I wasn't a loud flamer. I didn't get beat up in school for being gay. I didn't demand to dress up as a girl or refuse to do boy activities.I just never managed to become a man, my body never finished puberty, nobody wanted to know me, and I thought that maybe being a woman would work better.Now I'm lying in my bed while my boyfriend is showering, wondering what I've done with my life, because I neither had crippling dysphoria, nor was I too gay to function as a man, nor did I dream of being a princess since age 4. I was just a soft, delicate, fragile, quietly gay boy.
>>42065007This is because you probably have PAIS. This doesn't make you any less trans. Some might argue this makes you "trutrans" even.If you're happier, do you really need a reason to be a woman?
>>42065007I'm like you except I was straight as a boy and am a transbian now
>>42065032I guess I don't need a reason beyond "this works better," but when I see other trans women who deeply love being women, I can't help but feel like I don't belong.
>>42065056If I'm gonna be honest, a lot of being a woman kinda sucks? Cis women often don't enjoy being a woman, because it comes with a lot of baggage and expectations. There's satisfaction in them sometimes, sure, but you don't need the "euphoria" from it to be a woman.
for me it was the most negative possible reason. my dad is a repper and i found myself on the same path, so i decided i would rather become a eunuch than btk. what pushed you over the final edge to actually taking hormones? i have my own opinions. you seem oddly proud of how "quiet" your desires were, for instance
>>42065085Your reading is off. I'm hardly proud of having been quiet. If anything it makes me feel faketrans that I wasn't loud about gender stuff.I had pretty much given up on ever having a fulfilling life when I remembered that I used to get mistaken for my mom as a late teen (which I hated at the time) so I decided to roll the dice on transition. If it didn't work out then it didn't matter because I'd been headed toward suicide anyway.
>>42065123Sounds like classic PAIS HSTS sorta thing. Seriously, don't worry about it.
>>42065007so you just kinda said "fuck it guess ill troon out" one day?
>>42065123idk, it seems like you wish you could've been "a real man" (thoughbeit a gay one) rather than feel like you have to troon bc society is telling you you fit the female role better
>>42065164Kinda?I mean I knew I was built wrong for a guy, it's not like I was a linebacker deciding to do it for no reason.>>42065167Yeah. If I'd found and kept a boyfriend then I doubt I would have transitioned.
>>42065186why were you so sure you couldn't have a fulfilling life as a gay man?
>>42065186Okay, very classic HSTS then.
>>42065212Because all the men I'd been interested in rejected me.>>42065214How so? I wasn't demanding to be a girl from early childhood.
>>42065230>Because all the men I'd been interested in rejected methese men wouldn't happen to have been straight, would they?
>>42065230HSTS isn't "early childhood dysphoria." All dysphorics are AGP (shitty term still). HSTS is more "its easier, socially, to be a woman," especially in terms of sexual selection pressure.
>>42065301No, they were not straight.
>>42065327stop trying to inflict your lack of problems on a thoughtful woman, bertrand
>>42065339what?I'm more trying to describe things with terms they'd be familiar to with and that they don't need to feel "valid" or whatever to be trans. If they're happier and living a more satisfying life? Hell yeah.
>>42065337still, i feel like i have to push back on the idea that suicide is a reasonable consequence of not finding a romantic partner. what do you feel like you're missing out on, by not living as a guy?
>>42065361It's not the "living as a guy" part. If I'd had social and romantic success as a guy, then I would've stayed a guy. I was so excited when it looked like puberty was starting and I thought I was going to become a man.People are actually interested in me as a person now. I'm not repeatedly excluded from conversations and events. I started receiving sexual interest.Some people can deal with being foreveralone. I cannot.
>>42065428if you can medically demonstrate PAIS, i'm sure they would give you testosterone, or something (i am not a doctor). they love giving hormones to people to help them stay in their gender. so why take estrogen instead of testosterone?
>>42065510PAIS isn't low testosterone, it's faulty testosterone receptors. People with PAIS tend to have really high levels of serum testosterone. Adding more just doesn't do anything.
>>42065554but surely there is something a doctor could try if she had wanted to stay in her deadgender. surely cis doctors are not out there, in this transphobic world, saying, "PAIS? troon this kid, 5 ccs of estrogen, stat"
>>42065579Actually it kinda is one of the primary treatments for PAIS...
>>42065639if she has PAIS. OP, would knowing you had something like PAIS help you feel more comfortable in transitioning?
>>42065717I don't think knowing the cause would change much at this point. It's not like I could really go back if I discovered that I do or don't have PAIS. I've had irreversible surgery and built a life on being a woman.
>>42065761well thanks for wasting my time, dan. i thought you had a real problem here but you seem to just be in awe of your own passing
>>42065761I think the real thing is just don't worry about it too much.
>>42065824I didn't say anything about passing, only that I was built wrong for a male.Maybe I had PAIS and T wouldn't have helped, maybe I had low T and T would have helped, either way I was fobbed off with "you're just a late bloomer" until it was too late, and it's not like it matters at this point anyway.There's no need to get annoyed with me. I wasn't the one who brought up PAIS as a possibility.
>>42065907right, it doesn't matter at this point, anyway. so in what sense are you actually wondering what you've done with your life? you have no reason to change your course. the only "wonder" here is that you were assigned male, but you should've been assigned female. a wonder, indeed
>>42065007Did you manage to troon properly? I never really expressed any sort of femininity back in school. I just feel like being a girl would be more fun.>>42065032It feels bad to troon if I don't need to.
>>42065948You just had different needs from dysphorics, and that's okay. Doesn't mean you didn't necessarily need it, and you said it improved QoL and reduced suicidal ideation.
>>42065973Wait I'm stupid you're not OP.
>>42065943It's mostly that reading other trans women's experiences started to get to me. They were hyperfeminine even before transitioning, while I wasn't and even now I'm not all that feminine.>>42065948I think so? I've had a stable boyfriend for years, I have a steady job, I'm a functional adult.
>>42065973I haven't trooned yet. I'm still debating it. I'm probably just going to end up delaying it until I'm too old. But doesn't that just prove I'm not really a tranny? A real dysphoric would have trooned out immediately.
>>42065990What age did you start? If you don't mind telling.
>>42065995Dysphoria is complicated and also, like, it gets worse with age? My dysphoria was awful at the start of puberty, mellowed out, got worse again, mellowed out again and then became unbearable in my mid-20s.
>>42065990omfg. would you stop. fucking billie "i'm not that feminine" eilish over here complaining about her bideltoid
>>42065990A lot wanted to be feminine or acted feminine but didn't have feminine appearances. Again it's all weird. The Blanchard typology is pretty flawed and doesn't really account for more complex manifestations. Powers theory makes more sense tbhon.
>>4206600821. I'd hoped moving away from home for college would give me a fresh start and let me succeed at being a guy. It didn't.>>42066028I don't mean my body. I mean my personality. Sorry, I should have been clearer.
>>42066027So is it better to do it now? What if it turns out I was just delusional and trying to troon out for attention? I don't want to John50 but I also don't want to blow up my life for nothing.>>42066046What's the Powers theory about?>>42066063Oh damn I'm nearly 21. How did you realise you were trans? If you didn't really care about feminine shit as a kid?
>>42066108I don't think of it as a realization. I view myself as trans only because I transitioned, not because of any innate identity or condition. I did it because I felt that changing sex had a chance of improving my life.
>>42066108Okay, so what's the worst case scenario when trying HRT? Growing boobs and not liking them. That's an easy fix. Powers Theory is a theory on different causes of transsexuality. Basically a list of different endocrine issues and how they manifest. Basically, someone making a tranny typology based on biological factors rather than sexual behavior.
