i know this is a shitty place to put this, but for fuck's sake i don't even really know who to talk to -- I barely even use the boards because i know it's usually a cesspool. but here goes. Cissoids don't understand me, neither do trannies. I have all the features that are attractive on women and honest to god i just want to shoot myself. D cups (genuinely), tiny chin, slim shoulders, huge hips, etc. i'm trying so hard to pass and the best i can get is an androgynous lesbian look. i'm probably gonna sound like some greasy edgelord but most days my life is like a dead body rotting while im puppeting my own corpse. everyone thinks im early in my transition because i look like i am but ive known since i was like 12. i keep thinking about how i should have just been some youngshit doing DIY at 14, instead of just waiting around for my body to continue feminizing. im barely an adult (19) and my life is basically over despite having barely started. im so jealous of all the normal guys my age, all the guys that got to fool around as teenagers, all the guys who never think about if they were just born the right way. everytime i go out in public its "ma'am" "miss" etc. even my barber thinks im a chick. i've been wanting to do DIY for months but i haven't gotten my money up and im such a gd failure. the more i think about how ive just been sitting around letting my body rot in estrogen i wonder if im just some fake attention-whore butch who wants to be special. if i was really so desperate for t then id be on it already, right? sorry for the word vomit. god i wanna rope.
>>42101791>i know this is a shitty place to put thisIt is.>I have all the features that are attractive on womenBetter start utilizing that.Only a woman would write 3 paragraphs of bitching about her emotions on here thinking anyone besides other bitchy women would willingly read it in full and care.
>>42101791do you like animation memes
>>42101791transition rocks. you dont need to get on t to get a masectomy. if you like your face and voice, you can get your tits off in less than a year if you can raise funds and get the therapist letter
>barely an adult (19) and my life is basically over despite having barely startedThat's not true. You're going to be 30 or 40 someday and forget you used to talk like this. Like the dysphoria, feeling inadequate or faketrans, getting called ma'am stuff all genuinely sucks but you have so much life ahead of you. It's really uncommon to pass before starting T so just keep getting your money up like you have been and you'll make it. Also you're going to get cis men basically porn posting about your body you just described so just ignore it.
>>42102006im not really a fan of my face or voice but id rlly like top surgery anyways. been looking into periareolar but i might be too big for it -- i don't want all the scarring yk? i don't have great insurance, but i have been looking around. thank you
>>42101791you're not a poon? just get on hrt already idgi. then you can be a poon.
>>42102032thank you
>>42102269? poon as in an ftm
>>42102297ftm means being on hrt. at the very least socially transitioning. you're neither. so idk why you're calling yourself ftm.maybe that's contributing to why you never got on hrt? because you already thought of yourself as a nonpassing ftm?but you haven't even taken the first step. so you're not a failure yet, by defintion. you don't have the right to claim that yet.
>>42101791So get into alcohol and drugs basically
get into the gym and become a chippoon
Its not that expensive man up poon
>>42102353i am socially transitioning, i introduce myself with a male name, have been getting male haircuts and clothing, and usually use some form of tape to bind, sometimes i wear a packer but eh. i've known im a guy since i was like 13, so even if i'm still not on hrt yet that's still 6 years worth of trying and failing to pass as male in public.
>>42102473so, what? you didn't know about hrt until now? or how the hell has it happened that you've been doing this for 6 years without trying to get on hrt?desu idk how you haven't killed yourself. if i did that shit i think i would have a few times over.
>>42102525i tried to kms a couple times when i was a teenager but obviously i failed that too. and i mean, kinda? i was always in those shitty "uwu testosterone is scary you need a therapists note!" spaces and as a kid my parents were and still are anti-trans. so i kinda just zoned out for a few years thinking "when im an adult ill go to a therapist and do it all legally nya" because i was indoctrinated with all that "DIY is scary and you'll die if you do it" propeganda. Didn't really know DIY was an option until a couple months ago, and I already have a source i plan to buy from but my income is dogshit and i haven't bought bitcoin yet
>>42101791Why do women talk so much goddamn
>>42102618that sucks. i'm sorry you bought into that shit.but at least you're doing it now. there's always more damage to be done with hormones.
