ciggies

beer

Ciggies and beer

bag of russets

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beer and ciggies

Marlboro Reds, Modelo Negras, and some Rye whiskey

>>42038111
Egg nog, it's Christmas time you fuckers.

>>42038111
a rope

>>42038111
take your HRT, retards

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I got IPAs and rum, with lemonade for the mixer, cos I gotta get my serving of fruit. I wanted to get fries from the deli, but they only had mashed potatoes.
>>42038817
Fair. I'll make my alcoholism seasonal next time.

>>42039208
IT DOESNT HELP
im never going to ever pass what is hrt even why do i need it nothing matters

>>42038111
>>42035938
>idk about that dood.. idk
>folderanon can drop my pre pic in here
folder anon i need to see

i am a lonely and sad person

>>42040114
brap

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My mind refuses to fully accept that I will be a man forever. There will never be a point where I am able to become a woman nor a different person.

>>42040631
Same. Also excellent image taste. Thats nosferatu the vampyre right? Love the first 3/4 of that movie more than anything else. Isabelle adjani was gorgeous in that

>>42038505
how to become a furry girl

hellworld

spent today almost entirely away from this thread and felt better. excited to learn nothing
>>42038111
dr pepper and some cookies and cream ice cream plz

i inject just a little estrogen as a treat when I'm bored

>>42042143
lincoln's head only did that because he was a repper

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>>42042178
Lincoln was possibly our best repper.
>t. true patriot

Bicalutamide boxes have arrived.
One more step towards escaping repping.

reppers are repressing trans women. do you think of yourself as a transwoman internally? do you have female gender identity

>>42042359
>do you think of yourself as a transwoman internally?
On some level I recognize this, but it also feels wrong to acknowledge it if I'm not even trying to engage with it.
>do you have female gender identity
When I was young I did, but nowadays it feels shameful to think that way because I've let my body get completely wrecked by male puberty and aging. Instead it feels more like I'm a formless ghost piloting some body that's not mine desu.

>>42042441
>it feels shameful to think that way because I've let my body
can't relate.
I unironically tried trt hoping that this will hone in a male identity. Much to nobody's surprise, it didn't. My neurology is still feminine.
i'm too old to give af about my body. I just want to no longer feel like a stranger in my own head. That'd be nice.

>>42042359
I don't feel like a woman trapped in a man's body so much as I feel like the body a woman's soul got trapped in

If she could do it, then most of the neuroticism on this board is meaningless.
Comparatively, I'd be at a better advantage.

repping can't end soon enough

https://www.reddit.com/r/transtimelines/comments/1p66oy6/1_34_year_on_my_way_and_lost_80kg17637lbs_weight/

holy shit

>>42042557
Why would you link something like that?
Why would you give us hope?

>>42042143
The kind of girl you desperately want to be with because you want to look like her

>>42042590
Because i'm very much done with repping.
That subreddit was repper fuel. It still is, to a certain extent, but a lot less so lately.
Besides, i don't even have that grande objectives. I'm fine with permaboymoding. But goddamn it if literal 200kg goblins can make it, then every single excuse i have for repping is a pathetic joke, comparatively speaking. And it applies to most others here as well.

>>42042557
I don't see what you mean. They weren't in a horrible spot to begin with aside from being morbidly obese. If they lose that weight, regardless of transition, they'll look a thousand times better.

>>42042635
You're not wrong. But you gotta admit that it's an example of what can happen when will is used productively on oneself.

Being trans is just so cringe. Like seeing a timeline of a man taking estrogen and trying to act like one of the girls with other guys on estrogen and a woman who grew up a little girl and lived her whole life a woman feel like two entirely different worlds
But it doesn't make the dysphoria or feelings go away. I just want to look closer to a girl than a regular guy. Fuck I feel like a moid on the inside I just can't stand what T does. I miss looking like a twink. Fuck trannies

>>42042359
50/50 i can't express the feminine part of myself, because i feel embarrassed and slightly ashamed. It's the worst when i'm in private acting a little feminine and then end up seeing myself in the mirror. Usually i just tell myself i have a feminine soul.

