>>42174339
>questioning
to what end - it's not like you can just become something else just because you would like it so.
reality doesn't work that way.

>>42174339
The only real choice you have to worry about right now is whether to start hrt, nothing else really matters right now (whether you're trans or what gender you are etc). Those things can come with time and exploration.

Write out a cost risk analysis for starting hrt, preferably don't include any costs or inconveniences that are forced on you by society (rather than the hrt itself and your own feelings about it) but I understand some people in some places don't have that luxury.

For me I came to the conclusion that the absolute worst case scenario of starting hrt was i end up as a detrans guy with boobs who understands himself a lot more. The absolute worst case scenario of *not* starting hrt was I end up 50 years old and suicidal because i never gave myself a chance.

You can think of gender literally forever if you want to since it's conceptual, you won't come to a clear conclusion by thinking about it. It's almost the least important question in that sense.

If you decide against hrt or are not interested in it at all then go have fun endlessly pondering gender if that's what you enjoy

>>42174379
Forgot to mention in the op that I am pondering both at the same time. What gender I am on a conceptual level, which isn't really productive, but still feels like a necessary part of my personal introspection, but also definitely whether I'd like to start hrt.
The issue is, I simply don't know. I understand why I'd want or not want hrt, but I whether I do actually want it or not still eludes me.
I do agree that the worst case scenario of me taking it is way less horrible than not taking it, but I still don't want to do something I may regret later. And I'm not referring to having to get my breasts removed if I were to detrans, but rather the fear that all of this has been for naught.

>>42174373
>to what end
I'm questioning in order to figure out whether I'd benefit from transitioning. I have tried some more actionable stuff, but nothing has given me any further insight

>>42174339
I mean I kinda get the impression ppl seem more confused and questioning than ever tbqh

>>42174523
On sites like reddit maybe, but here it feels like everybody is either a repper or actively transitioning, excluding cis ppl ofc

>>42174339
i def am still questioning. i still just say im nonbiney, but i really dont know. 4chan makes me feel like i want/should girlmode but idk. i started hrt at 24 because of that. so far its been fine and i like the outcome. i microdosed for half a year as well before coming to 4chan where i just thought fuck it and stopped hondosing myself. but i still dont know if im binary trans or actually still nb. am i enbycoping or i actually am an enby? dont know and atp dont care too much.

>>42174455
if you don't have dysphoria, you probably wouldn't.
i would argue that even people who have dysphoria don't necessarily benefit from transitioning, either. it seems to get worse for a lot of them.
not to be a dick here, but this feels like you're considering crutches when both of your legs are in perfect form.

>>42174416
You are already doing something you'll regret.

The pondering and agonising over gender is basically for naught, yes. Trying hrt and exploring will never be for naught because however it goes, you'll understand more about yourself, which is the ultimate goal that you will never regret.

You've told me yourself that one outcome is worse than the other, so just choose the better outcome. Continuing to agonise over this is irrational.

>>42174714
I genuinely can't tell whether I have dysphoria or not. I barely even identify with my body to begin with, and I can't even really imagine feeling anything but indifference at best. Comfort in my own body is a foreign concept to me

>>42174724
>Trying hrt and exploring will never be for naught because however it goes, you'll understand more about yourself
Ngl, if I do try hrt only to find out it's not right for me, I see no point in anything anymore. I will just have to put in effort and accept something I don't want and which is outside of my control

>>42174339
My advice would be to make 1 trans friend you love and then never interact with the community again. Just be a normal girl. You will benifit from it so much more then the fleeting comfort you get from here

>>42174838
if you had dysphoria, you'd know

>>42174998
That's what I'm assuming as well, but the thought of me being comfortable with being a man is deeply distressing, so that puts me in an awkward position where I'm basically just distressed by not being dysphoric

>>42175038
sounds like dysphoria to me

>>42174926
I don't quite understand your sentence.

>>42175038
Nta but a lot of "im not dysphoric" might be a fish in water scenario. Like i didnt think i was dysphoric at first either but i was numb and hated my face and thought i was going to die alone even though i couldnt ever remeber what i looked like and was afraid of mirrors and hated pretty women and hated being in a relationship where i was the man even though i only like women. Ect. Ect. Its all very obvious in hindsight. After you accept feelings they are easier to read. Just trust ur intuition.

>>42175052
no it doesnt, could easily also be internalized misandry or some other shit
but to a hammer, everything looks like a nail

>>42175071
It's dysphoria by definition. Could the dysphoria be due to misandry or some other shit? Sure, iunno.

>>42175059
I'm just saying that I fear the outcome of me finding out that I actually am just cis

>>42175148
yes and as you established, that outcome is the less worse outcome than never trying. anything else?

>>42175085
the thought of being comfortable is not the same as being comfortable.

>>42175064
I definitely am extremely numb and hate myself, but at the same time I'm not afraid of mirrors and know that I technically look fine. It's very difficult to tell whether I'd be able to ever feel anything positive in regards to myself, and what I'd need to do in order to accomplish that, when I've never felt anything but apathy at best.
Maybe I just have to learn to love being a man, or maybe I really can't, and would love to be anything but. I can't tell

>>42175166
therefore...?

>>42175162
>anything else?
Yeah actually. Forgot to mention that it feels inevitable that I'll come to the conclusion that I'm cis, no matter my current feelings of dread towards this outcome

>>42175208
therefore...?

>>42175222
Therefore I feel like I'm stuck in limbo where everything feels wrong and like I'm making a mistake. I've even tried hrt already, but stopped, because I couldn't shake the feeling that I will come to regret it, and now I'm off of it, and I still also can't shake the feeling that I this is something I will come to regret as well

>>42175187
I feel like iv read your posts on here before lol. As someone who spent 15 years of their life being numb i can tell you having emotions and feeling good about ur body is worth it. Like its not even about passing literally it feels good in my skin and bones. And before i transitioned i thought the "life is in hd" thing was corny bs but how else would you describe being able to see all the tiny emotions that make up the large ones . Being able to communicate with your emotions and understand them is the essence of living. After starting hrt it became very obvious why i was numbing my emotions and very easy to sooth those parts of myself and integrate everything back into a actual human person. i kinda think some people are just sensitive to testosterone and its not even about gender.

>>42175245
You will never do anything in your life that you're sure of until after you've made severe mistakes and maybe not even then. If you want clarity, you have to take some shots in the dark, no way around it. Good luck