> be me 23, gigabottombrained "bi" (coping heighthon hsts) semipassoidthe type of person to do literally anything to experience being a small spoon> meet cute "taller" online trans girl "top" online> expecting her to want sex, i just want to be small spoon. fair exchange> day 1, she becomes instantly obsessed> she turns bottombrained "for me"(oh..)> leaves her polycule for me (i'm mono)mind you this is day 2 of meeting> asks me to marry her(ohno..)> begs me to be her gfit almost feels like I am possessed.i fall back into familiar habits of when i was a kid talking with men on omegle pretending to be a woman so they would call me pretty and say they loved me.validate her. agree with her. never say no.feel incredibly uncomfortable. incredibly angry with myself.it feels like i am speaking without thinking. why do i lie to her?????? i wish i could tell her i don't love her the same. this is so cruel......> i cut things off with someone else i was talking to at the time.the moment i do that i start sobbing and begging myself to stop.> she spends insane amounts of money on mei do not want this but she pushes back until i stop saying nonot denying responsibility though i do accept :(> publicly loudly asks me to be her gf at an expensive outing.> (nonono! D:) "yes ofc! :)"> ffw a few months> i feel like i do not control my own life> i'm horribly turned off by her bottoming out EVER> she wants ME to big spoon> dissociate through everything sexuali cry behind her back> mindlessly parrot everything she wants to hear> she's constantly making herself the bottom> i am trying to convince myself to leave her but the words don't come out> I am starting to resent herwhat hell am i in what mental illness is this why am i so cruel to her i genuinely don't know what to do.> learn she's bpd and alone and actively suicidali am worse than MechaHitlermy fate is deserved.but please diagnose me 4chan i need to figure out why i'm destroying my life.
>>42009283bpdemon hands wrote this
>>42009356>bpdemonthis word will never stop being funny
>>42009283>but please diagnose me 4chan i need to figure out why i'm destroying my lifetransbianism
>>42009283it does really really fucking suck so fucking bad that if ur tall ur a top and if ur short ur a bottom. bc they have literally no correlation. its fucking awful and i hate it. i think its a social construct and it can go away.
you're being raped by a transbian
>>42009356i'm not i swear i'm very emotionally consistent and normal. i'm just not mentally consistent.>>42009427yeah i'm probably more agp than i realize>>42009433i've accepted i will never end up with a man who will be dominant and protective of me. i'm learning that i won't even end up with a trans woman who will either even if she is tall too. they are all coping.>>42009442how? i do consenti'm getting very mixed messages
>>42009283im in a very similar situation, gf blocked me multiple times then lovebombed me, made me block all my friends, got me kicked out of my parents house, and now it's just a shitty situation, shes constantly manipulating me and makes it so hard to leave, im basically glued to hera ll day cus she lives with her parents and im stuck in her room with her and she doesnt ever watn to go out anywhere without making me go with her, i've tried breaking up with her but she always gets really sad and guilt trips me and acts like im abandoning her and shit and plays my emotions and empathy so hard and i wanna kms so bad dude, idk how to get out of this situation and even if i do i dont know if id have anywhere else to go
>>42009283sounds like non-specific personality issues/people pleasing + depression. talk to her ASAP this will only get worse with time
>>42009467nona i'm going to be honest your situation sounds different. she isn't abusive towards me... i'm rly sorry that's horrible.. idk what to do either but i think you first need to try finding how to move out and get away>>42009479> sounds like non-specific personality issues/people pleasing + depressionokay......... that sounds about right.> talk to her ASAP this will only get worse with timei know you're righti can't exactly right now it's christmas of course...,.but even then.. how do i break up with her while also not leaving her with nothing? she's getting better with therapy... but i know that if i left her after everything she's done for me she might actually attempt :( like not an attempt to guilt me but just bc she'd be so sad :(((i am her entire world but i struggle to even acknowledge we're togetheri have to though you are right. i wish i could just fall in love with her
>>42009283You are a people pleaser and think others needs and emotions are more important than your own. You are afraid that if you be yourself you won't be loved, so you put on whatever mask you think will be pleasing to others. You want to "be" loved, rather than "be" yourself. You probably hate yourself deep down, and being in a fulfilling relationship where you are authentic would be too scary, because you'd have to let yourself be known. I say this because I do the same thing, to an extent. Although I crack eventually and start crying all the time. You cannot be with a bottom anymore. Because you'll only end up with selfish bitches who will use you. Get a top bf, and slowly reveal your personality to him. This will heal you. Meanwhile, start being yourself around your gf, and stop topping her. Just become super self destructive and emotional.
>>42009547> stop topping her. Just become super self destructive and emotional.this would also devastate her and i'm incapable of revealing myself> Get a top bf, and slowly reveal your personality to him. This will heal you.was this your strategy?i'm really craving a bf but i know i shouldn't but i rly wish i had one and i never did any gay stuff again.
>>42009283>want to be bottom>SHE becomes the bottomdid you just... not tell her what you expect from the whole ordeal?honestly, you did this to yourself.>it gets bad>it gets worse>it gets the worst>dont want to object>resent her>still want to stayis this some mega fear of abandonment or what>she has bpdjesus christmaybe ask her to take you to the next dbt session HAha no its not funny seriously see a psychologist.
>>42009457>i'm not i swear i'm not X i'm just Yand other hilarious things you tell yourself before the doctor gives you the cluster B diagnosis!