What are people up to today? Weekend is drawing near

>>42042675
>Fuck I feel like a moid on the inside
Lucky you. It's so much easier to rep that way.

I don't have that privilege. My neurology is b0rked. Every thought that's more profound than "i need water/food" feels alien.

>Fuck trannies

oh welp. I'll soon be on the other side of that fence. Luckily I already have a thick skin.

Would it be dumb to take Bicalutamide, just on its own?

fuck everythings fine until I see some sex related shit and realize I will never have normal not poop hole sex as a woman until the day I die

>>42042822
Taking strong anti-androgens without a hormone replacement is going to fuck your bones.

>>42042822
Depends what you want to achieve and for how long (and in what doses) you're taking it.

Bica just lowers your T. It's quite dangerous to be without a dominant hormone for too long.

I am almost 8 years on hrt but still mentally a repressor...
I haven't voice trained, I got told to give up on ffs after my consult and I don't feel like I'm a woman at all just a detached spirit floating through life

>>42042845
In theory, as a whimsical thought experiment, how long would i have to be taking it before my bones get messed up?

>>42042856
>I haven't voice trained

Why not?

> I got told to give up on ffs after my consult

Now this is weird. Why would they tell you that?

>>42042865
>Why not?
I don't know I struggle to do tasks that don't have immediate payoff, and whenever I try watch a guide I get upset and give up for a couple years.
>Why would they tell you that?
It isn't directly what they said... But they said there wasn't much they could do for me and that I probably wouldn't pass as well as I wanted to.

>>42042811
>easer to rep
Idk I have nightmarish physical dysphoria. Makes me wanna rip my skin off sometimes. I don't get the "on the inside" thing a lot of girls I've known just act like dudes or very neutral. Most of it is just socialization/cultural values hammered into our brains

>>42042863
Takes a while to mess with the bones. Depends on your height, age (if you're over 35 don't take it at all!!!!) and habits (alcohol is really bad in combination with bica).
Still, whimsically, I'd say 3-4 months at the correct dosage is unlikely to fuck your bones.

The correct dosage is no more than 2 per week. Bica has a half-life of up to a week so overdosing is really easy.

t. i got prescribed bica for 3 months. Will start soon.

>>42042889
>The correct dosage is no more than 2 per week
Think the party store where i bought such practical jokes from lied to me, it said 1 a day, 50mg.

30 btw, work as a circus clown. I sometimes drink, but nothing heavily

>>42042918
>it said 1 a day, 50mg.
DO NOT do this.

Such doses are way too high. At best you'll fry your receptors. At worst you'll literally end up disabled or dead.

>>42042928
It's not too high for short periods of time.
Trouble is that a lot of DiYers (and less than stellar endocrinologists) keep them for way too long.

>it said 1 a day, 50mg

For a whimsical experiment it is too high. If you're serious about transitioning, then it is a good start. Get ready to see results in like 3 months.
The other anon is right that you should quite alcohol altogether.

t. different anon who got an official diagnosis and is contemplating ending repping

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>>42042928
Good thing it's just a thought experiment.
But if one online person says yes, the other says no, i will stick to the safer option and wait for now. Though i have read online that 25-50mg/day is pretty normal
>you'll literally end up disabled
Already am. One may hope that two disabilities cancel each other out and fix me

>>42042950
> If you're serious about transitioning, then it is a good start

i bought it because i read somewhere that i needed low T levels before starting estrogen injections. Some say yes, other people i know say it's irrelevant. So many people say different things, so a bit confused if pills or injections should be the go-to, and if being on AA before that is important

>>42042953
>But if one online person says yes, the other says no

Part of the reason is because two different people understood different things from your question.
As a whimsical experiment, it is too high. As a rapid start of transition, it is not too high.

Also, a lot of endocrinologists get this wrong a lot more often than people think.
There's a reason DiY is so popular. And it's not (just) an economical one.

