I was dating an FTM Asian guy who was a bit younger than me, and he was genuinely the happiest part of my life. I messed up badly and did something he found unforgivable. He broke up with me and won’t speak to me now, and I don’t blame him, but it has completely destroyed me.I think about him every day. I spend most nights crying. Being with him was the first time in my life I ever felt cared for or happy. He was so kind and funny, treated me well, and even after I hurt him he still gendered me correctly, which somehow makes the heartbreak worse. He even had his driver take me places when I needed it. I’ve never had anything like that before.Since the breakup I’ve been feeling incredibly depressed. I hate admitting this, but I’ve had suicidal thoughts on and off since it happened. I’m not going to act on them, but they scare me and show how badly I’m struggling. It feels like I ruined the only good thing I ever had and my only chance at being loved.I don’t know how to cope with this. I don’t know how to move forward. How do I deal with this level of guilt and loss? How do I stop feeling like I destroyed the only relationship I’ll ever have?
>>41908664idk other than give it time like a lot of time however long u can imagine itll take, it will be longerwhat did u do that pissed him off
time it will take to get over it = time spent together * 0.3you can half it if this was not a pair bond/live-in partneryw
Yup like other nonas said, time heals and helps you forget, you also get used to deception and sadness as you grow up so it hurts less.Sorry you have to live through that, it's some kind of pain that seems like it'll never go away, unlike physical pain feels like a sickness, one of those that last for months and leave a lot of scars but you'll get through it.
>>41908664how tall were both of you
>>41908664I was dating a guy I really really liked he decided to move 700 miles away and I coped for awhile and then when it got close to the time he was going to move I crashed out got drunk and made everything so much worse I still love him it's been months and I'm not over it so best of luck with your situation I know it sucks
>>41908969I am 5'4"; he was 5'7
>>41909002what did you do op, confess your sins
>>41909002>5'4shakes fist in 5'9 heighthon rage
>>41908664>his driveryou thought sugar daddies grow on trees?
>>41909025Yeah I already made a post about what happened on here (it was like a confession when I was planning to rope) but the short version is: I got blackout drunk at his place, flashed everyone, kept trying to kiss him and be all over him even after he told me no, said messed up sexual shit to his friends, threw water on him and refused to leave until security came. It was horrible and I don’t blame him for cutting me off.The worst part is I think a lot of it came from how insecure I was. I kept worrying he didn’t actually like me because we hadn’t kissed or slept together yet. I wasn’t even wanting sex for pleasure, I just wanted proof he cared. None of that excuses anything I did, but that’s probably why my brain snapped like that.
>>41909130
>>41909130i dont realy know what i was expecting but wowi think the fact that u were like avoiding mentioning that you sexually assaulted him indicates that you need to spend a long time reflecting on and internalizing what u did before u start thinking about ‘moving on’ and i dont say that in a way to make you feel guilty although like, you literally are guilty, so you probably should feel that way as well
>>41909265"Feeling guilty" is just feeling the connection between actions and negative consequences; it's clear enough that op has that basic connection drawn but the question is can they rearrange the morality vectors in their latent space to grow from this experience
>>41909130That was very fembrained, it's something you need to reflect on but there's really nothing you can do now so don't worry that much, don't try to overcompensate, it was a bad moment but don't torture yourself over it.
