I’m unsure how to speak about this.My fiancee I came out to as trans two months ago, at first she accepted me and it was the most joy I ever experienced in life, only 8 hours went by and she then explained she “didn’t want to be in a lesbian relationship due to being in an abusive one prior.” It terrified me to a point my skin crawl and made me take back my coming out because I genuinely never want to lose her and it caused me to be so panicked in the moment.It’s been two months, I’ve tried reassuring her but nothing calms her about the idea. I feel so drained and every day as I’m pulled between two different lives with equal fakeness attached. I feel miserable I can’t be the man she wants me to be, yet I can’t be the woman my soul desires either. I feel like a person who’s on fire, charred to the bone, and somehow, someway, I keep going and I know I can’t stay like this forever, the very things I live for are causing such a slow and agonizing death. What do I do? I can’t give up either the woman of my dreams or the body of my dreams.I just want a happy ending with her without it feeling like I sacrifice myself.
>>41961996reppers who date are evil
>>41962003I’m so evil for simply existing
>>41961996im not gonna tell you to break up because i don't know your life but from an outsider's perspective it certainly seems like this relationship can't get anything but worse from here. it's crazy to do this to someone after getting engaged but at least you did it before you got married, that's what matters most.it's also insane of her to say that its just because another woman abused her as if that means all women are abusive. that's a terrible and selfish excuse to try and convince your partner not to transition, and i think she's more in the wrong than you are.
>>41962053Before we got together, I had expressed I was nonbinary and she was in the process of detransitioningI felt comfortable confiding in her about this because of such conditions and yet it’s turned out like this
>>41961996go to couple's therapy together because you being a woman now doesn't make you abusive, she needs to get that belief checked out and modified so u two can live a happy lifeu can live w people that both love u and ur body+real self :)
>>41961996From what I gather:>she was les>pooned out>went on t>became gayden (picrel)>dated tall pretty boy gaydenbate>depooned, still into yaoi boysIt's not meant to be unless you hate yourself OP. Gaydens cannot be attracted to passoids trannies, she will sabotage you
>>41961996couples therapy first and foremost.Armchair anon’s opinion: you two do not move forward as a couple. Maybe you both break up, and you flesh out your transition and reconnect later in life, but a healthy relationship is not one where either you have to repress being your authentic self, or she has to battle daily with changing her perspective of the person she fell in love with (essentially a fraud), and somehow pretend she’s okay with that moving forward. Of course she’s not going to feel okay with you obviously trying to go back on your coming out. You’re clearly lying to her. Relationships do not thrive on lies. They thrive on loving each others’ authentic selves and building a life they both desire with each other. And right now, she doesn’t even know who you are when you drop a bombshell such as being a tranny.And no it’s absolutely not healthy for you to repress for a relationship, as it not only causes you to feel apprehensive towards her not accepting you, but it’s also a facade of a person she’s not actually in love with.tl;dryour relationship is fucked, go to couples therapy, but this is such a common occurrence with couples and one person coming out as trans, it should be ana actual study by now.
>>41961996OP. It ain't fair to do this to other people. It ain't fair to yourself to live a lie. You've got some difficult decisions to make. Just remember, staying put is just as much a radical decision as leaving.
>>41962281>your relationship is fucked, go to couples therapy, but this is such a common occurrence with couples and one person coming out as trans, it should be ana actual study by now.I don't get why reddit tries so hard to put it into peoples heads that it will be fine, it's all okay. You are fundamentally changing who you are to somebody and the role you play in the world. That is going to completely upend the relationship dynamic and what was once harmony likely wont be anymore.
