I'm FtM (technically intersex male assigned female but it makes no difference) and since I was a young teenager I used to repress my sexuality because I was too insecure and ashamed of my appearance and neurodivergence to believe in the possibility of someone liking me back. I've been ridiculed and avoided by my peers my whole life for being "weird" so maybe it wasn't for no reason.I guess something went wrong from there. As I got older, I stopped feeling sexually attracted to girls unless I fantasized about dismembering them or touching their internal organs. Is this a common experience?
I've had deep deep psychological things turn into paraphilias and I dislike it. I don't think dysphoria is one of the things that developed a paraphilia for me though. I have made the argument that what was labelled AGP might just be gender trauma turning into paraphilia but people got mad at me from both directions
>>42171340I've had violent sexual fantasies in times of great stress or depression in life. They went away though. Are you doing okay, anon? Because it didn't sound like it from your op. If you're still struggling, try therapy when you can with a queer guy that doesn't just prescribe drugs and has experience dealing with internalized homophobia. Don't being up being trans or intersex, just be honest about the shame you feel towards being perceived as weird or effeminate and how it has stunted you socially and continues to hurt your ability to open up to people. There is also a case study I read out there of a cis man that grew up to have a weird cuckoldry fetish from shame around not being masculine enough after having his bone structure fucked by low t during puberty. So yeah, you're not alone if you weren't just meming. The serial killer shit is pretty extreme, kek.
I never avoided sex intentionally but biology cucked me into never being able to stick my dick inside of someone so I guess probably my interest in cutting people open stems from compensation for tha