>>42009771>did you just... not tell her what you expect from the whole ordeal?i very explicitly said i would never ever ever top and am exclusively a bottom> honestly, you did this to yourself.yeah this is true :(> is this some mega fear of abandonment or whati can only describe it as being possessedi genuinely do not want to be with her. i just dissociate it all away.but because i do that i just people please out of habit?it feels like i'm saying one thing inside and doing one thing outside.i have no fear of abandonment though i prefer to be left alone desu>she has bpd>jesus christshe's doing better and hasn't done anything to me at all! i just can't leave her now or she will die> maybe ask her to take you to the next dbt session HAha no its not funny seriously see a psychologist.i'm going to try to get therapy next year :(
>>42009795it's so over.i mean i know i'm mentally ill igi just don't think it's bpd. i don't relate to that at all...ig you are saying it might be npd too? or hspd or whatever?
schizophrenia
>>42009817no I don't think so, I think I'd have my way out of this in your placetalking about PDs you give Dependent vibes if anythingI love armchair diagnosing other people to feel smart but getting in touch with a shrink is the smartest optiont. narc
>>42009801honeyyou have to tell her how you feel.look for some time where both of you will be free together for a while, then tell her you need to sit with her somewhere quiet and tell her something, but it's gonna take you a long time and she needs to be patient with you while you get it all out. she'll freak out about if you're breaking up with her, don't dodge answering if you've decided that already, be honest if you haven't. hold her first if she needs it, the truth is you care about her and you want to figure this out, going on without talking about it is hurting both of you and it has to stop. maybe you need to break up, maybe there's a way to figure out how to communicate and have boundaries and stay together.definitely recommend some therapy (and yes, probably some dbt) cuz this is a muscle you have to train, but first step is to stop compulsively self-harming by hurting people you care about as soon as you can make that happen.it's very difficult to force oneself to do these things without the prerequisite trauma work, but i hope that you can try anyway, and that both of you end up okay by the end of things <3it will get better, nona.
>>42009971maybe it doesn't look exactly like that, you know what that should say better than i do. but she has to know, at least.sorry i got all auntie about it i just uhh felt feelings reading all that, you poor things, heh.
>>42009995(to clarify she, also, needs therapy and is doing a ton of fucked up shit, but people gonna people so at least do the thing that'll help you too yk)
>>42009283>hsts >in a transbian relationship uh huh
>>42009971okay... yeah ur right that's how i have to do this.idk if i want to break up but yeah at least talktherapy is rly something i need and i will try to get too next year! :)>>42009995ty for getting auntie i needed this.i have to sleep now but i will be thinking this over.wisdom nonas make the board a better place>>42010003hsts includes dominant women who act like the man in the relationship obviously.
>>42010011no, hsts doesn’t include that at all. you’re just another transbian
>>42010021i know :(
>>42010011hsts actually means a feminine gay man who couldnt get dick and transitioned to hook up with straight menits all transphobic bs for blanchtard to be able to sleep with his patientsdemented troons here use all this pseudosexology babble because they want to feel like trutrans truthers in comparison to tucutes and softer transmeds
>>42010037i kno :)i don't actually care about that desu.my sexuality is whatever gets me held softly desu. idc if it's a man or a woman.and ik that doesn't rly affect my gender lol. 4chtrannies are silly
>>42010049actually quite a based take desu>>42010011frick this was cute. is this what elder gay energy feels like
>>42009283>hsts>interested in transgirlso she's either unpassing or you dont understand what hsts means
>>42010011hsts means Homosexual Transsexuals. Its transwomen that are ANDROPHILICeither she's a super nonpasser and you consider her a male or you're not HSTS simple as
at the very least u could tell her that ur dissociating 1000 miles away every time you have sex. She's making you feel like a man every time she does this to you. even she could find workarounds to you not using ur thing like a big gross dick like you told her was a dealbreaker. If you're really so important to her that she'd be a suicide risk if you left, she'll be able to find other ways to coom for your sake.
>>42009283larp was once believable
>42010011>42010049OP being intentionally ignorant to upset blanchspergs is the best thing ever honestly>>42010003>>42010021>>42010164>>42010169cope seethe dilate
>>42009283You need unconditional love. You are desperate enough for the facsimile of love that you'll let a crazy idiot love bomb and railroad you into a relationship you don't really want to avoid the pain of feeling like a bad gf. That other person also needs unconditional love, but you are in no shape to instantly turn yourself into the kind of person they need.
>>42009283>coping heighthon hstsYou're meta attracted (trutrans)
>>42010574Blanchtards will yap forever about trutransness but it takes one larp and they are screeching like incel moids on 4chan
>>42009457>i do consentyou're not competent to enter a relationship with her, opshe may not be a rapist (assuming you don't want to be a radfem gigavictim omg she's literally raping you), but you need some sort of tard wrangler for your hyperwomanabusebait ass to keep you out of troubleyou're in a shit situation (tall, trans woman, regular woman sexuality and regular trans woman trauma), so it's not unexpected to let yourself get this fucked over, but I'd recommend amicably parting ways since this is bad for yout. stayed in a relationship that wasn't good for either of us due to similar reasons
how tall are you this will determine what i say next
>>42011471>>42014088i'm getting so many mixed messages>>42015205you're right...i don't feel ready for a relationship at all. i'm way too mentally unwell for this. i'm still getting over some weird schizo limerence i got when i lived in a black mold infested room :(> hyperwomanabusebait ass:sobbing: i'm ngmi> t. stayed in a relationship that wasn't good for either of us due to similar reasonshow did u get out?>>42017471~6'4"/194cm
>>42017471:( ohno
>>42017810lmao so tall anon ghosted u
