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>To be trans is to sin
>Sinners must be punished
>To be trans is to suffer
>Suffering is punishment

But is it ever enough? How will I know I've suffered enough to be good? When am I forgiven?

>I need to be hurt.
>I need to be killed
>I need to suffer enough to be forgiven

I've become obsessed with the idea of becoming sympathetic and forgiven through having an otherwise good man torture me for being a man who transitioned due to AGP meta attraction. But these thoughts too are sinful, for it's due to my fetish that I want it to be a man. How do I win.
Even posting here is a way to induce my own suffering. I don't want to hurt anymore but I don't know how to live in a way that doesn't make me feel worse. I self sabotage and reject anything good because I'm an ugly man who rejected God's plan for my life. Instead of his truth my life is governed by a personal truth where I believe whatever makes me feel like shit.

>Be me
>Liar
>20 year old tranner
>gooner pre-transition
>could't stop even though I knew it was a sin
>Nothing else made my life any more bearable
>chemically castrating myself with oestrogen made it easy to stop
>Am I a sinner regardless? Is there any way to avoid sin? I sin in my thoughts, I sin in my deeds, I sin in my inaction and doubt.

Pic unrelated I just think garfield is funny