to hear.
>>41717944
It's alright Anon, I know you sometimes have these periods where you cycle back into habits you try to free yourself from. We have established a checklist for you at least, I am sure you will get around to it, right?

>>41713438
I genuinely don't know what I am doing with my life anymore.

Every decision has just been one sinking ship after another.

I think I'm just a flat out failure.

I don't understand how I can do so much for years and get nothing meaningful back.

I don't understand anything.

Why cant I just be a normal fucking person with a stupid fucking job already?

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>>41719226
Can you elaborate, Anon?
>>41719862
>probably the worst state i've been in quite a while mental health wise.
You are doing great speaking up about these things, Anon. I'm proud of you for it.
Remember, a slump does not necessarily mean a permanent regression! If you want we can try think of things you can do ASAP to get back into the groove with limited energy.
>>41720712
>So, trying to speak with friends that can challenge me without making me feel bad about it? Or at least low stakes conversations?
YES, you got it. I struggle with conflict avoidance myself and I must admit, I have not found a thing that works when it's about strangers, or people I do not trust. But.. that to me is manageable enough for now to not tackle.
>>41724827
Oh? What makes you almost crash out, Anon?
>>41726018
If anything I could say or do helped you in any way, then I am already more than happy.
It's wonderful you came to share your experiences, and I hope you know you are always welcome. Stories like yours are inspiring, and yes, I think many people here can follow in your footsteps, in due time. All the best, Anon.

i thought i mattered but I guess I was nothign but a thorn to them
it stings but im used to it
bye friend, cya later
/vent

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More on Saturday.
>>41726178
>because of misogynistic expectations societally
Ahh.. hell is other people.
>I've met/known loads of women who are very capable of being confident, sure in their speaking, direct etc without it coming off that way
But this checks out, thank you for sharing your perspective! But I get it better now I think, pardon the knee jerk response, but I guess you get why I was worried.
>>41726870
Awesome, Anon! Just remember, none of this is about deserving or some such, that you already do. Proud of you nonetheless.
>>41727562
Awh. But I am happy you found some friends to hang with, that's lovely news, on top of your run! Always happy to check in.

>>41731404
> Sleep hygenie
Don't use your bed for anything but sleep (no tv/computer/phone in bed)
> Trauma
Go to therapy and work out your anxiety issues
> Ritual
Do something always before you go to sleep
> Light
Use warm lights in stead of blues. If > 40yo, switch to incadescent in stead of led/flourescent.
> Chems
Benzos, melatonin, booze, weed
> Pacifier
Like above, habit forming. Adult-sized ones won't fuck your teeth up.
> Tongue work
Make an "n" sound. Hold your tongue there. Have your tongue flatten against your palate gently, or hover just before it. The back of your tongue will be between your molars, preventing your jaw from closing. Deepens your breath - calms you without chems and off to dreamland you go.

>>41741601
>try to girlmode more
Very much WIP, since I may as well at home given all my immediate family know now (courtesy of my mum just not respecting my boundaries at all).
>If a magic fairy appeared tomorrow and made you cisF, would you still withdraw your application or enlist?
I honestly couldn't tell you, I'd just be relieved that the dysphoria nightmare is over. I guess I'd keep at it, but there's so much more I'd want to do beyond that.
>If you awoke tomorrow to see the UK affected by a sweeping anti-terf meme
The problem is I have to balance the basic need to transition (and all that comes with that, so surgeries mainly) with the basic requirements of service.
Even if I keep going now, I would be delayed getting FFS because of training (and probably obligations of service), orchi (because the idea of ever possibly having T back in my system again horrifies me), etc.
In general
I really dont want to spend a significant amount of money on private services for HRT (to meet their medical requirements), when there's no guarantee that if I do that, they'll let me in anyway.
I don't love them digging into me (in ways I'm sure you're a bit familiar with). I've been truthful with them, but there's this like childhood part of me that's screaming that they'll think I've lied to them somehow or that I can't be trusted, etc, and I don't know what I could do to convince them otherwise.
There's also just a nagging feeling of being like really alone, and I don't feel like I can really do relationships (of any kind) while joining still, like I really just want my own place and people who understand me around me, but that's not likely to happen in the army. Currently, I just feel like an asocial husk.
>>41746584
>hell is other people.
Yeah. It's like I don't want to stereotype femininity or womanhood, but I also fear having my own tossed aside if I don't perform the expectation. Especially with the various horror stories of how the NHS expect transwomen to behave.