A large majority of cis people have never seen a trannie in their lives and aren't exactly looking for them, we pay more attention to this than anyone else, especially to ourselves. So I was thinking, are we being way too harsh? Not obvious hons but like, 1 or 2 things can be chalked up to genetic variance for most cis people.
>>41889847>A large majority of cis people have never seen a trannie in their livesThis might have been true 2 or 3 decades ago but it's definitely not true nowadays especially for big city westerners. I've seen many troons just this year alone.
>>41889847yes this place is pretty ridiculousand yes far too many decent looking cute and pretty girls are trapped in a endless cycle of self loatheryit gets to the point i think they dont know how to feel anything else; maybe they get too comfy and immune from it or something
>>41889872Surgerymaxxing voicemaxxing then going butch dress style. It's the only way now.
>>41889963>butch dress styleStop copying my strategy.I bet you don't dare buzz your hair like I do, though.
>>41889973lifting headgear styles from muslim skateboarders so can keep it long.
>>41889872Not really from the city so I wouldn't know, I see a few where I live but never actually talked to any of them, I feel like it's the same for most.
>>41889847>A large majority of cis people have never seen a trannie in their livesNot even remotely true in 2025
I think it's just when you stop getting misgendered. If you don't pass at all, you will almost always be misgendered. If you look mostly as the gender that you want to be but are still visibly trans, depending on where you live and just how visible that trans is you will probably be gendered correctly more often than not, whether by people who are simply supportive and not transphobic or by people who just are not thinking about it and are not inspecting you all that closely. and if you really pass, you will virtually never be misgendered. I say virtually because even some cis people get misgendered once in a blue moon but I'd say the rule should be about 99 to 1, and that is of course discarding the words of anyone already familiar with you or anyone who has any determining information about you such as your name. It's about whether you pass to strangers, who don't know anything about you other than your appearance. This might be insane but every time a new stranger adresses me in a gendered way by these rules (doesn't count if they have my name, doesn't count if they heard someone else say it first, etc.) i write it down and keep track of it for these reasons. I find this helpful to sort of counteract my own brain worms, because if you asked me I'd just insist I look like a man and don't pass at all, to have empirical evidence that that isn't the case I think is good for my wellbeing. I also find it helpful in the opposite respect, to refute any toxic positivity from friends or anyone else who insists that i just pass completely and that I have nothing to worry about. It keeps me grounded in reality and protects me both from my own hypernegative delusions and other people's hugboxxing.I currently pass 85% of the time (and rising) by these metrics, and I was last misgendered in February. I consider myself someone who doesn't truly pass but is maybe kinda close to it, and maybe I'll get there someday.
>>41889847but anyway, I think you're mostly right lol yea.
>>41889973I've had pretty bad hair loss from illness & surgeries, I'm thinking about this. Sex/relationship prospects for straight trans girls with buzzcuts are pretty bleak though.
>>41889847>A large majority of cis people have never seen a trannie in their livesi saw 6 visibly trans people today. granted i live in the woke capital of porltand oregon but still. unless you live in bumfuck, nebraska this is no longer the case
>>41890308I'm so sorry anon. Hair loss sucks.
>>41890312>tfw portlander reading this and there's probably another right now also readingYeah I almost hate it because I can't tell who is being too nice and who isn't.
>>41889847When you're gendered female. "Pity passing" is total bullshit. Yes, trannies are way too harsh on eachother but it's because they try make passing into an exact science when in reality it's just vibes. I do everything right by tranny standards, get the thumbs up online, but don't pass at all irl.>>41890249>If you look mostly as the gender that you want to be but are still visibly trans, depending on where you live and just how visible that trans is you will probably be gendered correctly more often than notThis really is not the case unless you live in an extremely woke area of America. I've been girlmoding on and off for quite some time and have never been gendered female. Imo in 99.9% of cases you're honestly being gendered by the average stranger.
>>41892047does your voice pass?
>>41889847I personally think you pass when normal guys start coming up and talking to you or catcalling you. Obviously there are chasers but if your coworker Kyle comes up and just starts chatting and asking how your day is, you’ve made it. Mostly guys avoid me so I know I don’t truly pass.
