>goth girl>ROGD>over dose my testosterone for 2yrs and bind so much that my tit skin is sagged & stretchy (possible hEDS DESU)>unsupportive family; doesn't feel real bc i rely on external validation>my dad starts talking about my vagina as a baby while drunk on my first HRT appointment>mom uses any ounce of femininity as proof i'm not a man, wants to call me "deadname-chosenname" as a "compromise" despite the fact that i passed and it would make the public confused/possibly unsafe>always scared of detransition & making a mistake>decide to detrans bc the thoughts & fear won't stop haunting me, got pressured & sexually blackmailed once while trans so what's even the point of it all> the jig is up once they know u have a vagina> 1 year into detransition> mom told me she couldn't even tell i had an adams apple or was on testosterone, just seem like a woman with a deep voice>feel defensive when people call me cis>don't care about pronouns or presentation because it's all a lie anyways, they start calling u "she" anyways once they know u have a vag>1 yr into detransition>boobs are fine now>"i'm living a lie"> yearning for HRTwtf is wrong with meis it just a need for control? i don't want to be trans and nothing but a dollar and test subject to the medical industrywhy can't i just live stealth in some rural area of the USA . i broke stealth to 1 bitch at my job and i think it was the start of the endeven queer people would make me feel like all i would be was a woman pretending to be a man. "this actor is trans!" "oh you're not like those men", "you're different", "i hate men but you're not like them"i hate it hereliving in confusion and miseryi miss testosteronei just want to live t4t with a beautiful wife who understands meshould i just be nonbinary?
ngl i was hoping to post this & get people saying "you're obviously trans, just take HRT already". idk. i'll take it slow this time instead of causing myself neurosis with speedrunning the whole thing. we'll see how it goes
>>41742424I get you anon >tranny thoughts since I was 4( I used so many birthday wishes asking God to make me a women )>repped until hs and only came out to a few close friends > get on hrt at 18 through planned parenthood family finds out they scream and berate me I was still heavily considering repping > they took my meds my mom says “that she will never be okay with me doing this “> I started again I’m 19 now on diy it feels very idiotic I’ve been on it for abt 4 weeks now and I keep waking up from nightmares of my family finding out and of my transition failing I might quit and go back to repping idkI’m sorry it’s like that for you anon I know I can’t do anything but I wish it was better for you
>>41742488your obviously trans and should be taking hrt in theory. If your life is worse off it than start again you need to resolve this internally people on 4chan can’t help you know you
>>41742493don't quit due to fear of family it's the most retarded thing in existence and it will never make you feel whole inside
>>41742497thanks, you're righthope u have a beautiful day
>>41742516That’s what you did thow
>>41742424Reasonable detrans, a man wouldn't be bitching like this. Stay a cis woman, you're already making progress.Pampered by society by default, and you'll be over it by the time you're 30 with an actual life instead of worrying about shit like this and obsessing over a phase.>she was a goth girl with daddy issues before pooning outMany such cases.
>>41743314are u repressing? why r u so emotional over my lived experience lol
>>41742773that's why i'm saying it's dumb. if ur having nightmares abt potential consequences due to others then i don't assume it's something inside of u saying u want to be a man. but that's just my 2 cents. it's harder to transition to a woman than it is to a man. my opinion is to give it time & to not miss out on HRT development. if you end up realizing it's not for you, you can take it from there. but if you've been like this as a kid, pushing inside what will never be calmed is only going to cause immense pain. wishing u the best anon
>>41742424Idk why you suspect you have rogd, frankly I skeptical of that theory generally, but you definitely seem to have detransed for the wrong reason. I know that it’s easier to write that than live it, but I can relate to that kind of pressure at least.As much as one may try to give a tremendous amount of grace and credence and consideration to unaccepting parents, that is supposed to go both directions. I think dealing with that so immediately must be so overwhelming and you just want them to stop, but you can’t let them live your life for you when they try. I was fortunate that I only really dealt with that in spurts earlier in my trans. I’m in a pretty compromised situation right now, I succumbed to the pressure to come home. That said, I had a chance to learn to hold standards for what I let get to me through a lot of other challenges against my transition.I can’t speak to what’s in your head, but it does sound like you’re trans. I know that frustration with people disregarding your comfort and viewing you differently, but you have to push back. It’s hard to enforce against family, but you can choose who hangs out with you based in part on their acceptance and understanding.Let them try misgendering you after much longer on t, when you look like a man. They’ll look absurd and you may then spitefully revel in their defeat. Look forward to the day that you can rub it in their stupid faces. I know I am.
>>41743794people in these spaces would call it ROGD bc i kept trying to femme it up to suppress right before dysphoria hit really bad. i'm really good at looking feminine if i try hard enough. the bone structure helpsi live with my mom again. i'm just tired of fighting it. i think i'll just secretly transition this time and let them look dumb for saying i'll always be a woman.my mom scoffed when i first ever mentioned wanting to grow a beard. i'm learning with time that family doesn't really mean all that much and i don't have to feel like a fraudulent cosplay of a man. most of what being a man is is just self confidence in who you are. i think my lack of self confidence and validation screwed me over the first time around.i think i'll just start working out again so that i can at least live with that until i can get HRT again. thank you for having so much understanding and compassion with this anonymous mental illness thread. i tried to be very understanding of christianity while transitioning. i thought they would feel moved to understand me more, but they're almost at the point of religious delusion, so their wants and woes don't really matter in the end. even if other people don't see it as real i can still transition and live a happy life. it doesn't have to be based on what people who say "warshcloth" feel.i'm glad you were able to realize you don't have to lessen yourself just because you live with family. i admire your worldview and confidence. i'll get there soon. thank you
>>41743911lol that’s not rogd, that’s the reverse of boy midi boymoding being girlmoding.Yeah I recommend to start by hiding it. Be prepared for the day they find out, tho, and be ready to stand your ground. The moment that you have that talk about differing ideas of what is right for you is viscerally scary, horrifying even, but the liberation is worth facing it head on.Plenty of dudes project false self-confidence, or wear their lack of it outright. If I had to attribute anything to masculinity, it’s maintaining functionality while weathering utter shit. Self confidence and validation are however entirely necessary for the trans experience. Many fall short of that and detrans, because it’s exceptionally absurdly hard, but if it’s any consolation I have complete faith in you.Yeah modern American Christianity can be pretty atrocious, one of my first instances of standing up for my transition was against this church that I was really committed to at the time.Don’t be hasty about Southern accents tho just because they’re represented poorly, warshcloth is admittedly fun to say. I expose my accent when I say something like potaytah lolThank you, I really appreciate you too. I felt kinda like a hypocrite telling you all of that when I still have so many issues, but funnily enough between my last post and now I was actually confronted by my parents and had to spill everything I was holding back from them. My dad told me that he will never accept me as trans, which only confirms my prior suspicion. That really sucked, it still isn’t easy to have these conversations, but I have come incredibly absurdly far to even have that capability and not acquiesce as a lie. Someday they will have to understand that it may be really uncomfortable for them too, but that this matter is in your hands alone.Good luck, I have total faith in you
>>41743608>no counter + projectionSee? You even respond like a woman, keep it up.>>41743911>>41745271>>41743794>waa waaa foidbabbleLooking real masculine ITT.
>>41746009Dawwww thank you!!! I know you didn’t know I’m mtf, but I was giving advice about being trans more than being a trans man. You think I’m fembrained!!!I don’t think the gentleman is tho, just going through some rough stuff
