why did my first ever sexual experience have to be rape by a bisexual ogrehon?this is not recent at all and i've had actually enjoyable sex numerous times since but i just wanted to lose my virginity differently..why like this... just why
>>41905265tbhon... post story
>>41905313i really would anon, but this rapehon might still lurk this board even nowshe's insane enough to kill me if she wants to
>>41905337post it anyways I want to hear it i'll raise you a canemaker for protection
>>41905346whatever, i guess i shouldn't let this evil POS dictate my life any further so here it goes>be me, 3 yrs ago>autistic, 20-year old with no social life much less sexual experience>start getting involved in discord servers shilled on 4chan>click on invite to a server for euro trannies>days go by chatting with people, and i seem to jive well with them>some members want to add me, and eventually the only other person from the same country adds me as well, and immediately starts to flirt with me in the DMs>being an autistic social outcast, i felt flattered by the mere idea of someone being attracted to me; even if i wasn't into her at all objectively after seeing pics>she invites me over to her apartment, and i say yes because its not like a NEET has anything better to do>tons of red flags on the 1st day of the meetup, she openly berates me in public and yells at me whenever i did anything at all>try to ignore my instincts and head towards her apartment>after casually talking for a short while, she offers both of us to lie down on bed and i foolishly agreed because i'm a retard>we start to kiss at first, and being the naive autist i didn't expect it to go further than that>she then makes a sudden movement and tries to shove her hand underneath my pantyhose, and even attempts to touch my genitals>i protest and seem safe initially>but days later she manages to pressure me into exposing and using my private parts in ways that are too horrifying to describeexplaining it in detail beyond this part is too TMI and traumatic for me, i struggled writing this alone alreadyI really wish i could just erase any memory of this encounter t.b.h.
>>41905514>>but days later she manages to pressure me into exposing and using my private parts in ways that are too horrifying to describeI wish I could play with a gock
>>41905514>days lateri dont get it. she was being inappropriate the first time, how did she get you back days later to actually rape? were you locked up for days to pressure you?
>>41905547>she was being inappropriate the first time, how did she get you back days later to actually rape? were you locked up for days to pressure you?i know it sounds nonsensical because it is, but basically my self-esteem was so non-existent that i felt like a person like her was the best i could ever deservethroughout the days i've slept over i tried to convince myself i'm in love with her as a way to justify it allmy attitude "allowed" another such instance to happen in which worse stuff transpired, i just did not have any backbone or ability to assert myself in any way whatsoever.that, and she was also 7 years older than me at the time so it was pretty easy for her to manipulate me into doing things i didn't want
>>41905656>7 years older than me at the time so it was pretty easy for her to manipulate meyou know that isn't true and you should stop that shit. its because you are autistic and hate yourself. a normal 20 year old would not get into this and can say no. i say this because i almost had the same thing happen in my late 20s for the same reason. got out of it by being too lazy to go outside.
>>41905656You may be retarded I'm sorry to say
You didn’t deserve that, Anon. I know what it’s like. I hope you’re taking care of yourself.
>>41905688i guess i shouldn't have expected anything less from this shitty board than victim-blaming. this website really is the worst cesspit of the internet and my biggest regret is discovering it in the first place>a normal 20 year old would not get into this and can say noif you didn't antagonize me i would have probably elaborated further on this, but now you can go fuck yourself. >>41905709the only actual retarded thing i did was posting this greentext story in this cesspit, thanks for reinforcing my belief that i should block this site from now on>>41905749thanks, i'm doing much better now actually sans the occasional flashbacks. i'm significantly more selective with who i engage with now.
>>41905785>points out the victimhood isnt because of the age gap without denying you were victim>claims victim-blamingkys this is a disgusting larp youre putting on
>>41905785Me too. It’ll be better for us, I’m sure. It’s my first time going back on here in about a year, I think. Maybe my sign to BTFO for good
>>41905809if you think its antagonistic to blame things on manipulative behavior instead of age gaps between literal adults you really should leave you are insane.
>>41905809>It’s my first time going back on here in about a year, I think. Maybe my sign to BTFO for goodi didn't post for about 6 months either, but most of the replies motivate me sufficiently to just forsake this place definitively. it's a net-negative for your mental health in every single way conceivable, i would honestly just suggest you to do the same thing really.
>>41905839>instead of age gaps between literal adults you really should leave you are insane.i never stated that the age gap was the PRIMARY reason for the injustices that have transpired, merely a facet of the whole picture. which is why i mentioned it only briefly in this post >>41905656most 20 year olds reallly are not at the same stage in life as people in their late 20s. they're both adults, but to deny any discrepancies is just preposterous
>>41905874muh american life stages. you explained why you were vulnerable then fell back on reddit age gap discourse and took offense when someone pointed out it wasnt the age it was the other shit. how could you have been here before and not know how that would be received?
>>41905891>you explained why you were vulnerable then fell back on reddit age gap discourse and took offense when someone pointed out it wasnt the age it was the other shiti believe in hindsight that i misread your post and interpreted it as being antagonistic while it wasn't. i have ample reason to assume so based on previous threads i've made here, which is in part what prompted the misunderstanding.>how could you have been here before and not know how that would be received?okay fine, you're right. i concede. there is no other explanation for this other than faults on my part. i haven't really engaged on 4chan for a while so some of its norms passed me.
>>41905971you should still leave for your own sanity anyway, but i have to let you know i started being mean on purpose when you called me antagonistic when i meant well and was trying to express how i know what its like to get drawn into situations like yours.
>>41905991>you should still leave for your own sanity anywayyeah well, i mean again as mentioned before bad-faith is pretty rife here so unless you resort to shitposting only, or strictly inquiring for information 4chan is pretty much a net negative>but i have to let you know i started being mean on purpose when you called me antagonistic when i meant wellfair enough. i guess you could say that i antagonized you first, albeit not with the intent to do so beforehand. either way i'm sorry about my demeanor.>i know what its like to get drawn into situations like yoursfrom my anecdotal experience i haven't really encountered other people with similar experiences and while i don't wish it upon anyone i find it assuring to know that i'm not alone with this.i hope you have managed to quell the trauma at least, it never leaves your memory but you can still dictate how you deal with it in the present.
>>41906056i have a net positive way of using this board, but i wont share how since it never works for others and they get worse. the bad faith stuff makes it hard not to flip to reading people as being insincere, as i did, when someone is actually having an intense emotional time where likely not reading things closely. the terrifying thing is how i never develop emotionally so will continue to risk getting trapped in abusive relationships or be isolated. id like to think you have escaped or will escape that pattern.
>>41906117i tend to skim texts a lot, especially during emotional duress so it is indeed tricky in a board like this where trolling is pretty much the norm. it makes authentic people like you hard to find, or recognize.really sorry to hear how you're emotionally stuck. i feel the same way about myself, but what helps me personally is having genuinely supportive people around that can give you advice.i still have many of the same problems i did when i was 20, but they're less pronounced which is still an improvement. i'd like to think this improvement is possible for you too, but naturally i don't know all the fine details of your situation.
>>41906201i feel better but i dont think ive reached point where i can avoid toxic cycles. i have supportive people but they have no idea how to handle what's happened as its so many separate extreme things. i mostly rely on here for advice since i can filter the bad faith quite easily to extract the pieces i need. i might not be autistic just socially fucked. but i get nasty when goes bad while trying to offer advice. glad to hear you are experiencing improvements.
