>be me>have AGP induced dysphoria (faketrans)>hate myself for that, rationally don't want to transition>yet again desparate enough to be 3 months on HRT by now>convince myself every other week that I can just man up and tolerate masculinization>desist from shaving for multiple days>get more and more disgusted looking in the mirror, feeling the stubble>never manage more than a week before giving up and shaving>instant relief, recognize myself in the mirror again>hate myself for being so deluded...and the cycle continues...Can anyone relate?
>>42268658welcome back to so retarted it has to be baitwhatever congrats nona this is so real im 3mo e and faketrans i shiould try this
>>42269336I wish it was bait. Or, more precisely, I wish I wasn't AGP and hadn't deluded myself into dysphoria.
>>42269351thats cool go eat some food and drink water and take your meds and come back tomorrow see if you feel this way still
>>42269386I've been doing this again and again for months. Because I can't bring myself to stop HRT, but I also can't accept that I'm actually transitioning because of AGP. I'm not a woman, but only a delusional man.So I'm stuck in this state of limbo
>>42269409thats cool man were the same now get off of this website for literally 2 hours and say hi to any single person you have any contact withur on here because you like trannies that are just as brainwormed as you reinforce your mental illness because change and acceptance is too hard
>>42269427Nah. Actually I still hope for someone to finally tell me a way to reframe my dysphoric delusions, so that I can overcome them without transition.I don't want to be told I'm valid. I'm literally the opposite.
I did that when I was repping but I got close to no beard, just a few hairs here and there and it was so embarrassing that I would shave with old blunt razors until I bleeded, I couldn't even man up properly so I gave up and went back on e.
>>42269472you want to be hurtboxxed you want to believe there is some other wayi know trust me i logged onto this site today for litterally that reason and now im lecturing you about being a loser. we are the same shut the fuck up and get off the site for 4 minutes and fix the physiological needs that you dont recognize your missing. eat some food retard stop complaining
>>42269543So... Given that you logged onto this board for the same reason, I guess you can relate to what my problem is.Have you found a solution? A way to exterminate AGP in the brain without transition?Because if you haven't... Shouldn't the advice you gave me apply to you as well then?
>>42269571> A way to exterminate AGP in the brain without transition?no retard get the fuck off this board find a nice man or woman to smack you square in the skull with a brick>Shouldn't the advice you gave me apply to you as well then?yeah it does and guess what i am going to go eat and sleep and shit cause i understand this is simply a cycle of dysphoria. trust me i am also faketrans and repped for years and everyday i pray i can wake up and detroon but it hasnt happened yet so i am going to just try and be normal
>>42268658I had a repper beard for like 8 years. My skin sucks ass and I would always have stubble and irritation after shaving that was worse than death. So I let it grow out so I wouldn't have to think about my face and I could just rep.Recently shaved and started hrt and I feel good! OP if you're gonna start hrt you should get comfortable with being more femme first. I think you're doing it backwards. I was at least painting my nails at work before starting hrt. And if you're not just tiptoeing into transition you should stop hrt and reassess your goals>>42269409>>42269472If that's the message you want there are plenty of right wing (and even some lefty) social movements for you to latch onto. Go ask /pol/ or something. There is no escape from this orientation that I've found, but there are a million ways to cope. Choose wisely
>>42268658>just man up and i won't want to be a woman anymorewhy do you guys think this is going to work>can anyone relateno i cut my penis off and the nightmare is long over
>>42269654So far I haven't seen it work anywhere. But I still can't really accept that emotionally, because I always thought of myself as being self-determinate and "making my own luck". With this disgusting AGP stuff and resulting dysphoria, I feel like I'm a stupid meat robot who had his brain miswired right from the start, and has to live with the consequences. As morally despicable and distracting as they may be.>>42269581Thank you for being so direct.>>42269637Oh, trust me, I have tried out being femme. I've walked around with painted, long nails at uni and in front of my family for months. I've privately tried out a whole collection of feminine outfits. And I really loved it all.But it still feels so sad to leave the competent, assertive male persona behind that I've maintained for so many years.I try everyday to find the good bits and pieces of my old personality. From before I discovered what AGP and dysphoria were, that others have it too, and that it is one of the standart precursors for transition.But I can't. And to accept that is not something I've managed to do so far.
>>42269763>But it still feels so sad to leave the competent, assertive male persona behind that I've maintained for so many years.I know that feel. I'm still holding out hope that I can find a middle ground, even if I become some sort of gender goblin. But I can't wait any more, life is meant to be lived, and I've been cautious for too long.>I try everyday to find the good bits and pieces of my old personality. From before I discovered what AGP and dysphoria were, that others have it too, and that it is one of the standart precursors for transition.At what age did you find this out, and what was your relationship with your sexuality like before you did?
