I didn't start to reflect until a couple years ago on just how fucked up my childhood was--how often I was hit and screamed at and insulted for over half my life (at this point) by my "father." My "mother" didn't even bother to acknowledge it was happening at all.She was perfectly fine with one of her kids getting beaten and threatened, at least up until her husband gambled away his dead mother's inheritance. The dealbreaker wasn't when he strangled me multiple times in public and private. Not when I was clearly suffering from malnutrition caused by lack of food (and now probably have a GI disease because of it). And not when I was visibly depressed and suicidal. At least the façade of a normal family was enough for them to continue like normal.But I can't only blame them; nobody else came to help me or even talk to me either. I got confirmation just couple years ago that my entire extended family knew what was going on and chose to say and do nothing.Because of them, I suffered alone. Which is also why I habitually ruin all my relationships, why I didn't take care of my body or health for years and transitioned too late, and why I have no clear hope of recovering from all this before I inevitably kill myself.No real point in talking about this other than to say all I want for Christmas is to know my father (and everybody else who wronged me) will die a painful, pathetic, and lonely death crying out for forgiveness they'll never receive.
Im sorry nona. They're all fucked up for doing that to you.
>>42096001that sucks, but their death won't benefit you either.and their deaths are probably gonna be average; and they wont care about you forgiving them because they dont consider you of any value. life sadly doesn't work in odd revenge fantasies
>>42098448You're right. The better thing to do is to forget about them, and I do try, but it's hard when I realize how much of my daily life and tendencies are negatively impacted by them. I just ruined a friendship with somebody I really liked this week, and now I can't stop thinking about the root of my issues and asking myself "why?" But I need to keep trying to move on since I'll never really get any kind of closure or revenge. Such is life.>>42098426Thank you
