I started transitioning at 23. I knew I wanted to grow up to be a woman from the age of like five though, I just didn't have the bravery to talk about it with my family at that time and then I became deeply repressed, until I read Wandering Son at 17 and learnt about transition. Then I was referred to a gender clinic at 19, and then had to wait until 23 to get hormones because my parents persuaded me not to DIY at 21. I'm now 26 and have been on hormones for 3 years. It feels kind of hopeless though. I'm basically hrtrepping/manmoding. I'm 5'11 and have a wide body and lots of body hair. I have a prominent brow and a square face.I feel depressed most of the time these days. I keep wishing that I could go back in time and explain what transition is to 5 year old me, and tell them to talk about it with my family there and then. I keep fantasizing about my best friend from boys school becoming my partner. I feel like if I was a cis woman, we would have made a great team.It feels like my life went by in a flash. I didn't have the language to explain my identity and then all of a sudden I went through puberty and the rest is history. I wish transition was explained to me in sex ed class or something. I'm here now, filled with regret and longing, knowing that there's nothing I can do but endure my fate. I'm currently getting laser hair removal every month, but it feels like the best I can do now is resign myself to being a slightly androgynous looking man.If anyone who's younger than me is reading this, please don't wait like I did. Take a hold of your life with a sense of urgency, because otherwise you must live with the consequences of your inaction/naivety forever.