>>42269888Found out at freshly 21. Took me 10 months of processing, including therapy and lots of self reflection, till I started DIY HRT out of desparation.My sexuality has only ever been 100% AGP. While I've been somewhat romantically attracted to women in the past, I never wanted to have sex with anyone. Just not interested in it.I only ever pleasured myself to fantasies of being a woman and wearing feminine attire, maybe as a submissive in a relationship with direction on how to style myself. Occasionally also some bdsm stuff. But never any desire for intercourse.I also was never comfortable with body and facial hair, and panicked when I started to notice head hair loss (hopped on medication that stabilized the situation).
>>42268658Only time I've ever been able to go more than a few days since cracking initially was when it was like, a cute otter beard.
>>42269763> leave the competent, assertive male persona behindbecause you're transitioning to an incompetent, submissive female persona, right i get why this is so difficult for you to accept
>>42269974You're young, my advice is to drop the hrt and focus on some other passion in your life. Work, hobby, whatever. If you're worried about your hair keep up with finasteride or whatever. Give a real relationship a try.
>>42270124If you put it like that...Maybe I should give staying male another chance.>>42270136Fair enough. I guess I'll try that.
>>42269974>21>started DIY HRT out of desparationSame, but I did no therapy nor self reflection. It was more like a repping bubble that popped.Though I want to be with a man and am romantically attracted to them. Used to just refer to my self as a gay man on hormones cause that's how I've felt.But how can you be so sure it's just AGP? Ya know it's not like a medically confirmed thing and your desperation and hate of body hair sounds awful a lot like gender dysphoria. Also imagining yourself is only weird if you come at it from the perspective you aren't trans, if trans what else would you imagine yourself as? I guess it depends what value you bring to it
>>42271331Then I guess I would be an ace man on hormones xDRight now, I'm not really sure of anything. What I do know is that I would have to suppress significant parts of my personality to "soulpass" as a woman, for multiple reasons. If I'm in situations where I am confident that I'm right, or even just when assigning tasks in a group projects, I'm way to assertive compared to the typical cis fem.The way I walk (fast, often with a somewhat grim face) is absolutely unfeminine as well, and is, along with my body posture, something I specifically made a habit out of to exude confidence and a certain strictness.And most importantly, I'm really unempathetic and kind of go through life with the attitude "I know everything's unfair, has always been this way, people suffering is just a part of life, everyone should simply stop whining and power through". And this is also not a sentiment I've ever really seen in women.Also, I think I kind of like the comradery between men. Even though I never exactly felt like a "full member", as in I can't relate to a lot of their priorities (getting women, bulking in gym), I can relate to a lot of nerdy interests (tech), crude, sarcastic humor, and shoulder patting instead of thight hugging, if you get what I mean.And I also recognize that the fact that I don't want to masculinize and get women is probably simply rooted in me not desiring other women physically, but only my own feminization. Also, there most likely are quite a few men that also don't like body and facial hair, or hair loss. That isn't universal to trannys.So yes, a case could be made for me to transition, another could be made that my dysphoria is just AGP fueled delusion, and therefore illegitimate.And while I relate to description that a "repping bubble" popped, in my case that could also mean that I repped the realization of being AGP, not of being full on trans female. Which would make HRT a massive overreaction.
>>42268658stop hrt and go hit the orthodox church and become a monk in the Mount Athosthere agp solved
>>42271594What if I don't want to become a monk?I'm agnostic. I couldn't take this serious. So this seems kinda boring...
>>42271616well consider suicideor drugshave you tried shrooms and heroin?
>>42271496> I'm way to assertive compared to the typical cis femWell... there do exist pretty assertive women too desu>everyone should simply stop whining and power through>not a sentiment I've ever really seen in womenIdk, I've heard some women feel that way>nerdy interests, crude sarcastic humor>if you get what I meanOh definitely. I still retain more nerdy hobbies like low level systems in computing, which most women wont touch. Also the humor I got is quite dry, but if you meet more online women you'll find them sometimes also making the exact same jokes at times>Also, there most likely are quite a few men that also don't like body and facial hair, or hair loss. That isn't universal to trannysAgreed, of course. I was just trying to put the pieces together to understand if you had gender dysphoria or not>I repped the realization of being AGPIdk, nothing about your experience screams this is a sexual thing for pleasure. If you stay on HRT for even longer you'll eventually lose most libdo so you'd just be stuck with the feeling of your own body no sex drive attached, do you think you'd still like it?