>>41890249keeping stats is so autistic but it's a good idea. i'm glad it is working for you nona :) also totally agree with your post, although i think an acceptable ratio of misgenderment might more accurately be a bit higher; i don't count the number of times i am gendered, but in the past four-and-a-halfish years i have only maybe been misgendered once, fairly recently, and idek if it was just something i misheard. i imagine most cis ppl are misgendered even less than this, because i present (and just look, lol, not by choice) fairly masculinely......i feel like i ought to be getting misgendered much more often than cis ppl. then again, i have lived in very blue states for those four-and-a-halfish years, though in a fairly rural and red area of one of them. idk. maybe i have no idea what i am talking about. but i think you are spot-on ime
>>41892893Yes it does, people online I honestly think overrate it. I didn't mean my post to be a doom and gloom spreader BUT if you are gendered female irl there is no way to deny that it was not an honest pass imo.
>>41894063>a bit higher*lower.......i did not major in math
>>41889847When you are next to cis women and you look like one of them instead of a tranny
>>41889847It's very hard to pass. I heard that when they stop complimenting you on your hair or outfits, you're on the way.
>>41894181this is true but cis women (and very rarely cis men, usually ones of younger-millennial age) do give genuine compliments like this sometimes. what's more important to watch for is compliments on things you KNOW look like shit that day. eg compliments on unplucked and messy eyebrows
How to tell if you pass>go to a non-progressive area for maximum results>dress androgynously with no make up(I am wearing a sweater and black jeans with vans)>see if people call you ma'am to get your attention without you having spoken in public>on the phone see if they call you sir or maam without knowing your name>have men randomly compliment you or ask if you need help anytime your doing something "masculine" (adding oil to your car, carrying something heavy) (ex. Some random guy complimented my shitty mushroom Walmart sweater) Basically unwanted male attention and see how people address you when left to assume. Most people automatically gender you in milliseconds in their mind off of unconscious reads. You see in their eyes when they call you maam or miss and didn't register you as that at first. I didn't always pass, I knew when I was being pondered to and it took a long long time until I believed I genuinely pass. When I was getting hit on by hill bullies consistently ans always gendered correctly even when I went out feeling I didn't pass in androgynous or even masc ish clothes and strangers still called me she I knew.
>>41894255Disengenous "you go girl!" Esque compliments are the hell zone. It would always kinda hurt when people did that but make me feel at least not hated.
>>41895037i get "i love your hair all the time" and it feels so cruel and pitying but all my friends say that i'm just being crazy and that i just have nice hair and im overthinking it and so i don't know what to believe. i think my hair looks so awful
>>41895089i put the stupid quotation mark in the wrong spot whatever
>>41895037those sorts of things cut me deepest, i think. like, here's this nice person who thinks they're being so kind and supportive because they look at me and think i already know that they know i'm a tranny (because of course; it's so obvious) and now want to show support when in reality the absolute last thing i want to hear from anyone is that they think i look like a freak and pity me for it>>41895089it's hard to get compliments from friends :( in my experience it turned out everyone was being sincere, though.....so it could be they really mean it. do you know anything about hairstyling? maybe they know less than you and you are simply more critical of yourself?
>>41895037I feel worse about it. Might be because I hang out around theatre kids more than is healthy but the whole 'OMG you fucking slay you're the best person in the world you're killing it!' type culture just reeks of insincerity. None of it actually feels like a compliment, it feels like they're trying to make themselves look good.
>>41894181Wait to pass as male or what? I thought women got complimented more than men
>>41895288the above posts answer this question lol. it's not always fake, especially the occasional ones you get once you pass, but disingenuous compliments are very common when you are not passing but obviously trying and the people around you are dispensing pity for your karyotypical malignity. this is probably true of both mtfs and ftms but the conversation here is about the former.
>>41895288The point is that if you don't pass they flounder for compliments, and the only things they can think of are 'you have nice hair' and 'you have nice clothes.' See also 'you look so pretty.' Context dependent, of course.
You pass only if you can no longer pass as your birth sex with a shaved head and wearing nothing but a towel.
>>41889847i realized i truly pass when i noticed that other trans people weren't even clocking me anymore and were shocked when i mentioned being trans.
>>41895447Trans people are terrible at clocking because many of them have sex blindness.
