Is there anything I can do as a transbian to be more attractive to cis lesbians? I expect nothing but troll responses but I am asking seriously. Should I try to emulate how butch lesbians in my area dress? Have specific hobbies and interests more likely to be shared with cis lesbians? I just want to increase my virtually non-existent odds of happiness even slightly
>>42082175how well do you pass?
>>42082175instead of imulating, what do you personally like? what style are you more naturally drawn to? or think about the women you want to attract, and what style would best compliment that.
>>42082175I don't really get the t4c preference meme. nothing against t4c relationships on a case by case basis but seeking it specifically has always seemed strange. Anyways, step 1 is to get off 4chan. You'd probably be more appealing to one of the very rare cis lesbian chasers seeking a gf off of here, but the mannerisms and neuroses this place breeds are anathema to 90% of cis lesbians. If you pass, just focus on finding a style that codes as gay, whether it's femme or masc. This can include typical butch attire, carabiners, wifebeaters and flannel, etc, or more femme styles with an emphasis on accessorization, artsy makeup, or era-specific clothing. if you're more of a twinkhon, lean into an emo or drag-like aesthetic that makes you stand out, a lot of cis lesbians (but even more cis bisexual women, idk if that would be a deal breaker for you) are really gamp and/or agamp and if you're ok with being fetishized then this is the way to go. Overstated>understated if you don't pass, the boymoder is not an appealing aesthetic to many cis women. Beyond that, idk, just try to interact with other students if you're in uni, if not, go out to lgbt/queer community events in your city, use cis people dating apps instead of bemoaning your fate on 4chan, etc.
>>42082195it's over>>42082234I'm malebrained cringe transbian who likes computers and video games like all the rest. >>42082293>I don't really get the t4c preference meme.Attraction to women means attraction to female women by default doesn't it? I feel more comfortable being myself around women, I'm attracted to women on a physical and personal level, I don't like dicks and I want to eat pussy etc.
I’ve only had serious relationships with lesbian or bi women since coming out. Honestly just like, any kind of grunge or alt fashion is good. Makeup is optional but you do need to take care of your skin. Getting into girlier things like maybe listening to some Spice Girls or more female artists is good. Getting into sapphic music like Boygenius or any of their members’ solo stuff is good too. Fandom can help, like if you’re into Arcane or She-Ra. Honestly just hang around queer social spaces if you can too. Like maybe gay straight club at school or gay clubs or nightclubs too. Dyke bars are good too. It’s kinda hard to meet someone a lot of the time if that’s your goal. For me, I just wanted to be friends with these really cool girls and then eventually it turned into more. I have some girlfriends who I’ve just been friends with since high school like 9 years ago and we’re all sapphic in some way. Part of it is just having lots of queer friendships if that makes sense How well you pass will definitely affect your approachability for friendship, and it will obviously be a factor with physical attraction. Somehow, all of the women I’ve dated found me girlier than them so in my case I got pretty lucky
>>42082175>Should I try to emulate butch lesbiansare you genuinely retarded
>>42082328post op t4t exists. if u dont see trannies as really women that's chill or whatever, but how do you maintain enough cognitive dissonance to think that doesn't apply to you?
>>42082175There are some absolutely radiant trans women out there too. I’ve never gotten to date another tgirl but if we were a good match I think it would probably be amazing in a way no other relationship could be I don’t know shit about computers but I can play video games at least
>>42082348I love she-ra but I basically don't engage with any fandoms because I don't want to be yet another tranny clogging up every fandom.>>42082363Yes>>42082371There is no cognitive dissonance, I assume by default that cis lesbians prefer other cis lesbians, which discourages me from trying anything, but I acknowledge the possibility that there might be cis lesbians who don't care that I'm trans and those are the ones I would like to increase my appeal to.And for the record I have met up with other trans women, but maybe I'm just unlucky but 100% of the trans women I've been around have felt awkward and cringe for me to be around and I didn't find them attractive in person. So I'm fully aware cis women probably feel the same to me too.
