Why is hrt making me dysphoric? I want it's effects, so why the fuck is making me dysphoric?This is genuinely horrifying. What am I supposed to do‽ Detroon, and go back to being a man‽ I hate being a man.Am I just fucked‽ Built so incorrectly that nothing feels right‽I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried everything. At this point only a lobotomy would heal me.
>>42132707What about HRT is making you feel dysphoric? How does that feel?
>>42132707Are you sure it isn't depression caused by too high levels? Women gobble anti-depressants like candy due to high estrogen
Become a vag bro
>>42132707hating being a man =/= being trans
>>42132707Part of it is anxiety, part of it is awareness of other things. How long have you been on HRT?
>>42132721Despite wanting the effects of hrt, they all feel foreign and wrong, and any time I see a older women, I'm overcome by anxiety that I will age like her if I keep taking hrt.It's not been a long time since I started taking it, but the thought of being perceived as a woman is also almost enough to make me panic. The thought of living the rest of my life as a man really makes me want to die though, so I really don't know what to do at this point anymore
>>42132724>Are you sure it isn't depression caused by too high levels?It's possible. I'm doing monotherapy with EEn, and I'm not currently planning on getting my levels checked, so I'm injecting 7mg weekly, so my levels may be higher than they should be. I don't even know how to gauge how depressed I really am, cause I've been wanting to die since I've been a teen, but I'm also mostly functional, and also able to enjoy life to a limited extent
>>42132810prolly could come down to 5 mg. but also taking hrt for an additional month doesnt really give you that many differences. that was what made me continue at the beginning. its a big change and i also doubted if it was the right choice. but i just kept taking it and have been on e for a year. youll be fine if you continue for some time. dont think you need to decide right now.
>>42132707What about being a man bothers you? For me it was things like having thin skin, being muscly and aggressive, and having a penis (ofc). Besides the last one HRT made me feel awesome for this reason
>>42132757>How long have you been on HRT?This is the third time already, and I've been on it for around 3 months the first two times, and now it's been 3 weeks since I started again.
>>42132874>What about being a man bothers you? I don't like most effects of testosterone, especially it making my skin rough, the body odor it gives me, it making me hairy, how it's making me unnecessarily horny. Although, I don't hate anything I mentioned to the extent I've mentioned to the extent I've seen other trans people describe their dysphoria, but it's enough to be constantly mildly uncomfortable. Kinda like wearing a itchy sweater you just get used to after a while.
>>42133134HRT gets rid of all those things. So what’s the problem?
>>42133147Any time I'm actually reminded of what I'm doing, and of the fact that I really am feminizing myself, I'm internally freaking out, because I can't help but feel that I'll come to hate all the effects and realize I prefer to be a man in the long run, no matter how horrific the thought of being a man is
>>42133318But what if it turns out you love having a vagina?
>>42133327I'm not thinking that far yet. Currently I feel like dying both on and off hrt, so I need to figure out what's wrong with me first
>>42132841>prolly could come down to 5 mgThat's my plan after I'm certain I've suppressed my testosterone enough, but I may not even get that far if being on hrt is making me lose my mind as much as it does.>youll be fine if you continue for some timeI really really hope that's the case. I know I feel normal on testosterone, but the thought of actually living my whole life as a man is enough to rob me of any joy life might bring
>>42132738That's probably unfortunately the case for me, no matter how much I wish it weren't the case. It's miserable
>>42133318I think that's anxiety and guilt. I get the same things sometimes, you know. There's a clash there.
>>42133777It probably is to some extent, but there's also genuine dread at what I'm doing. I really feel like I should be able to desire it more, to enjoy it more, if it were right for me. It doesn't help that I'm basically as faketrans as possible
>>42133134Enbie here, I hate to use blanchardism terms because on the whole it’s a flawed framing but maybe instead of AGP feeling you’re more AGAMP so to speak. I feel very offput by traditional femininity as much as I am masculinity and I realized while you could call me transfem the I don’t necessarily want to be a woman I like elements of my masculine self like my endomorphic build (though I don’t have super wide shoulders) and my dick. In short I want to look somewhere between a femboy and a Chubby girl and if I was a full on woman I would start feeling dysphoric. That’s just one idea though desu I would not give up just yet regardless there’s a a place for you somewhere.
>>42134196>instead of AGP feeling you’re more AGAMP so to speakI'm actually probably neither. I'm definitely not agp, since I'm not aroused by thinking of myself as a woman, although thinking of myself as a man is definitely more off-putting. I'm also not really agamp, since I've little to no interest in actually using my dick in any way. I wouldn't say that I have bottom dysphoria, but I definitely don't overtly like my genitals.>I feel very offput by traditional femininity as much as I am masculinitySame. Both feel really performative and inane to me, although there are some aspects of both I can appreciate.>I don’t necessarily want to be a woman I like elements of my masculine selfI'm quite certain that I do actually kind of want to be a woman, but definitely a rather androgynous one. I hate most aspects of being a man, despite them not feeling "wrong" or me even being able to pragmatically appreciate them. I don't even really know what it means to like my own body, since I've more or less always perceived it as an arbitrary vessel which I happen to inhabit. I can see and appreciate the ways in which it may be attractive to others, but I can't really wrap my head around what it would mean to like it for intrinsic reasons. Just seeing in what ways I could be attractive as a man is making me severely anxious, because I'm afraid I may come to regret transitioning, no matter how little I actually want to be a man