If I ever get the balls (heh) to actually start, I'll keep an eye on DiYers' experiences and constantly advocate for myself. Can't fully trust the doctors, can't fully trust the online people. We're all on our own, tranners and reppers :(

>>42042972
>As a rapid start of transition, it is not too high
Would a rapid start be good if you wanted to, let's say, get the most bodily changes. Or should you instead do a slow build up?

So three months of 50mg before my bones turn to powder is ok? Would be nice, i just happen to have 100 pills from the funny store

>>42042992
>if you wanted to, let's say, get the most bodily changes
>>42042992
different anon here - that's how DiYers do it.
Trouble is that if you don't monitor your body closely (blood tests, liver health), you risk doing a lot of harm in the process.
If your body can take it, the results are visible and mostly good.

With Bica age and pre-existent health appear to be the most deciding factor.

Kinda repfuel but also kinda "omg, wtf?"

This one sacrificed everything but somehow made it.
Repfuel for me tho. I'm too coward to stake that much into this

https://www.reddit.com/r/transtimelines/comments/1pn67jw/42_to_45_3_years_hrt_ffs_ba_from_waiting_for_life/

>>42042928
retard ive been taking 50mg a day for almost a year and im fine. thats the standard dose. you arguably need 150mg to actually fully suppress T anyway, so you need it to build up in your system.

I doubt that taking 2 a week would even do anything meaningful.

>>42043003
>Trouble is that if you don't monitor your body closely (blood tests, liver health)
I don't, because i don't want people to find out i take medication that feminizes me. I'm dumb.
My body can probably take it though, but maybe i should figure out a way to get blood tests etc. first, before risking it.

I've lived unhealthy in the past, with both smoking and drinking quite a bit, but have cut down on it a lot the past 2-ish years. When i start, i will stop completely with both.

Too bad i live in a bum scandinavian country, where lgbt stuff is accepted but you're looked down on if you're not one of the "normal" ones

It seems odd to me to take JUST an AA instead of also doing HRT. I mean, outside of baby's first AAs like fin and min to stop hair loss.

>>42043030
>you're looked down on if you're not one of the "normal" ones
What does that mean?

If I ever start, I actually do want to be normal (no scare quotes). Keep living my life, do my job, stay away from colored hair, loud and obnoxious queer spaces and so on.
Is that what you mean?

>>42043040
lgbt stuff is generally accepted, but people tend to dislike it when it's too "extra" or falls out of the norm
>If I ever start, I actually do want to be normal
Yeah same, but easier said than done when you're 6'1 and already 30. So manmodding it is
>>42043037
It's what i have, need to see if i can get estrogen in the new year. I'm a bit of a spass though, kinda paranoid about having a bad start

i know hrtrepping is a meme but i'm seriously considering trying it next year. i can't face another year of being this miserable. if there's any way to allievate some of this bullshit we all deal with, then surely we have to try?

https://www.reddit.com/user/AbleDepartment648/submitted/
what the FUCK
This is gonna crack me. Probably a lot of photoshop and makeup but still

>>42043064
That's just manmoding lol, and sure a lot of people seem to think its tolerable, even the next best thing below being a passoid

>>42043059
>and already 30
I'm almost 40. But cute face and 169cm height.

I'm still fine with manmoding even forever if need be. Would be nice to be able to ditch manmoding at some point, but that's not the goal.

>paranoid about having a bad start

To joke a bit, that's fembrained. Excessive neuroticism about a process that lasts years and has multiple corrections.

On a more serious note, maybe it's better to regret trying than to live later on with "what ifs".
Idk, that's my rationale anyway.

>>42039402
hrtrepping is the new meta

>>42043069
>Probably a lot of photoshop and makeup but still
Doesn't seem to shopped. Besides, it's been very consistent across years.

Besides makeup, she clearly benefited quite a bit from professional photshoot sessions though.

>>42043012
Doesn't feel like repfuel to me, this one. Yeah, they didn't magically reverse their age, but they still totally pass to me as someone's nice, ordinary Filipino mom from that one picture, and that's a win in my book. Solid 8/10 on my was-it-worth-it-to-troon meter.
>>42043069
This one's a little ridiculous to me, though; I mean that in a good way, of course, since they look fantastic not only as a woman but one their age. 9.5/10 there.