>>42082371>post op t4t existsIt exists, but it is also insane to consider a first choice. Trannies who medically transition are already rare, and only about 10% of those ever get SRS. There can be a situation where there are a double digit number of post-op trannies within 10 years of age of you in your entire country. Without considering passability or compatibility even. It's my ideal, but it's also like buying lottery tickets instead of going to school.>>42082328>I'm malebrained cringe transbian who likes computers and video games like all the rest.Imo the bigger issue is whether you will even like them. Have you gone on dates with cis women? Personally, I wanted to crawl out of my own skin on every date I've tried, just because the personality mismatch was so bad. You might go through tons of effort just to figure out its not what you want at all.
>>42082430idk maybe i'm taking location for granted here. i live in a place where there's a lot of trans people around so tiny percentages like post op tgirls could still be a viable demographic to pursue.>>42082428physical attraction aside, i think you might be putting cis women on a pedestal when it comes to compatability. Individual compatability, shared interests, chemistry, will almost always trump one's broad and abstract type. Have you ever had much experience with cis women before, or is this mostly abstract?
>>42082499I've lived in both trans meccas and literal nowherevilles. It's not really an amazingly wide dating pool anywhere.
>>42082428OMGGGGGG DYGIILYIAHSPJTOS No for real it’s okay to take up space nona. You can do it and find friends. I wasn’t super up front about being trans or out to anyone really when I was on she ra discords. I mean, eventually I did come out to someone I ended up dating. She and I used to read fanfics out loud where she was Adora and I was Catra. We posted them on AO3 too and had a bunch of friends who helped us record and edit. It’s okay to be you and to exist. If you don’t get out there, you can’t be seen and loved. And there are so many worthy things about you. It’s scary and hard but you have to try and keep trying. If not fandom, somehow and someway <3
>>42082328im a dyke that likes computers and video games but im also a butch so idk. if youre interested in attracting cisfems as a femme just tie the feminine aspects of your favorite things into your style. like my cisfem ex was rly into rpgs, kind of dressed like a medieval harlot and had a breeding kink, always had her nails done pretty too
>>42082499>>42082430I had success with cis women as a guy, I always gravitated towards bi and queer women as friends and I liked being around them and they liked being around me. I never told any lesbian friends I liked them because I didn't want to be weird at the time
>>42082515You kinda just gotta meet a few, and they'll know a few who will know a few and so on. There are a lot of really bottom of the barrel dating prospects, especially in the polyamoroid circles, I'm not disputing that. I just think you're underestimating how similarly bleak and mind numbing cis lesbian dating prospects can be. It's hard to find a love that is beautiful, true, and suited for you no matter who you are!
>>42082529>I had success with cis women as a guy,
>as a wolf, how do I convince these sheep to like me? I'm already wearing the sheep costume but they can tell
>>42082175To cis lesbian tops or cis lesbian bottoms? Or to poliles/straight women claiming to be lez?For the first tops be pretty/passing/curvyFor the bottoms be muscley like cafebeefFor the straight girls look as much like Chad or a bishonen as possible
>tranny asks how to get cis women and fetishizes lesbianismomg yes queen <3 hope you get it figured out>guy says he'd be open to dating a trans womantotal chasoid death
>>42082521>>42082548Ya'll are so nice>>42082528Breeding kink?>>42082568Why is that bad
>>42082175Many, many, many "lesbians" are normal, factory default AFaB bisexuals... they just hate men and fear them.BE the softboi twink "man"/tranny. Softly plap them after months or years of work to get them to make an exception for your male situation.
>>42082293>lean into an emo or drag-like aestheticim gonna kill myself
>>42082293>seeking it specifically has always seemed strangeHow is it?Society is deadset on ingraining self-hatred in trans people, obviously if any of that lands then it's going to leak out into how they view other trans people.Plus there is a kind of a problem getting into a relationship with another trans person, where you have your own insecurities always reflected back at you constantly.
>>42082175have you considered getting off estrogen and paying for women's drinks?
>>42083080this would make her pass less silly. also u can buy drinks on E too !
>>42082969>Why is that badIt's just a specific type of tranny, you can usually tell a fair bit about trannies by what their dating habits were like pre-transition. Incel, volcel, dated guys, dated women but hated it, etc. All of the trannies I've known that had repeated success dating women were really weird imo, very much felt like straight guys.
>>42083096When I say success I mean women liked me. I never initiated any relationships, they always did with me. And then when it came to sex my dypshoria crippled me. I dated four women and I've still never done piv in my life.
