>eating 7-11 barbecue pizza for dinner on Christmas>sat alone in bedroom since 9 AM>living in shared rental housing owned by a useless piece of shit landlord, building is beginning to fall apart>didn’t talk to anyone all day except a couple roommates, not even online > parents alive but relationship with them is beyond salvaging> Dad is power-tripping subhuman rapist> both parents awful people in general> only in contact with them at all due to being too crippled to work and needing their money to survive> started selling old possessions online to make what money I can and get started on clearing out my room/tttt/, I’m gonna do it
>>42127068It's a bit of a meme, but cleaning your space does feel good when it's done. It's like your headspace is clear for work or art or rest or whatever it is you want to do.So maybe focus on clearing your room than roping? See how you feel when you've done that.If it's any consolation, I'm eating 7-11 pepperoni with siblings. So the dressing isn't overly important.Are there any string attached to your parents supporting you?
>>42127122it’s true that I should at least clean up in here, but I feel so shitty I can’t motivate myself to do it tonightI’ve been fortunate that there’s no clear strings attached so far, but they’ve already threatened to cut me off financially once before. for a while my dad was insisting on being the one to reply to my emails and he kept asking a ton of probing questions and accusing me of being “on drugs” or something. before too long they’ll likely both get fed up with me for depending on them and he’ll probably step back in. my mom’s ill so she’ll probably die before he does either way. I’m earnestly cooked
>>42127285Don't worry about cleaning up tonight. You can do that tomorrow.This is a difference between operating and planning.Operate like you're still being supported, because you are, but plan for not being supported. Can you find an independent income stream?
i didnt think that last christmas would be the last time i ever saw my dadhe was my only family so its basically just another day off nowfeel super bitter and mad every time i see anyone celebrating with family like it makes me illits like the same as like veterans day or any other boring random day off but with added bitterness i see people twice my age with grandparends letalone parents and genuinely wish they were deadim eating takeout and getting fucked by my boyfriend whos cheated on me 4 times that i know of over 5 yearsthe whole deal (my life) is super comically sadat least he has a big penor and puts a roof over my NEET ass headi guess im making the most of what little is left
>>42127430yeah, for tonight I just need to keep my shit together. I’m serious about being on my way out though. like a couple months topsI don’t wanna go too in-depth with the specifics just in case anyone here might recognize me (call me schizoid or w/e, but every transgender knows each other), but in short, my job prospects are nonexistent. I’m very physically ill and mentally dysfunctional, my physical health has been rapidly getting worse over the past 4 years in particular, it’s basically all I can do at this point just staying fed and medicated. the medical institution is killing me worse than anything in their own way. no support system either, even my online friendships disintegrated because I’ve become so withdrawn. I’m too unstable and exhausted day to day to even maintain a presence on social media
>>42127490being cheated on 4 times sounds beyond exhausting, I’m sorry you’re stuck depending on a scumbag like that. I think I might hate other people too much to even stay with a good person for 5 years
>>42127553Keep your shit together for now.Have you ever considered the volunteer space? Is there an animal shelter or soup kitchen or something like that near you that you could try and get involved with?
>>42127992what part of “it’s basically all I can do at this point just staying fed and medicated” makes it sound like I’d be a decent volunteering candidate? as much as I would love to be that person, I’m living with chronic illnesses that cause a lot of pain and fatigue, limit my mobility, weaken my bones and decimate my immune system. plus I’m a traumatized unstable autist with cognitive issues. I’m out here Gregor Samsa-moding, I was not designed to survive. if I was well enough to volunteer I’d just get a job instead
>>42127068You wouldn't be missing out on anything this world is just gonna be a big brown ball of shit within 10 years anyways
>>42129431that’s part of it too. it’d be nice if there was an alternate universe where I could imagine a future worth looking forward to, but realistically everything is going to hell in a handbasket and I don’t envy those who will try to live through it
>>42129370For sure. I meant maybe in the future. You gotta take care of what's in front of you now.Also, I laffed at Gregor Samsa-moding. Sorry if that wasn't supposed to be funny.
>>42127068you need friends anon
