this is so minuscule dont even bother reading but im proud of myself>be me angry, anxious paranoid unmedicated ftm>walk to hospital to see they finally got injectable testosterone cause i can only get diy gels>its a dumb gay waiting room with a million flags and "trans is beautiful" type paintings>everytime i go there im so utterly embarassed and angry at my enviroment that i avoid talking as much as humanly possible and leave quickly>doctor is late, variety of pooners are waiting outside>they all look clocky and kinda ugly. i know its wrong to think this but it's my first thought>mind drifts thinking about how i probably look exactly as clocky and ugly as them to everyone in my life>doctor arrives with some kind of nurse woman. they talk a bit and eventually open the door for us>she starts laughing and chatting with the nurse>about 5 minutes pass by and theyre still fucking chatting>look around at the other pooners. they dont do anything. we were all supposed to get testosterone an hour ago>"what is she waiting for.">they shyly tell me they dont know>tell her to hurry up, she acts annoyed and says something back to me about how im so mean or something>i was the only one to even dare to question this stupid woman>i know everyone there thinks im an asshole for not joining their gay club or whatever but now im the reason>i now feel manlier than every single one of themthis is literally all i have but i like that i stood up for myself and them also even if theyre tumblry
>>42260970Proud of you for standing up, anon. Regardless of your gender, it's a good skill to have that will serve you well in life. That said, I'm not gonna judge you for your thoughts about other ftms while you're still early in your transition. But I hope that in time, you won't need to mentally put others down to feel secure in yourself because your confidence will be innate. Be kind to other ftms. They're suffering just like you do. Even if you're not saying it to their faces, thinking negatively like this about others colors your perceptions of other people and yourself.
glad youre proud of yourself
>>42260970assertive people are cool and we need more of them and it just takes practice and courage so nice onebe good to your fellow pooners <3
>>42261497>>42261458>>42261041thanks guys. im just mad that i can tell when people are clocky and weird looking, and because it means that others can also tell i am ugly and offputing when they look at me. i try not to be mean, being ugly is a terrible thing, i guess i just dont feel that respectful to other ftms because i see them as soft and tumblrites, but i try not to assume the worst about them. itd be dumb to treat people like shit because i hate myself