>>42083096>wow you fuck too much. are you a straight guy in disguise?Do lesbians hate themselves too or something? What is going on here?
>>42082293I’m a cis lesbian dating a trans woman and I feel weird about anyone that specifically seeks out cis lesbians. Would be a massive red flag. I don’t want to be used as a tool of validation. Not to mention these people tend to be transphobic af.>>42082499Ding ding ding. Way too many trans women on this board put cis women on a pedestal.
>>42083107Ah ok, nvm then.>>42083119Being psychologically fit to be a successful het guy who beds tons of women makes you psychologically unfit to be a troon. Simple as.
>>42083025If OP wants to chase cis women specifically the easiest way to do so is to try to get chased by them. You don't have to be dr frankenfurter or whatever, but flamboyance objectively helps.>>42083030This is true I suppose I can understand the thought process, I just think it's a rather naive one
>>42083127While there's some truth to that consider: >>42083030What I said here can also apply to like physical insecurities. Like I don't necessarily wanna be with someone who's a mirror to my facial planes problem lol.IDK if lesbians in particular are the closest other homophilic match for trans women (other than obviously other trans women), by which I mean https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homophily not the other thing. Maybe bisexual cis women are the closest I don't know.
>>42083148>bisexual cis womenThese are demons, and best left to be soaked up by desperate cis men who deserve torment anyways. Trans women definitely should avoid them.
>>42083003This is the truest advice you're going to get, OP.>>42082175The first thing to understand is you aren't looking to date actual lesbians- as you've described to be attracted to women is to be attracted to female women.Your dating pool among cis women is actually (a) "lesbian" women who are actually bi, (b) bisexual women, i.e. the women who are actually male-attracted.The first issue is have you thought about the dynamics of sex with a cis woman as a trans woman? Typically, lesbians make out, eat each other out, scissor, etc a minority (and I do stress a minority) use the strap.None of these things are possible with you (aside from you giving oral) without involving the dick in some form or fashion (and most lesbians don't want to strap a trans woman). So if you end up with a "lesbian" or bi woman, she's going to probably want to give you oral or do penetration, because again why else would she be dating a trans woman.What this means is you just have to accept that this relationship will actually be somewhere between bf-gf and gf-gf in dynamic and adjust accordingly. I.e. don't think of yourself as an actual woman in a lesbian relationship, but as a feminized male in a relationship with a bi woman.
>>42082175>Is there anything I can do as a man to be more attractive to lesbians?
>>42083148Just sounds like instead of working on internalized transphobia, it’s being ignored. Wouldn’t want to be someone’s therapist. Wouldn’t want a trans partner who doesn’t believe I love them or that invalidates my attraction to women because I’m into trans women.
>>42083173There is no working on it. It's ingrained by society at every level I literally have next to no websites I can open without someone trying to reinforce it in my brain.
>>42083172no ops a trans woman actually
>>42083168Transsexual women are literally closer to female than they are to male on the sex spectrum. Those of us lesbians who date trans women are attracted to female secondary sex characteristics. And some of us want a partner who will eventually get SRS. Pretending we’re all bisexuals looking to get dicked down by a feminine man is asinine. Speak for yourself, yeah?
>>42082175No you don't dress or act "butch" as an amab to appeal to lesbians you are born with male chromosomes retard you act as feminine and passing and submissive as possible and lure the dykes toward you. You NEVER claim to be a lesbian because that is a very arrogant and malebrained thing to do. You have to get them to chase you and the key way you do that is not seeming like a tranny. Your make chromosomes will take care of signaling that you are queer and autistic without you needing to do anything.Having to explain women to trannies is exhausting!!
>>42083148you will see parts of yourself that you don't like in everyone you ever date. If anything, seeing your own facial planes (lmao) in your partner is a hell of an easy problem to deal with, and if that alone deters you from a relationship you're going to struggle to find a stable and meaningful romance of any sort until you've got a more secure sense of self.
>>42083182Yeah no, red flag like I said. You aren’t helpless. lolI’m a racial minority, and I hate racism. Not the fact that I’m a racial minority. Having some insecurities, whatever is fine. But internalizing transphobia to the point where you can’t find yourself dating another trans woman is a problem.
