can anyone tell me what it feels like to have bpd / be a bpdemon? i THINK i fit the definiton to some degree except i don't feel positively about anyone ever. i have fucked a lot of people up by being mentally unstable though.
I don't like the word "demon" because it's insufficiently Germanic conceptually, but basically instead of getting long periods of mania and depression like bipolar people, being borderline gives you intense mood swings in a shorter period of time, often anger and fear. Typically you'll be very impulsive and terrified of not being good enough... the latter makes you scared that everyone will leave you (and sometimes they will because you're erratic and insecure, making it self-fulfilling). You'll also typically love people very deeply in a short amount of time and start to see them very negatively after one or two bad experiences, the sense of others is manichean just like our self concept is empty. Moments of dissociation are common too. Fortunately DBT responds well to treatment and weakens after your 20s. It can overlap with C-PTSD a bit
>>41891462>DBT*BPD
>>41891462alright yea, so i'm a bpdemon then. dunno what you mean by "germanic", im gonna assume its some kinda nazi or race science thing idgaf tbhon. i fit the definition you gave like perfectly. whelp.since literally nothing on this earth, even hard drugs, feels good, except for the emotional rollercoaster of speaking to people (which always makes me feel worse and ends with me saying something wrong), do i just kill myself? like hell am i going to take some drug, especially since that sounds expensive and nobody will hire me round here on account of my uncanny valley effect. thoughts? i was just waiting until people stopped needing me around but i feel like besides my cat, my death would have no real impact at all.feel free not to respond since im too chickenshit to kill myself, just kinda curious what youd have to say.
>>41891479If you need my advice on whether you should live, then you truly lack direction. I suggest you think deeply about whether dying would actually satisfy your desires or if you just feel trapped. Therapy works well for BPD, especially dialectical behavioral therapy, but that is a group effort. Many doctors will just push SSRIs and nothing else though, and the "safeguards" around suicidality and abuse in some countries' mental health systems makes opening up 1 on 1 very hard.Personally, I have been through some extremely bad periods, of my own doing and others'. I am glad I didn't die because realistically it would have just been me shitting myself and regretting it in my last few minutes. But it'll come eventually. Do not base your worth on your people. Your body is a vehicle for your own Will - this is instinctive until we are subverted by education and parenting. Love yourself and build circles with people who look like you and think like you, if possible.
>>41891479>like hell am i going to take some drugdumb
>>41891540gamer i am not capable of love i dont think. desu i never really felt anything so pure and selfless as "love" apparantly is. just really isnt in my nature, shrug. plus, people do not think like me. i am a walking contradiction in all aspects, nobody ive met is as incoherant as i am. esp as someone who is uncompromising on seeing all people as inherrently equal and defaulting to finding structural reasons people act out instead of just being evil or degenerates. THAT one, people really dont like.>>41891543yes it is, especially since im literally on estrogen right now. the thing is that its fucking EXPENSIVEEEE to get it the right way, and self medicating in the panopticon we got going right now does nottttt sound like a good time. probably isnt gonna be an issue on the second one, but i for one am scared. i find the will to feed myself and shower as i am, and i figure i will never be happy anyway, so why do i even bother?
>>41891571>the thing is that its fucking EXPENSIVEEEE to get it the right wayif you're poor and in lardland you should be elligible for assistance >i figure i will never be happy anyway, so why do i even bother?look bud if you're gonna be alive you may as well fix your fix. same way that if you have to eat food you may as well eat food you enjoy or that is good for you, if you're gonna be alive you may as well unfuck your life.
>>41891437the fuck is it w retards wanting to self identify as bpdyoure prob just cptsd like every other terminally online fucker, bpd is questionably real anyways, as is the rest of dsm based psychologyyoure just another faggot like the rest of us get over it
>>41891740well yea obviously but i want to have an explanation as to why i hurt people without trying or wanting to. why is it just something i do without thinking? i could just say im a bad person but what does that do to help solve the problem? i don't WANT to have bpd, just like how i dont WANT to be transgender. its just something that has happened to me, and that i want the words to understand.
>>41891774if you actually want to know youd go to a therapist and get a real diagnosis without explicitly fishing for the label of bpd like you are herethis whole board is full of ppl who hurt other ppl intentionally/unintionally, i dont think that translates to bpd by itself, cptsd even results in a fuck ton of "bpd behavior"either way you see a therapist if you want to 1) know wtf is wrong you 2) fix it
>>41891793therapists are hella expensive man, im just doing the best i can with what i have.
>>41891827maybe check out a dbt workbook and try your hand at some sort of self therapy? better than just slapping your own label on it and going "yup im just another bpd person"i also cant afford therapy so no judgement
>>41891841true. honestly most days it just feels like "everyone would be better off with me not there, so why even bother."i know its selfish and cuntish, but genuinely. i try my best to act well and not cause problems (after like a whole life spent being a lunatic), but i still fuck up often. it's not like i don't know the coping skills and the thought patterns to change, i'm not an idiot, i tried to get better for a long time, but i always fuck it up. now more recently it feels like im worse. every waking moment, even when i try desparately not to be, i am just a cunt. and i know, excuses, but really! i try to be a good person, i give what i can to charity and i try to be nice especially to strangers, but all i ever think about is me me me me me me me me.i'm so self centred, it feels like i cant escape it. i just want to be a normal person and to care about things other than myself. i'm a bad person and it's all my fault. i can't even pity myself because i deserve anything bad that comes out of it, because my shittiness is just an expression of laziness. i probably should go to therapy. thanks united states healthcare system! (feels nice to blame that instead of my own personal failings)
>>41891897i dunno maybe try some shrooms while youre at it you seem to be putting a whole lot of weight in yourself and your own self importance/lack thereofyou should def go to therapy if you can afford it at all, if not yeah i dunno just do whatever i guess, self help through actual workbooks is prob best but alternatively you can just self medicate with drugs and that will def for sure not make things worse
>>41891937did both normal and crazy amounds of lsd, no real effect on me besides the circumstances around the crazy amounts making me realize just how suicidal i was.workbooks sound like a good option. what do they normally end up teaching you? if it's stuff like "emotional window of tolerance" or stuff like that, then i learned most of that pretty well in the psych ward, but i cant imagine it being much else :/
>>41891983no real effects on my personality, i mean.