>>42101791So, let me get this straight, you haven't made a single step towards actually transitioning, and you're upset that you didn't magically start passing just by "knowing" you're trans for a number of years? I genuinely don't understand what your problem is other than being retarded.
>>42102802i understand youre probably just ragebaiting, but i have been putting a lot of work into trying to pass via clothing (not just buying shit from men's section, but also learning what shit makes me look half decent), haircuts, shaving my face when theres nothing to shave, binding, my posture, my voice, how i carry myself, etc.
>omg my boobs are too big my hips too wide my chin too small this suuuucks
>>42102943genuinely wish i could trade it away to be some average normal guy. or even an ugly one, idgaf. the problem isn't that they're bad traits, they're on the wrong person.
>>42102705thank you
>>42101980make a discord
>>42102864Pooners unfortunately have this meme where they for some reason convince each other you can pass without HRT. When you can't. It's not a thing for 99.99% of people. All it does is create unrealistic expectations with you being the case in point.It's baffling. MtFs don't do this. Even John 50 is probably on estrogen.
>>42103056why
>>42102943>omg my chin is too square i'm too tall my shoulders are too broad my voice is too deep this suuuucks
>>42103080i see. i guess that makes sense. though its not just poons pushing that, i've seen countless posts of both mtfs posting about how its way easier to pass as a poon and cisfems & theyfabs talking about how all they had to do was lob their hair off and wear a hoodie to be seen as male . genuine ropefuel. thanks for the reality check ig
>>42103168>ropefuel At least just try T before you say that.
>>42103080tbdesu i could pass pre-t but it's probably only cause i was a stud. i know some other former tomboy ftms who could pass pre-t too, i think it's mostly because we already had more malebrained mannerisms. the average hefab won't.
>>42103190my apologies, wasn't trying to suipost , just talking about that kind of "passing as male is so easy!" slop. i think im definitely gonna get on t by 20, hopefully
>>42102943Men have no empathy for women.Never forget this.
>>42101791A few things:(1) If you are beating yourself up this much over the difference between starting at 14 and starting at 19, imagine how you’ll feel when you’re 30 knowing you could have started at 19. Get your ass in gear.(2) No FTMs pass without T. You aren’t on T, so of course you get “ma’am”ed. It means nothing.(3) Try not to assume every cis person is living your ideal gender fantasy. “All the guys that got to fool around as teenagers” is less than you think. “All the guys who never think about if they were just born the right way” is WAY less than you think. The average teenage boy hates themself and especially their body. (4) The clockiest part about all of this is that you wrote a wall of text instead of doing something that gets you closer to an actual solution. Female behavior.
truly just poon out. was in the same situation kinda.
>>42101791my advice is to just do what u can and work out upper body. also u gotta figure something out u cant go ur whole life without test. cut some thing out of ur life
>>42101791Doesn't matter whether you're on hormones. Being a man is about attitude.
>>42106204Kys retard
>>42105473this >>42102032 was my post and I'm amab
>>42106304You'd hate to hear it but they're right
>>42101791Sir, it breaks my heart to hear a young man bearing such a burden. I don't want to make you feel worse, but I have to admit, I don't know if I could suffer the pains of living with such massive breasts hanging off my chest at all times, feeling so ridiculous with little baby shoulders and massive swinging birthing hips. That's no way for a young man to live and I'm deeply distressed by your suffering. I truly hope that you can find help and find your courage, and be free of that nauseatingly fertile womb and those horrifying fat sacs obscuring your handsome chest. Starting T is scary, but I'm just imagining your genuine smile as you see the beard come in and hide your teensy delicate girly chin behind some manly scruff.Even if nobody else ever, literally EVER sees you as a man no matter what you do because your structure is just too teensy tiny like a little forest fairy, I for one always will. You will be my Wee Man.Know that you are loved,Wishing you all the best sir,
>>42106499kill (You)rself chasoid
>>42106499Pocket universe monkey
>>42106499take a shower.
>>42101791Youre unbelievably retarded. Social transition is not transition, just get on test. It wont fix everything immediately but no amount of "social transition" will do anything for you
