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>2 years hrt
>never male failed a single time
>struggle to get gendered properly when i girlmode
>disgusted by my own body
>unsupportive and frankly abusive family
>seeing no feminization from hrt
>weight cycling not working
>constantly hugboxed
>too ugly and weird to fit in w mean girl trannys
>too normal and pretty to fit in w transbian hons who r so much more happy than me
>push everyone who’s cis around me away by how dysphoric and insecure i am
>don’t even like speaking to ppl who didn’t know me pre hrt because i’m so crippled w pain from how i sound i can’t even speak the words or way i want to knowing it’s coming from my mouth and not a real woman’s
>college dropout due to transphobic family abandoning me
>parents abandoned me from a very young age to do drugs
>every man i’ve become attached to since transitioning (only 2 of them) just disappears and abandons me or turns emotionally abusive for fun to torment me and make me cry
>never good enough to be more than fwb w the men i am falling for especially the guy i like right now :/

i could go on and on. i’m just not good enough for anyone i’m unloveable and unfixable. anyone who i have ever loved abandons me. i’m too ugly i’m too much of a bad person and i’m just never enough for anyone.

i want to give up and die so bad it’s all i think about lately and when i try to be honest with ppl i think care they just get mad at me for being suicidal or thinking about self harm saying it’s not fair to them while i just have to suffer in silence w no support or have an ultimatum about being abandoned yet again

i’m sorry for posting this here i know it’s annoying but i have nowhere and nobody left to talk to about this stuff. i think i’m going to be dead soon i can’t take it i feel like i’m being ripped apart writing this. i punched myself in the body till i was covered in bruises when he rejected me. i’ll never be good enough i didn’t ask to be trans