>>42043064
yea, you should. 2026 will be my year wasted on hrt. Either i transition or become a man with gyno tits, both better than doing nothing.
>>42043074
>To joke a bit, that's fembrained
It is what it is

>>42043126
Read the text in the post. It's repfuel for me.
She lost everything. I'm sure it was worth it for her, but the human cost is immense the way she describes.

As a repper she had a family, a support network, a job and a life.
As a woman she has no family, looking for long term singleness, worse job, no support network and all in return to look like a Philipino mom in Germany.

Sorry anon, but that's repfuel.

>>42043157
As you can probably tell, I'm very intelligent as I don't read, just look at pretty pictures. That is brutal, for sure, but I suppose going the distance and losing so much in the process while passing in the end is better than not passing at all.

More repfuel https://www.reddit.com/r/GlowUps/comments/1p5st69/2016_21_v_2025_30/

Or at least encouragement to boymode harder and longer.

>>42043353
>cute/twinkish guys turning into femcels
>ogres turning into hot beautiful women
We truly live in a cursed world. God has favorites and just fucking hates some of us

i am so unhappy

i hate being submissive. i also hate this new captcha

>>42043353
She's cute? Just needs a nose job and that's not for passing.

>>42043524
C'mon, she's a hon.
Better to boymode than be a hon like that. And in public too.

Sure, props for confidence but fr

>>42043628
the definition of hon is crazy these days, you can't look at her and tell me with a straight face that she is the same as whatever the hell was going on at Susans place

>>42043628
I think youre being too harsh, he just looks like a regular 30 something Jewish woman

gm repbros how are you holding up

>>42043628
ur crazy anon i think she's pretty!
dont bring others down either way, it isnt healthy.

>>42044563
>ur crazy anon

Yes, I am crazy. I'm a repper after all.

>i think she's pretty!

Welp, I simply disagree.
And I'm not even bringing her down. I already said props for the overconfidence. But I still think she's a hon.

>>42043628
>>42043683
Ah yes, the old "hon or Jewish" debate.
God bless this place.
Either way, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who tortures himself by skimming r/transtimelines...
>>42044559
This is one of the last places I checked last night, and I'm checking it now, shortly after getting up. So that good.

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>>42044641
is nice to have ppl that understand you, esp during holiday times

>>42044641
>tortures himself by skimming r/transtimelines...

NOW it's torture.
It used to provide mostly repfuel :((

Now where do I get my repfuel? Besides just getting the balls to at least try hrt, that is.

>>42044657
Yeah. I've been pretty attached to the thread the last few days after being away for a while, partly cos the new captcha is less ass so I can post again, and partly cos the tranny thoughts have been so strong this week.
How are you doing?
>>42044667
You can try r/translater, although some of them pull off a decent old lady look. Someone mentioned Susans. Hard to believe that still exists. That's old internet.

>>42043012
I hate this shit because it'll never be me

>>42044754
That's not a bad thing.

See what >>42043157 added.

why are you all being mean to random women on reddit? i'd be happy to look like basically all of them
like even translater, i only looked at a handful and i'd probably be way happier like that
>>42042359
meh? i feel like it'd probably be there if i bothered to engage with it and just feel awkward as a male so it's mostly nothing inside

>>42044815
I have nothing tbf
I'm homeless, no friends, no family, etc

>>42044701
>r/translater

>be me
>opens that sub
>literally the first post that pops up https://www.reddit.com/r/TransLater/comments/1ppmukx/i_just_like_this_44yo_45y_hrt_no_ffs_no_filter/

Fuck! This one is even older than me.
It's gonna be a long december. But I'm done with repping. I must know if it's possible for me too.

>>42044830
The best repfuel there is baby tranners dressed inappropriate for their age or when they pose next to cis women.
Like I said tho, some of them pull it off. You found one one of the better ones. I hate that I recognize her from lurking.
She's older than me too. I am getting pretty close to pulling the diy trigger. I need to get in better shape. Fuck our loser repper lives.

