> be boymoder in transphobic area but it's not illegal, 1yr hrt> struggling with depression for most of my life> it gets worse in college with slight remission when i start hormones being able to start therapy> even dated two people> they made me feel worse about myself> depression gets worse> take a gap year to hopefully sort out mental health and move back in with parents> start to notice effects of hormones and malefail sometimes making me ecstatic> family found out while i was in college and still treat me like a guy now except for my mom> mom is nice enough to not call me by my deadname and seems like she's trying to be quietly supportive> depression gets even worse when living with my family> spend most days inside on the computer cycling between overeating and eating nothing avoiding seeing my family> mom tries to take me out places but im still miserable> feel like i dont have a future anymorei don't really know what to do anymore. i dont think im sadder from transitioning just from everyone else's reaction to it. i do enjoy being more feminine and it makes me happy. i wish i could be a woman through and through. i dont know if there's really a goal to my life anymore though. i dont think ill be able to finish my transition or get a partner that is okay with it or get a job that's okay with it. should i give up?
>>42245335have you tried religiom
i'm in pretty close to your exact situation. i thought taking some time off college would allow me to get my shit together but i've just been a depressed neet for the past year. the depression makes it hard to do trans related things. i still wear all my old mens t-shirts because i've never had the confidence to go clothes shopping even though i've been on hrt for years now. i've just been wallowing in the dysphoria and it sucks.
Obviously fucken not, you forget how vast the world is. Maybe find a temporary new goal while you transition shortly, and as for the partner part, those can come at any time really. Hell, nothing wrong with online and long distance either, it's good to have someone by your side even if they're not physically there yet. Honestly the fact you even got on hormones itself is an achievement. You got your mom by your side, just search for likeminded people in all honesty. You're doing great. What kind of job were you thinking of getting?
>>42245435i grew up in catholicism being confirmed in my mid teens, ive spoken at masses and im trained to be a eucharistic minister. i stopped going to church around the end of high school and im generally meh about faith now. i dont have plans of going back especially since everyone there is very homophobic & transphobic, but i still have belief in a god.>>42245448fortunately the only thing that's let up on me is dysphoria as my body has been more feminine these past couple of months. i still get caught up on somethings though like only malefailing 40% of the time and genitals. i really hope you're okay and i hope you're able to make it through it.>>42245528i dont know what "temporary goal" that could be. im 3/4's of the way through a computer science degree but i have no real care for most of the subject. im focusing more on data science because it's a bit more fun, but it was mainly something so i could get money for surgeries. thank you for the kind words. im sorry. im scared of any relationships and think they are fruitless because of how i've been treated.
Do you use your preferred name? If you don't, then use it. If you do then ask your family and pressure them, idk.
>>42245636i use my preferred name with friends (who are mostly only online now), but my mom is too scared to use it and my dad tries to act like im his son or something being really terrible when anything changes.
>>42245335I've given up on trying to find a partner, every time I've opened up to someone its never gone well. I'm okay with that, I just enjoy being myself now.
>>42245335it sounds like ur just depressed, it sounds like ur transition is going fine? transphobic family is just one of those things, it sucks but its not the end of the world
>>42245730im sorry. i hope you find someone who's listens.>>42245766i guess i dont know. a lot of my life before transitioning was trying to get their approval because i had no real joy in life and im still feeling the pain of never getting that approval. i dont know how to be happy on my own and it feels like it's over because ill never achieve that.
>>42246061Don't transition for anyone's approval. You're happy enough with the fact that you can be feminine. You're a girl, thats all that matters. Look how far you made it, why would you do it for approval? You've come so so far, fuck whatever they want yk? You did this all by yourself, you're clearly comfortable to be feminine, own it girl. Take up arts, find others to interact with, and honestly it's fine to not be in a relationship if it won't feel fulfilling. Genuinely it's ok to try but it's also ok to not try if you think you're not ready, I think it's best to get to know someone as a friend before you try and ask them out, yk match their freak first n allat. Pick up arts, express your grief, the world is your playground at some level, sure financial security n all that is a bit finnicky but to get anywhere in life at some point you have to stop filling the desires of others.And it's always always ok to talk to those who you trust. Family isn't bound by blood in birth. You'll be okay
>>42245335>i do enjoy being more feminine and it makes me happyThen tend to that.Seconding >>42247044's point about anyone's approval.You're an adult. You don't need anyone's approval. Do what makes you happy. You already know that, nona. Here's the bump to actually do it.Get nicer clothes, do some voicetraining, finish your degree (most colleges are a lot more transfriendly than online noise claims).Btw, here's your intermediary goal: finish your degree.Time to finish the job and self-actualize, nona!Hugs
>>42247185>>42247044thank you for being so kind. I didnt expect to get that on 4chan. I am currently applied for two online classes this spring semester so hopefully that will be good. I'm still going to have trouble with depression with all of this, but I will try to focus on being more feminine. I have voice trained a lot and some friends say it's good progress so I'll continue with that. I should also probably get more irl friends, but seeing all of this said and done it's so daunting. I'm scared and giving up on life would be so much easier. I think about it so much, but maybe this next year will be better.