>>42083127>>42083173I don't put cis women on a pedestal. Like I said I tried with multiple trans women and it didn't work for me. Do I have internalized transphobia? Absolutely. But if my partner says they love me I am going to trust them more than I trust myself, I'm not going to invalidate them. I'm not the kind of person to play games like that, a relationship built around honest conversation and mutual trust and respect is the minimum for me.
>>42083206And I'm internalizing what exactly, the fact that if I see a flaw I have in another trans woman every other hour if we're dating irl, it reminds me I have that thing I've been trying to work on forever? It's like holding a mirror to my face, I'm not so much criticizing her as my mind goes there.
>>42083182Awareness of the belief structures society at large imposes upon us should be the first step in challenging and reassessing those structures. Treating it instead as a reason to give up any hope and abdicate your own autonomy is just self-destructive denial.
>>42083190What female secondary sex characteristics do trans women (without SRS) share with (female) women? Boobs, soft skin, more thigh and butt fat? Literally the defining feature that distinguishes males from females is the penis vs vulva. A "feminized penis" is at the end of the day still a penis, so if you want to do anything with one in bed by definition you're male-attracted and therefore bisexual.Btw I don't even really believe in muh straight/gay/bi labels as something you can self-identify into. Lots of "bi" men/women are actually almost exclusively opposite-sex attracted and many "lesbian" women are actually bisexual (see, trans men becoming attracted to males on T when they were lesbians before). A bisexual is someone interested in both males and females, so if you're with a male and are attracted to females you're bisexual. In some cases, I think TW with SRS could pass well enough to be considered female for the purposes of characterizing sexuality this way.
>>42083208I mean, most people on this board do put cis women on a pedestal so it’s hard to believe you don’t since you only want a cis lesbian partner.Again, the fact that you’re so upset about features even a cis woman may have but are in a trans person would raise a red flag to me. Since I’ve loved trans women in my life, I would not be willing to date someone who is unable to fully love other trans women. I’m sure you could still find a partner, but I’m just explaining my view and why it weirds me out (and may weird out more mature cis lesbians, or anyone for that manner).
OP I had a cis lesbian come onto me for the first time after i got into lifting. People will say cope lies AGP but its the truth. I don't know if it was appearance or how i carry myself changing or the fact that I finally got into hobbies that werent social media and videogames. I still prefer passing trans women to cis women though I cant help it they're angels.This is a repeated platitude but outside of hygiene and wearing cool clothes you shouldn't do anything for the sake of attracting a mate. Get into things for their own sake because something in your heart burns about it and the joy it brings you will make you more attractive.
>>42083215You're asking me to on a minutely basis mentally undo psychological warfare by the US government, the popular culture, and the ideologically imposed rules within every media outlet. It's not a small ask
>>42083236What features? I'm not sure what you meanAnd its fair that you'd find it as a red flag. Thats ok honestly, I dont expect to be compatible with everyone
>>42083226I’m not attracted to penis. lol I’m attracted to the female body. The fact that trans women have female secondary sex characteristics is enough for me since there’s more to sex than genital contact. I’m a homosexual since I’m only attracted to the female sex. Pretending trans women belong to the male sex simply due to genitalia is pretty dumb. When people see someone on the street that catches their eye it’s due to their secondary sex characteristics.I don’t really believe sexual orientation is changeable. It’s often just bisexuals discovering their identity as they get older and more secure in their identity.
>>42083252I'm not actually asking anything of you, as I don't know you! I'm telling you that as impossible a task as it seems, attempting to do so is the only way you'll find any lasting happiness!
>>42083263It's not an it seems, it literally is impossible unless i want to sit down and chart out how the rest of my life will be vigorous activism. Which believe it or not will rob me of my life. So it's not really a solution.
>>42083272to be clear I'm not saying you should fight the existence of these structures, I'm saying you should fight the power they hold over your own perception of yourself and others. You don't need to do this, and if you come up with some other reason why it would be impossible or pointless that's fine. It's your life, not mine.
honestly i never really had any problems as long as i lived in a liberal place cis bi/lesbians were always cool with me. now im married to one, she didnt like dick so she was cool with me getting srs. now she tops me daily and it's great. so i mean they're def out there, like trust me i know i got lucky but at the same time before i got with her i went on dates or had short stints with ~a dozen other women. disclaimer this started at 20 though, im sure trans acceptance is tougher if you're like 40