>>42044883
>I am getting pretty close to pulling the diy trigger

I didn't have the balls for that.
But I slowly prepped the "weapon". Throughout the year i got the official diagnosis, went through the bureaucracy and the motions and i'm getting closer to the official moment to start. Of course, I can still stop. But I ran out of reasons to stop.

>Fuck our loser repper lives

I'm probably weirder than the norm here. I'm not even a loser, objectively speaking.
Not a shut-in (actual partner, a house), decent job, active in the local community... it's just that I can't get rid of the fact that my thoughts don't feel mine. Or they are mine but click weirdly with the body.
I don't even expect this to work, lol.

Even the "bad" examples are actually better than me https://www.reddit.com/r/GlowUps/comments/1o5lm1o/15_years_apart_transitioning_save_my_life29/

I wish I could look like this in the summer of '27

>>42044701
>partly cos the tranny thoughts
kek you mean like your foundational personality
>How are you doing?
working atm which is annoying as shit because everybody tries to squeeze all of their requests for the holiday pto period into the last couple days before pto, cunts
>>42044667
>Now where do I get my repfuel?
mtfg is literally right there
>>42044883
>She's older than me too
how old are you bruv
>I need to get in better shape
you basically just need to get to 25-30 body fat %
and pick a muscle wasting method

>>42045026
>working
Ah, that sucks. I work in education, so I'm technically off until next year.
>how old are you
Old enough that I can't get away with calling myself a "mid 30s repper" on this board any more. I'm a late 30s repper now.
>body fat etc
I'm gut heavy is the problem. It's a very male look. My arms aren't especially fat or muscular, so that's not a problem. My upper legs are pretty solid, but that might be a plus.
My hair is pretty fucked up from MPB, but I'm on fin to preserve my donor hairs. My skin is surprisingly decent considering the amount of black coffee and alcohol I drink, but that's probably cos I apply sunscreen with moisturizer religiously.
My biggest physical problems are my height, since I'm more than six feet, and my voice. If I'm not actively fighting it, I get comments that I should be on the radio or do voice over work. I know it's a compliment, but something inside me collapses every time I hear it.

>>42044914
lol, your being normal makes you the weirdo one here. I was relatively normal in my 20s (going to school, working regularly, friend group, a couple of casual relationships). It's only in my 30s that I've started hovering in and out of NEET-dom. Don't be like me kids.
Was/is your partner aware you were going through the official motions?

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I found a nearby private hospital for blood, liver, tests. Costs money, but at least there's nobody who knows me there. Overjoyed

>>42045391
>Was/is your partner aware you were going through the official motions?

Yes.
She is supportive, so far. We'll see how this goes. If I actually start, that is.
To joke a little bit, this is fembrained in itself. I'm more neurotic than she is, lol.

>>42045462
repgen is probably the last place anyone should feel embarassed about being neurotic, so you're good.
Damn. A supportive partner sounds really nice. Godspeed anon/anonette. Maybe we'll see each other on the other side.

>>42045346
>I'm a late 30s repper now.
i feel this im 39 now time flies when you're having hon
>and alcohol I drink
stop this if you start hrt, esp bica, or your liver will become an expensive problem
>voice
voice is a pita but shockingly adaptable as long as you can turn your brain off to practice
its super embarrassing tho
>height
one of my friends mom was 6'5" and a model, super hot
my fiancee is also tall and shes an irl hyperpassoid
>I get comments that I should be on the radio or do voice over work
also i unironically used to get these comments from women often
genuinely dont stress it on voice its doable

I got a referral from my doctor to find a psychologist, because according to a question sheet i might be "moderately depressed". Does anyone have experience with such, should i open up about my gender problems? Feel like it would be very risky, being too open irl is scary

