ik this probably belongs on /adv/ but i feel like ill just get dogpiled for being a tranny. >be 19 pretrans dating cisf in uni, first relationship with a woman>tell her im trans, want to transition when we're 20>lots of non-relationship bullshit ensues, actually get on HRT at 22 (im 25 now)>move cities, i work a good job and make decent money>she doesn't work, insists we get married (we do)>still not working, im working full time (60-70hrs)>she doesn't work or contribute domestically for like 2 years, full NEET, even now she pretty much only does laundry (inconsistently)>very very attached, like constantly nagging me for not spending more time with her when i can't even have friends with how busy i am with work and her.>shes autistic and has anger issues in public her whole life, but shes also very conventionally attractive so it's a semi-repeating issue where im the lumbering heighthon getting half yelled at by the pretty cis girl in public.>she hates my family and talks about how much she hates them constantly despite only having to see them 2-3 times per year.idk if i was a cis girl i wouldn't put up with this shit but idk how to navigate this as a lateshit heighthon troon. shes very smart and pretty and genuinely has no issue with me being a tranny. her family is also fine with it. ive been reliably passing to strangers for about a year atp and am scheduled for FFS in late 2026 though so idk i might switch up on her.>QOTT: did your gf/bf/partner leave you when you trooned on them? do you wish they had?
>>42108071girl just dump her being a "lateshit heighthon troon" isn't why you're still with her it's because your self esteem is so low you put up with her shitty behaviour for years. You've got options!
>>42108071It sounds like you severely undervalue yourself and are tolerating a lot because you don't think you can find something better. >if i was a cis girl i wouldn't put up with thisThat's your answer. Don't put up with it. Why does being cis or trans change what is acceptable?
>>42108071the rational part of my brain says that especially since you already seem dissatisfied with the relationship, theres definitely someone/something better out there for you and you should just leave and go see what its like since youve spent all your 20s like this so far. the fucked up tranny part of my brain says i would kill to be in your place and you are insane for even thinking about giving that up. idk
>>42108099>being a "lateshit heighthon troon" isn't why you're still with herno its a pretty big factor>>42108166>Why does being cis or trans change what is acceptable?>>42108137>I would kill to be in your place and you are insane for even thinking about giving that up.see she gets itidk she loves me a lot and i feel like this is my last true chance to be loved, have accepting inlaws, etc. you read about dating as a tranny and its like just getting murdered or cheated on
I agree with everything >>42108166 said (including the last part) but..>>42108192>i feel like this is my last true chance to be loved, have accepting inlaws, etc. you read about dating as a tranny and its like just getting murdered or cheated onIf there's one person who already fell in love with you there's a decent chance there is another person who will. This isn't the only person in the world.Do you still love her? Have you spoken to her about how much of an issue her behaviour is for you? Maybe she would be willing to go to therapy and fix herself, but then you should still ask yourself if you want to put up with this behaviour until it gets better and consider that it might also never get better. There's ways to end a relationship in good terms and maybe when both of you are a little older you could try having a relationship again. If you keep waiting to talk to her/to break up with her then it's only going to get worse and your break up might end up being very ugly. It's better to deal with it now.
>>42108258>Do you still love her?yeah but our marriage is too one-sided to enjoy being with her>Have you spoken to her about how much of an issue her behaviour isyes and she says shell fix it but doesn't>Maybe she would be willing to go to therapy and fix herselfshe keeps saying she will, but never does. like i give her the insurance card, we have a shared password manager account but somehow she needs me sitting right next to her to book one, which im obviously not going to pick my wifes therapist.>There's ways to end a relationship in good termsThis is not how it would go down. last time i tried to leave the apartment during an argument she physically wrapped herself around my leg and wouldn't let go until i agreed to stay (work night btw)idk if we were just dating maybe but i feel like ill lose everything in a divorce due to her self-imposed unemployment (she literally has a STEM degree) and i think she'd drag it out for a long time. i also really like her as a person like she can be really sweet she's just incompetent or something
>>42108305>wrapped herself around my leg and wouldn't let go until i agreed to stayI was with >>42108166 until I read this.That's straight up domestic violence.>i feel like ill lose everything in a divorce due to her self-imposed unemployment (she literally has a STEM degree) and i think she'd drag it out for a long time. i also really like her as a person like she can be really sweet she's just incompetent or somethingGet a good lawyer. Get a paper trail that you're a victim of domestic violence.>im obviously not going to pick my wifes therapistYou should. So you get a paper trail that this is an ongoing issue and that amicable attempts have been made.Be strategic about this, nona.Gather the relevant paper trail and then go ahead and ask for an AT FAULT divorce.She's literally abusing you. You don't deserve that.t. older married tranny
>>42108305Okay marriage changes things. I never understand why people marry so young.>but somehow she needs me sitting right next to her to book oneWhen it's a big scary task having someone sit next to me while I do it helps me a lot too desu. But it also seems like she's making a lot of excuses. Most people usually don't go to therapy while they have some sort of stability, which in this case I think is probably the relationship continuing on. So she might never see therapy as truly necessary or feel motivated enough to go until you break up with her unfortunately.>i also really like her as a person like she can be really sweet she's just incompetent or somethingThat's cool but you are obviously very unhappy right now. Maybe you need a therapist too who can help you with going through this. I'm sure it's not easy. But I agree with >>42108360
>>42108360>domestic violencethe behavior isn't ok but she doesnt intentionally cause pain and im not going to get injured. she weighs 100lbs.>When it's a big scary task having someone sit next to me while I do it helps me a lot too desuyeah i might just book it with hermore i talk the more i realize its kind of a messed up situation
>>42108444>more i talk the more i realize its kind of a messed up situationUsually someone who stays in a situation like that for so long also has some sort of mental illness, otherwise they would have left sooner.
>>42108444>the behavior isn't ok but she doesnt intentionally cause pain and im not going to get injuredThat's not the legal definition of domestic violence.Emotional manipulation is also a form of domestic violence.So is financial abuse.>she weighs 100lbsSo fucking what?Stop making excuses for her abuse, nona.I had in my extended family a 50kg aunt who put her husband into an early grave with her abuse. This isn't a joke.You're gonna exhaust yourself and crash out. Your mental health isn't made out of steel.Just because you're not physically injured YET, that doesn't mean you aren't already being subjected to domestic violence.>more i talk the more i realize its kind of a messed up situationYa think?Think about it this way: Where do you see yourself in 2040? Same thing? Working 70hrs/week to support an abusive wife? Do you really think you can take it?You're 25. You're still young. I was about your age when I started transitioning. Life doesn't end anytime soon, trust me on that.No relationship is better than a terrible relationship.You've already given enough. How much longer can you actually take it without make irreparable damage to your mental health?As a trans girl I don't need to spell it out for you how fragile and deeply important mental health is. Guard it at all costs.You sound well-adjusted. You made it. You won. Why throw all of that away for someone who legit grinds you down?Just because she can be really sweet? Well, a cat can be really sweet as well.Sorry for the harshness, but I've seen too many people (of all genders) ending up in the psychward in similar situations because their partners were all sweet and deeply abusive.
>>42108514ty nona ill think hard about what youve said
