6 years of manmode, and I've had enough. My mental health is worse that's been in years, I've been crashing out almost every day for the last two weeks. I always knew honmode is a viable path for some because I've seen it work (as in, I personally knew some hons and twinkhons), but I always thought I'm better off as a manmoder.Turns out, I'm just a fucking coward. The intensity of my dysphoria in fact 100% justifies a full social transition. I'm just afraid to take the risk, and desu I'm also just v. mentally dysfunctional and can barely keep a job and do the most basic tasks. But time is running out, I'm getting older, and I wanna give a full transition another shot.Yeah, I'll be visibly trans, but at least I'll be able to connect with people on a genuine level without this retarded fucking man LARP. I just don't care anymore about what some stupid transphobic idiot might think about it, and I can handle any practical problem that's caused by not passing.Other manmoders can have fun lying on their death beds, thinking about "it would never have worked, iwnbaw" without ever fully, properly trying. I won't be one of them.
you're just going to look like a videos facsimile of your fetishised version of 'womanhood'. Nobody will like you, be attracted to you, take you seriously, or treat you as a woman
>>42179532*hideous
>>42179477Congrats nona! I hope its easy for u! I went from manmoder to homoder this year. Its very freeing noth having to think about it anymore. Theres less nasty people then youd expect. You get used to the occasional stare
>>42179477based, congrats op
>>42179532That's where you're wrong kiddo, I literally used to girlmode part time plus I personally know two twinkhons (and know of many others twinkhons and hons) who both have interesting jobs, friends, and long term partners.Yes obviously not passing entirely is a problem, but it still beats crying every day and getting drunk due to untreated (discounting hrt) dysphoria.You are of course welcome to be a scared little faggot who sadposts on /tttt/ in 2026, 2027, or even fucking 2040 for all I care. But you don't have to be. (This is assuming you're a manmoder, if you're a shartyfag then i g do whatever you want).
>>42179477based dream-pursuer self-actualizationmoder
>>42179550Ty :D. I mean honestly I am already getting stares during summers because of boobs, and it's typically late middle aged women and very, very low status men. I will have to switch jobs and also sort out some other things tho, and also I have a few other practical concerns, but I truly, genuinely cannot go on like this.>>42179573Thanks!
>>42179608>shartyfagI wonder what's causing the TDS in those polyps
>>42179477Why don't you just get FFS or something so you're not a hon?
>>42179770agreed
>>42179477Wishing you the best nona! Honestly im new to honmoding myself but I genuinely feel so much better not hiding anymore and worrying that people can still tell, its not always easy but things have gotten a lot better and I have more good days than bad. We are all gonna make it, passing or not
>>42179477what's the point in honmoding when you're still viewed as a man by society?t. manmoder
>>42179993What's the point in declaring yourself a manmoder(read; a closeted transsexual) instead of just an ordinary man? See, here you would prefer people read you correctly and assume the experiences and interiority typical of a manmoder. Hiding yourself away is hurting you. Will people treat you poorly? Sure, sometimes. But how is anyone ever going to see you for who you are if you hide that part of yourself away?
>>42179790like the whole point of manmoding should be using male privelege (which manmoders get as they're masc men) to get bank then use it to transition in one rapid go
>>42180077Also OP just curious what hrt regime are you on?Ran into an interesting theory that dumb/dysfunctional trannies can be caused in some cases by hondosing
>>42180077you seem to live in such a curious reality
>>42179477congrats on living you dream :3 i bet you will make a beautiful woman
>>42180061yeah i'm just a man. a man that has a fetish for imagining himself as a woman
>>42179477Have you been voicetraining? Voice and mannerisms are 80% of passing and if you're not super tall they're amazing at covering a lot of other imperfections.Other than that, what can I say? Lean into that honfidence, nona.
>>42180107You're a woman, nona. You're beating yourself up because you are hardest on yourself, you know like most women.You just gotta work on that honfidence, there's light at the end of the tunnel I promise
>>42179477>>42179993You gotta find your local goth / kink / queer rave nights and go to those there’s other hons/ pooners there and the cis people there like it because they get to feel extra cosmopolitan. I’m built like a linebacker and am just never ever gonna pass but I can express the feminine part of me a few times a month without blowing up my whole ass life / getting fired / etc. To piggyback off of what >>42180061 is saying I still use the men’s room even when all dolled up basically out of principle and there have been a couple of times where I thought I barely heard some guy mutter “pussy” or “fag” under his breath as I he was leaving but I still run long distance and lift weights so I figured they realize it wouldn’t end well for them if they actually had the balls to do anything to me :)
>>42179532sounds like the women experience to me, lmao.
