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I can feed myself sometimes, but my cats eat better than I do most of the time. I just lay in bed all day and browse 4chan or watch YouTube. Occasionally I'll play a videogame or switch to Law & Order SVU. I take 40 mg Prozac and 450 mg Lithium carbonate daily for depression since my suicide attempt last year. I work maybe 12-16 hours a week at my job on average, because it's deadline based and impending deadlines are the only thing that motivates me to do work. Most of the time I'm just bedrotting and billing 40 hours. I'm considered a high performer somehow.

I'm basically friendless in that I have no one I talk to regularly, including family. I have no motivation to make friends or leave my apartment except to buy groceries and pick up my prescriptions. I've been in plenty of relationships though the guy I was dating broke up with me a couple months ago.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm humblebragging since I know this is living the dream unironically for some of you. I just want to hear from anons who aren't suffering because of their material conditions. Because I feel like a pathetic nepo baby who needed a parent to beat the shit out of me a few times to knock some sense into me, and since that never happened, I can't function sustainably as an adult. Is this all there is? An endless series of tasks that I have to force myself to accomplish? I'm almost 28 and I still feel like I'm fighting the same internal battle over whether or not to build an exit bag I've been fighting since 18. Being around people makes me feel worse so I avoided it like the plague, and now people avoid me, because I'm obviously a neurotic anxious mess.

Weed helps but only temporarily. I know I'm wallowing in self pity. I just hope someone will read this and say the right words to snap me out of it.

>t. a mostly luckshit passoid, FFS and voice trained, a bit twinkhon-y but dysphoria is manageable, well paying career where I can WFH full time. I'm 27, four years HRT.