>>41894962I agree as I've never achieved these. Here's how to tell if you're attractive as a tranny but no one thinks you pass:>women are nice and pleasant and guide you into women's dressing rooms and bathrooms with a smile, but then stare at you like they expect to do something embarrassing >guys leer at you creepily smiling, as though they think they are being flirty, and are obviously attracted to you, especially in thrift stores and lower income shopping stores>guys are overly nice in a way that they would be far less likely to do for other men, but they still have obviously clocked you as trans in their eyes (for instance, a convenience store owner gave me my purchase free today, a couple weeks ago a guy behind me offered to pay for my $20 meal order when my card wasn't working)
>>41895350Ive been wondering about this..I'm a boymoder who only girlmodes occasionally in places where I know im safe and the only people who really compliment me are people who are trying to fuck meMy friend the other night told me I look like a cis woman, but she was also trying to sleep with me so like I don't really believe her. Also my bf is ostensibly a straight guy..
>>41894255 Is correct. Even I've gotten compliments on my makeup from cis dudes on the street; I'm a cis dude. (And not flamers, either; they were regular-looking guys. This was in Vancouver, BC.)
>>41889847There are levels of passing:Gendered female in men's clothes in deep redneck country on 2mg estrogen and 50mg spiro (helps to know my voice didn't drop and I was generally hanging onto manhood by the thinnest of threads)Gendered female in men's clothes consistently in places that have heard of trans people after about 10 months, shortly after confirming full T suppression and increasing to my current estrogen dose.Last misgendered at Pride I think about 1 year in.Passing without careful styling in gay and gay adjacent bars frequented by trans people probably took 2-3 years but it's harder to tell. You gotta observe people's reactions to you over a long enough window to be confident.Passing on 4chan is impossible because people here will literally make up male traits for you to have.>>41895420Or they'll cook up impractical tests like this that they know you won't do so they can claim victory when you don't do them.>>41895382And they lay it on SOOOO THICK too OMG.I trust compliments more now specifically because I don't get them so often anymore and because they're not so weirdly gushing.
>>41895232i meant i hear it from strangers, not from friends. and no i don't know anything about hairstyling
I get like 70/30 gendered male/female in poland>girlmoder ftm with no legal sex change
>>41895961i was referring to the reassurance your friends are giving ;pbut it really may not be as bad as you feel......i thought for a long time that i could not trust my friends or family but they were telling the truth. either way, try to keep your head up love. i remember feeling the way you do.
>>41894962>>41895472this is how to tell if u pass as a tranny but no one thinks ur attractive. >guys basically ignore you>guys never listen to anything you say at all >they still try to help you with 'masculine' things like putting air in your tire or carrying heavy objects hope this helps any other ugly or painfully average looking transwomen!
>>41895772>Or they'll cook up impractical tests like this that they know you won't do so they can claim victory when you don't do them.lol somebody doesn't actually pass and knows it
>>41897571I think being uggo makes it easier to pass since ppl pay less attention to youLike I'm objectively hot, get tons of male attention or dudes just staring at me/my tits... but this comes with more scrutiny esp. from cis women. I think my voice passed better when I was less hot because I was under less scrutiny so now I have to voice practice again lol
>>41897662as if anyone is willing to go bald for your validation lolthough i will be shaving my head eventually. maybe you'll see it someday lel.
>>41897736lol sure you will.
>>41895472Regarding #2, couldn't those guys just be gay? I'm pretty certain I don't pass but dudes try talking to me in thrift stores and even mens restrooms sometimes.
>>41897765why do you doubt? i am enby anyways. after i get srs i'm shaving my head since i won't need mental health professionals to take me seriously anymorei've wanted to try being bald since i was a little kid
>>41897879ah, enbycoping. a common strategy for nonpassers
>>41897898i just had a coworker not an hour ago ask me how it could be possible that i don't have a uterus lmao. i just want to try being bald. i'd like to be more androgynous in general anyhow but that's a hard line to toe
>>41897860Bisexuals love clocky trannies, its like they don't have to choose anymore. Embrace it, some of them are probably nice i guess.>t. manmoder who can pull bi bois
>>41897694i think it goes both ways. being attractive is associated with passing. cis women are probably just jealous so maybe they look at you harder but not men.
>>41897662You're a GAMP and a fetishist trying to convince trannies to shave their heads for you.
>>41894962>>41895472 >>41897571what does it mean if I get hit on by ugly looking dudes and misgendered by cis ppl
>>41898675For what it's worth I got hit on more in early transition than I do now. But on average when I get hit on now it's way more respectful, and at least sometimes it's guys I might want to fuck if I were straight and not basically asexual. Like I can see how other people would be attracted.
You pass when women start being mean to you
>>41901983?
