>>42269399
You want to be loved and comforted and love and comfort those close to you. You want to celebrate those bonds and play in them. None of that is fulfilled by rope. Pain hurts but building ourselves up after we break is good and fulfilling work. It is hard but we all share in it.

>>42269399
>give me one reason to keep going
Why not? One shot at life give it all you got even with setbacks. Unless you're actually crippled or suffer from dementia you can do things

>>42269447
it's hard to find any hope, I thought I already had a life of trauma to deal with and now I got two. I hate everything in my life and I don't have it in me to push anymore
>>42270142
in my one life all I've seen is suffering, as such I understand my future is one with much more pain and sadness. I have already tried once to overcome great amounts of trauma to try and make it work but life doubled down on me.

>>42269399
it has to get better one day. it did for me and it will for you.

>>42269399
To see what happens next.
And yes, even if you don't believe it now, things WILL improve. Focus on loving yourself, as gay as it sounds. Curate your internal monologue so it sounds like a loving, super patient parent. Love yourself like you want to be loved in the perfect world.

>>42270267
that's what they told me after I spoke out about the domestic violence, that's what they told me the first time I was sexually assaulted and yet life seems to keep getting shittier. life wasn't worth living when I had people caring, life wasn't worth it before the last few months. I have no reason to believe that I can ever be happy and now that nobody cares for me feels like the best time in my life to end the misery.
>>42270302
the only logical answer to this question is more traumatic experiences. no amount of delusion is going to fix the nightmares, no amount of delusion is going to allow me to feel like a human again.

it seems to me like the timing is perfect to get a bailout for once.

>>42270376
i wish i c ould give yuo the safe environment you deserve..

>>42270450
the only people who have ever said this to me have either hurt me more or abandoned me. the only people with a shred of empathy were also hurt and repeat that harm on others.

Why do I have such an intense desire for trans girls who have been graped?

because you are evil

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>>42269399

>>42269399
Everything you list is circumstancial and circumstances can and will change.

>>42270267
>>42270302
This is always such bullshit
"Things will get better if you stick around" and then after 12 years of therapy in 4 different clinics they haven't.
Such empty meaningless platitudes

>>42271086
sometimes it takes a long time and that is okay

>>42271118
I'll put you in the note

>>42271145
keep the note and in a few years when everything has fallen into place look back at it and see how far you have come. i know youre going to make it through this and ill be rooting for you

>>42271209
>in a few years
>suicidal since 9
>32
Yeah any day now
You're making me realise I've been told this for decades and things have only gotten worse. It's time

>>42269399
you are eventually going to die anyway so may as well have some chance of fun before you go

>>42269399
Youve lost your safety net op, but the first thing ton do is cautiously re build one, if most of your friends can leave you then you need better friends
Im personally lost at that first step but im trying to be a better person to rectify this
who knows maybe someday we’ll stop hating ourselves

>>42271068
>having been raped is something that can and will change
are you actually retarded? why would you say this?
>>42271086
keepin it real among the hollow baseless hopeposts

>>42271451
Were the friends and partner helping?

>>42273060
are you asking me (OP) or the anon you replied to?
my friends had different attitudes, some tried to parent me and ended up being really abusive but most understood the best they could do is support me in recovery.
my partner was originally genuinely spending perhaps too much of her own sanity trying to lend a hand but towards the end I became too much of a burden and she gave up on me. I can't really fault her and I still love her for all the good she did for me but I also understand that partners cannot be expected to deal with my problems.
none of this gives me any hopes for the future, even if I got over her, I understand that I shouldn't subject someone else to this. similarly I understand that friends can't really do much for me either, I am the only one who can get through it and it all feels a lifetime away.

I logically arrived at the conclusion that there is little hope for a happy future and I decided it's not worth it to keep going.

bump

>>42269399
life endures

>>42271043
what is he gonna do? if you are implying a change of my own morals is gonna change this you're not the most intelligent.
>>42271068
none of what I list out is something that can be undone and given my personal experience it is likely to keep repeating forever.
>>42271975
that was the mentality that only lead me down more pain.
>>42273022
is it really a safety net if I never really get better and they eventually realize there's too much going on in their lives to be able to help me? it feels unethical to even engage in this
>>42274841
istg none of you have ever done any introspection in your lives, repeating the same mistakes again and again is not going to change anything, it's just gonna bring about more and more suffering

idk what I was thinking when I asked this place to give me a reason to live, there so clearly isn't any

>>42269399
Why did you lose your friends

>>42275739
I wasn't able to make many new friends after moving and she took most of the friends in the common friend group