>>42248216Yeah people can be scary but you got thisI really wish you the best, we can't lose another girlie. Goodluck <3
>>42245335atleast you arent built like me
>>42245335Are you on antidepressants now OP? I had a fully successful transition but I still struggle with depression occasionally so I'm currently on a low dose of them. Transition doesn't always cure depression completely. Cissiods get depressed too after all.
>>42245335how tall are you
>failed transition>1 year hrtStopped reading. Jk. You're going to be a real adult soon and no longer dependent on interactions with your family, in fact most of your life will be spent completely independently of them and if you "give up" now and try to repress you will just retransition again in a few years anyway.
>>42249358Why did you make a tripcode just to repost the same pic, it honestly seems like an impersonation attempt. Maybe they are different pics but it's also consistantly the same angle.
>>42249788this picture works. why take a new one?
>>42249803Because it doesn't work, it's inauthentic and it is honestly is painful to watch you do it. Like watching someone hit theirself. If that is actually you and not someone trying to make an unfunny joke out of you it makes me sad more than anything else.
>>42249828i dont need your pity
>>422498581) it's not pity, it's concern and2) if that was an honest sentiment then you wouldn't be replying in the first place.
>>42249998
>>42249788it literally is a impersonation attempt. u r so dumb falling for this
>>42250012you know my demands
>>42250020cut your throat open already
>>42250033awhh i thought u said u didnt care about my demands? but somehow now u mald about how much you want me to stop. for a normal person my demands are pretty easy to follow
>>42250012Well how the fuck was I supposed to know, Im not going to memorize your tripcode. I didn't even know you had one before today. And yes I am retarded.
>>42250105dont worry about it, its not like the copycat is any different from how he posts anyways
>>42245335At what age did you start watching porn? Stop watching porn.https://youtu.be/iKfDTyE0zTA
>>42249582therapist recommended me a psychiatrist so im likely going to go on them soon. just cautious because they made me more suicidal in the past.>>42249748i didnt mean detransition when I said give up, but i'll try to make it through living with them for now. thank you.
>>42250105u dont even need to memorize it? why would i go to every thread spamming my picture?
>>42250150oh anna, thats just what you to do
>>42250141>just cautious because they made me more suicidal in the past.Just make sure to tell the psychiatrist which one(s) you tried in the past and that they didn't work for you. Good luck Nona
>>42252043im really scared of meeting my new psychiatrist and telling them im trans b/c it didnt go well last time. is there a decent way to?
>>42254917Can you go to a different psychiatrist this time? Being negative to a trans person is a big red flag for a psychiatrist, especially since you may one day need a surgery letter from them.
>>42254917>>42256402Ah sorry I misread what you said. You should just tell them outright that you're transitioning and you've been on hrt for X many months. If they know you're already committed to it on someone else's watch they're less likely to be wary of it.
>>42256402yeah im going to a different one. i'm just wary because of how it went last time I guess.>>42256422yeah okay.. ill say that. im hoping the new one is nice about it. i just hate having to call them and say all of this, it feels so pathetic.
>>42256682>it feels so pathetic.Nona, it's not pathetic to be trans and to have to transition just to feel ok. It's not pathetic to need antidepressant medication to help stabilize your mood so you can feel better and be productive for yourself. Any psychiatrist whose a half decent person will be able to see that.
>>42259184okay. i'll call the psychiatrist tomorrow and try to make an appointment and not embarass myself. i wish i could be normal and not feel so many negative things towards myself.