>>42180220I've found that these spaces are full of people who will sell you out at the first opportunity I have no trust for it. I'm a successful never gonna pass person but I'm still integrated with society because I produce results, just git gud lol.
>>42180189i'm literally just a man that jerks off to the idea of being a woman
>>42179477Why can't you grow up and try to act like a normal man. Do you have to go on and on with this adolescent obsession?
>>42180220how old are you? i'm too old for raves and it sounds hellish
>>42180311Oh for sure these events are full of vampires that would stab you in the back and doxx you in a heartbeat if they thought for a second you were a centrist instead of 100 percent liberal. I think of it like “observe, but be not of” like from Queen of the Damned lol.> just git gud lolI’ve honmoded out in the light of day at museums and the beach and things but what can I say I feel much of the world doesn’t deserve to see that inner part of me
>>42179708They need somewhere to feed on other people's energy, and the babytrans are all too happy to bleed themselves.>>42179770I hope I can get FFS, and it would definitely help me, but there's other things about my body like skull circumference, height, feet and shoulders ... that can't be changed. This is fine btw, I think I've reached a healthy, sane balance of understanding how I look while also knowing I have to socially transition anyway.>>42179791>We are all gonna make it, passing or notSo trve, nona. Also congrats on girlmoding!!>>42179993Not everyone will see you as a man, and anyway honmoding allows you to connect with people in a lot more genuine way. It's very hard to make friends yet alone to date as a deeply dysphoric manmoder. If you know, you know.Like >>42180061 said, but I'd also add that even explaining to normal cis people that you're a manmoder is pretty difficult. "Yes hello nice to meet you, btw I have gender dysphoria and take hrt but also you must call me by my male name because I'm afraid and insecure." Do you see how that might turn people away from wanting to be your friend yet alone anything more?
>>4218039933 turning 34 started at 31
>>42180480>skull circumference, height, feet and shoulders What's your biacromial, bideltoid, and underbust?Height and skull circumfrence imo less relevant to daily passing if have a passing face and voice. Body shape could def fuck you if super bad tbf.Maybe shoulder surgery then?
>>42180480i have friends i just don't tell them
>>42180220Sounds like you're part time girlmoding at safe spaces. Honestly that's the first thing I wanna start doing again because well, it's safe, and also it allows you to meet people. Also yeah, I'm lucky to live in a town that has small but functional queer and alt scenes.>>42180468Ngl I generally manage to find enough edgy post-ish leftists that I get along who don't mind my views. You do have to be careful tho yeah ...This is a selfie from the final time I girlmoded in public btw. It actually was for a sort of a safe-ish alt place. The night did not go that well for me because I got super drunk and acted out a bit, but at least I got home safe.
>>42180077What privilege if you are depressed, are abusing substances, and are emotionally unstable? I have no privilege to speak of right now.>>42180088IM Undecylate monotherapy on a 14 day cycle or so. Levels around 150 pg/mL last I checked with T at the lower female range. DIY of course, endos here will just hondose you.>>42180103Thank you :3.>>42180149I have been voicetraining on and off for years at this point, and have a somewhat okay-ish girlvoice. I can manipulate my resonance, raspiness, and pitch so an extent, and I don't have a fagvoice, but I need to train more for sure. I'll probably go back to Trans Voice Lessons paid discord because for 5 bucks a month, it lets you lurk in people's personal threads and learn from them and ask as much questions as you want.
>>42180468>observe, but be not of” like from Queen of the Damned lol.be in this world, but not of this world eh>qotdloved the movie for how over the top numetal cringelord it was, such a blast from the past>>42180568that's either a rather flattering angle or you may be stealing some valor from the honmoders anon
>>42180584>What privilege if you are depressed, are abusing substances, and are emotionally unstable? I have no privilege to speak of right now.this lol, some people are so clueless
>>42180529Idk how exactly to answer these questions sorry, and I don't wanna post a full body photo because it def reads male fwiw. Suffice it to say the way my body is, I never bothered with more precise measurements because it was always obvious where I'd land. This is not to sound brainwormed tho, it's just how it is.
