I usually don't attention whore or start bullshit threads. I usually just go on here to offer advice or hope, anything that's not just the same black pilled bullshit that feeds the brainworks. It makes me happy. But tonight is something different. >Be me>Early 20's passing MTF>Stuck in southern state for foreseeable future>To be honest my circumstances are actually really good. I'm lucky to be in them despite my location. My family sucks but they support me and are in my life. >Autistic enough to mention + schizoaffective bipolar disorder >Been trying the whole meds and therapy thing most of my life. Trying to get better, improve and be consistent but lately it's just been getting to be too much.The green text was unnecessary to be honest, I just wanted to do one if it'll be one of if not my last. I'm sober too. Had a stretch of different addictions and weed use but I've been sober for over a year with only occasional alcohol use and no real desire to relapse, even in my current state. I don't really have any specific reason to be this coming to this kind of decision. Maybe just a combination of many. I've had suicidal ideation and severe depression since I was 10, I'm shocked I've even made it this long. Idk. I kinda just wanted some people to talk to. People who have no stakes, don't care, hell, may even hate me for existing. Tonight unfortunately is not the night. I need to finish up writing a few final messages to people I care about and to finish up my will and get it notorized. If y'all have any questions or just anything go for it. Only thing I have planned is maybe a walk to the gas station to buy cigarettes. I don't smoke, at least haven't in a long time, I just figured I'd enjoy something I miss.
>>42202033Get a pack of dark green spirits they give a nice buzz also don’t do it
Anon please go to a hospital and check yourself into a BHU. Bring some books with you and take a few days of being around people and eating well to mull things over. These decisions, they should not be made out of desperation, and you are so, so young. Please give your future self the chance to be happy and stay with us.
>>42202116I've never been in a psych ward before. I'm scared. I've been told there are some good ones near here. But I guess it's just the loss of autonomy. Also, I lied in the original post and am addicted to nicotine via vaping. That may be the biggest thing keeping me from checking myself in right now is that I don't wanna go through nic withdrawals and have no desire to quit.
>>42202193I've been in before. I believe most allow you to take smoke breaks. Pack a bag with a few changes of comfy clothes (no drawstrings, hoodie strings, or belts). Bring your vape, cigarettes, a lighter. They will take it from you and lock it up and then require you to ask an attending at the front desk to use them. Bring some books, body/hair wash, and anything else you like to pass the time.It is incredibly nerve wracking going to an emergency room and saying you feel you are at risk of suicide. If you have a friend to go with you/take you, that is ideal. You can call hospitals beforehand and ask if they have vacancy in their BHU, if they allow smoke breaks, what the rooming situation is (some give you a roommate, some give you a private room). This is what I recommend. It saved my life, even though I hated every second I was there, it saved my life. Please please go. I can help answer any other questions you have if you have them, but please just go.
>>42202033Where the FUCK can I get this hat