I don't want to go through another year of this bros

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>>42045703
>time flies when you're having hon
Bad pun, but I chuckled. It's true though. Genuinely terrifying that everything every older person told me about time flying is accurate.
>stop this
I know. Quitting drinking would do nothing but help me physically. I need to either quit booze so I can start hrt, or start hrt so I'm forced to quit booze. It's a paradox with an obvious solution.
>voice redux
I have voice trained to the point where I have confused strangers on the phone a couple of times. I asked one friend how I sounded once, and she said like I was "in transition," so maybe she knows more than she's letting on...
On the other hand, no one else has really said "gee anon, you sure like to switch into a Valley girl voice at least once per conversation," so, I never know what people know.
That's actually something I should probably be asking you.
How fast did people figure out you were trooning compared to how long you tried to keep it secret? Was anyone not that surprised?
>friends mom was 6'5/model/hot
That is good to hear. My mother was almost six feet herself, so it does run in my family. If I got my shit together, maybe I could move to Minnesota and pass as an ugly middle-aged Nordic woman.

You cant drink on hrt?
I never even considered this
New reason to rep

>>42046034
follow your pills with a shot moonshine

>>42046034
you can drink and plenty of trannies are alcoholics but specifically the antiandrogen bicalutamide is a liver stressor
booze + bica = problem

>>42046305
It's because both get processed in the liver, right, So taking both overworks it?

>>42045939
Same anon.
It sucks even when you take hrt, I still feel so perpetually unfulfilled with my life 8 years into being a neverpasser.

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>>42043012
>https://www.reddit.com/r/transtimelines/comments/1pn67jw/42_to_45_3_years_hrt_ffs_ba_from_waiting_for_life/

>>42046007
>How fast did people figure out you were trooning compared to how long you tried to keep it secret? Was anyone not that surprised?
i've worked from home full time since 2012 so i got to dodge coworkers
at 6 months i had tits i could not hide anymore and needed a bra or it would be inappropriate in public
i probably got away with it for that 6 months, then i had a huge hoodie that i coped with for a while but by then i was already in uncanny valley, just didnt realize it
normies are relatively clueless with this stuff so nobody ever called me out but it was for sure visible
i came out to family a year into hrt, extremely embarrassing experience i recommend just writing a letter
>>42046366
right

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>>42046505
John 64'd.
>at 6 months i had tits i could not hide anymore and needed a bra or it would be inappropriate in public
post what you took, plz (ik it doesn't guarantee the same results)

Are you guys/girls jolly for Christmas? only a week away! I'm a bit mixed on it

>>42046656
>>42046688
Meant to tag you in the quote, whoops

>>42045730
>Does anyone have experience with such, should i open up about my gender problems?

Yes.
Well, I had to, otherwise I wouldn't be referred to a psychiatrist and wouldn't be getting an official diagnosis.
In my country that's necessary if I want to change IDs later on. IDK if I will get that far but even in the meantime some of the consults are covered by insurance with an official diagnosis.

>>42046656
>i had a huge hoodie that i coped with for a while
God I hate how accurate the dysphoria hoodie meme is. I wore an oversized hoodie from middle school all the way up to now, in my 30's, and I'm a repper.

>>42046688
>Are you guys/girls jolly for Christmas?

Yeah. Especially since i know repping is ending. Kinda euphoric, desu.

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>>42041866
frt (furry replacement therapy)

>>42046720
i posted yesterday, still waiting on folderanon for pre pic tho >>42035288
>>42046962
gotta get out of the hoodie anon
it feels safe when youre hiding but its at the expense of fulfillment
i just got my first nice purse thats basically the gayest thing iv done yet and i hate to admit it but it makes me very very happy

>>42046688
oh my bad i read it as how you look am unsmart
my regimen to start was 50mg bica daily and 4mg oral
however when i finally got around to doing my first blood test i found out i hadn't effectively suppressed my T for the entire first year whoops

>>42047109
>gotta get out of the hoodie anon
Gonna have to see how things pan out on the manmoding first, besides its winter.

>>42043074
>I'm almost 40. But cute face and 169cm height.
nta. seething i would trade the 10 years between us for those things. two of the main drivers of repping for me were being highly unfortunate in those areas, some luckshits can start at 30 40 shit 50 even and pass. others will never pass no matter what after puberty
glhf

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN