tfw the only things that have pushed me towards transitioning are two crushes on two extremely unavailable women1. extremely hot andro who got ran out of town for being shitty person immediately after I realized feelings2. tgirl who after I figured out my exact type interacted with me on twitter, we have the same personality type and interests but I looked at her profile and she lives in a city hundreds of miles I away, that I actually almost moved to years ago but couldn't I feel like either god or my subconscious is telling me through these things that transitioning is too far off to be real / always an unreachable fantasy. From the beginning everything around it has had that vibe. These people have made me want to bite the bullet harder than anything else has and I can't deal with it.