>>42268658Take your pills Alice
>>42271622Nah, suicide is not at option, as long as I can still contribute something productive to the world.And no, I have experimented with no drugs, and don't intend to change that.>>42271639First of all, thanks for engaging with my brainworms.Also, let me say that I already have lost like 80% of my libido from the 3 months on E. And I really like that. I never was addicted to porn per say, but had a really high libido before HRT, and felt like a disgusting animal when I had to entertain it for a min 2x a day.I also really like that my face is a bit more androgenous already, my temples are closing, and my body and facial hair grows so much slower.What I am deeply ashamed of is that what I fantasize about when I do self pleasure, is exclusively based on me being in some kind of submissive relationship. Without any emphasis on actual sex, but instead with a focus on being forced to wear feminine clothing (skirts, dresses, no pants for generall submissiveness, pantyhose to make it extra cringe, heels to impair my mobility and make me more vulnerable and desired). I also am fascinated by body mods like a snake eye piercing inducing a permanent lisp, or leg muscles shortening over time from high heel wear so that one can only walk on tiptoes.Like overall the stupidest, most embaressing crap, and not even directly sex-related. Seriously entertaining the thought of transition to me seems like making a mockery out of actual trans and cis women.Like, I may not have the body or age of a sissy boomer hon, but I certainly have the personality and sexuality.
>>42271732>is exclusively based on me being in some kind of submissive relationshipI see, yeah I don't have that>entertaining the thought of transition to me seems like making a mockery out of actual trans and cis womenI see. Well mb the better option would be to rep then ig. You know best>sissy boomer honI personally hate the whole sissy thing. Like don't get me wrong being submissive in a relationship is a nice part of it, but I also want to just be happily outside on a summer day comfortable with my bf no sexual things attached
>>42271848I'm glad you see my point.Like I wrote in an answer to another anon: I'll probably have to give being male another chance.Yeah, my sexuality is fucked beyond belief, always has been, always will be. But I am more than that.I think the general approach of telling everyone "AGP isn't real, you're trans, you're valid, go on and transition" comes from a good place. It comes from people who have been gaslit far too long and who have been prevented from accessing the care they need and deserve, due to some sweeping generalizations from decades ago. And who don't want others to suffer the same fate of lifelong dysphoric regret.But with my own experience I can now say that some people for whom it is 95% just a fetish, who could have continued living their cis life if they never heard of AGP and dysphoria, will inevitable get caught in the net, so to say. And from the perspective of a trans person who wants to help other trans ppl to stop repping, that is probably a risk worth taking.
lol i just got laser and I'm looking more femme every day
>>42268658here's an idea that might help. if you want to be happy, do things that make you happy, and dont do things that make you sad. you're welcome :)
i struggle with/still kind of struggle with thoughts im faketrans a lot. i fit a lot of the characteristics, im malebrained etc. but today i had a moment where i accidentally left the house without tucking (thankfully wearing a big skirt so not noticeable) and it makes me nauseous thinking about it, i have textbook dysphoria etc etc. so idk. i still might be faketrans and just elaborately deluding myself. but it seems like i probably just am trans
>>42271934>But I am more than thatyes you indeed are!>comes from a good placeYe exactly, couldn't said it better myself. I'm afraid you'd be repping till you're very old and realize, "oh shit I'm actually trans" and have to start from there. I soooo wish ppl actually care for me more and asked what I truly or felt. I didn't hrt before I moved out and had to actually start living as an adult>that is probably a risk worth takingye for sure. I just did DIY and when my parents found out and freaked out saying it could've been poison. I couldn't have cared lessBut thanks for the talk, like you said you are much more than just your sexuality so I hope the best for you on your journey! Take care!
>>42271978Good point. But easier said than done.I think it's important to recognize being absolutely happy with all aspects of ones life and being may not always be possible. And that thats okay.For example, a parent might be really happy that they have children, but also sometimes sad when hearing about how much more independant and flexible people without children are.Or when someone really likes their job and earns good money, but scales back on work regardless to focus on spending more time with their partner or children.I think, it's about compromise.Now, I think that I may have hit the unfortunate circumstance of having a personality and sexuality that are entirely perpendicular to one another. My sexuality being the typical submissive, transvestic AGP stuff that, to be maximally happy with it, would have me continue taking HRT and become outwardly feminine.And my personality, that is much more male-aligned and likes it that way.It's not my fault, it's not my choice, and I am not really satisfied with that. But other people have it way worse, and the fact that I am entirely ace towards other people atleast allows me to keep this to myself.And thats not great. But okay.
>>42268658>convince myself every other week that I can just man up and tolerate masculinizationim 3yr hrt and I still do thiscan’t grow a beard tho
>>42271992It's always good to hear others relating to parts of my experience, even when it's about unfortunate things like dysphoria.If you're happy with having decided to transition, I'm happy for you!>>42272029Thank you for the kind words, and for the general open mindedness with which you entertained my thoughts.I wish you the best for your journey too :)Good luck!
>>42272074>Good luck!Thank youu!