>>42180597It is a flattering angle, distance, and light for sure. I got many worse than this x).
>>42180568> night did not go that well for me because I got super drunk and acted out a bit, but at least I got home safeAnd you looked good doing it diva
>>42179477you can be visibly trans just actually put in lots of effort because people really appreciate the effort. Do anything you can to make yourself more attractive or whatever, hitting ideal weight, flattering clothing, good makeup, etc. etc. You'll have to put in something like model effort without getting model results sadly
>>42180584>I can manipulate my resonance, raspiness, and pitch so an extent, and I don't have a fagvoiceWell, could've been worse.I got "forced" into girlmoding because the voice training was seeping into my "normal" voice. That's when I realized just how important voice and mannerisms are.I could dress in a Tory suit now and still be gendered female the second I open my mouth (had ffs and height helps).Good luck with the voice! And learn walking too, if you haven't already.timestamped link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOAo2M43kTs&t=293s
>>42180662in any case you look very cute (to my cishet male gaze) in it, hope you find people around whom you can girlmode in daylight too, nona
>>42180077>the point of manmoding is living as a man to instantly get enough money for trooning out because being a man is a cakewalk and women are legally obliged to roll out a red carpet in front of you and every man earns lots of $$$Lmao the delusion
>>42180957I mean it's not true for most troons as they're manlets but if you're a legit giga chad hon neverpasser you absolutely benefit from it.
>>42179477based and grats but also for some people manmode isn't a problem if it's not a problem, it obviously was for you and it was the right choice to move on
>>42180792Thanks, cishet gazing anon haha.>>42180755I think it's seeping into my normal voice too, but I live such an isolated life and work such a low status/low interaction job that it doesn't really matter. And my family and the few friends I still have all know I'm trans. Thank you for the video, I guess it's time to retvrn to some proper transsexual grind. I'll watch it carefully even though I feel like I've figured out the walk already because it's one of the things you can do while manmoding and maintain plausible deniability lol.>>42180753That's just one of my concerns yeah. There's a big difference between being able to get up, put on a t shirt, and have people be nice and open doors for you at a store ... vs having to actually do things to reasonably communicate you're a trans woman. Again this is just how it is, and it helps to be aware of those things if you want your transition to be taken seriously, right.>>42180686My memory of that night is so fuzzy. I remember a short and pleasant chat with my ex, but she told me I was actually bothering her for 20 minutes. I also remember one dude offering me an open (!) beer and me having enough sense to refuse and walk away. On my way home I chatted with an old security guard who gave me a cigarette.
>>42180964as /fit/cels say, you can't outlift the tismand you can't outprivilege the rep-depression>ignoring that this is 80iq or grifter radfem apex fallacy nonsense in the first place, but victimhood grifters gon grift
>>42181044>I feel like I've figured out the walk already because it's one of the things you can do while manmoding and maintain plausible deniability lolUntil someone does notice. It's how I malefailed among the first times. Someone clocked me as a woman from behind because of long hair and walking.>proper transsexual grindYeah, pretty much.Cis women learn a lot of these things too. We have to learn them too. Every single small thing matters.It's what I tell to the youngshit I recently met in my city. She passes physically slightly better than me. But the second she moves or opens her mouth, she gets clocked as a tranny while I don't. Even when we're together in public. That's how much of a difference the grind makes.>There's a big difference between being able to get up, put on a t shirt, and have people be nice and open doors for you at a storeNow I can almost do that. Mannerisms, confidence (but yes, height and ffs too) do the rest. Normies don't quite clock trannies but rather insecurity.
op this makes me really happy :) infinite happiness to you. i hope everything goes even better than you could possibly imagine.you're pretty, by the way :) i mean that.
>>42181140I'm def keeping my expectations in check as I'm 6 feet tall. But there are levels to passing (or non-passing) like I mentioned before, and you can be feminine and carry yourself in a certain way that actually says "woman" as opposed to some unfortunate (often imaginary but sometimes sadly real) caricature.I watched the video, and it made me remember how most people, regardless of gender or age, are just kinda sloppy when it comes to walking. I see so many walk with their feet angled outwards for example (healthy and non obese ones too).>>42181205Thank you lowercase nona :)). Same to you.
